No shame in my game. I love therapy. Listen- I was widowed at 32 and I am a single mom of three kids. That alone, makes me feel like I need to run screaming to my therapist’s office. That is not what I am writing about, though. This blog isn’t about grief, it isn’t about stress and anxiety, and it isn’t about heartache.
It being Mental Health awareness month, I want to tell you all about my biggest therapy “Aha!” moment. It was finally getting the whole “both/and” thinking. If you can wrap your mind around that, it will change your trajectory of life. What that means, is that two things are capable of being true at the same time. Clear as mud, right? Let me try to make it a little clearer.
Let’s take the most garbage human you know. Think of them. Is your blood boiling? Do you have rage about them? And when you talk to others about them, do you feel like you might explode? I am not gonna name any names, (albeit I would like to post a photo – address – blood type of them right here), but from my own experience – here is what I gather. I want the whole world to think of this person as garbage – truth being? They are garbage TO ME. Also? They are probably pretty decent to other people. Is your mind blown? Yeah. I know. Mine too. That’s just a casual example from my own life. Once again, I ain’t naming any names.
Either/Or to Both/And. Let me give another example. Either I do exactly what my significant other wants me to do today, or he will be upset and our night will be ruined. If you use the both/and mindset, it looks like this. My significant other has some things that are important to him/her and they want me to do it for them. This isn’t an ideal time for me, I have a lot to do, also. I can call them, prioritize, and we can get the most important things done and save the rest for tomorrow.
In this time of quarantine, take time to focus on your mental health. Depression rates are skyrocketing. Domestic abuse is at a high also. Suicide rates have increased. Pay rates have been cut and jobs have been eliminated. In this time of financial fear, I have been able to use my both/and thinking to keep my sanity. I can lose some pay – and still support my family. My company can take a financial loss, and rebound one day. A bad thing and a good thing can be happening at the same time.
If this post doesn’t make sense, my bad. But what I do want is this – kill the stigma and shame behind having mental health issues. You don’t have to keep it together all the time, by yourself. Life can be hard. And you aren’t alone. I still struggle with “all the things” at times. It might be my weight, my hair, my skin, my lips, my emotions, my intelligence, my trust, my fear, my finances, my health. And that was the things from this morning. LOLOL! And yes, I laugh. I laugh because that’s the way I cope sometimes. I laugh.
So, share your mental health story. Reach out and show support.
Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.
My finances are a big headache to me, I made a few choices to clear up debts, and now I worry about where is the extra money going to come from ( with COVID)
When are things going to open up?
I find that when a person ends up in their mid fifties and older and a woman, you can’t find a job, no matter what you can do and how good you are at your field of work, all they think of is no she won’t be any good.
It worries me.
Why can’t employers look at your work before they make an opinion of what I can do.
It makes me anxious and fear locks in!!!
Girl, this is so true. In so many ways. I struggle with that now. Albeit this is my passion, my day job is a female manager of a body shop. Not a lot of me in this industry – and it’s scary should something happen. I worry all the time about being able to support my kids. I do keep the faith though. God has provided for me in ways I didn’t recognize before – and I am so grateful. Keep you chin up – keep the faith in knowing that good things are coming to you – and that God will provide you with everything you need. See it – trust him, and it will be there! Love You! Xoxo!
I to have these problems from early childhood trauma and Bullying trauma that shaped me in was that are crazy I fear confrontation I fear not being good enough I fear and it takes over. While I seem confident I struggle most of the time with it. I fear if I don’t do this or that they will walk away I fear I’m never good enough to. I hide my feelings and try make everyone happy and hope that I am happy but still not happening I’ve been to therapy and I need to do more thank you for your candor and honesty.
Deb Rang Sevierville Tn
Girl. Therapy is one of the best tools out there. And I believe, that often as women, we do come across confident, because we are taught to “keep a brave face”, and “don’t let the kids see you struggle”. Well, I have blown that. I try to teach my kids it isn’t easy – but it’s worth it.
Also, I always struggle with the fear of not being good enough. Struggling with that, too. It’s normal. But girl, if you ever need anything – I’m always here. 🙂