Tag: bullying

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Of course, something stems me, and I write a blog.

I was made fun of. I cried – hard – after I saw this woman make fun of me.  She made fun of something she assumed I wrote. She made fun of my face. What affected me the most? Making fun of my face.  I’ll tell you why.  One, I am confidant in my writing and my skills.  That’s math.  Numbers don’t lie This week, my blog was read in 15 different countries, and in 41 states. This year? It was 54 countries and all 50 states. United States #1 – England #2 – Australia and New Zealand tied for #3.  Another place that my blog is read and followed a lot? Nepal.  So crazy.  

Two, I am transparent.  My Facebook page is public.  I hide nothing.  So everyone can come and see what they want to see. Of course, I use filters.  I also retouch.  I get pimples.  I get dark circles. I never hide that.  I’ve seen this woman numerous times in real life. Her profile pic is beautiful. It is also retouched.  And why in the world would you not put the best photo of yourself out there.  Be clear – I am not throwing shade.  I am saying if you like your pic filtered and it makes you feel better? Filter it!  I often say, publicly – that my makeup routine mimics that of a successful drag queen.  And I love it.  I also love my face scrubbed and clean. ? There are a ton of photos out there of me with no filters and no makeup. Again.  My Facebook page is public.  I don’t hide a thing about my appearance.

Another transparent moment? I hate the fact that I don’t have eyebrows or eyelashes.  I hate it.

But I was called ugly.  That I filter my pics.  I was told that I write on a third-grade level. The third-grade level comment didn’t phase me.  One – that is just false.  If she isn’t capable of reading it – that’s on her – but I have been published numerous times, (twice in two scientific journals), along with this blog-so that part didn’t hurt me.  That’s like telling Pavarotti he can’t sing.  You might not like it, but that does not mean that he isn’t talented.

But I am self-conscious of my face.  I have clear eyebrows and they are few.  I also do not have eyelashes.  After I had chemo, they never came back in.  So yeah, that hurt me because she literally took the one thing that I can’t do anything about – the thing that I can’t help – and made fun of me for it.  To be fair, she probably didn’t know that I had cancer.  But key point – you never know – so don’t be mean. Below is a slide show, click through. Two filtered. Rest unfiltered. All on Facebook or the blog. Scroll down though guys, there’s more.

All of this done, by a woman that I had done nothing to but been kind.  And why? Because I won’t crucify or slam someone.  I am made fun of – because I give grace.  I am made fun of – because I will not girl gang up.  There were so many other assumptions, that were completely wrong.  It was gossip.  Literally it said, “I can’t confirm” – well if you can’t confirm, you shouldn’t be speaking. If you want to know – you can email me. Call me.  I will tell you everything. And let me tell you something – it was so apparent that this woman had focused so long on my life, and trying to figure it out, it blows my mind.

And in the big scheme of things, by her being a “mean girl” – she literally helped me more than she can ever know.  The outpouring of love and support was huge. I have a great group of women that are around me and build me up every day. But this went way beyond that.  I knew that Michelle, Tamara, Rachel, Crystal, and Jenn – those girls got my back.  This was over 300 – READ THAT – 300 PEOPLE.  Over three hundred people took the time to comment, text, or dm me.  I am so grateful.  So freaking grateful.  

Unfortunately, through her selfish comments – she hurt a few people. But the ones she intended to hurt, she actually lifted. Funny how that works.

Now, lets get down to what I want to say. This woman speaks Christianity.  Offers prayers for others. She does not look like me.  She does not talk like me. She just does not.  But please do not judge a book by it’s cover.

I have bleach blonde hair.  Sometimes it has looked like a rainbow. I have tattoos.  My clothing style is just that – MY STYLE.  I like what I like and how I like it. I know people talk about the way I dress.  Talk about my hair.  Ask anyone who has ever been out with me in public, every single time, this is said, “I love your hair”,  “I wish I had the courage to do that”, or “You look like Pink!”  This past weekend, I literally had a guy run up to me, because he got excited because he thought I was.  And I love Jesus. Why? Because I have made mistakes, and I have been given grace.  I have not known how I would function the next day, and he got me up.  Jesus is the one who got me here today. Jesus is the one who has taught me radical grace, and radical non-judgement. And my number one goal, it create a life, and a story – of just that.

I promise, I will never judge you.  I will always be a shoulder to cry on.  I will call you out on your trash.  And I accept being called out on mine.  And I will grow and learn from it.  But my only request, is that people need to be more accepting. People need to be more accepting of others growing and learning from their mistakes.

It’s one thing to call people out on their crap, but once they accept it and begin to learn and grow from it – you we need to be accepting and lift them up. So right now – publicly – I am calling her out on her crap.  And at the same time, I want to lift her up.  I believe she is better than this.  Maybe she doesn’t have enough friends.  Maybe she was excited to be involved in gossip.  I don’t know.

I have all the photos of the messages. And it being Facebook, it shows the name, and the profile pic. I could post it.  I could send it to her employer. I could say this is the way this person talks about parents and people she whom she does not know.  I could cause pain and hurt in her community.  Complete shock in her community. 

But I won’t.  Why? I don’t want to ruin her testimony to others – the way she ruined her testimony to me.  I do not want her family to be hurt by my actions, the way she hurt mine.  I don’t want to ruin her reputation.  And the meanness, just would.  Six people (besides myself) – 5 who know her and one who doesn’t – has seen the messages. (Well seven, but I don’t know that person).  The five who knew her – were floored.  Floored. Michelle, the interceptor, was shocked.

So as a person who loves Jesus.

I don’t team hate.  Ever.  I listen to people.  You want to know why? I have been on the other end of mean girls over and over.  You don’t know what someone has been through.  You do not.   In the past few months – I have been called so many horrible names. Made fun of. Had my intelligence insulted. And every night, I go to bed with peace. Because I know I have loved as I am called to love, I have given as I have been called to give. I have been real. I have been factual. And I have been transparent. I have never been a victim of my own choices, I have championed all my mistakes into growth.

That doesn’t mean, that I don’t want to punch some people in the face. It doesn’t mean, that I don’t struggle with literally posting everything and I have, and say let’s go.

What that means though, is that I won’t.

Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

So, today I choose happiness. I choose productivity. I choose to love people and lift them up they way they did for me. I choose love. I choose peace. And I choose prayer for those who hurt me. I added some more stuff for you to see, some texts and dm’s from some amazing people. Let’s find the positive in the negative.

And to tie in the title and image? Google that crow.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/animalia/wp/2016/05/27/the-oddly-sweet-story-of-a-crow-that-stole-a-knife-from-a-crime-scene/ He meddled in a murder scene.

Don’t be that guy. LOL!

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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I look tough here, right? I mean – A welding, helmet – that’s intimidating.

Well, well, well.  The time has come for me to make a proclamation.  Internet Gangsters- our society has no need for you. 

Thanks.  End of Blog.

Kidding, obviously. I am gonna write more about it.  Let me start at the beginning.  Being a writer is hard.  Actually, putting your craft out in a public forum is hard.  So if you don’t do that – read and learn.  Because everyone, in some form or fashion, does something – that others could make fun of. But not everyone, does something in the public eye. Especially, the very public eye on the internet. Every time I put up a blog post, I run the risk of being ridiculed.  Anytime, a  You Tuber posts a video, they are putting their craft out there.  An artist showing their work.  A singer posting a video or sound cloud of them singing, everyone becomes a Simon Cowell. Now, do we know that we are putting ourselves out there to be reidiculed? Of course. But we do it anyway. Why? Because we are sharing.

And that, my friends, is courageous.  Any time someone is vulnerable, they leave themselves open for ridicule. And choosing to be vulnerable anyway, well, that’s freaking awesome to me.

And what I WILL NOT DO – is ever, never, ever – make fun of someone being courageous.  Why would you?  Aren’t we all humans doing this life thing, together? 

Here is what I do with  opinions that are different than mine- I keep scrolling.  If I see a video that I don’t like?  I keep scrolling.  And let me get this really clear – I am not talking about people who have a different opinion, profess it eloquently, without just being mean.  I am talking about the people who literally just say things to be mean. 

If you read this blog, which I guess you do since you are here, I have it set to where I have to approve comments.  I do that, because years ago, I didn’t.  Someone left a comment, and although they were being super sweet, they used language that I wasn’t a huge fan of. I mean, if you curse you curse – I ain’t judging. I just don’t want it typed out on my page. My momma and kids read this blog. 

I digress.  Well, on the blog post about being a widow, I got a lot of great feedback.  I receeived so many sweet comments! People sent me emails of encouragement. They left super amazing comments and asked for advice on Facebook.   And I also got the internet gangster comment.  This obviously, was deleted by me.  But now, I wish I hadn’t.

It said this.  “Widowed young with kids, huh?  I wonder if that is really true.  You are probably just another pretty face hired by corporate America where someone else is writing this bulls*** to make money.  And if it’s true – and least you had f-ing kids and f-ing family.  Some people don’t have anybody.”

Hmmmmm.  Insert blind rage right here.  FYI – they were “anonymous”.  Chicken.

Anyway.  I cried for a minute.  It hurt my feelings.  I thought, how in the world, when I am trying to help people, can people be so ugly?  I mean, obviously, what I write is true.  Google me, jackhole.  It’s not rocket science.   And then it hit me.  So this part, is for that person.

Dear Internet Gangster,

Thank you, anonymous.  First, I appreciate the fact that you called me pretty.  A really talented photographer took the photos you see.  I am so grateful for his skill and showing what I wanted the world to see!  Second, thank you for being so mean.  If I have people that don’t like what I am doing, that means I am spreading my message outside my regular folks, and my comfort zone.  That is a sign that I am succeeding – and I am so grateful for that.  Third, although we all say, you can’t please everyone – I think a lot of us still want to.  So this was a big lesson for me also.  And I realize now, I can’t please you. And that’s okay.  Fourth, a couple years ago, that comment would have made me quit writing.  Now, I just used it for material.  And yes, internet gangster – I have called you names in this post.  Why?  Because, well – I am still human.   You are still a bully.  And it was rude.  And, I thought calling you names would make me feel better.  It really didn’t.

That being said.  You are hurt, and I see it.  So now, I am going to do the thing that is for real the hardest for me.  I am going to pray for you – and the other Internet Gangsters out there, who are struggling like you are.  You are obviously lashing out in anger, in a forum of being anonymous – because maybe,  you don’t have people to talk to.  And if lashing out at me makes you feel better?  Bring it.  I can take it.  I mean, read my blog. I’ve been through worse.  A lot worse.  I am also a lot stronger and a whole lot braver than you gave me credit for.  So, good luck homie.  And keep your anonymous comments coming.

Love Fully. Live Fully.  Shine on.

Sat nam,

Kristie

So there we have it.  Donezo.  Now, if you are part of this cruelty culture that we apparently are cultivating on the internet,  think about if you would actually say it in front of the person.  You might would.

Think about this. If you wouldn’t want them to say it about your work, you, or your family – think again before you comment.  Then ask yourself, why do you feel compelled to comment?  To belittle another  human? To make yourself feel better?  What is the reason?  If it isn’t for personal growth of that other person, then don’t.  I am all up for positive critiquing.   Even a well-spoken opinion.  But if you are doing it, just to make yourself feel good an/or belittle another human – Well, grow up.

Some of us, want to bring others happiness. Be part of that culture.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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First, let me start by saying, I do have a day job.  And – as far as day jobs go – I am very thankful for my job – and the folks I work with.  My teammates are some of my closest friends.  My supervisor, is awesome.  He backs us, helps us – I couldn’t ask for more.  Now, that being said – I was on vacation the week before last – and it was amazing.  My best friend from VA was here – and we had a great time.  A time to decompress, catch up, and relax.  We both have a lot going on in our lives – both moms – jobs – and busy.  So just to sit and enjoy one another was a huge blessing.  I ended that week with a new sense of purpose.  Relaxed.  And a new mindset upon my “day job”.

The week went pretty much like normal, and I was smiling the whole time ( that part not necessarily normal).  But I had decided to be grateful for my job.  My co-workers.  My supervisor.  And when things rose up that would normally stress me out, I took a deep breath, and I was good.  I went through the week feeling amazing.  Until the last day of the work week.

I know it could be risky writing this, but – I feel like I have to.  If I don’t – I am being fake.  And my hair, nails, and tan might be fake – but my heart isn’t.  So I am going to be vague to protect myself.  But just hear what I am saying.

I witnessed corporate bullying.  Not on myself – or my co-workers – so no worries there, but nonetheless.  I saw it.  And I never have seen such a spectacle in my life.  I have never been so shocked – embarrassed and hurt for the people it happened to – the level of empathy I had was out the roof.  And I thought bullying was something that kids did in a school yard.  Not in a workplace.  So I write this, to say this.  If you ever partake of “corporate bullying” – you are no better than a child in a schoolyard.  In every environment that I have ever worked in – people discuss business like people.  Intelligently, calmly, with action plans in place. To me, that seems to be the right way to do it.  Never is public humiliation, or bullying an acceptable plan.  Ever.

So I am writing this, hoping to change one heart.  Just one.  If someone reads this who believes that is a proper form of business – reevaluate.   You will never gain the respect of other people, by public shaming.  Because guess what?  Not one person will be on your side.  Every single person will feel for the person visibly shaking and trying to maintain a businesslike composure.  That is the people who are classy – the ones when provoked – who stood firm.  I don’t know if I could do the same.  To be honest, I am sure I couldn’t.

And if you have experienced bullying as an adult or child – remember – It is not you.  They have something, within themselves, to where that is the only way they feel powerful.  And if you can keep from screaming, feel bad for them.  I wish I could say I feel bad for them – but not yet – I am still mad.

I’m ending this with a video of my vacation – because it was awesome – and remember what relaxing and being thankful is about.  And remember – you never know what someone is going through – use your words carefully.