Category: love

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Guys.  My guys.  My peeps. 

I have been so busy. 

So busy – In such a good way.

First, I have been super busy at work, and I am so grateful for that. I would much rather be busy than bored, because let’s be honest – the day pokes when you are slow.

Secondly, I had the bright idea to take four classes over the summer.  What Is wrong with me?  A lot apparently… LOL.  My oldest son told me it was a bad idea.  Did I listen?  Nope.  Was he right?  Yep.  But, I am over halfway done now, so I am super grateful for that.

Third, I went on vacation.  It was amazing.  It was needed.  And it was nice to get out of town, get on a plane, and feel some normalcy post-covid.

Lastly, been launching a podcast, nbd.  How we launched this, I don’t know.  How we figured out how to do it, again, I don’t know.  But did it we have – and I am literally floored at the success.  And I want to thank every single person who has taken the time to Rate, review, and subscribe.  We launched in on Shaun’s death anniversary – in honor of him.

If you want to find the link and know a little more, hop over to my Facebook (feel free to add me!), but my page is also public, so feel free to read the posts and find more information there.

I will still be over here, though. Don’t you worry.  I just wanted to give you a little update.  And guys – be safe this weekend.  Don’t drink and drive.  Have a great cookout.  And enjoy your friends and family.  I can’t wait to do the same!  Love you guys!

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You know what I hate? When people say – “choose happiness”. It’s not that simple, guru. You don’t know what I have went through. You don’t know they pain I have been subjected to. You don’t know my health struggles. So guess what? If I was capable of simply “choosing” happiness – I would do it! Right? I mean, I think I’m right. Am I right?

Of course I am – but I am also completely wrong.

Choosing happiness, doesn’t mean that you won’t have moments of sadness, anger, fear, dread, or embarrassment. I think, that choosing happiness means that you literally acknowledge those moments – and choose to move on from them. You know I am going to give personal examples, right?

I am going to talk about two separate friendships. One male. One female. And for about two to three years, I was close to both of them. Me and the female? Never had a real spat or disagreement. Me and the male? One disagreement, but we both moved on from it. Before the pandemic, I had lost touch with the girl. She literally ghosted. I still to this day don’t know what happened. I know she was going through a lot of personal things in her life, and maybe she chose to focus on that and only that. The guy, made a move during the pandemic. And during the pandemic – my life went into chaos. You all know. Freaking chaos. Not making excuses at all – just stating facts.

So, as far as the female goes – I don’t know, and I probably never will. And I hope all is okay. But there is nothing I can do about it. So, I see pics of us every now and then – and now I choose happiness. I choose to smile, and I am grateful for the fun times and laugher. And every time one pops up, I say a little prayer for her. I believe that she was doing the best she could at the time.

With the guy? It’s a little different. There were things I wanted to tell him, but I couldn’t. Things I wanted to confide, but I wasn’t sure how to. Things I was scared of – so I acted tough. I wasn’t a good friend to him. Not near as good of a friend to him as he was to me, looking back. But I also know, that at that time of my life, I was doing the best I could. I was fighting my own insecurities. My own demons. I am still so grateful for that friendship, though. I called him to apologize once, but no answer. He could have blocked me, his number could have changed, I don’t know. What I do know, is that I choose to look back at our fun moments, and be happy. I choose to pray for him often, and that he becomes brilliantly successful – because he is super talented! And I pray, that if our paths ever cross again, that God gives me the words so he can hear how grateful I actually am to have known him. Because I believe I was doing the best I could at the time.

Now, you may say to yourself, “Self! Those are a lot easier to choose happiness over – You don’t know my struggle, you don’t know what I’ve been through.” You are right. I don’t. And I am not saying that I choose happiness in each situation. I don’t. Not at first. But I get there. I had someone close to me steal from me. They literally stole my money from my account. It caused a big financial issue for me. I’d be lying if I didn’t tell you I dreamed of beating them about the neck and throat. But… I didn’t. And it took some time, but I am so glad that I am not filled with so much greed or irresponsibility – that I would put myself before others. Or feel like I had to steal to survive. You see, if she would have asked. I would have just given it to her – what I could. And then, I would have looked for help elsewhere. It hurt, yes. But I choose to be happy despite of that. I believe that she was doing the best she could at the time.

I’ve been cheated on. That sucks. Big time. I was big mad. But through therapy – I realized that cheating was a symptom of a bigger problem. We broke up, cause I couldn’t get past it. Now, I look back and smile. And I am actually friends with him and we have seen each other a lot since then. He is married – has two beautiful daughters, and is a great husband and daddy. He has apologized for it – and although that was tough and it hurt, it was his issue – not mine. So I choose to be happy for the fun memories, and happy that he is happy and such a good person to his family! And again, I believe he was doing the best he could at the time.

I found my husband dead. That was tragic. And scary. I mourned. I grieved. But I found happiness. I am happy that he is in heaven. I am happy that I got to bear witness to himself turning his life around. But his death taught me something. Live well today. Forgive, today. Don’t go to bed angry. I think that’s why so many people struggle, because they forget that this is all we have. This life, this moment is the only guarantee we have because tomorrow the doctor may tell us we only have a few weeks to live. Tomorrow, a drunk driver can kill us. Tomorrow, our world could end. But TODAY at this moment, we are alive, and if we really believe that we are going to die, how much better can we live today? We can live so much better. When we really hold onto the truth that life isn’t going to go on forever, we can believe it and savor every moment. I think this is the gift of death. Death can remind us to live well today. When we forget, we struggle. When we forget, we hang onto fears and anxieties, hopes that preclude us from living here and now well. The one thing that is guaranteed is that this life on planet Earth will end. If you knew, that tomorrow could be your last I bet you would behave differently, I know I would.

Again, I am not some saint. I am not some perfect guru. (See Facebook video from a month or so ago, the mimicked Britney 2007). My page is public, feel free to go watch. And no, I haven’t taken it down, because that is part of my story. No need to delete, and it reminds me that I am growing everyday – because I have yet to physically assault the said insult thrower. (Yet, keep praying for me ya’ll, cause I wanna. I wanna hit her hard.) But I am growing everyday. Speaking of that – “Hey girl, you are probably reading this – I appreciate all the hits. It really helps me in search engines. But FYI, posts about my husband who passed away, and my son – should be off limits. Those weren’t a “crazy lady” – those were broken hearted. Girl, choose kindness and quit being a gossip and spreading false info. Grow up – I mean, you are literally an adult – I’m an adult – and you are older than me! Quit making kids uncomfortable. Quit hurting people – because you are hurt. Think of the dangers of your mouth. And remember, you with all of your claims of loving Jesus – You are gonna have to stand before him one day for this. He knows about your gossiping. He knows that you gossip to give yourself an elevated sense of importance, because you feel unheard. He knows what you do, why you do it, what you say with your lips, and what you do with your heart. Don’t ruin your testimony. Find happiness in your day today. Like I am doing. Feel free to send this one to your friends, too. And, I forgive you – albeit I am still angry by it. Feel free to contact me. I am willing to talk. You don’t have to mock my writing looking at insights to my soul. You can ask. This is really who I am. That’s the difference between us. What you see is what you get.

So again kids, be happy. Choose it – even if you feel like you can’t. And if you can’t in that moment – maybe you can in an hour. A day. But one day – choose it. Don’t waste your days with resentment and hatred, we only have a few – and they will never be enough. And be grateful. I am loved. My kids treat me like a princess. My parents are hilarious. I am on a waitlist for a puppy. And my gel main/pedi is still fly, three weeks later.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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As we all know – I have been ran through the mud. I have been hurt.  Angered. I have been mocked.  Made fun of.  All by people who really don’t know anything about me. That being said, you all have been supportive as can be. I am grateful for each and everyone of you. So here is an answer to a question I got.

The email read,

“Hey.  I don’t know how you are holding up.  I have watched this going on…  The job. The gossip. The health issues. The kids. How are you holding up – I mean this as a question, not even a “How are you?” (I care how you are, I’m just struggling too- help me!) I’m losing my mind from the past year, myself. Any advice?”

Well first, I am holding up shocking well – now.  Keyword is now.  In an hour, who knows. But right now, I am doing ok. And of course.  I have advice.  Here’s my top ten things you should/shouldn’t do to complicate your life any futher. All written and determined of the past 10 year chaotic journey of my own. Enjoy. LOL!

10. Keep everything in Perspective.

Perspective is underrated. In each moment of our lives, things seem huge, am I right? I’m a widow – and this isn’t even widow talk.  You all saw my crying “Chris Crocker” style video because my feelings got hurt.  People often think that once you know real trauma -you have a gift where other things don’t phase you.  Not true. I might be able to snap out of quicker, but it still hurts.

What gets me through is perspective.  This woman calling me names, I wouldn’t have given it a second thought when I was enduring chemo. I wouldn’t have cared. And guess what? I choose to try my best not to now. It’s perspective.  She was nonexistent to me before, really.  Why care now? It’s perspective.

9. Healthy People take their Health for Granted.

And sometimes, sick people who get healthy-still take their health for granted. So, whether it be physical or mental health – take care of it. And be grateful for it.  For real.  If you smoke stop.  IF you are overweight and sedentary – get healthy.  If you struggle with your mind, get therapy.  Check your heath insurance.  You probably have benefits that you don’t even know about. Take advantage of it and be the best version of you that you can be. If you don’t have health insurance, there are a lot of programs out there to help you.  I know it’s hard.

Let me be honest, If I ate what and how I wanted, and I didn’t exercise, I would be morbidly obese.  For sure.

8. Always Choose Kindness.

I haven’t always chosen kindness.  Sometimes, my words have gotten the best of me.  Sometimes, I have allowed jealousy to enter into my heart with such malice.  Sometimes, I have judged others to make myself feel better. But every single time I have chosen kindness, I have not been disappointed.  Sure, revenge feels good – for a second.  But it doesn’t for the long haul.  So have some good people around you that can be a voice of reason when you are being crazy – and work towards kindness.

7. Confidence is not being well-dressed. Confidence is expressing who you really are.

We all know that my hair is my pride and joy. We all know that my fashion choices maybe a touch out the norm. But I will tell ya this, mohawk and all – I feel like I am living my best self when I am me.  Fake eyelashes and all. I love animal prints – and nontraditional art.   So be yourself. IF you want purple streaks and they make you feel good – get purple streaks. You wanna shave your head, shave your head. Be confident. Confidence looks good on every single person. And if you like your hair in a side part – BY ALL MEANS GET THE SIDE PART! Don’t listen to TikTok!

 6. Allow yourself to be touched.

This is science.  Physical touch can heal.  Like I’m serious.  It really can. Google it.  Physical touch has healing benefits.  It can increase your immune system.  It can lower the blood sugar of people with Diabetes.

There are studies showing that touch signals safety and trust, it soothes. Basic warm touch calms cardiovascular stress. It activates the body’s vagus nerve, which is intimately involved with our compassionate response, and a simple touch can trigger release of oxytocin.

And think of babies – holding a baby can calm a baby.  It’s physical touch.  If you are single, and don’t have a partner, that’s okay.  It isn’t just a couple thing.  Hug your kids.  Your nieces or nephews.  Your friends.  Or even, schedule a massage.  I’m serious.  It helps.

5. Gossip is Capital – Don’t be involved in that Market.

Again, I have went down that road in my past. Never ends well.  But what I can say is this.  If you have ever confided in me – your secrets are safe. For life.  Even if you hate me now.  Steel trap.  And if we were friends, and don’t talk anymore – still, I got you. Don’t be one of those people who air things that were given in confidence. It is actually gross.

My therapist told me this today – and it’s freaking brilliant.  She said, “When people gossip, their whole purpose to gossiping is create worth within themselves.  When people gossip – they are either experiencing fear, a desire for belonging or inclusion, and a craving for intimacy and a sense of connection.  If someone is gossiping, they are sad people. Looking for someone externally to give them approval.” It makes it a little easier to forgive when you think of the damage they have are feeling internally.  

4.  Address your problems as the arise – and complaining will not fix things.

Problems are like splinters.  Might not seem like a big deal, but ignore it – and you might end up with a full body infection.  Address each issue as they come up. Let me give you a real life “Kristie” example.

At one point in my adult life, I was seriously financially burdened. Medical bills, life, and everything else – was sucking me dry.  I was “robbing Peter to pay Paul.”  Finally, it got to the point to where I couldn’t sleep at night. I literally had to get a grip on my finances.  I needed to see just how poor I was.

Had I not done that, I would not have been able to solve the problem. I would have been a slave to ignoring the mailbox, and feeling like I was going to throw up when I had to pay bills.  Now my finances are top priority. I manage my money so it doesn’t manage me. I can go get the mail without a brown bag to hyperventilate in. It feels good.

And complaining, doesn’t do anyone any good. It doesn’t fix  your finances, it doesn’t fix your mood. This one, I am good at.  When you want to complain, think of the opposite, and choose gratitude.  Turn, “I’m starving” into, “I can’t wait to get to Publix for $5.00 Sushi night!”

Acceptance is the first step to freedom. If you are in denial about your present circumstance, you will be locked in a cycle of misery. Once you accept things as they are and you find that you don’t like what you see, you can take the next step to change things for the better.

3. It’s not all about you.

We are the center of our own worlds, of course. But what if you actually flip that switch for five minutes a day.  Take your kids or partner for example… Instead of “What do I have to do today?”, try “What do we need to do today, and maybe I can help you achieve your goal.”

Pay attention to the actions and behaviors of others in your life. Look at the context clues.  Are they sad? Scared? Being bullied, maybe? It’s normal to be intensely aware as to what is going on in your life, just be mindful, that others are around you also.

2. Love is more than a feeling.  It’s a choice.

Everyone wants to be in love, right? Falling in love is mad easy.  Staying in love – not so easy.  I recommend before entering any relationships – be honest.  Don’t change who you are – because overtime – you will change. I am not the same person now that I was at 20. So, if I “fake it” at 20 – end up married to be someone’s ideal – naturally change as they do – BOOM. Problems. And fun facts, this goes for friendships, too.  For a long time, I wanted to morph to be what I thought people wanted.  I am a people pleaser.  I wanted to fit in. I wanted to be liked.  Now – everyone gets the garbage from jump.  You are welcome. (and I am happier than I have been for it.)

Be honest.  Admit your flaws.  Your hang-ups.  Example? I smoked for years. You think I am gonna hide that from anyone? Nope. Why? It is a struggle for me each day.  So if you see me even consider a cigarette – slap me hard. My best friend smokes. If I asked her for cigarette, she would punch me In the face.  I love her for that.

But with any love, we must choose to be kind, to be loving, let the annoyances pass, be respectful, and supportive.  It isn’t always easy.  But it’s worth it.

1. Don’t ruin your testimony.

Have you ever seen someone face their demons? Let me tell ya, I have twice in my life. And what I have to say, is both times – I had such respect for these two people beforehand, and after – even more.  And both times, I watched both people be brutalized by Christians.  People of my faith. If I didn’t have a strong personal relationship with God – I would definitely never wanted to be part of that religion.

I challenge you to write down on a notepad – every dirty, despicable thing you have done.  Thought.  Every wish of ill will.  Every bad act.  Moments of gluttony.  Times of giving into sin.  Now, I want you to think of everyone you know – and everyone you don’t tuning into a TV channel – where someone reads every, single deed.  No one would be able to hold their heads up.

The reality is that I’ve sinned in just about every area. It pains me to say that, but it’s true. If people hear the Gospel and reject Jesus, that’s one thing. If I’m the barrier to people accepting Christ because of me and my sin, that’s a completely different deal. Fortunately, God’s much bigger than my stupidity.

So I end with this, When does your humanness get in the way of people knowing the hope, forgiveness, and love of Jesus?  Does your life make them curious about Jesus’ love, or does it make them want to run away screaming.

So, I challenge you – if you are a Christian – don’t use prayer as an excuse for inaction.  Don’t sit around and wait for God to do his thing, step out in obedience and faith. And hey, don’t think you are better than others, either. Don’t create some internal rules to differentiate your holiness while you decide others aren’t.

That’s a wrap, Jack.

So there it is.  That’s how I get through.  An amazing support system.  Being supportive.  Love.  Laughter.  Jesus. And Gratiude.

Hope it helps.

Love Fully.  Live Fully.  Shine on. 

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Of course, something stems me, and I write a blog.

I was made fun of. I cried – hard – after I saw this woman make fun of me.  She made fun of something she assumed I wrote. She made fun of my face. What affected me the most? Making fun of my face.  I’ll tell you why.  One, I am confidant in my writing and my skills.  That’s math.  Numbers don’t lie This week, my blog was read in 15 different countries, and in 41 states. This year? It was 54 countries and all 50 states. United States #1 – England #2 – Australia and New Zealand tied for #3.  Another place that my blog is read and followed a lot? Nepal.  So crazy.  

Two, I am transparent.  My Facebook page is public.  I hide nothing.  So everyone can come and see what they want to see. Of course, I use filters.  I also retouch.  I get pimples.  I get dark circles. I never hide that.  I’ve seen this woman numerous times in real life. Her profile pic is beautiful. It is also retouched.  And why in the world would you not put the best photo of yourself out there.  Be clear – I am not throwing shade.  I am saying if you like your pic filtered and it makes you feel better? Filter it!  I often say, publicly – that my makeup routine mimics that of a successful drag queen.  And I love it.  I also love my face scrubbed and clean. ? There are a ton of photos out there of me with no filters and no makeup. Again.  My Facebook page is public.  I don’t hide a thing about my appearance.

Another transparent moment? I hate the fact that I don’t have eyebrows or eyelashes.  I hate it.

But I was called ugly.  That I filter my pics.  I was told that I write on a third-grade level. The third-grade level comment didn’t phase me.  One – that is just false.  If she isn’t capable of reading it – that’s on her – but I have been published numerous times, (twice in two scientific journals), along with this blog-so that part didn’t hurt me.  That’s like telling Pavarotti he can’t sing.  You might not like it, but that does not mean that he isn’t talented.

But I am self-conscious of my face.  I have clear eyebrows and they are few.  I also do not have eyelashes.  After I had chemo, they never came back in.  So yeah, that hurt me because she literally took the one thing that I can’t do anything about – the thing that I can’t help – and made fun of me for it.  To be fair, she probably didn’t know that I had cancer.  But key point – you never know – so don’t be mean. Below is a slide show, click through. Two filtered. Rest unfiltered. All on Facebook or the blog. Scroll down though guys, there’s more.

All of this done, by a woman that I had done nothing to but been kind.  And why? Because I won’t crucify or slam someone.  I am made fun of – because I give grace.  I am made fun of – because I will not girl gang up.  There were so many other assumptions, that were completely wrong.  It was gossip.  Literally it said, “I can’t confirm” – well if you can’t confirm, you shouldn’t be speaking. If you want to know – you can email me. Call me.  I will tell you everything. And let me tell you something – it was so apparent that this woman had focused so long on my life, and trying to figure it out, it blows my mind.

And in the big scheme of things, by her being a “mean girl” – she literally helped me more than she can ever know.  The outpouring of love and support was huge. I have a great group of women that are around me and build me up every day. But this went way beyond that.  I knew that Michelle, Tamara, Rachel, Crystal, and Jenn – those girls got my back.  This was over 300 – READ THAT – 300 PEOPLE.  Over three hundred people took the time to comment, text, or dm me.  I am so grateful.  So freaking grateful.  

Unfortunately, through her selfish comments – she hurt a few people. But the ones she intended to hurt, she actually lifted. Funny how that works.

Now, lets get down to what I want to say. This woman speaks Christianity.  Offers prayers for others. She does not look like me.  She does not talk like me. She just does not.  But please do not judge a book by it’s cover.

I have bleach blonde hair.  Sometimes it has looked like a rainbow. I have tattoos.  My clothing style is just that – MY STYLE.  I like what I like and how I like it. I know people talk about the way I dress.  Talk about my hair.  Ask anyone who has ever been out with me in public, every single time, this is said, “I love your hair”,  “I wish I had the courage to do that”, or “You look like Pink!”  This past weekend, I literally had a guy run up to me, because he got excited because he thought I was.  And I love Jesus. Why? Because I have made mistakes, and I have been given grace.  I have not known how I would function the next day, and he got me up.  Jesus is the one who got me here today. Jesus is the one who has taught me radical grace, and radical non-judgement. And my number one goal, it create a life, and a story – of just that.

I promise, I will never judge you.  I will always be a shoulder to cry on.  I will call you out on your trash.  And I accept being called out on mine.  And I will grow and learn from it.  But my only request, is that people need to be more accepting. People need to be more accepting of others growing and learning from their mistakes.

It’s one thing to call people out on their crap, but once they accept it and begin to learn and grow from it – you we need to be accepting and lift them up. So right now – publicly – I am calling her out on her crap.  And at the same time, I want to lift her up.  I believe she is better than this.  Maybe she doesn’t have enough friends.  Maybe she was excited to be involved in gossip.  I don’t know.

I have all the photos of the messages. And it being Facebook, it shows the name, and the profile pic. I could post it.  I could send it to her employer. I could say this is the way this person talks about parents and people she whom she does not know.  I could cause pain and hurt in her community.  Complete shock in her community. 

But I won’t.  Why? I don’t want to ruin her testimony to others – the way she ruined her testimony to me.  I do not want her family to be hurt by my actions, the way she hurt mine.  I don’t want to ruin her reputation.  And the meanness, just would.  Six people (besides myself) – 5 who know her and one who doesn’t – has seen the messages. (Well seven, but I don’t know that person).  The five who knew her – were floored.  Floored. Michelle, the interceptor, was shocked.

So as a person who loves Jesus.

I don’t team hate.  Ever.  I listen to people.  You want to know why? I have been on the other end of mean girls over and over.  You don’t know what someone has been through.  You do not.   In the past few months – I have been called so many horrible names. Made fun of. Had my intelligence insulted. And every night, I go to bed with peace. Because I know I have loved as I am called to love, I have given as I have been called to give. I have been real. I have been factual. And I have been transparent. I have never been a victim of my own choices, I have championed all my mistakes into growth.

That doesn’t mean, that I don’t want to punch some people in the face. It doesn’t mean, that I don’t struggle with literally posting everything and I have, and say let’s go.

What that means though, is that I won’t.

Romans 12:19 says, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord.”

So, today I choose happiness. I choose productivity. I choose to love people and lift them up they way they did for me. I choose love. I choose peace. And I choose prayer for those who hurt me. I added some more stuff for you to see, some texts and dm’s from some amazing people. Let’s find the positive in the negative.

And to tie in the title and image? Google that crow.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/animalia/wp/2016/05/27/the-oddly-sweet-story-of-a-crow-that-stole-a-knife-from-a-crime-scene/ He meddled in a murder scene.

Don’t be that guy. LOL!

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

By on

Today my baby boy turned 11 years old. The number 11 has always been my lucky number. When I drove up to my shop, the first time, I should have known that I would be there for a long time… When the address was 1111 East Landstreet.

Insert column left my sweet baby Jacoby in his eleventh year. Jacoby is my strong-willed child. Out of the three, he got all of that. God gave every one of us free will, but my goodness, Jacoby cherishes that gift more than the other two combined. With my other two kids, they have always pretty much fell in line without much of a fuss. But with this kid – you tell him about his clothes, his free time, what he reads – anything that he feels that he should have complete control of – he will fight back like a caged opossum.

I am learning, that I don’t have to force him to what I want, but I also don’t have to give in to his tantrums or demands. So, this year, he wears sports shorts and t-shirts to school. I am of the belief you dress for school and church. I am now mentally prepping him for middle school, and what I expect him to wear. But we scroll pinterest and find things that he believes would be good for him, also.

I am listening to him FaceTime his grandparents right now for his birthday wishes. He sounds like a politician or a reporter, telling about his day. Very in command. Very confident. Yet he’s only eleven.

And although it’s funny to hear him,  being the parent struggling to guide a strong-willed child to Christ-like maturity – is not so amusing. I have cried more tears than you can imagine. It’s relentless, it’s exhausting. Sometimes, he seems so disrespectful, it’s infuriating. His behavior at times can seem so ridiculously defiant, that it seems hopeless. Like, literally, I said this week “Why did you not sit down when the principal told you to!? Just sit down. It’s two seconds? Where is your want of self preservation?” He replied, My pants were too tight and dug in my belly. Girls don’t have to sit down if they don’t wear shorts under their skirts. Why do I need to sit down, when girls are standing? I wasn’t acting out. I wasn’t being disrespectful. I wasn’t being rude. I wasn’t in anyone’s way. I won’t let someone cause me pain, because they want power. I wasn’t rude, mommy – ask anyone.”

Are you proud or mad? MMMMM. Both. The maelstrom of emotions he can create is all absorbing. And then, last night, I hear this. My sweetie came by after to work to say goodnight. I was finishing a test for school. And I hear laughter and talking upstairs. I walk up, and the two of them are laying in the dark. I ask what is going on. Jacoby says, “Just having some man time. Let me have that.” Bro. Chill. I’m cool. But understand this – at the end of the day – I’m still the boss of you, little boy.

This kid.

I am learning that with this one, I have to give in on some little things. But the big things are non-negotiable, no matter how much he tries to negotiate. But what I have forgotten, is while my self-esteem is taking a bruising, so is his. Beneath that tough I-don’t-care-and-you-can’t-make-me attitude is a seriously wounded heart. It hurts to always be “the difficult one,” “the stubborn one,” the one rejected by classmates for being “too bossy.”  From researching all of this, I learned that “The compliant child typically enjoys higher self-esteem than the strong-willed child. . . . Only 19 percent of compliant teenagers either disliked themselves (17 percent) or felt extreme self-hatred (2 percent). Of the very strong-willed teenagers, 35 percent disliked themselves and 8 percent experienced extreme self-hatred.”

That broke me.

So this year. Is going to be a good year. A year of guidance. Balance. Equality. Duality. And most of all, Kindness. I will be a good momma to my strong willed boy. And be grateful that he is courageous and strong. And teach him when to use it.

I’m so proud of my boy.

Love fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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I’m back to blonde! And I am loving it!

Don’t get me wrong, being a ‘My Little Pony’ was a good time, but blonde is my go to. I feel like myself. And…. I can wear any color I want to and I don’t have to worry about clashing with my hair! Yep. That was an actual problem.

Oh! I hope you guys had a wonderful Valentine’s day! I did! I had such a good time! My sweetie got me a gorgeous outfit and heels – LOVED IT! And my babies got my flowers and chocolate covered strawberries. Then we spent the afternoon at Epcot.

Now, I put the word “Narcissistic” in there… did ya see that? Well, obviously I am not narcissistic. But I wanted to point out how freely I see people throwing around that word. So I am going to clarify something. Narcissism is a mental illness. A MENTAL ILLNESS. ILLNESS. And I am gonna be honest, I have dated some doozies in my day. But not a Narcissist. A Narcissist is rare.

So let’s stop using the term “narcissist” as a slur, when it’s a true sickness. It’s rude and disrespectful to those that have it.

And for clarity – narcissists do not try to make amends, do not try to protect feelings, are not caregivers – and are only self consumed. A narcissist can drop you in the blink of an eye – and write you off to never speak to you again. Not try to maintain friendships and working relationships.

So, you lie with dogs – you might get fleas. That doesn’t make them a narcissist anymore than it makes you one. Because often times, we can all look at ourselves in the mirror, and say we made choices that were only for self. Maybe we chose to go on a vacation, rather than a family reunion. Maybe we went to a day spa for mother’s day, rather than going to a nursing home to visit a grandmother. Maybe, we dated a person who was already taken, but we wanted them anyway. Maybe we invested money in stocks, with insider information and didn’t tell anyone close. Does that make you a narcissist? No. It makes you human.

But as humans, we can be so arrogant, that we believe that we are the center of the universe. We see it as “Look what they did to me”… when maybe it should be “Look what I did to…..”. We love to victimize ourselves. Myself included. I can tell you how people have screwed me over, and how right I am. But if we are honest, and real transparent, I don’t want people to see – that I have done wrong things in my life too. Things I am not proud of. But as God forgave me, I now have to forgive those that I felt wrong me. Because, how can I accept forgiveness – and not grant it? Wouldn’t that make me a narcissist?

But luckily, God knows we are human. And God knows our hearts. And God’s grace, well that is a beautiful thing. It covers us all. It covers your name calling – to murderers on death row – and everything in between.

For the past year – I have had the best year of my life. I really have. But to get here, I had to put my foot down back in 2019 and make some decisions. I had to extend grace. I had to pray. I had to work. And for some… I had to let go. I had to forgive. And with that came the biggest blessings of my life. It hasn’t been easy, not a bit. And some days are still hard. But everyday is worth it.

So, I say all that – to say this. I love you all. I am praying for all of you. Every Single One. From haters to fans. I really hope all your hearts heal, and you find happiness – extend grace – and self reflect. I know I have – and my heart is so happy. And I really want that for everyone on this planet!!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

By on 1 Comment

So, I’m good. I got more than a few emails, asking if I was okay because I hadn’t posted. I AM SO SORRY THAT I HAVEN’T POSTED ANYTHING! I am here. And I am good. To be honest, after my last post, I sat back and enjoyed the break. It was super cool the way Christmas and New Year’s fell, so I had some extra long weekends. And I took advantage of that!

My Christmas was fun! We opened presents super early in the morning – and I don’t know if I was more excited or the kids! LOL! But it seemed that everyone had a great time and was super grateful. The gratitude makes my heart swell with pride in my kiddos. I got a treadmill for Christmas – and I was so surprised and excited! I love to walk/run – but I don’t like going alone at night – and I leave too early to go out in the mornings. I have become totally addicted to this thing.

For New Years? Well, ya girl went to sleep. I woke up at 11:57 – Kissed in the New Year – 12:02 – back to sleep. Exciting, I know. New Year’s I took down all the Christmas Decor – and basked in the cleanliness of my house. I love to decorate for Christmas – and I also love to take it down and get my home back to normal.

Since then, to be honest, I didn’t even think about posting. There has been so much crazy stuff going on! I am not getting political – that isn’t my vibe – we all know that it’s been a lot these past couple of weeks. I felt that anything that I posted or said, could be considered bad timing. So, I stayed quiet. That being said, I enjoyed my weekends, and enjoyed my work. I had some super fun dates with my sweetie. OH! And I got my hair done again!! My hair is life right now. I wanted to do something fun again before it is summer – because fun colors come out so easily – so Michelle gave me my dream hair!

So, now you are caught up on me.

What have you guys been up to? I pray that you all are hanging in there, and that everyone is staying safe and healthy.

And if i can give you a piece of advice to close this up. Be kind to each other. Connect with your people. Send your friends an uplifting text. Kiss your significant other. Kiss them for real. Don’t take them for granted. Next time you see them – Just lay one em! Let them know how appreciative you are of them.

Remember, none of us are perfect. You know, how you feel like deep down you are a hot mess? Everyone else feels that way, too. At least at some point. So build each other up today, and everyday. But especially your kids and your s/o’s, make sure you don’t take them for granted. Make them feel special and loved. That has been the biggest game changer for me. I always feel like a priority – and therefore I want to make him a priority. And then, well – it becomes a beautiful cycle, rather than a vicious cycle.

I love you all! Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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Everyone is talking about how terrible this year was. And I will say, there were times my heart felt like it would fall out of my chest. Times where I couldn’t stop tears from flowing. And times where I felt like I was failing every time I turned around.

On the other hand, there has been some amazing things that have happened in 2020. AMAZING. So I decided that instead of discussing the negatives, I am going to write what I accomplished and learned in 2020, and maybe you can do the same.

  1. In 2020, I read (well listened to, thanks to Audible) 28 books. By doing this, I cut down my tv time a lot, and I learned a great deal!
  2. I have learned that I have to quiet myself, and recognize how magnificent it is to be alive. And be grateful in each individual moment. And when things happen, I know I can go back to the moment I am in, and I am surviving.
  3. I was blessed to be able to stay employed, and able to pay some bills off – and also my Jeep! It was such a great feeling to see that title!!
  4. I learned forgiveness. Forgiveness of myself, and forgiveness of others. Forgiveness is not condoning. Forgiveness is not ignoring the pain you inflicted on yourself or others. Forgiveness is freeing yourself and others, from that pain.
  5. I have learned to play. I have intentional playtime. Whether it’s a day at Disney, or walking through the neighborhood and laughing, I make intentional time to play with my kids and my guy.
  6. I am a very Type A personality. If you aren’t familiar, a type A personality is defined as “A personality which is characterized by a constant feeling of working against the clock and a strong sense of competitiveness. Individuals with a Type A personality generally experience a higher stress level, hate failure and find it difficult to stop working, even when they have achieved their goals.” Guilty. And I want to add to that, have a hard time asking for help. Well, this year – I allowed help from everyone. My kids, my guy, my co-workers. And as much as I love helping them, they were excited to be able to return the favor. I am not a person who needs someone to take care of me. Not the way I am wired. But it is so nice to be comfortable enough to allow someone to help carry the load at times.
  7. I changed my hairstyle. And I am letting it grow. Because I am ready to do so. (Don’t get it twisted, it won’t super long, just not a shaved mohawk.)
  8. I have successfully had a date each week since about June/July. Whether it was a walk around the neighborhood, or a trip to the beach for a day – we made each other a priority.
  9. I went back to school. Full-time. 4 classes. 12 credit hours. GPA? 4.0 – Not to toot my own horn, but “Beep! Beep!”
  10. I learned I love to decorate other people’s spaces – and do it as cheaply as possible. It is so exciting!
  11. I kept my kids alive. LOL! I mean honestly, especially with my little guy – that sometimes seems to be feat.
  12. I learned to vocalize gratitude. It’s good to tell others that you love them, appreciate them, and want to spend time with them.
  13. And then, my actual kids – not just my mad skills of keeping them alive. I am so proud of the people that have become. I am talking about them as people. I am proud of their souls. My oldest is comedic, always joking – and always wanting to make people feel included. Just like his momma, he can get heartbroken easily by folks, but he will try to laugh and act like he’s okay. He is kind, and will help anyone if they need it. Then my daughter. She is a little ball of fire. She is so sweet and kind, and really cares about everyone feeling included and loved, too. She prides herself on her customer service skills – and if I wrote about her and didn’t mention Publix – she might disown me as her mother. She loves her job at Publix, and she is such a hard little worker and talented artist. Then there’s Jacoby. He is forgiving, but he will fight somebody. He gets that from his momma. He is ready to fight – because he is fiercely loyal. And I admire his loyalty. He also speaks his truths. If he thinks you are wrong, he will politely disagree. And he has never met a stranger – this boy has personality for days. So what I am saying, it isn’t “stuff” that they have done, to make me proud. It is their character and personality that makes me proud to call them mine.

So, to me? Twenty/20 was good year. With a lot to be proud of. A lot to feel good about. Sure there was some bad moments, but here we are still breathing. Still here. And the worst moments? Well, they made us so much stronger.

That’s a wrap!

And if you made some mistakes this year? Well, never be a prisoner of your past – it was a lesson. Not a life sentence without parole. And if I wronged you in someway this year? I am sorry. Deeply sorry. And if you wronged me? It’s done, forgotten, and forgiven. I hope you have nothing but success and joy in your life (albeit, I hope we can both have happy lives and not run into me ever again, LOL! I forgive you, but I am not crazy nor a glutton for punishment). I’m Woke, Not Weak.

And if you wanna share this? Please do. It helps me out when a blog is shared. I hope you enjoyed it, It made you smile, and I can’t wait to see your list!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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I was called “Man-ish”. It was meant to be insulting. And hurt my feelings. And guess who said it – Another woman.

I was a little shocked by that. I mean, the person who said it has some serious issues, so consider the source, right? But – nonetheless, this is what she thought would be hurtful to me. First, let’s get one thing straight. Can we – as humans – stop with the name calling. It is ridiculous. Luckily, I have amazing people in my life, who build me up everyday. So, her backhanded comment didn’t affect me negatively, it actually made me think. It made me wonder, why would ‘man-ish’ be considered an insult?

If you have seen me, of all the things I am not, is man-ish, in the derogatory way she meant it. I am a girly girl. I wear all the makeup, I love dresses, pink is my favorite color, and lace is a must in my life. That being said, I am a manager of a bodyshop. I love to do wood working. I am a mom of three kiddos, who support them. I also sew, crochet, and am teaching myself to weave. I love my jeep, and doing modifications. I love facials, and spa days. I have short hair and a routine to get it this color that only one woman on the planet can create. (Plug for Michelle definitely inserted here).

So what was meant by Man-ish? I am sure it was the few things in my life that are considered more of a typical “male” role. Which, I don’t even want to address just how problematic that level of thinking is. Problematic, archaic, and ridiculous. I was talking about this with a couple guys at work, and asked them their take. First, they all laughed at me being called “man-ish”.

But, I believe one of the guys nailed it on the head. He said to me, “It’s her anxiety, I bet. I find that the most female on female criticism actually stems from feeling inadequate in an area of life they admire about you. You are the head of the house. It’s only you. You are the breadwinner. The provider for your family. You have given them a great life. Your kids love and adore you. You are involved. You give them freedom to live. She probably wishes she was half that. “

Maybe that’s true, I like to think so, anyway. But my main point is this. Before you hurl insults at someone, make sure it’s them that’s the issue. I am so lucky that my confidence game is strong. I am happy. Completely happy. I love my job. I love my co-workers. I love being a mom. I love my crazy busy life. I love my relationships. Ask anyone who knows me, the last 6 -7 months of my life, have been the best I ever had.

I had some real conversations with those I love. We are a focused team. Same goes at work. Things are clicking. So, I am going to allow my “man-ish” self to be taken out to dinner. And I am going to allow my “man-ish” self, to have the door opened for me while we go. And when I get home? I might pour some concrete and make a super hip stool. (All those really happened, by the way. Literally exactly like that.. LOL! I can post a pic of the stool later.)

So, when you are named called, consider the source. But also, remember how wonderfully made you are. You are valued. You are needed. And pray for the ones who call names. Below. I’ll some pics of my “Man-ish” Self. Doing some “Man-ish” Things.

OH! One more thing, Stay Classy. Hot mess doesn’t look good on anyone.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

By on 3 Comments

First of all, let me make a disclaimer. I am high maintenance – I know this. But in the scheme of things, when it comes to holidays and whatnot – I am not. I’m serious.

I really just wanted a happy day.

Well let me tell you about this weekend. It was trash. Complete and utter trash. It was so trash – that when people asked me how my Mother’s Day was at work? I said, “Tough weekend.” I can’t even lie and do the polite and southern, “I’m fine.” It was anything but fine.

It started out crappy Friday around noon. Homeschooling is wrecking my life. Constant phone calls of he said/she said. My 17 year old and 10 year old live in a state of who can tattle on the other soonest. And it is met with a barrage of phone calls. Anyway, the 10 year old calls – and I am already annoyed at the 14th call of the day. It’s noon – btw.

“Mommy!” he said. “Yes, Jacoby,” I muttered in my most fear inducing, angry, but I am at work and am unable to scream like I would like to do.

“BELLA BROKE HER TOE!”

“Sure she did. Let me talk to her.” He proceeds to put her on the phone. She is calmer than I anticipated, and said told me she thought she did. I told her to tape it together, because she probably just stubbed it – but just in case. And they don’t do anything for broken toes, anyway. We talked about Covid-19 and how we don’t want to go to the doctor during this junk, anyway. I tell her to ice it, take motrin, and call me if it gets worse.

  • Live Long & Prosper toe.

I get home. Her foot looks like the Star Trek hand signal. You know, the “Live Long and Prosper” thing. Girl. That thing was displaced. She doesn’t want to go to the ER, so we make an appointment for urgent care the next day at 8:30 am.

It’s broken. And had to be set. She is in a walking boot. Can we say mom fail? Ugh. I should have taken her the day before. And it kept going downhill from there.

Now, let me give some credit. Bella created the sweetest sign. Got me balloons and some gift cards and candles. She’s so sweet! And my oldest, he got me a gift also, though I don’t know what it is yet – because it got delayed in shipping. It wasn’t the stuff that made it bad. It was mother’s day disappointment.

I psyched myself up with the expectation that because all I wanted from the kids was a clean house, and some time to chill out – that would be what I would get. And everyone would chip in to make it happen, because it’s only one day, right?

Wrong.

No one wanted to do anything. But argue. And cry. And tattle. And cry. And argue. Repeat. OH! Did I say argue? Throw in yelling. Then crying. I actually woke up to screaming. It was great.

You want to know what happened? Hidden expectations. And as hard as I tried to stuff them down in the trenches of my soul – the were spewing everywhere. By Sunday afternoon, they had splattered all over the floor, and suddenly I was in a sad state of self-pity. I felt so self righteousness that everyone should appreciate that I am not greedy, and do the small thing I asked. But – I’m a mommy. It doesn’t work that way. Just because Hallmark called in a holiday, doesn’t mean that kids are going to stop being kids, or that I get permission to not be a parent.

  • I did get SNAPCHAT shout out from my boy!

So now what do I do? On my 21st mother’s day – I am setting and adjusting my expectations. Or any other holiday for that matter. I really did want to be spoiled on Mother’s Day. I wanted me-time. I wanted food that I didn’t cook. I wanted peace and quiet. And yes, I did want presents. And I am grateful for them.

On a more heart-felt note: This past year I spent time with a mom who lost her child. I, myself, have struggled fighting lupus and other medical stuff. There are moms out there who are battling for their lives – or even their children’s lives.

Hello freaking perspective: This makes me slow WAY down and realize that when it all comes down to brass tacks – all I really want to do is love and hug and kiss and squeeze those babies that made me a mom. I want to spend time with the people who help me raise them, and love them like their own.

So , maybe I need to keep that healthy perspective in the front of my mind. This way, I will be able to see the true importance, and kiss them all to pieces, and be satisfied with that. No gift, no clean house, no quietness- can make up the fact that these people are my tribe. My posse. My really small gang. And we always gotta work together everyday. Family doesn’t get a vacation because a holiday – nor does parenting. And I am so grateful for these three wild kids running around on this planet. And I wouldn’t trade one second with them for anything.

So, I am not going give you a cute photo of all of us on Mother’s day. Because it didn’t happen. But hey, I got to see Bella’s bones. So that was cool. LOL!

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.