Category: Style

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As we all know – I have been ran through the mud. I have been hurt.  Angered. I have been mocked.  Made fun of.  All by people who really don’t know anything about me. That being said, you all have been supportive as can be. I am grateful for each and everyone of you. So here is an answer to a question I got.

The email read,

“Hey.  I don’t know how you are holding up.  I have watched this going on…  The job. The gossip. The health issues. The kids. How are you holding up – I mean this as a question, not even a “How are you?” (I care how you are, I’m just struggling too- help me!) I’m losing my mind from the past year, myself. Any advice?”

Well first, I am holding up shocking well – now.  Keyword is now.  In an hour, who knows. But right now, I am doing ok. And of course.  I have advice.  Here’s my top ten things you should/shouldn’t do to complicate your life any futher. All written and determined of the past 10 year chaotic journey of my own. Enjoy. LOL!

10. Keep everything in Perspective.

Perspective is underrated. In each moment of our lives, things seem huge, am I right? I’m a widow – and this isn’t even widow talk.  You all saw my crying “Chris Crocker” style video because my feelings got hurt.  People often think that once you know real trauma -you have a gift where other things don’t phase you.  Not true. I might be able to snap out of quicker, but it still hurts.

What gets me through is perspective.  This woman calling me names, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought when I was enduring chemo. I wouldn’t have cared. And guess what? I choose to try my best not to now. It’s perspective.  She was nonexistent to me before, really.  Why care now? It’s perspective.

9. Healthy People take their Health for Granted.

And sometimes, sick people who get healthy-still take their health for granted. So, whether it be physical or mental health – take care of it. And be grateful for it.  For real.  If you smoke stop.  IF you are overweight and sedentary – get healthy.  If you struggle with your mind, get therapy.  Check your heath insurance.  You probably have benefits that you don’t even know about. Take advantage of it and be the best version of you that you can be. If you don’t have health insurance, there are a lot of programs out there to help you.  I know it’s hard.

Let me be honest, If I ate what and how I wanted, and I didn’t exercise, I would be morbidly obese.  For sure.

8. Always Choose Kindness.

I haven’t always chosen kindness.  Sometimes, my words have gotten the best of me.  Sometimes, I have allowed jealousy to enter into my heart with such malice.  Sometimes, I have judged others to make myself feel better. But every single time I have chosen kindness, I have not been disappointed.  Sure, revenge feels good – for a second.  But it doesn’t for the long haul.  So have some good people around you that can be a voice of reason when you are being crazy – and work towards kindness.

7. Confidence is not being well-dressed. Confidence is expressing who you really are.

We all know that my hair is my pride and joy. We all know that my fashion choices maybe a touch out the norm. But I will tell ya this, mohawk and all – I feel like I am living my best self when I am me.  Fake eyelashes and all. I love animal prints – and nontraditional art.   So be yourself. IF you want purple streaks and they make you feel good – get purple streaks. You wanna shave your head, shave your head. Be confident. Confidence looks good on every single person. And if you like your hair in a side part – BY ALL MEANS GET THE SIDE PART! Don’t listen to TikTok!

 6. Allow yourself to be touched.

This is science.  Physical touch can heal.  Like I’m serious.  It really can. Google it.  Physical touch has healing benefits.  It can increase your immune system.  It can lower the blood sugar of people with Diabetes.

There are studies showing that touch signals safety and trust, it soothes. Basic warm touch calms cardiovascular stress. It activates the body’s vagus nerve, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response, and a simple touch can trigger release of oxytocin.

And think of babies – holding a baby can calm a baby.  It’s physical touch.  If you are single, and don’t have a partner, that’s okay.  It isn’t just a couple thing.  Hug your kids.  Your nieces or nephews.  Your friends.  Or even, schedule a massage.  I’m serious.  It helps.

5. Gossip is Capital – Don’t be involved in that Market.

Again, I have went down that road in my past. Never ends well.  But what I can say is this.  If you have ever confided in me – your secrets are safe. For life.  Even if you hate me now.  Steel trap.  And if we were friends, and don’t talk anymore – still, I got you. Don’t be one of those people who air things that were given in confidence. It is actually gross.

My therapist told me this today – and it’s freaking brilliant.  She said, “When people gossip, their whole purpose to gossiping is create worth within themselves.  When people gossip – they are either experiencing fear, a desire for belonging or inclusion, and a craving for intimacy and a sense of connection.  If someone is gossiping, they are sad people. Looking for someone externally to give them approval.” It makes it a little easier to forgive when you think of the damage they have are feeling internally.  

4.  Address your problems as the arise – and complaining will not fix things.

Problems are like splinters.  Might not seem like a big deal, but ignore it – and you might end up with a full body infection.  Address each issue as they come up. Let me give you a real life “Kristie” example.

At one point in my adult life, I was seriously financially burdened. Medical bills, life, and everything else – was sucking me dry.  I was “robbing Peter to pay Paul.”  Finally, it got to the point to where I couldn’t sleep at night. I literally had to get a grip on my finances.  I needed to see just how poor I was.

Had I not done that, I would not have been able to solve the problem. I would have been a slave to ignoring the mailbox, and feeling like I was going to throw up when I had to pay bills.  Now my finances are top priority. I manage my money so it doesn’t manage me. I can go get the mail without a brown bag to hyperventilate in. It feels good.

And complaining, doesn’t do anyone any good. It doesn’t fix  your finances, it doesn’t fix your mood. This one, I am good at.  When you want to complain, think of the opposite, and choose gratitude.  Turn, “I’m starving” into, “I can’t wait to get to Publix for $5.00 Sushi night!”

Acceptance is the first step to freedom. If you are in denial about your present circumstance, you will be locked in a cycle of misery. Once you accept things as they are and you find that you don’t like what you see, you can take the next step to change things for the better.

3. It’s not all about you.

We are the center of our own worlds, of course. But what if you actually flip that switch for five minutes a day.  Take your kids or partner for example… Instead of “What do I have to do today?”, try “What do we need to do today, and maybe I can help you achieve your goal.”

Pay attention to the actions and behaviors of others in your life. Look at the context clues.  Are they sad? Scared? Being bullied, maybe? It’s normal to be intensely aware as to what is going on in your life, just be mindful, that others are around you also.

2. Love is more than a feeling.  It’s a choice.

Everyone wants to be in love, right? Falling in love is mad easy.  Staying in love – not so easy.  I recommend before entering any relationships – be honest.  Don’t change who you are – because overtime – you will change. I am not the same person now that I was at 20. So, if I “fake it” at 20 – end up married to be someone’s ideal – naturally change as they do – BOOM. Problems. And fun facts, this goes for friendships, too.  For a long time, I wanted to morph to be what I thought people wanted.  I am a people pleaser.  I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be liked.  Now – everyone gets the garbage from jump.  You are welcome. (and I am happier than I have been for it.)

Be honest.  Admit your flaws.  Your hang-ups.  Example? I smoked for years. You think I am gonna hide that from anyone? Nope. Why? It is a struggle for me each day.  So if you see me even consider a cigarette – slap me hard. My best friend smokes. If I asked her for cigarette, she would punch me In the face.  I love her for that.

But with any love, we must choose to be kind, to be loving, let the annoyances pass, be respectful, and supportive.  It isn’t always easy.  But it’s worth it.

1. Don’t ruin your testimony.

Have you ever seen someone face their demons? Let me tell ya, I have twice in my life. And what I have to say, is both times – I had such respect for these two people beforehand, and after – even more.  And both times, I watched both people be brutalized by Christians.  People of my faith. If I didn’t have a strong personal relationship with God – I would definitely never wanted to be part of that religion.

I challenge you to write down on a notepad – every dirty, despicable thing you have done.  Thought.  Every wish of ill will.  Every bad act.  Moments of gluttony.  Times of giving into sin.  Now, I want you to think of everyone you know – and everyone you don’t tuning into a TV channel – where someone reads every, single deed.  No one would be able to hold their heads up.

The reality is that I’ve sinned in just about every area. It pains me to say that, but it’s true. If people hear the Gospel and reject Jesus, that’s one thing. If I’m the barrier to people accepting Christ because of me and my sin, that’s a completely different deal. Fortunately, God’s much bigger than my stupidity.

So I end with this, When does your humanness get in the way of people knowing the hope, forgiveness, and love of Jesus?  Does your life make them curious about Jesus’ love, or does it make them want to run away screaming.

So, I challenge you – if you are a Christian – don’t use prayer as an excuse for inaction.  Don’t sit around and wait for God to do his thing, step out in obedience and faith. And hey, don’t think you are better than others, either. Don’t create some internal rules to differentiate your holiness while you decide others aren’t.

That’s a wrap, Jack.

So there it is.  That’s how I get through.  An amazing support system.  Being supportive.  Love.  Laughter.  Jesus. And Gratiude.

Hope it helps.

Love Fully.  Live Fully.  Shine on. 

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Well, well, well. Here I am. Eating Crow.

Ya know all that crap I wrote about getting my nails done? How I hate holding hands with people, but I am going to do it? Budget it? And make it happen?

Yes. I know. It is horrifying.

Well, that was a lie. Ya wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NEVER GETTING MY NAILS DONE AGAIN! (That could be a lie, too – but it’s gonna take a minute. ) You want to know why? Pain. That’s why. Pain.

You know how they say beauty is painful or something like that? I don’t think they meant slamming your finger in a door and ripping the perfectly manicured nail off my long, bony fingers. And yes, I realize I made my hands sound like witch hands. Whatever, It’s Halloween. And MY FINGER LOOKS LIKE MY COSTUME!

I will say this, I had put off blogging some, because it was really hard to type with my nails. Maybe God was saying, “Kristie! Wake Up! Stop being vain, and do what you are supposed to do!” I wish it had been a little less vicious, not gonna lie. LOL.

So, I don’t often eat crow. But today, I bow my head, and say – “I’m gonna stick with my natural nails for the standard days – and get me some press-ons when I need a boost. Because. This was traumatizing.

Canuck the Crow gained fame for stealing a knife from an East Vancouver crime scene. (Facebook/thecrowandI)

And by eating crow, I don’t mean the super cool murder-y Canuck. I mean, the colloquial idiom, pure humiliation after being proven wrong – when you take a strong position. Yeah, I had to eat crow.

And for you viewing pleasure and add a little-lightheartedness to this – here is a pic of my favorite crow, Canuck. Canuck is a mischievous little crow, who according to the Audubon society:

Canuck, a hand-raised crow from Vancouver, Canada, that was caught making off with a knife from a crime scene in a McDonald’s parking lot earlier this year. The incident was a violent one: A man set fire to his own car and threatened the police with a knife. Shots were fired. Afterward, in swept Canuck, plucking the knife from the crime scene and even causing an officer to give chase. Eventually the bird dropped the weapon and avoided any criminal charges.  

Audubon Society

So there ya have it. I should stuck with my gut. If I had, maybe my finger wouldn’t look like Cancuck dropped his murder-y knife on it.

Live Fully. Live Fully.

Sat. Nam.

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This statement was said to me. No kidding. And it was followed up with, “she wears the diamond studs – I wear the hooops). Now, what this young lady was trying to convey to me, was the reason that she was about to beat down another young lady. She was showing their differences to me. Bad example, but nonetheless, an effort was made. Anyway – I squashed the brawl from happening – no nails were broken, no earrings taken out. All was right in the world.

I have coffin nails now. I love them. The are pretty, soft pink, and I feel put together when my nails are done. I had stopped for a while, a long while, because it was expensive. But, I got a gift card for my birthday, and I am covered for a few months from that. After that, I have worked it into my budget by cutting out a few other things, because I like the way I feel put together.

I say that, to say this.

Get Ready. It’s gonna be a shocker.

I HATE TO GET MY NAILS DONE. I HATE IT. I ABHOR IT. IT’S THE WORST THING EVER.

I hate – SO MUCH – sitting across from someone who I don’t know, and casually hold hands. Let’s just talk about casually holding hands. I hold hands with a small number of people. My man, my kids, my parents, and yeah – that’s it. And let me explain it more.

I will hold my man’s hand, like in the car, being cute – for a few minutes. Or, I will let him hold my hand or guide me at the waist if we are in traffic and we are pedestrians. That’s it. My kids – I will hold their hands to get them through a crowd – traffic – and my little guy, a parking lot. But you wanna know what doesn’t happen? I don’t hold random people’s hands. I don’t.

Now, in this discussion that I have had numerous times, people have said – “A massage is weirder!” No, no it isn’t. One – we aren’t 15 inches from each other’ face – eyes open. Two, they are massaging your back, legs, whatever – I can’t get those parts myself. Not when you are getting your nails done.YOU ARE HOLDING A NAIL TECH’S HAND! AND HAVING A CONVERSATION! OR ATTEMPTING IT! OR NOT! WHAT IS THE PROTOCOL? WHAT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? IT STRESSES ME OUT!

Pedicures? Less terrible. But I don’t love it. I can read a magazine. Until they bring out the scrapey thing. I HATE THAT! Also, if I say don’t use it, don’t use it. I don’t care if you think I need it. I don’t like it. Please don’t use it.

So you might say, “Kristie, why are you torturing yourself?” Well, vanity, I would guess. I like it when I look at my hands and the don’t look like withered hands of a much older woman. Broken Nails from digging inside cars with stains of different paints and enamels. When I look down and my fingers look pretty – I feel better. It’s vanity. Vanity for me. And I like the result. Just hate the process. Almost exactly like the gym.

Now, just to prove it isn’t normal to hold hands with adults that isn’t your tribe throughout your day, I’ve attached some pics. Enjoy – and yes. We all cracked up over this.

  • Rebecca and I casually holding hands while going over a final bill.
  • Nikki and I casually holding hands while walking down to accounting to check on her vacation paperwork.
  • Sara and I casually holding hands while we teamwork the crap out of drying this car!
  • My pretty nails.

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You know you want to.

Strip down. Right down to your birthday suit. And cruise down mainstreet.

Probably not. Maybe a couple of you do – and if so – more power to you. I think we will all agree, that we currently live in a society – where acceptance is demanded. Every where we look. Love yourself. Love your body. Be comfortable in the skin that you are in. We have went from a time where all females felt like you were supposed to look like a Victoria’s Secret Runway Model, to now – we are told to love ourselves no matter what.

Don’t get me wrong – this is fantastic. Our bodies are freaking amazing. And of course, you want to love and cherish and be comfortable with your own body. Now, I am of the belief that you should dress how you want, cut your hair how you want, wear your makeup how you want – all to make you feel the best version of you. But let me tell you what I have dealt with on my end. And frankly, it needs to stop. If you preach acceptance, believe in acceptance, then do just that. Accept it. I am going to tell you a little bit about myself now, and my beliefs – in the clothing genre.

I am 41 years old. I am 5’9″. I weigh between 135-145, depending on the season. My clothing size is a 4-6. I have a bleach blonde mohawk. I have quite a few tattoos. I have my ears pierced four times on one side – three on the other. And I love it all. I also, am one of the most modest dressers you will ever meet. I don’t wear shorts. I don’t wear skirts more than an inch or so above the knee unless I have leggings on. I don’t wear spaghetti strap tops. And, to top it off, my bathing suit often has more fabric and layers than a burka. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

When someone, normally a female, starts talking to me about clothes, and showing me bathing suits and things, and I talk about how pretty it would be for someone – More often than not, I get a negative response. To me, it’s negative. To me, it’s an opinion that I didn’t ask for. And then, it normally starts a long explanation as to why. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

Here is the responses that I have gotten:

  • Girl, it’s your body – wear what you want to!?
  • That’s weird. Why would you wear a bathing suit that looks like that? I know you aren’t the religion of 19 kids and counting?
  • You have a fantastic body – you should show it off!
  • Kristie, you aren’t heavy anymore, you don’t have to dress like that.
  • It’s not the 1800’s – we can wear what we want!

Yeah, I’m not joking. I get people trying to “peer pressure” me into dressing more scandalous. Now let me explain something, I dress the way I want to because I am comfortable that way. I know what my body looks like. I love the way my body looks. Naked and in clothes. Guess what? I also like to be comfortable. I wear form fitted clothes all the time. I think, I am quite stylish, thank you very much. I also, like keeping my lady bits covered because I am comfortable that way. But aren’t we supposed to accept each other as sisters, and raise each other up?

Here are my responses:

  • Girl, it’s your body – wear what you want to!? I am wearing what I want to. This is how I am comfortable. I don’t like shorts. It’s rare I find pants that I like. I’m long waisted. Thick thighed. The effort to find shorts, I’m good. I’m tall. I don’t like showing a lot of skin. But if you like it – go off, sis!
  • That’s weird. Why would you wear a bathing suit that looks like that? I know you aren’t the same religion as the “19 kids and Counting” are you? No, I am not. You are correct. I wear a bathing suit like that because I am comfortable. I live in Florida – and I need to be comfortable. If I am at home with my family in a pool – Sure, I’d wear a bikini. No issue. But at Cocoa Beach? Burka style it is. I believe, I carry myself the most confidently, when I am covered. I sit easier. I am not worried about a boob popping out. Mortifying my three children if it did. I just feel better that way. If you want to wear a string bikini that’s a thong – go off. It’s not for me, though.
  • You have a fantastic body – you should show it off! Thank you! It has served me well. I feel like I do show it off in a confident and classy way that is comfortable for me. I am sorry – but pulling on a top to keep your boobs in, or tugging on a skirt to keep it down, is not cute.
  • Kristie, you aren’t heavy anymore, you don’t have to dress like that. First of all Tammy, I dressed great when I was bigger, too. Actually, I didn’t. But I could when I wanted to. I also got thinner and didn’t dress great. It’s been a process to get where I am. But because I am thinner – doesn’t mean I have to dress with a lot of skin showing, just like because someone is curvier, doesn’t mean that they can’t wear a bikini! It’s our personal choice. Personal. Choice. Which means we pick it. Personally.
  • It’s not the 1800’s – we can wear what we want! I know. I am doing exactly that.

I am pretty sure, that guys don’t sit around and say – “Dude, show more tummy and thighs!” or “Don’t wear that T-shirt at the beach with your swim trunks!” I mean, really. I dress the way I do for myself. I don’t cover up because I have a bad body image. I don’t keep everything covered because I feel like it’s against my religion to do so. I feel like, with the way I dress, I am respecting myself, my future husband, and everyone in between. I am comfortable that way. I haven’t always been this way. I definitely don’t believe that everyone should have this mindset. I believe that you should do what makes you feel comfortable. And let everyone else do the same.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.