I know. I know. It sounds rude, and pessimistic. Well, today I feel a little rude. I’m kidding. I don’t really feel rude, but I do feel anxious. So as I was talking this morning, I figured out why. Thanksgiving is coming. Three days away.

People love holidays. Thanksgiving. Christmas. Valentine’s Day. Those rack up a lot of points when I ask what is everyone’s favorite. And I love decorating for Christmas, and Valentine’s has adorable hearts – and Thanksgiving, well who doesn’t like to be with the ones they love the most, and have a great meal?!?

Let me roll call this for you in my perspective. Valentine’s Day this past year was good. And it was the first one and I am 43. I am not saying the rest were terrible and heart breaking. But this was the first one, that was good. It has been a day in the past where I hoped to feel special, but was let down. Where I tried to make others feel special, and they didn’t care. So, for years, I chose to just scoff at it and not acknowledge it. Lame, but survival mode kids.

Christmas. I still look forward to it. But often times, the desire to give my kids the best Christmas and make sure that they had all their little hearts desire, stressed me out. I felt like they were so good, and didn’t ask for much, I wanted to make their day magical, just like my parents did for me. So, it gave me so much anxiety, but it always worked out. But still, Christmas gives me some pangs of anxiousness.

Thanksgiving. We all want to be with those we love right? Enjoy a great meal? Sure we do! But this year, due to Covid, I won’t get to be with my mom and dad. Not to mention, when you are a split household, there is stuff that goes along with that too. So thanksgiving, isn’t traditional at all. To avoid anxiety? I order it. You heard me right. I order my thanksgiving meal from Publix. Don’t get me wrong, it’s delicious. The kids love it. But for years, It was me and the kids for thanksgiving. That’s a lot of work for 4, especially when the kids are picky. And not to mention, when you are dating someone that has a child also, you have to take their traditions into considerations, their timescales – so guess what – Thanksgiving day might be Cinco De Mayo – you gotta be flexible, even when you want to be selfish.

Maybe it’s one of the reasons I love Halloween. Halloween is just fun. You can celebrate with kids, or without. You can do it with your friends. You can do it alone. Just sit outside with a big bowl of candy. Costumes and candy never let you down!

So right now, I am glad to know, that this time next week, thanksgiving will be done. And I am going to be honest, I don’t need thanksgiving to be thankful. What I need, is exactly what I had yesterday. Yesterday, I was cared for so well, and so sweetly, and for that – I am thankful.

Another pro tip – do something fun. Saturday, I felt frumpy. I hated my hair, and felt the blues – dreading the holiday, missing my parents, etc. So what did I do? I got my hair cut and colored. And I did a blueish -silverish color, that I love. I did something fun. It put a big smile on my face. And to be honest, my kids love it, my fella loves it – what more can you ask for. I love the fact, that my people love me enough, to love me how I am. And you know what feeling good makes you do? Eat better. Exercise more. Put on your make-up in ways that would make the best drag queens envious. Get out there and slay it.

“So, Listen up here’s the story… About a little guy that lived in a blue world..”

So, this Thanksgiving, if you dread it or feel sad, be glad that Friday isn’t Thanksgiving. If you are looking forward to it – cherish it and have a fantastic time! What I am saying, is make the best of each situation, but don’t beat yourself up, if you catch yourself in a struggle. Give yourself some grace, but in turn, give grace to those around you.

Is there a holiday that you love or hate? How do you cope?

Kids, make good choices. Have a great day. And most importantly…

Love Fully. Live Fully. And Shine On.

Sat Nam.

That sounded quite philosophical in it’s own right didn’t it?  The decay of the nation… our horrible society… blah blah blah.  But what I am really writing about – is me.  My face.  Who I am.  A lot of you guys have known me for years.  Some of you – recently.  Some of you – have never met me.  But let me give you a little background.

Fifteen years ago – I was a completely different person.  I didn’t wear makeup.  I didn’t have a “hair style” per se.  I was overweight.  And frankly,  I felt like I didn’t deserve any better.  Now – that being said, I wasn’t some depressed, emo, sad sack type of person.  I was kinda factual.  I had become overweight – so there was no point in buying flattering clothes – because I thought I would never look good in them anyway.  I didn’t wear makeup – same reason.  Hair – same reason.  I was just super duper plain.

Fast forward a few years – I met a girl who become my best friend ever.  She kinda had an intervention with me.  She told me to get my own sweats – and quit wearing my husbands.  She took me out and got me first “cutesy” sweatsuit.  And I say sweatsuit, because there was no way I would wear anything but that.  And guess what?  I had a shape – some might call “hourglass”.  It might have been a yearly hourglass – but hourglass, nonetheless.

Fast forward again.  I lost the weight.  Started getting into clothes.  Was much more confident.  I began working out.  I was more active.  I had great people in my life.  I was happy.  And then… we all know what happened.  I went to bed blissfully happy.  I woke up in a nightmare that I thought would never end.

There was a lot of self reflection that happened over that next year.  First,  I really embraced the aspect of “you only live once.”  I don’t mean that in a reckless way – I mean it in a – seize the day, type of way.   I always loved edgy clothes, hair, makeup, all of it.  Whether I looked like it or not – I always got Cosmo – was intrigued by fashion shows… I loved it – but was embarrassed to love it because I felt like people would think… “Ummmm…. really?  She doesn’t look like it… ”  And, in turn – I would be made fun of.

Guess what?  Make fun of me.   Don’t like my clothes?  I do.  Don’t like my makeup?  I do.  Don’t like my accent?  I do.  Don’t like my tattoos? I do.  Don’t like my Jeep? Then we can’t talk.  I kid.  But, you get what I’m saying.

I feel like through my outward appearance:
1.  I am showing my resilience… because I have a lot of it.  I am a fighter.  I believe life can never defeat me – unless I allow it.  No outcome of any situation will control me.  I am tough.
2.  I am happy.  Not to sound like Pharrell… But I really am.  I mean, my life is far from perfect.  But I am really, and truly deep down happy.

I want my outside to match the insides…And I do that through makeup and clothes.  It’s my thing.  I don’t see any problems with my face without it.  I just like it.  It’s like creating a painting – on yourself. 🙂

So — here’s a video of the whole process…. Sped up.  If you have any questions… Let me know.   Hope you enjoy – And get a little more of who I am !