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I am in a mood. Not a particularly good one either. I’m working on it, though.

I realized in the past 24 hours, that I am human, and I expect others not to be. That’s a crappy revelation. I mean, you can be sitting there saying, “Duh. We know you are human. As are others.” I mean it like this.

I have emotions, expectations, and things I need. I feel like I express them eloquently. Sometimes, I am sure I do. I also realized, that sometimes, I don’t. For the past 15 hours or so, I have been beating myself up over this, internally. I hardly slept. I realized, that not everyone is a mind reader, and just because I know my intentions are good, doesn’t mean they do.

Then folks, I started to question everything about myself. Am I a good person? Am I a good friend? A good mom? Yeah, I know. I went way down a really sad place. I cried because I felt like I really hurt someone. And to be honest, I did. I hurt them. Not intentional – but I did.

After some crying, talking, and praying it hit me. If you had someone crying to you over this same situation – what would you say? Now say that to yourself, Kristie. So here it is. “You are a good person. A great friend. You are there for people no matter what. You made a mistake. It wasn’t intentional. You are owning your mistake. Learn from it and don’t do it again. That is all you can do.” So, I am doing it.

I get comments, emails, and really – people telling me all the time how ‘strong I am’ and ‘how positive I am’. I also get tough, grateful, loving, and a menagerie of beautiful adjectives. I often always try to swipe them down out of embarrassment. Please know that today I am clinging to those, and thank you. It is helping me right in this moment.

And right now, I really didn’t feel like writing. I really didn’t. So I just wrote what I was feeling. Here is something to know. Motivation doesn’t happen naturally, either. That’s my opinion, anyway. I think it is completely unnatural. Everyday, I have to listen to positive things. I stay listening to self help books. Like today, when I felt down, I went through my Audible arsenal, and re-listening to some positive books I have downloaded. I have to remind myself of all the blessings I have. Write them down. So gusy, I ain’t perfect. I am super-flawed. I just gotta keep working at it. Maybe tomorrow will be easier.

Love fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

Non-perfect, practicing, regular old me.

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Oooooh… controversial, right? Yas! I’m feeling a little sassy today!

Seriously though. My ‘real’ job – is literally a Customer Experience Manager. My job, is to make sure that your experience, at my shop, is amazing. We have that crap down, too. I mean, I am super good at my job. I am great at it even. Our scores show it. Customer Service is my pride and joy.

Now, you might be saying, “KRISTIE! The customer is always right!” Well, now you are wrong, too. Lol! Let me give you an example. I am at WAWA this morning. I am standing in the checkout line, and there are two people in front of me. Both people are on the phone. The young lady that was the clerk, was awkwardly trying to catch the first person’s eye. I know she was trying to ask them if they wanted a bag or not. She was also trying to be polite, and not interrupt their conversation. So, customer #1, talking his head off on his phone, never acknowledges the clerk. He is staring down at the credit card machine.

Once his total shows up, card inserted, tap tap tap, he grabs his stuff and walks out. Not even one nod of acknowledgment to the clerk. Customer 2 repeats the same process – almost exactly – and walks out the door. It’s my turn in line.

In that moment, I became painfully aware of my bluetooth earbud sitting in my ear. I quickly pause my audiobook, and pull the earbud out. “Good Mornin’!” I say.

The young lady says back to me, “Well, good morning! Thank you for getting off the phone, but you didn’t have to, no one else does. ” I replied in a panic almost! “I wasn’t on the phone, I was just listening to an audiobook!” She obviously didn’t care if I was on the phone or not – but for some reason I felt ashamed for the way the two customers in front of me behaved. She was such a sweet and lovely young girl working this morning. And those two people, missed an opportunity to engage with another human and to make her feel valued. They missed out.

That got me thinking. We live in a society of instant gratification. Self entitlement. The “I’M GONNA CALL MY LAWYER!” – Mindset. Remember in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, how Veruca Salt was a spoiled little brat. We, as customers, often do the same. I am including myself in this mix, so don’t get it twisted. We have amazon – get it quick. Cell phones with games or social media so we never have to be ‘bored’. Liposuction, Credit cards, Uber Eats, On Demand, Fast Food, Sudden service, WiFi, video games, grocery delivery, and the general lack of having to ‘wait’ for anything . And it seems, the more convenient things have become – that we have become much more impatient and much more entitled. You would think we would be more grateful, but it doesn’t seem so.

You want to know one of the reasons that my team and I are so successful in the customer service genre? In an industry that it is almost impossible to make people happy? I will give you one big tip. I DO NOT CHANGE MY CUSTOMER SERVICE MINDSET FOR ANYONE! So, my CSR’s are instructed to wait. And by wait, I mean this. We are in control of this situation, we are the professionals, so we are going to show you how it’s done. If a customer comes in- on the phone, and instructs me to go ahead and go over the forms while they are on the phone – I don’t. I reply, “These forms are way too important, and I want you to be able to focus on your call – as soon as you are finished with the call, you let me know – and we will get you taken care of. Take your time. ” And guess what, I mean it. I’m not being a smart alleck. These forms are important, and your phone call is also. There are humans on both sides of you. I will give you the time and space you need to complete your call. And then we will get you taken care of! I want to make sure that you are set up with a great level of expectation, and that we are clear!

In the 10+ years, I have never had one customer buck up when I refuse to do business while they are on the phone. I have seen a few look shocked, but that’s it. I want my customers to feel like they are connected to us and that we care. Because we actually do.

Now – let me explain to you a few things that happen at our shop. If you have never worked in the body shop industry – auto repair industry – you might not know. Consider this a public service announcement:

  • Machines make vehicles, humans repair them. We strive to be perfect, and get it as spot on as we can. Please, have some grace. We are human and it takes time.
  • Paint match. Listen, bumpers are different colors than sheet metal. That’s just the way it is. Paint adheres differently. Look at your car before your drop it off. If it doesn’t match then, it won’t match after. If it does now, it will then.
  • You, as the customer – deserve updates throughout the repair process. You should receive them from your insurance adjuster and the shop. An adjuster’s information is only as good as what the shop gives them – so if you have questions, call the shop.
  • Body shops want to repair your vehicle. If an insurance company says something IS NOT related, we have zero control of that. We get paid to repair, remember that. Screaming and cursing at us will literally get you no where. We can’t do anything without their approval. I can also guarantee you, that if you curse and yell in my shop – I won’t be able to advocate for you for anything, because I am going to have to usher you elsewhere as to not offend my other guests.
  • Body shops, especially shops like mine that do insurance work, are so regulated it is crazy. We are audited by everyone. So, we aren’t a crooked industry trying to make a quick buck off you. Just like all lawyers aren’t jerks. All accountants are not dull. Don’t make assumptions.
  • If you tell someone in a shop that you are going to contact your attorney because an insurance company is saying that something isn’t related. Please do. We want you to. So does the insurance company. We are well versed in this, and we aren’t kidding.

If you have any questions about the body shop industry – shoot me a comment or email me in the about me section. I’ll answer asap.

So, here is my challenge to you. Let’s try to be good customers. When we check out, tell your boyfriend to hold on the phone for a second, and talk to our clerk. Let’s show up a few minutes early to our appointments. If we go to pick up some shoes, and they don’t have our size, ask the salesperson if they can help find them – rather than huffing away or sulking. If you have to wait for a table at a restaurant, play a game of ABC with your kids and chat with your spouse. And at your next meal with your family – have everyone put their phone on airplane mode. Let’s be good customers to everyone we interact with.

I’m a realist. Sometimes, you are gonna get someone who sucks. An employee or business that is just subpar. Don’t get mad – don’t freak out – don’t yell. Just move on up the chain. Also, If you want some more Customer Service tips – Let me know. But, I can’t divulge all my secrets.

I gotta stay number 1.

Xoxo

The Best CSS squad on the Planet! (L to R) Eric, Rebecca, and Tariq!)

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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Well, this is gonna be short. I didn’t plan this blog, she just kinda flew out my fingertips. I have had a good day. No major issues. Hiccups. All good. Then, out of nowhere, “WHAM!” I got slammed by a flood of emotions that I didn’t see coming. Long story short – in a previous blog I wrote about the best friend break-up. (You can click the underlined part to read that if you haven’t). Well, some of their social media popped up in my world – and it was like I was stabbed all over again. I guess, I should just feel blessed that I don’t know how you do that. How you just drop someone for literally no reason/no explanation.

Anyway. That sucked. Tears were burning my eyes. I shut my office door. I cried for a second, cause my feelings were re-hurt. And then I did it. I made a phone call. I called and I cried. And guess what !? I wasn’t made fun of, I was listened to, and I ended up laughing at the end. So I say all that, to say this. I am so grateful. In a moment of yucky – I realized that I have so much to be grateful over. And guys, when you are upset, let it out to someone you trust. I started off feeling crazy for being emotional. I ended up receiving understanding and a deeper connection with them? Why? Because I got vulnerable and showed emotion instead of choking it down. So, try it. Let it out.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

It’s worth it. For real.

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I look tough here, right? I mean – A welding, helmet – that’s intimidating.

Well, well, well.  The time has come for me to make a proclamation.  Internet Gangsters- our society has no need for you. 

Thanks.  End of Blog.

Kidding, obviously. I am gonna write more about it.  Let me start at the beginning.  Being a writer is hard.  Actually, putting your craft out in a public forum is hard.  So if you don’t do that – read and learn.  Because everyone, in some form or fashion, does something – that others could make fun of. But not everyone, does something in the public eye. Especially, the very public eye on the internet. Every time I put up a blog post, I run the risk of being ridiculed.  Anytime, a  You Tuber posts a video, they are putting their craft out there.  An artist showing their work.  A singer posting a video or sound cloud of them singing, everyone becomes a Simon Cowell. Now, do we know that we are putting ourselves out there to be reidiculed? Of course. But we do it anyway. Why? Because we are sharing.

And that, my friends, is courageous.  Any time someone is vulnerable, they leave themselves open for ridicule. And choosing to be vulnerable anyway, well, that’s freaking awesome to me.

And what I WILL NOT DO – is ever, never, ever – make fun of someone being courageous.  Why would you?  Aren’t we all humans doing this life thing, together? 

Here is what I do with  opinions that are different than mine- I keep scrolling.  If I see a video that I don’t like?  I keep scrolling.  And let me get this really clear – I am not talking about people who have a different opinion, profess it eloquently, without just being mean.  I am talking about the people who literally just say things to be mean. 

If you read this blog, which I guess you do since you are here, I have it set to where I have to approve comments.  I do that, because years ago, I didn’t.  Someone left a comment, and although they were being super sweet, they used language that I wasn’t a huge fan of. I mean, if you curse you curse – I ain’t judging. I just don’t want it typed out on my page. My momma and kids read this blog. 

I digress.  Well, on the blog post about being a widow, I got a lot of great feedback.  I receeived so many sweet comments! People sent me emails of encouragement. They left super amazing comments and asked for advice on Facebook.   And I also got the internet gangster comment.  This obviously, was deleted by me.  But now, I wish I hadn’t.

It said this.  “Widowed young with kids, huh?  I wonder if that is really true.  You are probably just another pretty face hired by corporate America where someone else is writing this bulls*** to make money.  And if it’s true – and least you had f-ing kids and f-ing family.  Some people don’t have anybody.”

Hmmmmm.  Insert blind rage right here.  FYI – they were “anonymous”.  Chicken.

Anyway.  I cried for a minute.  It hurt my feelings.  I thought, how in the world, when I am trying to help people, can people be so ugly?  I mean, obviously, what I write is true.  Google me, jackhole.  It’s not rocket science.   And then it hit me.  So this part, is for that person.

Dear Internet Gangster,

Thank you, anonymous.  First, I appreciate the fact that you called me pretty.  A really talented photographer took the photos you see.  I am so grateful for his skill and showing what I wanted the world to see!  Second, thank you for being so mean.  If I have people that don’t like what I am doing, that means I am spreading my message outside my regular folks, and my comfort zone.  That is a sign that I am succeeding – and I am so grateful for that.  Third, although we all say, you can’t please everyone – I think a lot of us still want to.  So this was a big lesson for me also.  And I realize now, I can’t please you. And that’s okay.  Fourth, a couple years ago, that comment would have made me quit writing.  Now, I just used it for material.  And yes, internet gangster – I have called you names in this post.  Why?  Because, well – I am still human.   You are still a bully.  And it was rude.  And, I thought calling you names would make me feel better.  It really didn’t.

That being said.  You are hurt, and I see it.  So now, I am going to do the thing that is for real the hardest for me.  I am going to pray for you – and the other Internet Gangsters out there, who are struggling like you are.  You are obviously lashing out in anger, in a forum of being anonymous – because maybe,  you don’t have people to talk to.  And if lashing out at me makes you feel better?  Bring it.  I can take it.  I mean, read my blog. I’ve been through worse.  A lot worse.  I am also a lot stronger and a whole lot braver than you gave me credit for.  So, good luck homie.  And keep your anonymous comments coming.

Love Fully. Live Fully.  Shine on.

Sat nam,

Kristie

So there we have it.  Donezo.  Now, if you are part of this cruelty culture that we apparently are cultivating on the internet,  think about if you would actually say it in front of the person.  You might would.

Think about this. If you wouldn’t want them to say it about your work, you, or your family – think again before you comment.  Then ask yourself, why do you feel compelled to comment?  To belittle another  human? To make yourself feel better?  What is the reason?  If it isn’t for personal growth of that other person, then don’t.  I am all up for positive critiquing.   Even a well-spoken opinion.  But if you are doing it, just to make yourself feel good an/or belittle another human – Well, grow up.

Some of us, want to bring others happiness. Be part of that culture.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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I mean, honestly. Boulders and clubs might . But sticks and stones? Nah.

Tonight while surfing the web, I got a great idea for a blog.  One that has affected me my whole life.  And something that I haven’t conquered – but is a work in progress.  You know the old saying, “Sticks and stones can break by bones but words will never hurt me?”  Well, that’s a big fat lie. First, I am gonna self admit – I have done a whole lot more damage with my words than ever with my fists.  I have had my fair share of run ins with sticks and stones… from falling down hills, playing sports, you name it.  But, I can honestly say – that not one single stick or stone has broken a bone. Ever.  Maybe made a bruise, but nothing that I can even really remember.  I am just sure in the course of my life so far – it has had to happen.  

Words on the other hand, can break your heart.  Words are something that can only be forgiven – no guarantee forgotten.  You know, looking back on old photos and videos – I can remember a lot of conversations – funny little things that I had previously forgotten.  But I remember those words.  Now, in the age of social media – it seems so much more prevalent. People will trash talk their spouses. Make fun of other people. Critique someone’s clothes, makeup, or even a birth mark.  People can say anything they want to someone, because they don’t have to look them in the eye.  My term for them, are internet gangsters. Here is a rule of thumb — if I wouldn’t say it if they are sitting in front of me – I will never type it.  And that goes in all areas  —  I’ve been hurt enough by words – I am sure we all have — so I don’t ever want to do that to anyone else.  

This week- THIS FREAKING WEEK – I was upset, and I said something I didn’t mean. I wasn’t even mad at the person I was talking to, I was just all up in my own feels. When they told me that they were hurt – It broke my heart. My mouth did it again. I couldn’t do anything but apologize. And this person, is super gracious, said that they understood, and accepted my apology. Now, I need to work a hundred times harder – to show that person that I meant it.  

I have even made the mistake my kids.  When you say, “You are grounded until you are 100!” — well, we know that’s not gonna happen.  I mean, I don’t normally say 100 . I do though, make more dramatic statements of punishment, than what would actually fit the crime. So then, when I calm down, I have to explain that I was angry, that was dramatic, and here is the actual punishment. I have had to do this more than once.  You get what I am sayin’, I’m sure. 

Let me tell you something, the word “whatever”, “nothing”, ‘I’m fine”….  I used to say it all the time. I know its a joke that when a woman says, “Nothing is wrong..” – that means something is.  Honestly, isn’t it sometimes so much easier to say those responses?  Like, it’s easier to say that you don’t care – than to explain all the reasons that you do. And why? Because if you don’t want to be vulnerable and show how you really feel.  And I know I feel that way sometimes.  That being said, if something is wrong. Say it. Don’t scream it. Maybe you know you are being moody – preface it with that. Because let me tell you -everyone has been moody. Everyone. Wouldn’t you rather someone tell you what’s wrong ? I know I do. Then you aren’t guessing. Worrying. Do everyone and yourself a favor.

Here’s my challenge to you. Watch your words. Tell your truth.

Be kind to each other.  Life is too short. 

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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I love me some Neal Sekada. He killed it with that song. And why does it make you want to dance? I mean it’s such a happy tune, to be a song about being sad. But I want to talk to you about breaking up, for real. Because, to be honest. It sucks.

Now , most people have experienced a break up in their lives once you hit adulthood. Whether it is a boyfriend/girlfriend/partner/spouse – or all the above. And goodness, its hard. And if you still love the person -and are the “dumpee” it hurts. You might feel abandoned, hurt, betrayed, scared, you name it. You might even feel victimized.

It also hurts when you are the one who has to make the break-up happen. Maybe you still love the person, but it’s unhealthy (yes – that can happen). Maybe you are afraid of being alone. Maybe you are afraid that you will never be loved by anyone else. Maybe you don’ t want to upset family members. Maybe you are afraid of what other people will think. And really, let’s be honest. It’s plain hard. There is going to be things that have to happen. Moving. Crying. Court papers, maybe.

I wrote about this part because I have been on both sides of the coin. I have been dumped. And I have dumped. All that – is from personal experience. By the time I had hit my mid-30’s, I figured I understood all the feelings around break- ups… Until the unthinkable happened. Two times, in two years. What is the chance of that!?

It was a friendship breakup. I got broken up with by two of my best female friends. Almost a year apart to the day. And ladies, if you are reading this – well, now ya know how it affected me. The first one, broke up with me when I split with an ex. She was on his side. But here is the thing – there wasn’t a side. I understand that I met her through him, and she had loyalty to him. We had also at this point been close for 5 years. That’s a lot of time. Girls nights. Dinners. Laughing by the pool. Taking care of each other’s kids. I had told her a lot about myself, and I didn’t normally do that. I really felt like we were close – like super close.

And then it happened, I got the text. Now, I laugh about it time and again. And say “I got broken up with via text message.” But to be honest, it literally broke my heart. It broke my heart like any other break-up would. This was someone I loved, cared about, and had allowed into my life – and I got a text. Not a phone call. Not a lunch. A text. And a text that ended with, “I don’t need you to reply.” Like, wow. I sat there and stared at my phone. I was shook. She told me that she was hurt that I hadn’t told her our marriage issues. She told me that she felt like I wasn’t there for her during a hard time of her life. And I am not gonna lie. I sat there – stunned. Completely and totally stunned.

You see, in my mind – I had told her more than anyone. I had told her I had marriage issues. That I was struggling. She told me about a YouTube therapist that she had seen, and raved about it. In all fairness, I checked it out. And yes, they were talented. But in that moment I realized, she had never heard my issues. My marital issues needed a lot more than a YouTube therapist. Not that I hadn’t told her. She hadn’t heard it. Let that sink in. I am not blaming her and I am not blaming me. It just wasn’t good communication. That being said, she has text me a couple of times over the past year or so, letting me know one thing or another. It will never be the same, though.

Next, was a friend of mine that I was even closer to. We used to talk on the phone for hours. Go to Disney together. IT WAS GREAT! I loved this girl. She was with me through a job transition, a split, and a ton of other things. I was with her through moves, her struggles, and and helped like a best friend should. Now – I am not going to get into all that she went through – that’s her story, not mine. But trust me when I say, It was a lot. She trusted me with a lot. As I did her. That being said, she ended up going through a whole whole whole lot – and then *poof*! She vanished. Like vanished. I called. She didn’t answer. About a month after she semi-vanished, she called me. I was so pumped to hear from her. She apologized for being distant. She told me that she had gotten a new job, and was working on a lot of personal things, but that she loved me. I told her I understood, and if she needed anything – I would be there.

And I haven’t heard from her since.

I mean, maybe she is still working on stuff? Probably. But, no matter what – I got dumped.

So why am I writing this? I am telling you – Sister, you aren’t alone. If you have experienced a best friend break-up – it’s one of the worst feelings out there. It can seem/and honestly is – worse than a romantic break-up. I mean let’s be honest, if you are a good friend, you have put in hours of attention, respect, work, and love. These relationships are intimate – and personal! Think of what you share with a best friend! Here is another thing I realized in the second one, she called me crying all the time. Wanting help and advice. Sometimes filled with rage and jealousy. It all just depended on the day. I, in-turn, became over invested in her issues. I took them on personally. That wasn’t good for me, or for my relationships.

In some situations, in the romantic realm, we think we might can work it out. It might even be stronger. But when you have that ‘best friend’ relationship – and it’s pummeled and broken up with… Yeah. It is never going to be the same. And when you felt like the relationship was great – (I mean, best friends after all)- it can’t come back stronger. The first break-up though, the one I got the text from- I was able to handle that better. Why, you ask? Was she not as close? I think it all boiled down to the fact that at least I knew I was being broken up with and why. Like when you are dating someone, there is a break-up. Like, “it’s over, and I want my stuff back.” Or , “Let’s still be friends..” Whatever. You communicate it. She communicated it very one-sided. But still. She communicated it. I knew.

The second one, I had ‘no terms of the break-up’, for lack of better explanation. Like, are we ever going to speak again? What do I do if I see you in public? Do your kids know what happened? – I was sad. So sad. And shed quite a few tears over those break-ups. When you are in a romantic relationship – you are shocked when it’s over and you experience days, maybe even weeks of heartbreak and sadness. But this? I wasn’t ready, and I definitely didn’t see it coming. And who do you tell? Who do you talk it through with? Well guess what – not them, they aren’t there. So, that being said – you can also feel totally alone. The person that you are used to telling when you are upset – gone.

Now that time has rolled on by, I still miss them both. I have also realized a few things about me. And learned a lot. I am a much better judge of character than I used to be. Much better. I am also much more cautious, as to who I let it. And that’s okay! I am not saying that I am some ice queen who lets no one in – I am just able to view, adjust, give, and receive in a manner that is comfortable for me. In both of the above relationships – I gave a whole lot more than I received. In time, effort, prayer, worry, thought, you name it. Not only can I see it now, but even people on the outside of our relationships saw it. And I am not saying that they are needy, attention sucking, self serving women. They aren’t. But for whatever reason, it wasn’t good. Maybe they saw it and I couldn’t.

No matter the case, leaving a toxic relationship is hard. Recognizing the toxicity of said relationship, that too, is hard. Looking back, and seeing how far you have come, what you have learned, and how your life has been shaped in a positive way, that’s some mindful work there. Sis, if you are hurting, I am so sorry. If you have went through this, I am sorry. It does get better. Time helps. I know it’s crap to hear, but it does. And you wanna know who the real heroes are? My other friends that I slowly talked to about it. It has made those relationships stronger. I know what I need to receive in a friendship, and I know what my friends need to give. It sounds calculating – but it isn’t. Its full of love, peace, give and take. I can also easily vocalize when I am unhappy or hurt by a friend. I have found my own opinions that I can easily vocalize and express. They, in turn, listen in love. I also know what I need to give them to make them feel loved and valued. I love doing that, also. I love them!

So what now? You might be sitting there saying, Kristie – I am in the middle of this and it sucks. What do I do now!?! Well, first. Let yourself mourn. Then, accept it. That’s the best advice I can give. The next time you feel sad or alone, pick up the phone, and call someone. Nurture your new friendships. Maybe, you too, will realize that this was the best thing after all.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

By on 2 Comments

You know you want to.

Strip down. Right down to your birthday suit. And cruise down mainstreet.

Probably not. Maybe a couple of you do – and if so – more power to you. I think we will all agree, that we currently live in a society – where acceptance is demanded. Every where we look. Love yourself. Love your body. Be comfortable in the skin that you are in. We have went from a time where all females felt like you were supposed to look like a Victoria’s Secret Runway Model, to now – we are told to love ourselves no matter what.

Don’t get me wrong – this is fantastic. Our bodies are freaking amazing. And of course, you want to love and cherish and be comfortable with your own body. Now, I am of the belief that you should dress how you want, cut your hair how you want, wear your makeup how you want – all to make you feel the best version of you. But let me tell you what I have dealt with on my end. And frankly, it needs to stop. If you preach acceptance, believe in acceptance, then do just that. Accept it. I am going to tell you a little bit about myself now, and my beliefs – in the clothing genre.

I am 41 years old. I am 5’9″. I weigh between 135-145, depending on the season. My clothing size is a 4-6. I have a bleach blonde mohawk. I have quite a few tattoos. I have my ears pierced four times on one side – three on the other. And I love it all. I also, am one of the most modest dressers you will ever meet. I don’t wear shorts. I don’t wear skirts more than an inch or so above the knee unless I have leggings on. I don’t wear spaghetti strap tops. And, to top it off, my bathing suit often has more fabric and layers than a burka. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

When someone, normally a female, starts talking to me about clothes, and showing me bathing suits and things, and I talk about how pretty it would be for someone – More often than not, I get a negative response. To me, it’s negative. To me, it’s an opinion that I didn’t ask for. And then, it normally starts a long explanation as to why. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

Here is the responses that I have gotten:

  • Girl, it’s your body – wear what you want to!?
  • That’s weird. Why would you wear a bathing suit that looks like that? I know you aren’t the religion of 19 kids and counting?
  • You have a fantastic body – you should show it off!
  • Kristie, you aren’t heavy anymore, you don’t have to dress like that.
  • It’s not the 1800’s – we can wear what we want!

Yeah, I’m not joking. I get people trying to “peer pressure” me into dressing more scandalous. Now let me explain something, I dress the way I want to because I am comfortable that way. I know what my body looks like. I love the way my body looks. Naked and in clothes. Guess what? I also like to be comfortable. I wear form fitted clothes all the time. I think, I am quite stylish, thank you very much. I also, like keeping my lady bits covered because I am comfortable that way. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

Here are my responses:

  • Girl, it’s your body – wear what you want to!? I am wearing what I want to. This is how I am comfortable. I don’t like shorts. It’s rare I find pants that I like. I’m long waisted. Thick thighed. The effort to find shorts, I’m good. I’m tall. I don’t like showing a lot of skin. But if you like it – go off, sis!
  • That’s weird. Why would you wear a bathing suit that looks like that? I know you aren’t the same religion as the “19 kids and Counting” are you? No, I am not. You are correct. I wear a bathing suit like that because I am comfortable. I live in Florida – and I need to be comfortable. If I am at home with my family in a pool – Sure, I’d wear a bikini. No issue. But at Cocoa Beach? Burka style it is. I believe, I carry myself the most confidently, when I am covered. I sit easier. I am not worried about a boob popping out. Mortifying my three children if it did. I just feel better that way. If you want to wear a string bikini that’s a thong – go off. It’s not for me, though.
  • You have a fantastic body – you should show it off! Thank you! It has served me well. I feel like I do show it off in a confident and classy way that is comfortable for me. I am sorry – but pulling on a top to keep your boobs in, or tugging on a skirt to keep it down, is not cute.
  • Kristie, you aren’t heavy anymore, you don’t have to dress like that. First of all Tammy, I dressed great when I was bigger, too. Actually, I didn’t. But I could when I wanted to. I also got thinner and didn’t dress great. It’s been a process to get where I am. But because I am thinner – doesn’t mean I have to dress with a lot of skin showing, just like because someone is curvier, doesn’t mean that they can’t wear a bikini! It’s our personal choice. Personal. Choice. Which means we pick it. Personally.
  • It’s not the 1800’s – we can wear what we want! I know. I am doing exactly that.

I am pretty sure, that guys don’t sit around and say – “Dude, show more tummy and thighs!” or “Don’t wear that T-shirt at the beach with your swim trunks!” I mean, really. I dress the way I do for myself. I don’t cover up because I have a bad body image. I don’t keep everything covered because I feel like it’s against my religion to do so. I feel like, with the way I dress, I am respecting myself, my future husband, and everyone in between. I am comfortable that way. I haven’t always been this way. I definitely don’t believe that everyone should have this mindset. I believe that you should do what makes you feel comfortable. And let everyone else do the same.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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Ok, I know that this sounds horrible, and it is. But, I am a plethora of knowledge on this subject, and I am here to help you. I have had alot of close friends, ask me, “What do I say or do? What should I bring?” – when they find out someone has passed away. Who do they go to? The Widow, that’s who.

Now let me start off with saying, use some sense. Since my husband passed away, I also lost my grandmother. I loved my mamaw. She was a super sweet, super kind, and also super old – lady. She died at the ripe old age of 103. Now, her dying in comparison to him dying – not the same at all. So, use your intuition and guidance, and start there.

When my husband passed away, I was shocked. Floored. It wasn’t even something remotely on my radar. I hadn’t thought about him dying. He wasn’t sick. Super healthy. Young. I mean, he wasn’t even driving a car. I am assuming, that those feelings would go for anyone who suffers through a sudden loss. There whole world is crashing down. And you, being a loving soul – want to help. What do you do? Well, first. Text them. Don’t call. Text. And, being southern – that goes against everything I was taught. But when you are in it – it’s good to see the text messages, but not feel the need to have to answer the phone.

  • Don’t do what we all instinctively want to do. DO NOT ASK IF THEY ARE OK. I mean, obviously not. And I know, you know, it’s just a thing we say – I said it 1000 times before. Never will again. Because when you are emotional – you get annoyed – and I wanted to scream back – WHAT DO YOU THINK!? But, I didn’t.
  • Find out who the point of contact is. For me, I had three. My parents, and my two closest friends. Those folks are the guard keepers. They are so important. Send any correspondence through them. And please – feed them. They have stopped their lives to care for another human – and that deserves some serious honor. I wouldn’t have made it without them. When you find out who the person is – send it out to any mutual friends, so they also know.
  • Come over, when the gatekeepers says it’s fine. And understand, you might not ever see who you came to see. I promise. They know you are there. And appreciate it. I remember laying in my bed, and seeing all the friends and family members showing up. And I was so grateful. I just couldn’t get up out of my bed.
  • Do not tell the loved one to take something for their nerves, unless you really believe that they are losing it. I got so irritated when people asked if I needed “something for my nerves”. Ummm.. No Tammy, My husband died and I am widowed with three babies. So there’s that. I believe my crying is kind of warranted.

Now, you might have someone who wants to talk. And be in it. And cry. And if that’s the case. Do that. But understand this – once the funeral is over – life will never go on as normal for them again. Ever. They will have a new normal – and it can be a great new normal- but, they probably can’t see it then. I was so lucky that I had friends who didn’t forget me. My friends would come over and sit on the porch. One of my friends, actually moved in with me for awhile, to help me with the kids. I mean, she moved in. I am not asking you to move in – I’m just saying – it’s a huge transition.

Next, let’s talk about what to bring. Isn’t this something that we all want to do? I mean, you can’t take away the pain, but you can try to make the situation a little more endurable. So, here’s my list of the things that I will never forget that were brought to me.

  • Toilet paper. A pack from BJ’s. A big one. There are going to be people coming in and out of the home. People go potty. You really don’t want to be crying in your bed, then have to run to Wal-Mart to get some toilet paper. And once everyone leaves, and your life is creating it’s new normal – it’s nice to not have it all used up, and have a stash.
  • Paper towels, paper plates, solo cups, napkins, trash bags, etc. And why these items? They are needed. There will be tons of people, food, and no one wants to worry about dishes. And, check the trash cans. If it’s trash day – take it to the road. More food, more people, more trash generated. Those little steps were so thoughtful.
  • Gift cards. Gift cards got me through a lot of tough times. Restaurants, Wal-Mart, Gas. You pick it. It will help. It will be used.
  • Don’t bring food unless you are part of a meal train or requested. So many people won’t follow this – and you have no idea how much food I had to throw away just because the sheer volume.
  • Nice comfy pajamas. A girlfriend of mine brought me new pajamas. It helped.
  • Send a card. Bring a card. Either one. They will keep it forever. It does mean alot.
  • Don’t send flowers. If you want to get a plant, get a house plant. I’d go with a peace lilly, a succulent, african violets, a fiddle-leaf fig, viper’s bowstring. Flowers are beautiful. Flowers also die. And when you are going through a death – it just made it feel more apparent.

If you are the outdoorsy type, and the individual has yard – make sure they either have a lawn service, or its handled. If it isn’t – organize a group to handle it. Also, think of any other little thing that you can to make someone’s life a little easier.

But I saved the best and most important for last. Pray, my friends. And don’t stop. I am still prayed for today – years later – but some powerful women in my life. And I am so thankful for that guidance. Those prayers. They got me through, and have continued to carry me. If you have any questions – leave a comment, shoot me a message, I’m here.

Come on back now, ya’ll.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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A+ would stand for Açai Postive! I know that was corny… but if you look at the photo – I was stunned as to how much the smoothie, well – ended up looking like a prop off of True Blood. Well, as non-visually stimulated as it might have been – I am super pumped about my latest kitchen success, and wanted to share it with you!

You can’t tell me it doesn’t look like a blood bag…

So, I wrote a blog on how to make my smoothies. And let me tell you – I love me a smoothie! But, I had a drawback. I have a side by side refrigerator/freezer. And those mason jars took up a lot of room in my freezer. So, I began to think of an alternative solution. So I googled and I googled… And low and behold, I found Capri Sun Bags! Now, they aren’t actually Capri Suns, but that style of a bag. AND HOW PERFECT IS THAT! I was super pumped. I ordered them on Amazon Prime, and eagerly anticipated their arrival.

This is the bag! And yes! They come with straws, also!

But guess what happened, I got suckered into the “Customers who bought (insert product) frequently also buys (insert product).” So, I also purchased some popsicle bags. The popsicle bags are long and skinny Ziploc-style bags. Think of it – circa freezer pops when you were little where you had to use scissors to cut to top off of the bag. Now, I’m going to help you – so you don’t suffer the same way that I did. Make it thinner than you would a smoothie. I would say the consistency of a thin-side milkshake is perfect. And here is why. The bags come with this super cool funnel, but if you don’t make it thin enough – it becomes a large mooshy mess that won’t go through the funnel. And guess what it does instead? It splatters all over your kitchen and covers your hands in a deep red, freezing baby food – textured, mess. Yes, this happened. And if I haven’t share – anytime you are working with Açai or pitaya – clean it super fast if you spill. It does stain.

Now guys. The possibilities here are endless. Endless! You can do smoothies. Popsicles. Slushies. You name it. And here is what I love! YOU control the ingredients. Also, you can make a whole bunch at one time – and just freeze them. This is a two-person job though. Get a buddy. I actually had the help of my 16-year old and my 9-year old. Nine year old was opening the bags, I’d pour, and then 16-year old would grab it and seal them. Perfect little conveyor belt. Don’t let it discourage you if you don’t have anyone to help – it can be done with with one – just not as quick.

So guys, I hope you love this recipe as much as I do! Comment your recipe ideas below – I’m thinking the possibilities are endless!

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Ok. This isn’t a post about manifestation. But it could be. In one of my previous posts I wrote about how I wanted to make my house more, homey. I made a list. (If you haven’t read that post, I suggest ya do.) Well, Number six on the list – was my kitchen table. Can I just say, I hated my kitchen table. Like I hated it with a passion. And I wish that I could say that my ex bought it, picked it, or it was forced upon me and someway. NOPE. That sucker was all me. And when I bought it – I was so proud! I really was! But, about 5 days after the purchase – I knew it was a bad idea. I denied it. But I knew it was bad. I shall now insert a photo below. So you can see the prettiness. Then I will explain why it was a bad idea.

Industry Place 5 Piece Dining Set, In all her advertised Glory.

So there she is. Isn’t she lovely? I mean, I saw that table – and I saw modern. Edgy. I saw – MYSELF. (Ok, maybe it’s a little dramatic for the table. But, I was pretty pumped about it. ) I loved the finish. I loved the metal. I loved that you can arrange the height of the table and stools. I loved that it looked like it could be in a Chipotle near you. I. LOVED. IT.

My kids loved it too, at first. But what we all forgot, was that the littlest child (at the time of purchase) was 7. EMMM. MMMM. You know what you don’t want with a small child? A spinning table with spinning chairs. You wanna know why? Did ya work super hard and get dinner on the table? One hard spin equals dinner on the floor. Tears ensue. Mine and his. Did I mention I have ceramic tile floors? Corning ware against ceramic tile? Tile wins. There IS a lock for the table. Did you know that a seven year old can undo said lock, with his toes, without disturbing the table at all? It can be done. It has been done.

Death trap.

Industrial Place 5 Piece dining set (For the rest of this post, I am going to refer to it as IP5), can also double as a playground. Why, you ask? I’ll tell you why. You know those spinning wheels of death that are probably now banned across playgrounds everywhere? Well, in a pinch, the stool from said dining set, can also double as this fine piece of play equipment. Picture it: A laughing eight year old. Spinning face down on stool. He jumps up. He’s dizzy. He’s down. He’s bleeding. Ugh. This all happening while I am screaming, “You knew better! I am not paying a $350.00 co-payment at the emergency room because you weren’t thinking!” (Yes, I literally said that. No, I didn’t mean it – well, I sorta did. I’m not perfect, we know this. )

IP5 had other drawbacks. When the four of us sat down to dinner, the table would wobble everytime someone touched it. Also, our plates were really super close. IP5 was lacking on it’s radial length. And once IP5 got about 7 months old, randomly a white haze would form on it. It would happen with moisture. But it would show up when I would clean it. Then it would go away. Freaking weird, I know. But ask my kids. I swear it happened. I knew I needed a new table. Tables aren’t cheap. IP5 cost me almost $500.00 when it was said and done. That’s a lot of money to me. So me, the kids, and IP5 were in an unfulfilling relationship together.

But, then, the miraculous occurred. I got a phone call from a friend of mine. And he said,” My mom is getting a new kitchen table – Do you want her old one? It’s over 20 years old and needs some work, but it’s solid wood.” Sir, you had me sold at the word solid. Do I ever! And let me tell ya – my happy self went to work the next day, asked my brothers to borrow the truck, and I made arrangements to pick that sucker up that Saturday. Saturday rolls around, and me and my crew (which is me and the kids, FYI) head over to her house to pick it up. We get there, load it up, give hugs and say 1000 thank you’s, and head home. She also gave us some cream parson’s chairs to go with it.

I get home, and I get to work. Now, once he told me it needed work, I put a budget in my head. I didn’t want to go over $100. I have to do budgets. Or I get too creative. LOL! Luckily, I am the son that my daddy never had – so I tagged around quite a bit in his wood working shop as a little kid. So on hand, I have a belt sander, and rotary sander, and some sanding blocks. And I get to town. Yes, the table was 20+ years old. But the top, well it shocked me. It didn’t take much work to get it down to a smooth surface, little scratches and nicks out. She took super great care of it. Same goes with the base and the legs, but they were a bit more difficult. They had been painted for the different styles of the times, so it took a little more work. Still though, I had them stripped down in about three hours.

Now, here’s the fun part. I decided I wanted to do it in like a modern/farmhouse/chic/girly/cool finish. That took some googling, due to the fact I can be indecisive. I decided on a deep gray color, with a coffee/mahogany top. So, off to make the purchase to fix this table. I got the stain at Lowe’s ($12.16 with tax). I used the Minwax PolyShades – because I love the ease of the one step. For the legs, I wanted to do a subtle milk paint. I love milk paints, chalk paints, and whitewash. Those are my favorite paint styles. I think that I gives such a soft finish. And by soft, I mean, it looks like it would actually feel soft. I couldn’t find what I wanted at Lowe’s. So off to Joann’s I go. PEOPLE! I got the milk paint on clearance for $4.17 and I had a 20% off entire purchase. I got two. So… $7.12 later, I’m set. Our grand total for this table at this point is $16.33.

I do the table and I floor myself at my own work. I am super proud of this table. There is only one problem. I had three chairs, and need more seating. So I start looking for seating ideas. I needed to redo the chairs, and wasn’t sure how. So I decided on upholstery spray paint in charcoal and stone. Now this stuff is pricey, to me. So, I implement my tribe – Joann’s and Michael’s Coupons. I got it down to 5.14 a can. I needed five cans, for three chairs. I still had a 20% off coupon thanks to the app – so grand total there came to $21.20. Now, if you go this route, MAKE SURE YOU DO IT OUTSIDE AND DO NOT SIT IN THEM FOR 48 HOURS! They are still gonna be tacky for a couple days, and you don’t want to ruin that hard work. And when it says to shake the can for a full minute – DO IT. That isn’t a suggestion, it’s needed or it will come out all weird and yucky. We are now at $37.53. And I still need another seat.

My budget for another seat is $62.47. I decide I will get a bench, and stain it to match. I can find a standard wood bench for that amount, right? No. No I can’t. Not even close, guys. So, guess what I do? Google. That’s right. I found a design to make a bench. So, a trip to home depot, $16.80 later, we got the fixin’s for what could be an amazing piece of carpentry. Then, I get to work. And guess what ya girl did? She made a frickin’ bench. That’s exactly what she did! I’m not even gonna lie. It seemed simple. But I thought, it can’t be that simple. I mean, it wasn’t totally simple – but it wasn’t hard either. And I have had four grown folks sitting on it – she is sturdy.

The Bench in Progress

I tell you all this, one – to help. Two, to proclaim how grateful I am for this table. I despised my other table as a dinner table. Now IP5 is in the corner as a board game/homework table. Perfect life for IP5. And this table that was given to me, means everything to me. One, a dear friend thought of me and asked if I was interested. Two, my brothers let me use the truck to make it happen – how awesome to have the availability of a truck! Three, I got to spend some time with a sweet lady, help her out, and you could tell she was so happy that it was going to good use. Four, I made something that I am proud of. Five, it has been a rough year and this was a great thing to make me feel at home. I can’t even begin to explain how blessed and grateful I am.

So, it’s set up. I want a centerpiece. Because, well – I have room for a centerpiece and a plate. And I didn’t before. I decided to hit up Marshall’s, and low and behold – I found the base. A two-tiered swivel thing. Specific, I know – you’ll see. I put a Rae Dunn mug and juicer I had in the cabinet, some greenery I had, and got the letter’s at Joann’s for less than a dollar a piece. On the center piece, amount I spent was $21.21. The piece itself was 14.99, then there was a candle from the dollar tree, a couple little pots, you see. But there’s the total. At this point, I haven’t finished the third chair yet. So, one of IP5’s stools is on one side, which actually looks pretty cool. But the rest, is below. I am so happy with how it came out. I am super happy that there is a story to it. I am proud of my effort. I am grateful for the vision. I am grateful for the sweet soul that gifted it to me.

I. Love. This. So. Much. And… Grand Total – $75.54. Still under budget and that’s including the centerpiece and placemats. (Placemats aren’t permanent – I just happened to take this picture with them on the table.)

And let me tell you, we have sat there. And eaten. And laughed. We had some company over, and we were all able to sit at the table. It was awesome. So here is my take away…. One, put it out there and let it be known what you need. And just watch. Two, be grateful for what you have, even if you hate it. I know that doesn’t sound possible, but it is. I am in a phase of my life where I am closing old doors – and trying to build new things. It feels good to see things happening. And… If you like this – please subscribe and share. Let’s get the word out and be happy. Stay Inspired!

Xoxo.