I wish I could be stronger.  More self-assured, more confident.  I see people walking around everyday, and they ooze confidence.  Shaun gave me such an amazing amount of confidence.  That man honestly believed that I could do anything.  He never doubted it.  When I doubted it, he would firmly(yet lovingly-at least most of the time) tell me how ridiculous I was being and why I could do it.  He rationalized it as simple as anything.  It didn’t matter what the task was – he was behind me.  Cheering me on, praying for me, sending me notes, messages, anything to boost my confidence.  I had racks and racks of notes at my old position, because he filled my purse, my lunchboxes, my car.  One night, I came home, and there were a ton of notes stuck to the bathroom mirror – telling me how fantastic I was.  Who is that lucky?  That’s this girl.  So how do you carry on with that? I accomplished a whole lot in the past year – and it was him behind me.  WE accomplished it.  Because without his love and support, I could have never done it.  I try to think of this as like military basic training.  You get knocked down, to get built up stronger than you ever were before.  But this seems like a low I never could imagine.  I don’t know how you get up from this.  I am trying, but I feel like when I get a little bit of dirt to pull myself up – it falls off in my hand and crumbles away.  The book of Jeremiah is an acrostic poem.  I decided to write one – by the way – I am definitely not a poet. 🙂

Just yesterday it seems you were here,
Eating, sleeping, and loving beside me.
Sometimes I look to see if you are coming through the door.
Everytime it hurts more when I realize you aren’t.
Surely, this can’t be true.

How do I go on?
Every second, every minute, or even everyday.
All that I knew, my security was taken from me.
Little did I know how much it meant to have you.

Maybe, tomorrow will be better.
Everyday you will be loved – whether you are on this planet or not.

So, there is my acrostic poem.  I hope you like it – I really do.  I bet Shaun would – or he would laugh and call me weird… Nonetheless, he would love something about it – because he loved something about everything I did – even if he didn’t “get” it.