I wish I could be stronger. More self-assured, more confident. I see people walking around everyday, and they ooze confidence. Shaun gave me such an amazing amount of confidence. That man honestly believed that I could do anything. He never doubted it. When I doubted it, he would firmly(yet lovingly-at least most of the time) tell me how ridiculous I was being and why I could do it. He rationalized it as simple as anything. It didn’t matter what the task was – he was behind me. Cheering me on, praying for me, sending me notes, messages, anything to boost my confidence. I had racks and racks of notes at my old position, because he filled my purse, my lunchboxes, my car. One night, I came home, and there were a ton of notes stuck to the bathroom mirror – telling me how fantastic I was. Who is that lucky? That’s this girl. So how do you carry on with that? I accomplished a whole lot in the past year – and it was him behind me. WE accomplished it. Because without his love and support, I could have never done it. I try to think of this as like military basic training. You get knocked down, to get built up stronger than you ever were before. But this seems like a low I never could imagine. I don’t know how you get up from this. I am trying, but I feel like when I get a little bit of dirt to pull myself up – it falls off in my hand and crumbles away. The book of Jeremiah is an acrostic poem. I decided to write one – by the way – I am definitely not a poet. 🙂
Just yesterday it seems you were here,
Eating, sleeping, and loving beside me.
Sometimes I look to see if you are coming through the door.
Everytime it hurts more when I realize you aren’t.
Surely, this can’t be true.
How do I go on?
Every second, every minute, or even everyday.
All that I knew, my security was taken from me.
Little did I know how much it meant to have you.
Maybe, tomorrow will be better.
Everyday you will be loved – whether you are on this planet or not.
So, there is my acrostic poem. I hope you like it – I really do. I bet Shaun would – or he would laugh and call me weird… Nonetheless, he would love something about it – because he loved something about everything I did – even if he didn’t “get” it.