Tag: be you

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Welp.  It’s almost May.  2021. For some, 2020 was a terrible year.  Most, I’d say.  But for me? 2021 – that’s the one.  That’s the one that has tried me. 

  1. My parents live in Tennessee – both had Covid in Nov/Dec – and were still recovering this year.
  2. Hashimoto’s and SLE – have kicked my butt. Some days literally – some days figuratively.
  3. I watched a couple people that I adore, come under attack.  Brutally.
  4. My son, my little son, has had such a tough time.  From School, to home, to growing.  His teeth.  He’s been such a trooper.
  5. I have seen my kids experience heartbreak. 
  6. My Company was sold – and I was afraid I would lose my job.
  7. My son learned not all friends are really friends, and why I am kind to everyone – yet keep my circle small.
  8. I have been called names, made fun of, called ugly – all because I chose to do the right thing. By people that don’t even know me.
  9. I have seen my daughter shook to the core, by the above. Realizing that someone that she respected was a complete fraud.

But guess what guys!  Let’s flip that script – because I am over that!

  1. My parents are better, vaccinated, and doing well.
  2. My doctor is quite amazing, and it working with me to get myself and my meds all straight and get me feeling 100%.
  3. The two people I saw attacked, are thriving.  Literally.  Healed physically and mentally.
  4. My boy – he’s getting braces. Getting teeth pulled. And homeschooling.  I believe that he has found a good flow, and so have I, and he is doing much better. 
  5. My heartbroken babies? Back in the saddle and moving on – and realizing that there are other fish in the sea.
  6. Albeit my position switched, I feel more productive, and more utilized, than I ever.
  7. I want to find the upside to betrayal and lying- but I can’t.  Jacoby was crushed by this.  The only thing I can say about that is that it might can prep him for the future? I dunno, on that one. One day – I will right a full blog about that whole situation. 
  8. I’m proud of my integrity.  I am proud of who I am. I am proud for standing firm in what I believe.  And I am proud – that I am not a mean, catty, hateful girl. 
  9. It was a good lesson, albeit one that I wish no one needed – ever in life. And that just because people have alot of age on them, doesn’t mean they aren’t catty and gossipy. But hey – it is what it is.

And let me add… all this occurred, while attending college full-time.  OH?  What was my grades for the semester, you ask? 4.0.  What is my overall GPA? 4.0. OH!  And also all while prepping a new business venture.  But whatever, no big deal.

So, I work full-time.  Go to school full-time.  I’m a single mom of three. And I would not change a thing. I am proud of myself. I’m grateful for the closeness between my kids and myself over the past year or so. 

I finally went back to school to get a degree in something that I work in.  Not Geology- not dinosaurs – Business Leadership and Economics… LOL!  Not near as interesting as Dinosaurs, but a lot more useful . For years, I have pushed back the fear of going back as an adult, overcoming massive internal resistance, and choosing to take the leap despite feeling like I am  jumping through a ring of fire, above a pit filled with burning acid.

Starting this business is one of the most terrifying things I’ve ever done. It has dredged up all my deepest insecurities, triggers,and feelings I’d rather stuff down and ignore, and brought me face to face with the most fragile, vulnerable parts of me.

The fact that I have done either of these things are huge. Monumental, really. Just the fact that I chose to get up and say it is an accomplishment worth acknowledging and celebrating. A lot of folks don’t. They will do what they’ve always done and remain stuck in discontent, wishing they could know a life less limited.  Blaming their situation or others for ways they are unhappy.

But Me?  I’m trying. I’m taking a chance at being the woman I want to be, knowing full well there are no guarantees. And let me tell you – I see myself as a freaking Rockstar. I am not one to brag  – but I am gonna tell you – I’m proud of me. And there are no apologies for that. 

Bring it 2021.  We lets ride this wave out.

Love Fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

And for those of you who have asked, I Love Yoga. It’s part of my daily life.  When I lived in VA – my license plate actually said, “Luv Yoga”.  Kundalini Yoga is one of my favorite forms –  and Sat Nam is a mantra often used. Like namaste in other styles of yoga, Sat Nam is used as both a closing salutation at the end of class and as a general greeting. In this context, Sat Nam acknowledges the true nature or the Divine within the person being greeted. So in a way, the best part of me, acknowledges the best part of you. Hope that helped!  (Gabrielle Bernstein has some amazing Kundalini Yoga videos on YouTube since we aren’t doing classes right now!)

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I am going to be real transparent here.  I have never “unfriended” anyone.  I have blocked them. Of those I have blocked, I only personally knew five of them.  When I get super weird requests, inappropriate messages, etc. – that equals a block.  The only people I have blocked that I have known, were toxic to me in one way or another.  Not saying they are all bad people, because to be honest, they aren’t.  Three of the five, mentally put me in a dark spot.  Not of their fault – just of that time in my life. Two of the five?  Yeah, kinda garbage in my opinion.

You know why I titled this I wish it was Nov. 16, 2009? Because it was Nov. 17, 2009 – when the word “unfriend” was added to the New Oxford American Dictionary. Unfriend is a sad word. To me, anyways.

That being said, I have been unfriended – and I was unfriended recently.  The second I realized it, I reached out.  I am never confrontational or opinionated on social media, to be honest I am quite vanilla.  So when I saw that I was unfriended, I was concerned.  I never want to hurt anyone, and if I do, I want to apologize.  So, I reached out.   

I sent a message letting her know I noticed and asking if I had done something to upset her.  What I received back was a “No, I just have unfriended people that I haven’t talked to in awhile.”   Whether that is true or not, is between her and Jesus.   But, I did the right thing for me.  And now I move on.

Here is why I am writing this.  I am sensitive. But the last “unfriending” I went through, made me think. First, my feelings were hurt. We wouldn’t walk up to someone we know and just slap them, right? When I realized I was unfriended, it stung.  Then I thought about it again.  All relationships evolve.  Some grow into beautiful and lasting connections, some end.  This one ended.  I trust that it evolved into what it was meant to be. She was right, we hadn’t talked in a while.  Why?  Because as we say in Tennessee, “I have nothing against her, I just don’t have anything to say to her.”  I wish her well.  I hope she has a lifetime of happiness and success. 

And that was just my personal example. I am sure you all have yours, too.  If you really think about it, you can get unfriended for a million reasons. We live in a society where people throw other people away for something so small. Many people also feel powerful on social media.  You know, the keyboard warriors. Keyboard courage allows us to behave in ways we would never behave to people’s faces. Can you imagine going up to someone and telling them you do not want to see their guinea pig photos anymore so you are not going to be their friend anymore? Sounds hilarious when you think about it.

And to close this out, I advise you all – be politely discreet.  I hide nothing, but I also don’t broadcast everything.  My personal and familial relationships matter more to me than anything.  So I keep a hedge of protection around those things.  I do this, so this garbage doesn’t get into my home.  Social media is a great tool, use it as a tool.   

And if you haven’t read  The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, I strongly suggest you do.  One of the four agreements is :

“Don’t take things personally. “Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally… Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. If someone is not treating you with love and respect, it is a gift if they walk away from you. If that person doesn’t walk away, you will surely endure many years of suffering with him or her. Walking away may hurt for a while, but your heart will eventually heal. Then you can choose what you really want. You will find that you don’t need to trust others as much as you need to trust yourself to make the right choices.”

Don Miguel Ruiz

So chin up buttercup, and keep being the awesome person you are.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.