Tag: blog

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Well, well, well. Here I am. Eating Crow.

Ya know all that crap I wrote about getting my nails done? How I hate holding hands with people, but I am going to do it? Budget it? And make it happen?

Yes. I know. It is horrifying.

Well, that was a lie. Ya wanna know why? BECAUSE I AM NEVER GETTING MY NAILS DONE AGAIN! (That could be a lie, too – but it’s gonna take a minute. ) You want to know why? Pain. That’s why. Pain.

You know how they say beauty is painful or something like that? I don’t think they meant slamming your finger in a door and ripping the perfectly manicured nail off my long, bony fingers. And yes, I realize I made my hands sound like witch hands. Whatever, It’s Halloween. And MY FINGER LOOKS LIKE MY COSTUME!

I will say this, I had put off blogging some, because it was really hard to type with my nails. Maybe God was saying, “Kristie! Wake Up! Stop being vain, and do what you are supposed to do!” I wish it had been a little less vicious, not gonna lie. LOL.

So, I don’t often eat crow. But today, I bow my head, and say – “I’m gonna stick with my natural nails for the standard days – and get me some press-ons when I need a boost. Because. This was traumatizing.

Canuck the Crow gained fame for stealing a knife from an East Vancouver crime scene. (Facebook/thecrowandI)

And by eating crow, I don’t mean the super cool murder-y Canuck. I mean, the colloquial idiom, pure humiliation after being proven wrong – when you take a strong position. Yeah, I had to eat crow.

And for you viewing pleasure and add a little-lightheartedness to this – here is a pic of my favorite crow, Canuck. Canuck is a mischievous little crow, who according to the Audubon society:

Canuck, a hand-raised crow from Vancouver, Canada, that was caught making off with a knife from a crime scene in a McDonald’s parking lot earlier this year. The incident was a violent one: A man set fire to his own car and threatened the police with a knife. Shots were fired. Afterward, in swept Canuck, plucking the knife from the crime scene and even causing an officer to give chase. Eventually the bird dropped the weapon and avoided any criminal charges.  

Audubon Society

So there ya have it. I should stuck with my gut. If I had, maybe my finger wouldn’t look like Cancuck dropped his murder-y knife on it.

Live Fully. Live Fully.

Sat. Nam.

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This statement was said to me. No kidding. And it was followed up with, “she wears the diamond studs – I wear the hooops). Now, what this young lady was trying to convey to me, was the reason that she was about to beat down another young lady. She was showing their differences to me. Bad example, but nonetheless, an effort was made. Anyway – I squashed the brawl from happening – no nails were broken, no earrings taken out. All was right in the world.

I have coffin nails now. I love them. The are pretty, soft pink, and I feel put together when my nails are done. I had stopped for a while, a long while, because it was expensive. But, I got a gift card for my birthday, and I am covered for a few months from that. After that, I have worked it into my budget by cutting out a few other things, because I like the way I feel put together.

I say that, to say this.

Get Ready. It’s gonna be a shocker.

I HATE TO GET MY NAILS DONE. I HATE IT. I ABHOR IT. IT’S THE WORST THING EVER.

I hate – SO MUCH – sitting across from someone who I don’t know, and casually hold hands. Let’s just talk about casually holding hands. I hold hands with a small number of people. My man, my kids, my parents, and yeah – that’s it. And let me explain it more.

I will hold my man’s hand, like in the car, being cute – for a few minutes. Or, I will let him hold my hand or guide me at the waist if we are in traffic and we are pedestrians. That’s it. My kids – I will hold their hands to get them through a crowd – traffic – and my little guy, a parking lot. But you wanna know what doesn’t happen? I don’t hold random people’s hands. I don’t.

Now, in this discussion that I have had numerous times, people have said – “A massage is weirder!” No, no it isn’t. One – we aren’t 15 inches from each other’ face – eyes open. Two, they are massaging your back, legs, whatever – I can’t get those parts myself. Not when you are getting your nails done.YOU ARE HOLDING A NAIL TECH’S HAND! AND HAVING A CONVERSATION! OR ATTEMPTING IT! OR NOT! WHAT IS THE PROTOCOL? WHAT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? IT STRESSES ME OUT!

Pedicures? Less terrible. But I don’t love it. I can read a magazine. Until they bring out the scrapey thing. I HATE THAT! Also, if I say don’t use it, don’t use it. I don’t care if you think I need it. I don’t like it. Please don’t use it.

So you might say, “Kristie, why are you torturing yourself?” Well, vanity, I would guess. I like it when I look at my hands and the don’t look like withered hands of a much older woman. Broken Nails from digging inside cars with stains of different paints and enamels. When I look down and my fingers look pretty – I feel better. It’s vanity. Vanity for me. And I like the result. Just hate the process. Almost exactly like the gym.

Now, just to prove it isn’t normal to hold hands with adults that isn’t your tribe throughout your day, I’ve attached some pics. Enjoy – and yes. We all cracked up over this.

  • Rebecca and I casually holding hands while going over a final bill.
  • Nikki and I casually holding hands while walking down to accounting to check on her vacation paperwork.
  • Sara and I casually holding hands while we teamwork the crap out of drying this car!
  • My pretty nails.

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Do you rent? I do. And for a long time, I have hated it. I felt like as a forty-something, I should have my crap together. I should be a homeowner. You know, the old “you are throwing your money away by renting” adage. That was until the day the house flooded. Three times. In two days. It was awesome. (No, no it wasn’t.) In that moment, I decided to embrace my renting status. All the contractors who showed up. The tree root guys. The plumbing guys. The water damage guys (who were my favorite and nicest ever). Anyway – I paid zero dollars. On something that I am sure would have been upward of a zillion dollars. And I know there is insurance – but this would not have been a covered loss. Let that sink in. (I used to sell homeowner’s insurance, I know.)

Well, what’s the worst part about renting? The lack of being able to add personality. I hate that. I have wrote posts about that before – so I am not going to go down that rabbit trail. But let me tell ya. I didn’t like my kitchen. It wasn’t terrible. It was plain. Builder’s grade-ish? No color. No personality. Oak cabinets that the sun had bleached. Beige formica counter tops. Beige walls. WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?

Sit and watch YouTube, that’s what. But one day, I decided to search “Renting and Kitchen Redo” And I discovered the world of contact paper. Now this person, put contact paper on their counters. Super cute. Looked better. Then I found a video that someone put contact paper on their floor. (They covered old and dated linoleum – and it looked fantastic – although – I was thinking it would be super slick, not sure.) I saw Ikea hacks, paper added, a ton of ideas. But I needed a complete makeover. Oh. Did I mention I am on a tight budget? LOL! So this has to be as budget friendly as possible.

Well guys, I ain’t trying to brag. I’m lying. I’m bragging. I nailed it.

So, that being said. It’s all contact paper – mostly. Let’s start with the biggest. The cabinets. I didn’t paint the cabinets – because that would get me in trouble with the rental company when I move. I covered them with contact paper. White contact paper. Then, I painted the contact paper – to make it look really done. And guess what. It worked.

Second, the walls. Contact Paper. I mean, there’s not a lot more I can say. That’s it.

Third, the counter tops. Contact Paper. And this is the look. For 54 dollars. My fellow renters – this took me a week, of after work/ a Saturday/ and a day of kids puking. Truth. It’s worth it for a couple years of happy. Comment and let me know what ya think! (My before picture is before I moved in, but to give you an idea.)

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Well, I guess I feel like owe you an explanation for last night’s video.  It was surrender and defeat.  That’s it.  That sums it up.   Today, though – is a new day.  And who knows?  I might be crying on Facebook later.  But hopefully, I won’t. 

You wanna know what is different this morning compared to last night?  Well, I can tell you what is the same.  My kid is still trying me. Well, in his defense he is still asleep – but you get what I am saying.  My bills are still ever present.  Health issues – exact same.  The difference is my mindset, for now.  That being said – that can change, too.  But hopefully, today – I kill it. 

I got a lot of direct messages last night, and some comments that you all can see.  And my whole goal in that video was just to let one person know they aren’t alone.  Because, tbh, scrolling facebook – I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.  Especially the day after Easter.  I saw the beautiful families in beautiful matching clothes.  Having beautiful family dinners.  And don’t get my lying – I even saw my own family having a beautiful dinner in Tennessee – but I can’t afford to travel home every holiday and I live a million miles away – and I chose that.   It made me happy but also jealous.  And yes – I don’t care what anyone says – you can have both emotions.  My therapist said so.  LOL!
And then, I looked at my own page.  And guess what I saw.  A beautiful family.  Having a beautiful family brunch.  And based upon my scrolling – we looked absolutely perfect and picturesque.  On the outside, it looks like we are happy, and killing it.  And we are happy.  And we are killing it.  But, here’s the freaking truth.  We struggle.    I struggle as a mom.  I question if I am a good one.  I have guilt when I just want to sit alone.  That guilt comes from me working. But I have to work, to keep a roof over their head…  I could go on and on with that alone.
I struggle financially.  I am a one income household and I got three kids.  To anyone with kids – nuff said, right?  At times, I wonder if I will ever be financially sound.  If I will ever not have that worry of money.  Today, with the sun out and shining down – I know that this is just a moment – and it will get better. 

I struggle with myself worth.  I struggle with admitting what my dreams are.  I struggle with the fear of people making fun of me, if I tell them what my dreams are.  And for those people who say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks” – LIAR!  LOL!  We are biologically designed to care what other think.  But I want to write and speak.  I want to let people understand how valued they are.  I want to help.  I want to change the world.

I also want to be healthy.  I want to travel.  I want to be married one day – madly in love with my guy.  I want romance.  I want to make it a full day without crying.  Or worrying.  Or questioning myself. 

I say all this to just say.  I feel you.  It isn’t easy.  So here is what this woman lies about. 
My lies: I’m fine.  Everything is great.  And sometimes, that is just false.  Not always – but sometimes.  Sometimes, I just want to cry and say “Today is freaking crap – My kid is being a jerk – I feel alone and overwhelmed – I’m sick of being sick… etc.”  But I don’t say it.  But now, I am gonna start.  Because guess what ?  My tribe, my closest, my people – all said – “You can tell me anything.  I understand.  I’m here.  What do you need.”  Also they said, “I feel that way too sometimes.  It’s a season.  We will get through this.  You are doing amazing.”  It helps.  Telling people helps.  Telling you helped.  Writing this helped.  (And just so you know, I didn’t fake cry in that pic.  That’s real tears, that I sent to my friend, because they were leaving.  Those were real tears. LOL!)

It’s okay to be vulnerable and have fears.  You know what makes it even better? It’s when you are brave enough to admit it to yourself, and your loved ones.  Because then, you start to see a shift. 
So, thanks guys – for everything last night and today.  Who knows.   Maybe this is the start of something amazing.