Category: life lessons

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I forgot.

I didn’t forget, exactly. But I hadn’t been dreading and doing the countdown. You know, the countdown to the day. It slapped me this morning. Super hard. In the face. I felt guilty.

Nine years ago today I found my husband dead in the bathroom floor. I tried to do CPR. He had been gone awhile. It was fruitless.

I called 9-1-1. They were there so fast. I did everything the operator told me to do. I knew it would be okay. It wasn’t. When the paramedics only worked for 2 minutes, I knew. When he stayed in the floor, I knew. When they didn’t run out the door. I knew. And then a cop, came to me, while sitting on the stairs, and told me officially. I’m pretty sure I just stared blankly at him. Because, I already knew somehow.

I looked up and saw my oldest son, who is now almost 21, holding his baby brother and rocking him. I looked at the pictures on the wall. The grass in the front that needed to be mowed. And I walked outside. My mind went directly to tasking. So, I called my best friends, and told them that Shaun had died. Just like that. I called into work and left a voicemail stating that I wouldn’t be in because my husband had died. And then I sat. For hours.

I remember watching the cars drive by. And thinking. How are they going to the store? My husband died and is laying in the house waiting on the coroner. And that is the day I changed. I completely changed. I might not have known it then. But I did.

That’s the day, I realized that life is fleeting. That is the day, My oldest son became a man, at the ripe old age of twelve. That’s the day, I think I began to learn forgiveness. Because without forgiveness, we wouldn’t have the relationship with God to make it possible to live in this world. Without forgiveness, we wouldn’t be able to move on. Without forgiveness, we would be nothing.

2020 has been wrecked. Shaun is probably laughing in heaven, saying, “I got lucky, guys.” But think about this. There has been so much name calling, hateful speak, sarcastic comments, and ugly actions by so many people – what would it look like if we just were kind to one another. What would it look like if we respected others opinions without name calling? What would it look like?

What would it look like if you took the time to forgive those that hurt you? What would it look like, if you tried to understand the why behind their actions, rather than the action? What would it look like, if you didn’t take everything personally, and realized that albeit we feel the world revolves around us – its a lot better when we are kind.

I don’t think that I mourn the loss of Shaun anymore, exactly. I know he is better off than any of us, and is having the time of his life. I more celebrate him, that mourn him. He would hate mourning, too. He would think it was so extra and irritating. So in that faith, I am not sad about that. I mourn the trauma. The fear. I feel bad for that girl nine years ago. I feel bad for my kids and having to deal with that. No one should endure that. No one. Albeit, I know it happens all the time.

Big things have happened in my life in the past couple of years. I have had friends completely walk out. Some should have, some – well, I still don’t get it. I have been hurt, and I have caused hurt. I have been damaged and I have damaged. So, today – If i have hurt you, I am so sorry. And if you have hurt me, you are forgiven. Life is too short, and it can be taken away in an instant.

And for those of you who want to know, I am so happy in my life right now. Possibly, the happiest I have ever been. And to my fellow widows and widowers, you can get here, too. It doesn’t mean that you didn’t love the person who died, it doesn’t mean you don’t care. It means, that you are living. It means that you have a capacity for love that grows and grows. And for me? It means, to cherish everything. And realize that life is short. Don’t spend it spouting hate, being sad, feeling hurt, or down. Spend it – hugging, kissing, laughing, and doing the things that bring you joy. I didn’t get here overnight, and alot of mistakes were made along the way. But hey, I got here.

I’m not saying life is a cakewalk. I am saying, Life is amazing. Love is amazing. Don’t miss out on the good stuff.

Love fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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I don’t know about you, and there is no judgement here, personally I don’t worry about Covid-19 much at all. I wash my hands, use hand sanitizer, don’t touch my face, and limit my contact with others as much as I can. But let’s be honest, whether you are Pro-Quarantine, Pro-Mask, Neutral, believe it’s too much, and want it all normal again – what’s the right thing? I am not talking about the mask debate, glove debate, or anything else. I am just saying, what is now polite?

I deal with customers, and at the beginning of March, my work facility became a “hand shake free zone”. I get it. Honestly, there’s times when I have had to shake someone’s hand and it was all i could do not to gag in their face for some reason or another. I am also from the south, and I never want to make anyone feel bad and use manners. NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS! Do I shake hands? Do I not? Do we just not do that anymore? If someone has a mask, should I put one on? How far away do you stand? I don’t know how to review documents from six feet. I also don’t want to disrespect someone with an actual nervousness by getting to close.

Here in Orange County, where I live the, Mayor enacted a mask order starting tomorrow. So I at least know that I have to wear a mask in the stores. So we are on an equal playing field. But what do we do past that? Shake hands? No?

I want to make sure that everyone I encounter is comfortable. At my job, or anywhere else. If wearing a mask is required, I am a rule follower that way. I hate masks – personally, they freak me out. I feel like I can’t breathe. I take it off a second, then I can breathe. Good to go for ten or so minutes. When I do that, I try to breathe in my shirt.

And can people please stop mask shaming!?!? It’s ridiculous. Let me address a few people here.

1. ANTI-MASKERS– I am an anti-masker. But I will not be a mask shamer. That’s those who choose to make their voices heard through social media by memes, secret photos of people, or completely negative comments about folks wearing masks. (And this is coming from a mask hater). STOP IT. JUST STOP IT. You don’t know what that person has went through, to start off with. If they are more comfortable wearing a mask, how in the world does it affect you? It doesn’t. It isn’t your face. Why are we so obsessed with being mean to other people? Maybe they believe the 180,000 articles and news stories that state that masks help prevent the disease – and really feel like they are protecting you – not just them. And if you think of people walking around – protecting you – it makes me admire those masked folks. And let’s be honest, you could be wearing shorts to short, with orange crocs – and they aren’t making fun of you… I kid. I kid. (sorta)

I can do these masks no problem – I wish SnapChat could make them work in real life!

2. PRO-MASKERS – I get it, this disease is scary. But because you wear a mask – doesn’t make you a better person than someone who doesn’t. Again, the passive aggressive memes, photos, etc. needs to stop. Because just like I said above, you don’t know why someone might not be wearing one. Maybe it’s a medical issue. Maybe they are claustrophobic. Maybe they believe the 180,000 articles that state that masks do nothing for the Corona Virus – and they need to get back to normal in their life, and a mask doesn’t feel normal. For me, an anti-masker – I literally feel like I can’t breathe. And I will be okay for 10-15 minutes. Then randomly – I can’t breathe well. Next up – almost a panic attack. That being said, Now that it is instated that I am required to wear one in public – I will. I will also not be going out as often, because it makes me uncomfortable. When they lift the mask order – I am sure there will be a lot of people who still wear masks. I will be one who chooses not to, if I don’t have to.

3. EVERYONE – I think our nation has been through it this year. 2020 is one for the books for sure. But what I say is such divide. Politics. On race. Gender. Sexuality. And now, masks? Can’t we all just get along. And of all the things to fight over – well, let’s just not fight.

So, what do you think? What’s the best way to be polite, respectful, and still warm and friendly. And how do you do it with acquaintances? Like a parent of one of my kids friends? I don’t really know them, but I don’t want to be rude.

This is hard. So what do you do? And what are you – anti mask or pro?

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Where my boy moms at?

Guys. I’m praying for you.

As you may already know, I have three beautiful children on this planet. The youngest of which, is Jacoby. Let me tell you about Jacoby. He’s 10. He’s wild. He’s full of energy. And sass. Jacoby is one of the sweetest most loving people I have ever met. And he is definitely the hardest of my three to parent.

Our word of the quarantine is “boundaries”. Why boundaries, you ask? Because this little guy doesn’t know any.

He’s ten, and this little guy will walk into my bedroom like he owns it. He gets grounded from YouTube (yes, I grounded him from YouTube) – and I catch him watching it. I ask him why he was watching it when he knew he was grounded? “Because I was bored.” He is remorseful. He tells the truth when he is wrong. But in the moment – this kid does what he wants to do. And it’s maddening. It’s brutal. It makes me want to pull my hair out from the literal root.

I have yelled. Cried. Screamed. Prayed. Phoned a friend. And did it all again. And again.

I have now enlisted a checklist for him. What his expectations are morning, midday, and evening. We talk about personal space. We talk about earning privileges. We talk about what it means to have to wait. We talk about the law, the speed limit, rules, and why they exist. We talk about being a good human. And, exactly how that looks.

And, he seems to like the structure. Knowing what is expected. I actually took photos of his room – clean – and laminated them. So he can have a visual as to what it means. And I also added three times of exercise. No just playing outside. Intentional exercise.

We talked about him being an adult. Being a father. A husband. How he would have to take care of other people like mommy takes care of him. That you have to understand the biggest gift you can give is your respect and being trustworthy. Then, all things will fall into place.

  • I took this pic, while I was FaceTiming him and his sister. I see that sweet toddler in his face that isn’t there much anymore. This was today.

So, do you struggle with this whole “I am a mom, teacher, breadwinner, care-taker, disciplinarian, and please don’t let my child turn into a felonious nightmare…. ” all while maintaining a good hair style, make-up on , clean house, etc. It can be a lot. But let me tell you – when I kiss that little guy good night, he is worth every single grey hair on my head. I mean, that’s what bleach is for , right?

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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So – I really wanna know. Whatcha doing in this pandemic? To be honest – my life is somewhat the same. I am an essential employee, so I am still going to work – just shorter hours and less busy. On the weekends, I stay home. Which, to be honest, isn’t that out of the ordinary. I mean, my weekends normally consist of the craft store, grocery shopping, a choir concert, hair appointments, etc. But it’s not like I am some social butterfly, running about town.

What I have noticed is this. It’s weird to have to really think before you go to the grocery store. Or, to ask someone to go for you. It is really weird to stay inside. Not going for a walk downtown. Or running to 7-11 to get a Coke Zero with ice. Ohhhh… I miss a Coke Zero with ice. It’s weird, not seeing my best friend when I want to. And it’s also weird, that my hair is turning into a whole mess. These things I have taken for granted wayyyyy too much.

And maybe, in a weird way – this is a good thing. I do believe, that myself personally, will be forever changed. And anytime I am annoyed from a crowd – I’ll be grateful I can be in one. And when I dread my kids starting school, or get annoyed over homework – I’ll be grateful, that I am not the teacher. Glory in Heaven for that. I am not teacher material.

But, for real. What have you guys done? I have, and in no particular order – Binge watched Tiger King. Same with My 600-lb Life. I have sewn a ton of face masks. I made two skirts. I am working on making a bathing suit – we will see how that goes. I have went to church in my Living Room, and have had worship service in my bathroom. I have learned that I am a hard core dance queen, and my daughter’s Tik Tok account is proof of that. I have meditated. I have watched movies. I have done yoga. I have done my make-up – just because I want to be pretty at home. LOL!

You know what else I have done? Cried. I have cried because I miss my bestie. I have cried because my hair looks like crap. I have cried over not knowing if I should or should not venture out to the grocery stores. I have worried over finances. I have made lists of things I want to accomplish – then I took a nap. So, I guess my intro is a bunch of malarkey. My life is different, too.

So, whether you are creating, or crying. Laughing or grieving. All are okay and perfectly acceptable. But drop a comment or send me a message, and let me know how you are handling it. And give me some good ideas – because this could be longer rather than shorter.

Oh. And Carole Baskin totally did it.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

(And I won’t tell you to “Wash your Hands”, because you are grown and know to do that, and to say that is almost passive-aggressive, rudeness at this point. LOLOL! )

Sat Nam.

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Saturday night, I went to a choir concert called “Beyond the Dream : A gospel concert celebrating 34 years of Dr. Martin Luther King in Orlando”. Now, My kid was singing in it. And if you know me personally – you know I am not a big fan of choir music. Like, I think it’s beautiful, but let’s be honest – ya girl don’t sing in Latin. So, there’s that. But I go to every concert – show, whatever. Because to me, it’s important to show up for people that you love.

The Aeolilans & Dr. Jeffery Redding.

Any way, this isn’t a parenting post. At this concert, a group called “The Aeolians” Sang. They are a group from Oakwood University in Alabama. But before they sang – the president of Oakwood University spoke – and let’s just say – that man set the tone for the night. He was powerful, well-spoken, and made this white girl think about who Martin Luther King, Jr. really was. Because do we ever really think about who he actually was?

He was a man that was courageous. He was a preacher. He was a dad. He was a husband. He was a rebel. He was outspoken – and at times, he alienated some of the closest people around him. But he was a lot more than the “I have a dream speech”. I am not judging white America here, I am white. But what I am judging is what I was taught. And I was taught this: “He was an African-American preacher, a civil rights activist, and he gave a speech that started with ‘I have a dream’ – then he was shot in Memphis.” Now, that’s kinda sad that’s all I really knew.

Ruby Bridges

Now, there was once a little girl name Ruby Bridges. And she was the cutest little thing that you ever saw. And she wanted to go to school, just like all little kids want to do. Well, she got voted to start going to the desegregated schools. She didn’t ask to be a Civil Rights Activist, she was six. But that little thing went. Now, if you have kids, and are any type of parent, I would definitely fight for my kids to have the best education. The best of anything, because that’s what we want for our kids, right? Well, lemme put it this way. I have three kids. I have an olive complexion. My kids, two are your standard white, one is almost clear… LOL! I can’t imagine what it would be like, for someone not to allow my daughter into school, because she is super pale. We would all agree that would be ludicrous, right? It was the same thing. THE SAME THING. And while a six year old was walking into school, she was called slurs, had grown folk throwing things at her. Adults. Throwing things at a six year old. I can’t wrap my brains around that.

So, at this concert, what I saw was a celebration. A celebration of someone who helped fight for equality along with them. Who gave them courage, when they needed it. And can I just say, I am so grateful for MLK, Ruby Bridges, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Walter Francis White, and all the other civil rights activists. I am grateful for people who aren’t so clouded and jaded by their own inbred beliefs that they can see, that we are all equal. We are all one. Even the bible condems racisim. It’s from God himself.

President of Oakwood University, Dr. Leslie Pollard

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galations 3:28

There’s a lot more. A lot, google it. But, that’s my personal fave. Pretty well covers all bigotry I would say.

But you want to know what I saw? I saw people come together as one. And celebrate. Celebrate freedom. Celebrate Love. Celebrate Unity. Black and white. Young and old. All raised their hands in praise, to God. We hugged. We worshiped. We sang. And we also cried. Cried for what has happened. Cried in gratitude for where we are at. And to be honest, cried because we still have such a long way to go. But, when you have groups like the Aeolians, the Orlando Choral Society, a mayor that invests, and a city who supports – we have hope. And if we have hope, we can change the world. So today, let’s be grateful for how far we have come, and vow not to become complacent. Let’s let our passion, fulfill God’s promise – and love become our armor.

For more information on how you can become involved, go to http://orlandochoralsociety.org .

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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A few weeks back, on my personal facebook page, I posted the below :

You wanna know why that’s funny? Cause it’s true. This new year, I have been quieter. Well, this whole holiday season, (see the last blog). But I was still here, reading, and lurking… LOL! And I saw a little bit of everything from folks. From “New Year, Same me” to “Almost time for the gym to get busy” to “Make New Year’s Resolutions- but not about your body!” (I really saw that one, too!) And all of this made me think, about my own take on the new year.

I like it. Is it just another day? Sure. But is it a block of time? It is. I also like the beginning of a football game. I am a huge Baltimore Ravens fan, and there was nothing I used to like anymore, than Ray Lewis coming onto the field and doing his chicken dance. I loved it. And why? Because you knew that the game was about to start. Race on. It’s my starting line.

I am a Virgo. Competitive by nature. So it was no shock to my own self when I realized I was making baby goals in my mind. And some were big and some were small. Then I was thinking about how to achieve them, and then it hit me. Like a ton of bricks.

Last year was a tough year for me – mentally and physically. I realized in late September/early October, there is a difference in being a doormat and standing up for yourself. I am so lucky that I have some amazing people around me – who supported me – and talked me through this – and even encouraged me. Now, although I am not comfortable with it, I am trying to do it more often. It isn’t my nature, you understand – my nature is to be a people pleaser. So often times, I shut up and take it. Just not to make waves.

Sis, that’s just ridiculous. I have learned that you can stand up for yourself without being a raging lunatic. You can say “Stop.” You can say, “I am not going to allow you to speak/treat/talk to me that way.” You can create boundaries. And you can forgive the whole time you are doing it. I am realizing that disagreements, along with standing up for yourself, doesn’t mean the person hates you – or that you are killing a relationship. It just means, you are saying, this doesn’t work for me.

I am not a ‘wave-maker’ now, but I am heard. There’s a difference. I feel like, I have a right to be heard, as do you. And we should be able to express ourselves, exactly like that. I also believe, that if someone is doing something good, we should be supportive, right? As humans, all doing this life thing together, we should be nicer. I literally just said, we should be nicer. Why, oh why, aren’t we nicer!?!?

Well, and there was my answer. In 2020 – and from this point on – I am going to work on being more consciously grateful. Consciously Kind. And also, maintain respect for myself. And if I can do that? Well, I would dare bet – a lot can change, right? And notice, I said that I am going to “work on it.” I might not do it great, I might have days where I fail miserably. But what I do know is this – I can always do a little better than I did they day before.

I put this photo on here, because this was definitely – my favorite day this year.

So, join me on this gratitude journey. Try everyday, to think of a few things that you are thankful for. Big or Small. Then write it down. And here’s the key- don’t make it the same three or four things. Because then it becomes reciting, not feeling and thinking about it. And I am making my own rule here, My top two – will never make the list – and I say that because consider it unspoken. I am thankful for God and my faith, and for my kids.

So, I will start us off.

  • Love. I am grateful for love. Being loved. Loving others.
  • Modern Medicine and Alternative Medicine. When you have some of the health issues, I have had – you learn to appreciate both.
  • Having my best friend. A tell all. Another human to do life with – that gets you without judgement.
  • Coffee. I love coffee. I love the habit of it – the way it starts my day off.

So, big things, little things, and things in between. Tell me, what are you grateful for? Maybe, I am taking something for granted, that I need to appreciate a little more!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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I mean, let’s be honest – I didn’t really go anywhere. I was here. In Orlando. Maybe at work, maybe at home. But yeah, if you look at my Instagram or my Facebook, I took a small step out of the social media world for a bit. I mean, don’t get it twisted, I would scroll. I would see your sweet pics, funny memes, etc . But I needed to take a step back from putting myself out there.

Why? I think, I struggle with self love – a lot. And to be honest, I was using my social media to look for it (self love) in the outside world. I mean let’s be honest. We put the best pics out there. Stand in the “right” pose. (When you all see me on social – you are seeing the best me. I don’t get any better than that. LOL! That’s it – that’s the top of the Kristie line. ) I digress – you can’ t find self love in the outside world, now can you? That’s quite the oxymoron. For some strange reason, I want to present myself as if I am completely put together. And even if I vent, I want it to look the right way. And why? Imma tell you in a second.

But I’ll tell you something else. I struggled with jealousy. I really did. When I would see, in my perception, the perfect family – perfect clothes – perfect kids – perfect cars – perfect vacations. They seem financially set. Spiritually grounded. I really would let my inner voice beat me up. The things and insults I would hurl at myself – well, I wouldn’t say it to my worst enemy. It took an unexpected mentor to say to me – “Baby, you are that to other people. They see you as the perfect one. Always postive. Always coiffed. Always, always, always.” And she was right. And that’s when I thought – step back and do some serious soul searching, girl.

Here is what I realized. It’s okay to be a mess. It’s okay not to post that you are a mess. It’s okay to post that you are. It’s fine – and you owe no one anything. We don’t have to prove ourselves to each other, and feeling like you do? Well, that was my ego talking. My ego wanting to be stroked. My ego saying, tell me I am good. Tell me I am pretty. Give me value.

Then that moment where I realize, I am valued. By so many people. And it isn’t because of social media. It’s a little boy climbing up in my bed and saying, “Good morning, mommy”. It’s my daughter, asking me to come by her job so she can introduce me to her work friends. It’s my oldest son, leaving me a note that says “I love and appreciate you.” It’s grabbing my hand and the car. Kissing my head. That being said, I had to punish the same little boy for talking back. My daughter crying and screaming because she had a blowout. My oldest son being blatantly hateful – because he needs a nap. But even then, I am valued. Even in the dark moments. I am being a good mom by punishing my son for being sassy. My daughter, albeit she gave me a heart attack, she called me to rescue her. To tell her what to do. And my oldest? He walked up to me later and apologized, and said he was beat. All on his own. So with each good there’s bad – and it’s that way for everyone.

So, I will keep posting. I will keep writing. It might get read, it might not. It might be liked. It might not. My hope is this. That I will become more aware of myself, more grateful, less critical, more loving, and more accepting. That when I see something that makes me feel jealous? Well, in that moment, I am going to take an inventory of my blessings. I am going to pray that my heart loves more. That I care more.

And hey, you wanna know what I have figured out? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m worthy, I matter, I’m significant, because I exist. Not because of anything I have accomplished. I am not less worthy because of anything that has been done to me or anything I have done. Same goes for you, too. Ya know why? Because we are human.

To wrap it up, I love each and everyone one of you – and I hope you have a Very Merry Christmas! And below? Well, Here is some pics from the past month or so. Enjoy!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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I’m gonna tell this story completely Sophia Patrillo style.

Picture it. Orlando Florida. November 5, 2019. Back in February, I had made plans to do the “Eat to the Beat” with my oldest son, for the Boys 2 Men Concert. I had completely forgotten about it, until two weeks before, when I got a reminder email. And when I got that email – I was soooo stoked! You know, it was like a little gift you got yourself, but you had forgotten about it. It was awesome.

*Backstory – Eat to the beat is a dining experience at Epcot here in Orlando. You go have a nice dinner at one of the Disney Restaurants, and then you get preferred seating to the show. For Boys 2 Men, that’s a big deal.

I tell/remind Tariq about it. He is excited, but not to the extent I am. He is more excited about eating at the Spice Table in Morocco at Epcot than the concert. He’s only 20, remember this. Anyway, we leave work around 2 pm, and head out to Epcot. And let me tell you – I am super excited. Like super excited. We walk around, and then show up at the Spice Table for our 4:15 reservation. And it was amazing.

The food – delicious. The company – impeccable. I mean, everything was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. We had a seat sitting at the lagoon, which was super cool, too – we watched the boats go back and forth, people riding over – it was great.

  • Me and the boy!

Once we are done, we walk over to the American Theater, and get in line for the show. It’s the 6:45 show, so it is dark. The gates open… and we are in. And can I tell you – I literally had the best seat ever. It was perfect.

Then, It begins to sprinkle. And then, a full on monsoon. Did I mention that the American Theater is an amphitheater? No? Well, it is. Luckily, I was one of like 5 rows that were covered. We watch, while people are scurrying to get covered up in their ponchos, shopping bags, or whatever they could find. Then we hear the announcement.

GREAT SEATS!

Ugh. I felt for the soaking wet people. This happens for about 10 minutes. Then… the whole crowd starts singing… “End of the Road”. And it was awesome. Some of the guys (set up guys) come out on stage and are filming this crowd singing in a complete monsoon. It was kinda great. A group of strangers united, and sung together, just from their heart and to get through the storm, (and I’d say the physical and emotional). Just as another announcement begins to start, BOYS 2 MEN WALK OUT.

THE CROWD SINGING IN THE STORM!

Ok, One of the best moments ever in life. Shawn, Wanya, and Nathan walk out. And what are they singing? End of the Road. And it was amazing. Wanya looked at me one time while he was singing. My son was cracking up because he saw his 42 year old momma being a fan girl. And the night was now in full swing. Until the end of the song, that is. And Shawn says, “I am so sorry guys, Disney has cancelled the show, but we had to come out and sing one song for you guys.” B.L.O.W.N.

But then, my son was like, “That is so awesome that they came out and did one song! I get why you love them so much! The are so talented, and that’s so great that they came out in a storm for their fans! I am a Boys 2 Men fan now!” To be honest, his positivity was a touch annoying to me, but hey – I wasn’t going to make it worse by calling him out on it. So, we start our hike out to the car. And it’s storming.

Key info – the American Theater in Epcot – is literally the farthest point away from the gate. So we had a hike to go. And it was storming. And it kept storming. More and more. Once I got to Spaceship Earth, I was falling out of my shoes. So, I had to carry those. So yes, I left Epcot – soaking wet. Makeup running down my face. Barefoot. I literally did a walk of shame out of Disney.

We were at that point, where you don’t even walk fast anymore. You just walk in the torrential downpour that you are in, because it won’t help. And I wanted to cry. I was disappointed. I wanted to see Boys 2 Men. I wanted to have some great memories with my kid, who is a grown man. The older he gets, the more I cherish these times- because I know how fleeting they are.

We get in the car, and my eyelashes have literally fallen off my face. Not my originals… LOL…. the fake ones. I look over at my son and he cracks up. And he says, “This night was great! I will never forget it!” And it hit me. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

What did I want? A great dinner, a memorable night, to see Boys 2 Men, and go home happy. What did I get? Just that. And when I reflected back on it – it was nothing what I thought it would look like. It was even better. My son gained an appreciation of one of my favorite groups ever – because they came out and did a song when they weren’t supposed to. My dinner was great. I will never forget walking soaking wet through Epcot barefooted. It wasn’t how I pictured, at all. But it was great. Life seems to be that way.

There are times, that we don’t see how awesome something really is, because it isn’t what we thought it would look like. I am not where I thought I would be at 42. But I am learning, that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, in this moment. And just because things are not what “your plan” was, doesn’t mean that where you are isn’t exactly where you need to be to project yourself to best potential.

So, Boys 2 Men, you are still my fave. And, I will make it to see you again – but it will be hard to top this memory.

And hey, I’m gonna own my Disney Walk of Shame.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

By on

Sitting back and thinking about it, I probably should have put this as the first part – buy hey. Here we are. You really want to know how I do it all? The big, huge, deep and dark secret?

I don’t. I don’t do it all.

It might seem like a lot to you, but if it seems like a lot-I am betting that it is our “all” is different. Maybe you are carting kids and their friends to ball practices, recitals, and maybe working four jobs. Who Knows!?! But, I bet – our all is different.

Let’s start with an important aspect to me. I have some health issues – and sometimes, my energy is in the toilet. Complete and utter exhaustion. I feel mentally foggy, physically lethargic, and all in all – just want to nap. Now, those times are much farther spaced now, because I have learned to take control, and not over do it. I know my capabilities, and if my energy is on the lower end of the spectrum- I don’t drain it any further by overexerting myself. I have to take care of ME so I am capable of taking care of those I love. And sometimes that requires me to say, “I’m sorry baby, but I can’t go out to dinner tonight. I know I said that I would, but I am really exhausted and I want to stay healthy for you!” Does it suck? Sure. It is also a hard lesson learned, because I wanted to ‘follow through’ on a promise when I wasn’t able, I end up stuck in bed all weekend long. Luckily – I haven’t had one of those in months!

Guys. Believe it or not. This is a filter! I don’t really have kitten ears and a gold glitter nose.

A key aspect to doing this with grace? Let all of the guilt go. You have to take care of you – to be the best for those you love. Let me tell you something, write this down Tattoo it on your forearm. Write it on your mirror. Memorize it. WHEN GUILT LEADS, YOU TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE. THE IRONY? YOU PLEASE NO ONE, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF.

So let’s use the dinner situation above as an example, shall we? Let’s say I go. I feel like utter crap, but I go. I’m slow. I am sitting, watching the clock, wanting to leave. I try to engage in conversation – but remember, there’s mental fog. It’s a struggle for me, which becomes a struggle for my company. No one is having a good time.

On the flip side, what if I say, “I don’t feel like it – but can you come over and sit in bed with me and we can order take out?” I say that, because that has literally happened. A few times. LOL! Please understand, there is a difference between being a flake, and taking care of yourself, too! If you are a person with commitment remorse, buck up once you commit. Because honestly, you probably need to get out for your mental health!

Give yourself grace. My friends will laugh when they read this – because I say that all the freaking time. But it’s true. I still suck at it. I beat myself up way too often. And often times, If a friends told me the same thing I was beating myself up for – I would be much more loving and patient. One thing that I beat myself up over? My kids extra curricular stuff. Tariq, although he is an adult-ish, I love to go to his performances. He is my kid. Bella and Jacoby – same. I want them to look out in the audience, and see momma. To know that momma is always there and cheering them on.

Last year, I missed one of Bella’s concerts? Why you ask? Long story short – Jacoby made a poor life choice, fell out of a tree, and I was in the ER. Good reason to miss, right? Of course. It took me about two months to get over it. No joke. I felt horrible.

Two weeks ago, Tariq sung in an event downtown. I had planned on going, but I was so tired, and it was a huge convention. Tariq is telling me to stay home. He said it was so short, it would take me longer to park and walk there than what I would hear. So, I stayed home. It was the right choice. I still had guilt. I had to talk myself through it.

To sum it up. There are some things you have to do. Laundry. Groceries. Work. There are other things that you have to do also – like kids activities, dating, vacations, relaxation, etc. Some days – you might need to let the laundry go, and go out on that date. Do the laundry tomorrow. It’s fine. Don’t feel guilty about it. I mean honestly, the crap is gonna get dirty again anyway.

So, I guess I just changed my mind again. I do – do it all. I just do it all on different days, different phases, and to my ability. I wrap myself in grace, I make sure that my energy and activities match, I know what I have to do, what I want to do, and then I try to arrange it.

Listen, we are never going to live in a “there is time for everything utopia”, it’s not gonna happen. Nor, or we going to be able to add more hours to our day. So, let’s make every hour the best we can for that moment, and go to bed, happy and content, and not running through all we didn’t do.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

By on

Here is one that I think I have a huge LOVE/HATE relationship with. And that is food. And by food, I mean, everything with it. So, if you are a single parent – single person – or even just bear the brunt of figuring out food in your home, you might like this.

Now, my plan is regimented. And there are a few reasons why. I am on a different diet than my kids, for medical reasons. No gluten, no soy, no dairy, no refined sugar, etc. I eat air. And salmon.

I eat air and salmon.

I’m kidding, but I’m not. So what this means, is that there are two separate grocery lists. One for the kids, and one for me. Now, just so you know who I am feeding in this house – It’s Tariq – 20 year old male. Bella – 16 year old female. Jacoby – 9 year old male. And they can all eat. We don’t eat out – rarely if ever. It’s always at home. They eat out with their friends, or maybe order a pizza now and then, but with my dietary restrictions- it scares me to eat out. And frankly, it is super expensive.

So, I had to figure something out. I needed to be able to cook dinner. Guarantee that I would have what I needed to cook it, and not have to think about it. So I brainstormed. And I got myself a google calendar and an awesome plan. I am going to break this down for you the best way I can, but if you have any questions, by all means – ask.

I get paid bi-weekly. So I plan bi-weekly. That works with my budget and makes it easier for me. And two weeks don’t seem overwhelming. If it does to you, try one week. And here is what I did. I created a meal plan on the google calendar, and shared it with the oldest two kids. This meal calendar shows breakfast, lunch, two snacks, dinner and dessert. Everyday. For everyone in the house. And we don’t deviate. (That’s somewhat of a lie – the older kids can deviate their snacks and breakfasts – the little guys is stuck. But he hasn’t complained – and the older two haven’t either.)

Here is an example of a day for Jacoby:

  • Breakfast: Blueberry Muffin and a Go-gurt
  • Snack: Applesauce (to be included in lunch bag)
  • Lunch: (Salami, Ham, and Cheese sandwich with mayo and mustard. Chips, Animal Crackers, Fruit Roll Up and a Capri – Sun)
  • Snack at Home: Popcorn with chocolate chips
  • Dinner: Stuffed Chicken Breast with Rice and steamed brussel sprouts

And it’s like that everyday up until dinner. At dinnertime, It’s just one. Remember, I don’t share my calendar with them, I know what I am doing… LOL! I pack four lunches at night, and Bella or I cook dinner. And because I plan this a week before I buy it – and everyone knows what they are having – I always have the stuff I need.

If you decide to start this, I suggest cleaning the pantry and fridge. That’s what we did, and we took pics. And then arranged everything neatly. Guess what? I had like 4, 156 taco mixes. I had also went to the store that week to buy taco mix. Use what you have. I wonder how much we spend when it’s already in our houses? I bet a lot.

Also, when planning your food – check out PUBLIX Bogo’s and matchups. You want to get the most bang for your buck. So I go there. I coupon. Not psycho coupon, but smart coupon. There is a difference. If you want to know more, let me know – I can explain it.

Now that the menu is tentatively planned, start planning your grocery order. So, I have three kids, and put chips in each bag. A box of pre packaged bags of chips, 22 bags per box, were BOGO at Publix for $4.99. I had a coupon for 1.50 off two. Long story short – 44 bags of chips for $3.49. That’s 8 cents a bag. That, is cheap – and easy.

Next, I started ordering everything else. And I do it online and go pick it up. I do that for a few reasons. One, it’s easy. Two, I hate grocery shopping. Three, I work a ton – and I don’t wanna. Four – I don’t spend extra and don’t forget stuff. So, on thursdays I do my PUBLIX BOGO run, and I schedule to pick my groceries up on Saturday morning. I do it this way, incase I don’t get a publix deal that is important to a meal, I can rearrange and add.

And that is how we do it. In the google calendar, I list the ingredients needed. Cross check with the grocery list. On Saturdays we bake brownies, cookies, muffins, whatever is needed in the bakery stuff for the next week and freeze it. And we are off.

The past two weeks, I fed a family of four, one with dietary restrictions, 3 meals a day, 2 snacks, for 14 days, and you want to know how much I spent? $94.13. You want to know if I can do that every time? No. But It’s never over $150. Because we use what we got , and keep waste to a minimum.

If you want to know more about it – or have any questions, let me know!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Sat Nam.