I was called “Man-ish”. It was meant to be insulting. And hurt my feelings. And guess who said it – Another woman.

I was a little shocked by that. I mean, the person who said it has some serious issues, so consider the source, right? But – nonetheless, this is what she thought would be hurtful to me. First, let’s get one thing straight. Can we – as humans – stop with the name calling. It is ridiculous. Luckily, I have amazing people in my life, who build me up everyday. So, her backhanded comment didn’t affect me negatively, it actually made me think. It made me wonder, why would ‘man-ish’ be considered an insult?

If you have seen me, of all the things I am not, is man-ish, in the derogatory way she meant it. I am a girly girl. I wear all the makeup, I love dresses, pink is my favorite color, and lace is a must in my life. That being said, I am a manager of a bodyshop. I love to do wood working. I am a mom of three kiddos, who support them. I also sew, crochet, and am teaching myself to weave. I love my jeep, and doing modifications. I love facials, and spa days. I have short hair and a routine to get it this color that only one woman on the planet can create. (Plug for Michelle definitely inserted here).

So what was meant by Man-ish? I am sure it was the few things in my life that are considered more of a typical “male” role. Which, I don’t even want to address just how problematic that level of thinking is. Problematic, archaic, and ridiculous. I was talking about this with a couple guys at work, and asked them their take. First, they all laughed at me being called “man-ish”.

But, I believe one of the guys nailed it on the head. He said to me, “It’s her anxiety, I bet. I find that the most female on female criticism actually stems from feeling inadequate in an area of life they admire about you. You are the head of the house. It’s only you. You are the breadwinner. The provider for your family. You have given them a great life. Your kids love and adore you. You are involved. You give them freedom to live. She probably wishes she was half that. “

Maybe that’s true, I like to think so, anyway. But my main point is this. Before you hurl insults at someone, make sure it’s them that’s the issue. I am so lucky that my confidence game is strong. I am happy. Completely happy. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love being a mom. I love my crazy busy life. I love my relationships. Ask anyone who knows me, the last 6 -7 months of my life, have been the best I ever had.

I had some real conversations with those I love. We are a focused team. Same goes at work. Things are clicking. So, I am going to allow my “man-ish” self to be taken out to dinner. And I am going to allow my “man-ish” self, to have the door opened for me while we go. And when I get home? I might pour some concrete and make a super hip stool. (All those really happened, by the way. Literally exactly like that.. LOL! I can post a pic of the stool later.)

So, when you are named called, consider the source. But also, remember how wonderfully made you are. You are valued. You are needed. And pray for the ones who call names. Below. I’ll some pics of my “Man-ish” Self. Doing some “Man-ish” Things.

OH! One more thing, Stay Classy. Hot mess doesn’t look good on anyone.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

“I can’t breathe.”

Right now. Hold your breath. Do it. Do it for 45 seconds. When you try to make it that long, what happens when you breathe? You pant? There’s panic? Of course, there is.

And George Floyd, laid on a street, in America, and was murdered.

Ahmad Aubrey went running. Running! Being healthy! Fresh Air! And was tracked down and shot like an animal.

And why? Because their skin color. I can’t begin to wrap my brains around it. And what else I can’t understand? How there are still people out there who don’t get it!?!

You can’t understand maybe, until you have worried about someone, because they are running. Riding a bike. Late to show up – because you are afraid that they could be hurt , just because their skin tone.

I watched the video of Ahmad Aubrey. It will haunt me forever. It was so brutal. And unprovoked.

I tried to watch the video of George Floyd. I couldn’t make it through. This has to stop. We are watching humans being murdered. They were murdered in broad daylight. In public. Murdered. I can’t wrap my mind around it.

And I want everyone to know. My heart aches. It aches in the way that makes you feel prickly all over.

I want the day to come, where we are all color-blind. Where we no longer see race, we only see that beauty that lies within the different tones.

I want the day to come, where God-fearing people behave in a God-fearing manner, and stand up for injustice that occurs against their brothers and sisters in Christ.

I want the day to come, where people take responsibility for their own actions, and will do the right thing, even if no one is looking.

I want the day to come, where we – as humans- show grace, love, and mercy to every single person.

I want the day to come, when there is no more hate. No more injustice. No more division.

To my friends and loved ones that will understand in a way I never will, I am so sorry. I will stand by you, beside you, and hold your hand. I will get on my knees in prayer, and pray that there is a change of heart in this crippled nation right now. And pray, that we all change. Everyday. And that everyday, we all become a better person.

To the family of George Floyd. My heart aches for you. I know its hard to lose a loved one no matter what. But to lose them in such a senseless and hateful way. I can’t even begin to imagine.

Jesus, we need you now more than ever.

Love Fully. Live Fully.

Shine on.

Sat Nam.