Category: Just for Fun

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I’m gonna tell this story completely Sophia Patrillo style.

Picture it. Orlando Florida. November 5, 2019. Back in February, I had made plans to do the “Eat to the Beat” with my oldest son, for the Boys 2 Men Concert. I had completely forgotten about it, until two weeks before, when I got a reminder email. And when I got that email – I was soooo stoked! You know, it was like a little gift you got yourself, but you had forgotten about it. It was awesome.

*Backstory – Eat to the beat is a dining experience at Epcot here in Orlando. You go have a nice dinner at one of the Disney Restaurants, and then you get preferred seating to the show. For Boys 2 Men, that’s a big deal.

I tell/remind Tariq about it. He is excited, but not to the extent I am. He is more excited about eating at the Spice Table in Morocco at Epcot than the concert. He’s only 20, remember this. Anyway, we leave work around 2 pm, and head out to Epcot. And let me tell you – I am super excited. Like super excited. We walk around, and then show up at the Spice Table for our 4:15 reservation. And it was amazing.

The food – delicious. The company – impeccable. I mean, everything was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. We had a seat sitting at the lagoon, which was super cool, too – we watched the boats go back and forth, people riding over – it was great.

  • Me and the boy!

Once we are done, we walk over to the American Theater, and get in line for the show. It’s the 6:45 show, so it is dark. The gates open… and we are in. And can I tell you – I literally had the best seat ever. It was perfect.

Then, It begins to sprinkle. And then, a full on monsoon. Did I mention that the American Theater is an amphitheater? No? Well, it is. Luckily, I was one of like 5 rows that were covered. We watch, while people are scurrying to get covered up in their ponchos, shopping bags, or whatever they could find. Then we hear the announcement.

GREAT SEATS!

Ugh. I felt for the soaking wet people. This happens for about 10 minutes. Then… the whole crowd starts singing… “End of the Road”. And it was awesome. Some of the guys (set up guys) come out on stage and are filming this crowd singing in a complete monsoon. It was kinda great. A group of strangers united, and sung together, just from their heart and to get through the storm, (and I’d say the physical and emotional). Just as another announcement begins to start, BOYS 2 MEN WALK OUT.

THE CROWD SINGING IN THE STORM!

Ok, One of the best moments ever in life. Shawn, Wanya, and Nathan walk out. And what are they singing? End of the Road. And it was amazing. Wanya looked at me one time while he was singing. My son was cracking up because he saw his 42 year old momma being a fan girl. And the night was now in full swing. Until the end of the song, that is. And Shawn says, “I am so sorry guys, Disney has cancelled the show, but we had to come out and sing one song for you guys.” B.L.O.W.N.

But then, my son was like, “That is so awesome that they came out and did one song! I get why you love them so much! The are so talented, and that’s so great that they came out in a storm for their fans! I am a Boys 2 Men fan now!” To be honest, his positivity was a touch annoying to me, but hey – I wasn’t going to make it worse by calling him out on it. So, we start our hike out to the car. And it’s storming.

Key info – the American Theater in Epcot – is literally the farthest point away from the gate. So we had a hike to go. And it was storming. And it kept storming. More and more. Once I got to Spaceship Earth, I was falling out of my shoes. So, I had to carry those. So yes, I left Epcot – soaking wet. Makeup running down my face. Barefoot. I literally did a walk of shame out of Disney.

We were at that point, where you don’t even walk fast anymore. You just walk in the torrential downpour that you are in, because it won’t help. And I wanted to cry. I was disappointed. I wanted to see Boys 2 Men. I wanted to have some great memories with my kid, who is a grown man. The older he gets, the more I cherish these times- because I know how fleeting they are.

We get in the car, and my eyelashes have literally fallen off my face. Not my originals… LOL…. the fake ones. I look over at my son and he cracks up. And he says, “This night was great! I will never forget it!” And it hit me. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

What did I want? A great dinner, a memorable night, to see Boys 2 Men, and go home happy. What did I get? Just that. And when I reflected back on it – it was nothing what I thought it would look like. It was even better. My son gained an appreciation of one of my favorite groups ever – because they came out and did a song when they weren’t supposed to. My dinner was great. I will never forget walking soaking wet through Epcot barefooted. It wasn’t how I pictured, at all. But it was great. Life seems to be that way.

There are times, that we don’t see how awesome something really is, because it isn’t what we thought it would look like. I am not where I thought I would be at 42. But I am learning, that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, in this moment. And just because things are not what “your plan” was, doesn’t mean that where you are isn’t exactly where you need to be to project yourself to best potential.

So, Boys 2 Men, you are still my fave. And, I will make it to see you again – but it will be hard to top this memory.

And hey, I’m gonna own my Disney Walk of Shame.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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Well, well, well. Here I am. Eating Crow.

Ya know all that crap I wrote about getting my nails done? How I hate holding hands with people, but I am going to do it? Budget it? And make it happen?

Yes. I know. It is horrifying.

Well, that was a lie. Ya wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NEVER GETTING MY NAILS DONE AGAIN! (That could be a lie, too – but it’s gonna take a minute. ) You want to know why? Pain. That’s why. Pain.

You know how they say beauty is painful or something like that? I don’t think they meant slamming your finger in a door and ripping the perfectly manicured nail off my long, bony fingers. And yes, I realize I made my hands sound like witch hands. Whatever, It’s Halloween. And MY FINGER LOOKS LIKE MY COSTUME!

I will say this, I had put off blogging some, because it was really hard to type with my nails. Maybe God was saying, “Kristie! Wake Up! Stop being vain, and do what you are supposed to do!” I wish it had been a little less vicious, not gonna lie. LOL.

So, I don’t often eat crow. But today, I bow my head, and say – “I’m gonna stick with my natural nails for the standard days – and get me some press-ons when I need a boost. Because. This was traumatizing.

Canuck the Crow gained fame for stealing a knife from an East Vancouver crime scene. (Facebook/thecrowandI)

And by eating crow, I don’t mean the super cool murder-y Canuck. I mean, the colloquial idiom, pure humiliation after being proven wrong – when you take a strong position. Yeah, I had to eat crow.

And for you viewing pleasure and add a little-lightheartedness to this – here is a pic of my favorite crow, Canuck. Canuck is a mischievous little crow, who according to the Audubon society:

Canuck, a hand-raised crow from Vancouver, Canada, that was caught making off with a knife from a crime scene in a McDonald’s parking lot earlier this year. The incident was a violent one: A man set fire to his own car and threatened the police with a knife. Shots were fired. Afterward, in swept Canuck, plucking the knife from the crime scene and even causing an officer to give chase. Eventually the bird dropped the weapon and avoided any criminal charges.  

Audubon Society

So there ya have it. I should stuck with my gut. If I had, maybe my finger wouldn’t look like Cancuck dropped his murder-y knife on it.

Live Fully. Live Fully.

Sat. Nam.

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Who loves to decorate their homes for the holidays? I know I do. I normally go all out on Halloween, but this year – I really haven’t done so much. I’ve been super busy – so maybe I will get some stuff on the outside soon. That being said, I love decorating for fall – but I hate paying for it. So, I thought I would give you some ideas, that I have done, which I LOVE – and they all originated from ….. THE. DOLLAR. TREE.

Those who know me, know I love the freaking dollar tree. There is so much potential there. To do these, you will need some basic craft supplies, but everything else is a dollar.

For the first one, here is what you are gonna need. First, the non-dollar tree stuff. Chalk paint and a glue gun. A lot of this stuff I already had on hand, so this first project literally cost me two dollars. Not too shabby for a cute little sign.

Here is what I used that i got from the dollar tree. One stretched canvas, a black permanent marker, twine, a little bag of different wooden cutouts (the pumpkin), orange paint, black paint, and the coffee cup cardboard piece. The coffee cup piece was actually a cute little photo holder that I found. They have a few different styles of them, but I got one for my room, and then – I had never used this one. So … Now I did! I pulled off the clip, and broke off the easel part in the back… and there ya go.

The cup I used!

So, Once that was done, I took a piece of sandpaper and scuffed down the front of the cardboard piece. Then I took my chalk paint, and painted it! I used the regular lines that is on the cup, to create the gray holder and black lid. And I just mixed my dollar tree black paint with my chalk paint, to make the colors. I dug through this little bag of wooden shapes, and there was a pumpkin. So I used the orange paint, in one of those craft things that the dollar tree has for Halloween projects for the kiddos. I didn’t take a pic of it – but its the little paint tubs that are connected… and it was wayyy to orange. So, I mixed it with the gray. Voila!

Literally – for the background, I used a permanent marker. And just drew it on there. to make it look like ship lap. Sorta. Then I hit Pinterest to find a cute little saying. And I loved that one! It made me smile.

Then, made a bow with the twine, glued it on, glued the cup to the board – and done.

I love having a festive house! This is a perfect little touch of fall to sit in a window sill, side table, even hang. I sat mine in my kitchen window – with a Rae Dunn “Pumpkin” Candle beside it. All for two dollars. Look at the things you have around you – I get you can make something amazing! And to be honest, if you are in a bigger city, check a few dollar trees out – they get different stock. What’s your favorite season, and craft for the season?

Live fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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This statement was said to me. No kidding. And it was followed up with, “she wears the diamond studs – I wear the hooops). Now, what this young lady was trying to convey to me, was the reason that she was about to beat down another young lady. She was showing their differences to me. Bad example, but nonetheless, an effort was made. Anyway – I squashed the brawl from happening – no nails were broken, no earrings taken out. All was right in the world.

I have coffin nails now. I love them. The are pretty, soft pink, and I feel put together when my nails are done. I had stopped for a while, a long while, because it was expensive. But, I got a gift card for my birthday, and I am covered for a few months from that. After that, I have worked it into my budget by cutting out a few other things, because I like the way I feel put together.

I say that, to say this.

Get Ready. It’s gonna be a shocker.

I HATE TO GET MY NAILS DONE. I HATE IT. I ABHOR IT. IT’S THE WORST THING EVER.

I hate – SO MUCH – sitting across from someone who I don’t know, and casually hold hands. Let’s just talk about casually holding hands. I hold hands with a small number of people. My man, my kids, my parents, and yeah – that’s it. And let me explain it more.

I will hold my man’s hand, like in the car, being cute – for a few minutes. Or, I will let him hold my hand or guide me at the waist if we are in traffic and we are pedestrians. That’s it. My kids – I will hold their hands to get them through a crowd – traffic – and my little guy, a parking lot. But you wanna know what doesn’t happen? I don’t hold random people’s hands. I don’t.

Now, in this discussion that I have had numerous times, people have said – “A massage is weirder!” No, no it isn’t. One – we aren’t 15 inches from each other’ face – eyes open. Two, they are massaging your back, legs, whatever – I can’t get those parts myself. Not when you are getting your nails done.YOU ARE HOLDING A NAIL TECH’S HAND! AND HAVING A CONVERSATION! OR ATTEMPTING IT! OR NOT! WHAT IS THE PROTOCOL? WHAT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? IT STRESSES ME OUT!

Pedicures? Less terrible. But I don’t love it. I can read a magazine. Until they bring out the scrapey thing. I HATE THAT! Also, if I say don’t use it, don’t use it. I don’t care if you think I need it. I don’t like it. Please don’t use it.

So you might say, “Kristie, why are you torturing yourself?” Well, vanity, I would guess. I like it when I look at my hands and the don’t look like withered hands of a much older woman. Broken Nails from digging inside cars with stains of different paints and enamels. When I look down and my fingers look pretty – I feel better. It’s vanity. Vanity for me. And I like the result. Just hate the process. Almost exactly like the gym.

Now, just to prove it isn’t normal to hold hands with adults that isn’t your tribe throughout your day, I’ve attached some pics. Enjoy – and yes. We all cracked up over this.

  • Rebecca and I casually holding hands while going over a final bill.
  • Nikki and I casually holding hands while walking down to accounting to check on her vacation paperwork.
  • Sara and I casually holding hands while we teamwork the crap out of drying this car!
  • My pretty nails.

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Here is one that I think I have a huge LOVE/HATE relationship with. And that is food. And by food, I mean, everything with it. So, if you are a single parent – single person – or even just bear the brunt of figuring out food in your home, you might like this.

Now, my plan is regimented. And there are a few reasons why. I am on a different diet than my kids, for medical reasons. No gluten, no soy, no dairy, no refined sugar, etc. I eat air. And salmon.

I eat air and salmon.

I’m kidding, but I’m not. So what this means, is that there are two separate grocery lists. One for the kids, and one for me. Now, just so you know who I am feeding in this house – It’s Tariq – 20 year old male. Bella – 16 year old female. Jacoby – 9 year old male. And they can all eat. We don’t eat out – rarely if ever. It’s always at home. They eat out with their friends, or maybe order a pizza now and then, but with my dietary restrictions- it scares me to eat out. And frankly, it is super expensive.

So, I had to figure something out. I needed to be able to cook dinner. Guarantee that I would have what I needed to cook it, and not have to think about it. So I brainstormed. And I got myself a google calendar and an awesome plan. I am going to break this down for you the best way I can, but if you have any questions, by all means – ask.

I get paid bi-weekly. So I plan bi-weekly. That works with my budget and makes it easier for me. And two weeks don’t seem overwhelming. If it does to you, try one week. And here is what I did. I created a meal plan on the google calendar, and shared it with the oldest two kids. This meal calendar shows breakfast, lunch, two snacks, dinner and dessert. Everyday. For everyone in the house. And we don’t deviate. (That’s somewhat of a lie – the older kids can deviate their snacks and breakfasts – the little guys is stuck. But he hasn’t complained – and the older two haven’t either.)

Here is an example of a day for Jacoby:

  • Breakfast: Blueberry Muffin and a Go-gurt
  • Snack: Applesauce (to be included in lunch bag)
  • Lunch: (Salami, Ham, and Cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard. Chips, Animal Crackers, Fruit Roll Up and a Capri – Sun)
  • Snack at Home: Popcorn with chocolate chips
  • Dinner: Stuffed Chicken Breast with Rice and steamed brussel sprouts

And it’s like that everyday up until dinner. At dinnertime, It’s just one. Remember, I don’t share my calendar with them, I know what I am doing… LOL! I pack four lunches at night, and Bella or I cook dinner. And because I plan this a week before I buy it – and everyone knows what they are having – I always have the stuff I need.

If you decide to start this, I suggest cleaning the pantry and fridge. That’s what we did, and we took pics. And then arranged everything neatly. Guess what? I had like 4, 156 taco mixes. I had also went to the store that week to buy taco mix. Use what you have. I wonder how much we spend when it’s already in our houses? I bet a lot.

Also, when planning your food – check out PUBLIX Bogo’s and matchups. You want to get the most bang for your buck. So I go there. I coupon. Not psycho coupon, but smart coupon. There is a difference. If you want to know more, let me know – I can explain it.

Now that the menu is tentatively planned, start planning your grocery order. So, I have three kids, and put chips in each bag. A box of pre packaged bags of chips, 22 bags per box, were BOGO at Publix for $4.99. I had a coupon for 1.50 off two. Long story short – 44 bags of chips for $3.49. That’s 8 cents a bag. That, is cheap – and easy.

Next, I started ordering everything else. And I do it online and go pick it up. I do that for a few reasons. One, it’s easy. Two, I hate grocery shopping. Three, I work a ton – and I don’t wanna. Four – I don’t spend extra and don’t forget stuff. So, on thursdays I do my PUBLIX BOGO run, and I schedule to pick my groceries up on Saturday morning. I do it this way, incase I don’t get a publix deal that is important to a meal, I can rearrange and add.

And that is how we do it. In the google calendar, I list the ingredients needed. Cross check with the grocery list. On Saturdays we bake brownies, cookies, muffins, whatever is needed in the bakery stuff for the next week and freeze it. And we are off.

The past two weeks, I fed a family of four, one with dietary restrictions, 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, for 14 days, and you want to know how much I spent? $94.13. You want to know if I can do that every time? No. But It’s never over $150. Because we use what we got , and keep waste to a minimum.

If you want to know more about it – or have any questions, let me know!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Sat Nam.

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I was asked that question the other day, and it caught me off guard. “How do I do what?” And this was her response – “Everything. You do everything. I feel like I deserve an award if I get up before 7. “

And I laughed and laughed. Because, to be honest – how do I do everything? I don’t. I don’t even do half the things. But then, I thought about it – and I am quite productive, when I choose to be. So, I decided to make a guide, to help you out. Or at least, give you some ideas!

Do I have it all together? Of course not. Somedays, I feel like I am hanging by a thread. But, for the most part, I do have some tricks and tips, to help you out, and make your life easier. And these things are great for single parents, kids, teenagers, or anyone who just wants a little more calmness in their life.

To-Do Lists

I make a to-do list every Sunday. Then, I make another one each day. It might be during my lunch break, it might be when I wake up. But, before I leave work for the day – There is one done. On my Sunday one, I have everything that will fill up one sheet of paper. It’s everything that is practical and impractical – for now. So consider it a wishlist/to-do list.

On my Sunday list, for this week, I’ll give you a few examples.

  • Check the PUBLIX Bogo’s for next week and the matchups.
  • Laundry
  • Write a minimum of two blogs.
  • Pack Lunches
  • Go Zip Lining in Costa Rica
  • Make sure Bella has all her stuff for retreat.
  • Update Schedule
  • Read Gabrielle Bernstein’s next book – (it’s not out yet)
  • Dr. Appointment on Thursday

And that’s a tiny little example. It’s a full page. Some things make me laugh, and some things have to get done. Now I picked the ones I did, for example purposes. Once you have it all written down. Fold it up and stick it in your planner. What? You don’t have one? Ok. Get a planner. My fave is the MEL ROBBINS 5 SECOND JOURNAL. It’s my favorite by far. If you decide to adapt my way of planning, it will be yours also.

Next step, GET UP THE NEXT MORNING WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. DO NOT HIT SNOOZE. GET UP. GET UP. GET UP. And if you do that, you got time to make your daily to-do list. So, let’s pretend you didn’t hit snooze, you are up, and you are making your list. I break my list down into three groups. The first being – 1. The crap I have to do before I go to bed that cannot wait another day list. The second, is the Stuff I would like to get done today, but if I don’t the world won’t end – list. Third is the – Stuff I have to do everyday, but I am forgetful so I make a list, list.

When Mel Robbins took a pic of my card and letter, and put it on her Instagram. Yes, I fangirled. Big time. I love her stuff.

So, for today, I have three things that I have to do on list one. Don’t make a ton of stuff on that one. It will make your life overwhelming. But have discipline, to knock out some of the others, so everything doesn’t end up on list one. My three things are, 1.) Mail my package from poshmark. (If you sell on poshmark you get it, you want to get it out ASAP). 2.) Install lock on refrigerator at work. 3.)Work on Stuff for presentation. I will not go to bed until those are done.

On list two, I have 1.)Get Bella’s stuff she needs for retreat 2.)Write two blogs 3.)Work on adding clothes to my poshmark closet. 4.)Clean the downstairs bathroom. 5.)Write for 15 minutes. 6.) Research new recipes. And there’s a few others, but you get the idea.

ON list three, and don’t laugh – I have memory issues people. But here’s a few. 1. make bed 2. brush teeth 3. pack lunches. 4.start dishwasher if needed. 5. make sure all laundry is in basket. 6. water plants. 7. get the mail, with a few others.

Now, I get up early, so I go to bed around 9:30. I have an alarm set to review my list, at 8 pm. Then, I will have time if needed to get some things done I forgot. Now, If I don’t get all my list two items done, they might carry over on list two for a few days. But, on Thursday – If I don’t have Bella’s items for retreat done, it will hit list one. Because she goes on retreat on Friday.

This helps me plan and task my day. And I go to bed feeling productive, and wake up – not in overwhelm. That’s the way my lists work.

As not to overwhelm you on this, I will stop here for now. Next blog – Groceries and Dinner. And how I kill it. LOLOL!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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Since I turned forty, I have realized that I know absolutely nothing. You know how in your teenage years, you know everything? And then when you become a parent, you read the parent books – but you also think you are smarter than anyone else about how to parent? And for me, albeit not everyone, there were the years of mourning – where I really did nothing but exist. And then the years of creating a career, because as a single mom you really need one of those.

And then I turned 40. During my first hurricane. That is not a joke. My birthday is September 9, 1977. Google Irma. I live in Orlando. It was great. Yes, that’s sarcasm. But honestly, little did I know how much that hurricane was foreshadowing what was going to come.

Anyway, I went through what one might call an awakening. I had some serious health scares. I recognized my mortality. And I as I was typing that last sentence, I typed the morality on accident. Then I thought, maybe that wasn’t an accident. So I might have recognized my morality, also.

I am in a season of growth. And I love it. All the crap I have carried around for years, I am slowly dropping by the wayside. Bit by bit, my load gets lighter. My heart gets bigger, my smile grows larger, and I feel better. I am tackling each problem, one chunk at a time. And you know what is helping me do that? Look at the title. That’s right. Audible and Self-Help Books.

I love audible. I also love self help books. I don’t like to sit down and read – but I do like to drive and listen. I am a queen of multi-tasking, so audiobooks/podcasts, are my go -to. Some of my absolute favorite authors are – Brene Brown, Mel Robbins, Gabrielle Bernstein, Dave Ramsey, Steven Furtick, Denise Duffield, and Jen Sincero. And that’s just to name a few. Now, I don’t necessarily agree with every single bit, of every single book. And some of the bits I do agree with, I don’t necessarily apply.. because sometimes I am lazy and I suck. It is true though, that I learn something, and better myself in someway with each one.

So, Let me ask you – do you like audio-books or paper better? Also, what are some self-help books that you recommend? I’d love to hear it!

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  1. I can begin anywhere. Every day. Any day. I can start again. I can change. My hair. My attitude. My clothes. Each day, each minute – I can begin again.
  2. I know the only thing I am an expert in, is me. And to be honest, I am not an expert in that every single day – and that’s okay. But where any other topic is concerned? I can always learn a little more.
  3. I choose to be grateful for my health. Everyone should be. Some day – one day – one moment, your whole world can change. You can forget who you once were, and have to find yourself again. If that happens, and you have a ‘new normal’, enjoy the hunt.
  4. I choose to I love unapologetically. I don’t love everyone. I don’t even like everyone. What I will do though, is try my best to be nice to everyone. If you are someone I love , I am loyal to the death. I see that as flaw, to be honest. It sets you up for heartbreak. I’d rather be heartbroken, though – than not be loyal.
  5. I will longer struggle with acceptance, because I accept myself. I have had to learn to accept my flaws, and realize it’s okay if everyone doesn’t love me.
  6. I choose to forgive, but I don’t forget. I forgive everyone who has need of forgiveness but I can never forget what was done. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting, forgiveness is accepting and moving on.
  7. I choose to be the best mom I am capable of. Being a great mom means letting your kids know where they are screwing up, too – not just telling them how great they are. Find balance.
  8. I choose that I will no longer be ashamed of my past mistakes. I learned from them. They aren’t who I am now.
  9. I choose to smile more, share more, drink good coffee. I am going to listen to others. Really listen. Like with my heart. I am going to share more. Grow my blog. Keep working on my book. Keep the negativity at bay. And, frankly. I am gonna kill it. Not in the “murderino” type of way. In a completely positive type of way. (And yes, If you get the murderino reference, we could possibly be best friends.)

Love Fully. Live Fully. Sat nam.

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If we are being honest, I had to have my friend cut my Spanx off with scissors. Twice. I swear – no joke. The second time, I swore them off. And I haven’t looked back.

If you don’t know what Spanx is, it’s a modern day torture device. (No offense, Spanx lovers. I just can’t hang.) For real though, they are shapewear. I was talking to a friend of mine about this blog – and she didn’t know what they were either, so here is a brief summary. They are undergarments. That are super tight. And they are made to lift your booty, flatten your tummy, and smooth out any wrinkles, dips, or crevices that you don’t want seen through your clothes. Think skin tight dress.

Understand, it wasn’t recent that Krissie had to cut my SPANX off. It was like 10 years ago. I have been SPANX free ever since. But picture it. We had went to a Chamber of Commerce event. I had on a gorgeous dress that was fitted. I was super self-conscious of my tummy and thighs in this dress, though. Well, let’s put on some SPANX. Voila! My body was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.

For the first couple of hours, I was ok. Those suckers were tight, but I was good. I was feeling confident knowing that I was all tucked in. Then we sat. And then I felt the top start to roll down. (Please note * the SPANX I had on were a short style. They came to mid-thigh, and then top came to below my chest. Think Steve Urkele pants height.) AS THEY ROLLED, IT BECAME TIGHTER AND TIGHTER. I look down, and my top fat was jumping right out. Mortified, I quickly go to the bathroom to put them back in their proper position.

In the bathroom stall, I take my dress off. I had too, because the way it was fitted, I couldn’t get it back to proper height. I unroll the top of the SPANX to try to get it back in the original positon. But that wasn’t happening. I guess I left it in the roll down position too long. Me, being an astute and crafty woman – I am not swayed. I jack those up a little bit more, and tuck it under my bra. I would like to state, in case you aren’t clear, the level of sexy there was like nothing I had ever seen before. Literally.

I get dressed again, and go out to the event. My friend and I sat there for another hour, and I leaned over to her and told her I had to get out of there, I was so uncomfortable I had started to sweat. Krissie is that type of girl who takes action. She gave me her keys, told me to go directly to the car, and she said our goodbyes and got us out of their quick, acting like I wasn’t feeling well.

She gets in the car, and asks me what is wrong. I begin to freak. “THESE STUPID SPANX IS ROLLING DOWN! I HAD TO TAKE MY DRESS OFF IN THE BATHROOM! TUCK THE TOP UP IN MY BRA! NOW… THEY ARE ROLLING AGAIN, AND I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS A CABLE AROUND MY WAIST AND IS SLOWLY TRYING TO SEVERE MY TORSO!” She side-eyed me while she drove. I knew she wanted to laugh, but was gonna hold it in until I was less hostile.

My SPANX hero, Krissie. Right around the time that he rescue had to happen.

We get home and I start stripping as I walk in. Shoes… Dress…. I am gonna get those things off. But, I couldn’t. I am not kidding here guys. I literally could not get them off.

I start to pull them down, and they are so tight around my waist, that I can’t even really get my thumbs into the top. I make it into my bathroom, and I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I was sweaty, and my top looked all weird and distorted compared to my bottom. The SPANX had created some type of two dimensional universe all on my body. I take a deep breath, and tell myself to relax. It seemed the more I pulled and yanked, the tighter they got.

I hear a knock at the door to my bedroom. “WHAT!?”, I yelled at the door thinking my grunting and groaning had woken one of my children up. “You okay in there?” It was Krissie. I felt my eyes starting to get warm and burn because the tears were coming and about to mix with sweat. I go and open the door. And let her gaze at me in horror of the twisted SPANX mess that my life had currently become.

“So, are you stuck?”. I nod my reply. She pushed up her pajama sleeves and got to work. She coached me. She pulled. She yanked. She hollered. And then she said. “Do you want to keep these?”

“No. I never want to see them again. ” She walks out and goes to her room, and comes back with scissors. “The only way we are gonna get these off, is to cut them off.” I lift my arms over my head so she has plenty of access, and also symbolically surrender to the fact that the SPANX had won.

She began to cut. And I poured out those things like a busted can of biscuits. And as I looked at my tear-soaked face, with one cut side of spanks, yet my foot still in the leg of the other, I felt loads of humiliation and relief. My skin was all red and wrinkly. There were new lines on my skin, like what happens when you iron a shirt and didn’t realize a piece was folded over in the back. I look at Krissie and I hug her, and I tell her that I am so glad it was her and no one else. We began to laugh a little. Then we laughed hard. I swore off SPANX that day.

My SPANX story is really applicable to many facets of our life, though. I had an idea of what I wanted to people to see as. A certain view. I didn’t want any of my flaws to show. But I wanted the look, the respect that would I felt would come from me rockin’ that dress in an hour glass shape. What I didn’t want to do, was the work that it would take to wear that dress, they way I wanted it to look. So, I made a shortcut. And it didn’t work out well for me at all.

What I should have done was either fix myself or accept myself. Now understand, this isn’t pro-SPANX or anti-SPANX. Think bigger. This isn’t about body shaming or body positivity. My body was just fine. It was my heart and mind that wasn’t. And I am not dogging SPANX in anyway, shape or form. Or the people that wear them. I actually know some people who like the feeling of wearing of them. We can’t be friends, because I can’t understand your soul, but I know them. (I kid, I kid.)

This is a heart issue. My heart issue. If there is something you don’t like about yourself, you can change it or accept it. But most importantly, own your decision. If you don’t like your GPA, you can study more. If you don’t like your speed at running a mile, you can practice. If you don’t like your biceps, you can go to the gym and get the bigger.

On the flip-side, if you don’t like your GPA – maybe you accept it. Maybe you say, I have a 3.1 GPA. I study, but school doesn’t consume me, and I have a social life. Could I cut some things out and make it higher? Sure. But right now it isn’t important to me. I am satisfied with the balance of school and play, and I am satisfied.

Using the GPA as an example, here is the danger zone. The SPANX arena of life, if you will. When you struggle academically. But, instead of owning your truth that academics doesn’t naturally to you, you stay up all hours of the night trying to study. You take uppers or drink energy drinks, to cram for the final. Because you believe, that if you don’t give the perception of easy academic excellence, somehow people will think adversely of you. Maybe you want the praise. Maybe you believe that if they really knew you – you would be all alone and sad.

I’ve been there. In some areas, I am still there. But everyday I am working on it. I have people in my life, who I trust so much – I can tell them my whole truth. And just like Krissie sat with me in my humiliation, they sit with me in my truth. That truth can be shameful, embarrassing, humiliating, scary, and sometimes just plain weird. Sometimes we end up laughing. Sometimes we end up crying. But every time, I feel like I took a boulder out of my proverbial backpack of issues. Guys, everyone has issues. Everyone. No one gets out of here unscathed. But once we start talking about our fears and insecurities, and just lay them out there, others seem to disarm also.

So, I said I had to cut them off twice, right? Well, it’s true. I swore them off for good. I went years without wearing them. It was about 5 years ago, and my insecurity came marching in like a high school band. I was going to an event for the company that I worked for. The CEO was going to be there, there would be photos, and I wanted to look perfect. I decided to trade my go to sense of style, for something more regal. Regal meant very tailored. Like, tightly tailored. And it began. Insecurity won. And I purchased another pair of SPANX.

I regretted it. Again, two hours or so into it, I knew what I had to do. I walked out of the event and went to an employee and asked if they had any scissors. They did. I marched to restroom, stripped, and got to cutting. In thirty seconds, I was free of that mess. I got dressed again, walked out the bathroom stall and threw them in the trash. A lady was at the vanity touching up her make-up. She sees me carrying cloth while I walk out. I show her the scissors and the wadded up/cut up SPANX in my hand. And I look at her and say, “I said this once before, but this time I mean it. I am never ever wearing SPANX again.”

She laughs and says, “Those are of the devil. I can’t breathe with them on. ” I look at myself in the mirror after she says that. I feel good. I can breathe. And I see the line that I wanted to cover. You want to know what the line was? Where my leg connects to my torso. Guess who noticed? Probably only me. I walked out, and enjoyed (I mean as much as you can for a work function), the rest of the day.

Now, I only wear clothing that I am comfortable in. If it would require me to change my shape, it stays at the store. When some of the trends are not designed for me, I own it. And do my own thing.

Now guys, I don’t have this stuff figured out. Yes, I am actively practicing self-acceptance. I am learning to be more transparent and authentic – and trying everyday. I am in the trenches right along with you. Some days, I fail. And I fail miserably. But hey, once you see the problems and work to fix them, the easier it is to recognize the old behaviors – and well, “cut them away.” But sometimes, you need that friend – that person- who will sit with you and laugh and cry, why they help you cut it away.

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.