Tag: boymom

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Today my baby boy turned 11 years old. The number 11 has always been my lucky number. When I drove up to my shop, the first time, I should have known that I would be there for a long time… When the address was 1111 East Landstreet.

Insert column left my sweet baby Jacoby in his eleventh year. Jacoby is my strong-willed child. Out of the three, he got all of that. God gave every one of us free will, but my goodness, Jacoby cherishes that gift more than the other two combined. With my other two kids, they have always pretty much fell in line without much of a fuss. But with this kid – you tell him about his clothes, his free time, what he reads – anything that he feels that he should have complete control of – he will fight back like a caged opossum.

I am learning, that I don’t have to force him to what I want, but I also don’t have to give in to his tantrums or demands. So, this year, he wears sports shorts and t-shirts to school. I am of the belief you dress for school and church. I am now mentally prepping him for middle school, and what I expect him to wear. But we scroll pinterest and find things that he believes would be good for him, also.

I am listening to him FaceTime his grandparents right now for his birthday wishes. He sounds like a politician or a reporter, telling about his day. Very in command. Very confident. Yet he’s only eleven.

And although it’s funny to hear him,  being the parent struggling to guide a strong-willed child to Christ-like maturity – is not so amusing. I have cried more tears than you can imagine. It’s relentless, it’s exhausting. Sometimes, he seems so disrespectful, it’s infuriating. His behavior at times can seem so ridiculously defiant, that it seems hopeless. Like, literally, I said this week “Why did you not sit down when the principal told you to!? Just sit down. It’s two seconds? Where is your want of self preservation?” He replied, My pants were too tight and dug in my belly. Girls don’t have to sit down if they don’t wear shorts under their skirts. Why do I need to sit down, when girls are standing? I wasn’t acting out. I wasn’t being disrespectful. I wasn’t being rude. I wasn’t in anyone’s way. I won’t let someone cause me pain, because they want power. I wasn’t rude, mommy – ask anyone.”

Are you proud or mad? MMMMM. Both. The maelstrom of emotions he can create is all absorbing. And then, last night, I hear this. My sweetie came by after to work to say goodnight. I was finishing a test for school. And I hear laughter and talking upstairs. I walk up, and the two of them are laying in the dark. I ask what is going on. Jacoby says, “Just having some man time. Let me have that.” Bro. Chill. I’m cool. But understand this – at the end of the day – I’m still the boss of you, little boy.

This kid.

I am learning that with this one, I have to give in on some little things. But the big things are non-negotiable, no matter how much he tries to negotiate. But what I have forgotten, is while my self-esteem is taking a bruising, so is his. Beneath that tough I-don’t-care-and-you-can’t-make-me attitude is a seriously wounded heart. It hurts to always be “the difficult one,” “the stubborn one,” the one rejected by classmates for being “too bossy.”  From researching all of this, I learned that “The compliant child typically enjoys higher self-esteem than the strong-willed child. . . . Only 19 percent of compliant teenagers either disliked themselves (17 percent) or felt extreme self-hatred (2 percent). Of the very strong-willed teenagers, 35 percent disliked themselves and 8 percent experienced extreme self-hatred.”

That broke me.

So this year. Is going to be a good year. A year of guidance. Balance. Equality. Duality. And most of all, Kindness. I will be a good momma to my strong willed boy. And be grateful that he is courageous and strong. And teach him when to use it.

I’m so proud of my boy.

Love fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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Where my boy moms at?

Guys. I’m praying for you.

As you may already know, I have three beautiful children on this planet. The youngest of which, is Jacoby. Let me tell you about Jacoby. He’s 10. He’s wild. He’s full of energy. And sass. Jacoby is one of the sweetest most loving people I have ever met. And he is definitely the hardest of my three to parent.

Our word of the quarantine is “boundaries”. Why boundaries, you ask? Because this little guy doesn’t know any.

He’s ten, and this little guy will walk into my bedroom like he owns it. He gets grounded from YouTube (yes, I grounded him from YouTube) – and I catch him watching it. I ask him why he was watching it when he knew he was grounded? “Because I was bored.” He is remorseful. He tells the truth when he is wrong. But in the moment – this kid does what he wants to do. And it’s maddening. It’s brutal. It makes me want to pull my hair out from the literal root.

I have yelled. Cried. Screamed. Prayed. Phoned a friend. And did it all again. And again.

I have now enlisted a checklist for him. What his expectations are morning, midday, and evening. We talk about personal space. We talk about earning privileges. We talk about what it means to have to wait. We talk about the law, the speed limit, rules, and why they exist. We talk about being a good human. And, exactly how that looks.

And, he seems to like the structure. Knowing what is expected. I actually took photos of his room – clean – and laminated them. So he can have a visual as to what it means. And I also added three times of exercise. No just playing outside. Intentional exercise.

We talked about him being an adult. Being a father. A husband. How he would have to take care of other people like mommy takes care of him. That you have to understand the biggest gift you can give is your respect and being trustworthy. Then, all things will fall into place.

  • I took this pic, while I was FaceTiming him and his sister. I see that sweet toddler in his face that isn’t there much anymore. This was today.

So, do you struggle with this whole “I am a mom, teacher, breadwinner, care-taker, disciplinarian, and please don’t let my child turn into a felonious nightmare…. ” all while maintaining a good hair style, make-up on , clean house, etc. It can be a lot. But let me tell you – when I kiss that little guy good night, he is worth every single grey hair on my head. I mean, that’s what bleach is for , right?

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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I’m gonna tell this story completely Sophia Patrillo style.

Picture it. Orlando Florida. November 5, 2019. Back in February, I had made plans to do the “Eat to the Beat” with my oldest son, for the Boys 2 Men Concert. I had completely forgotten about it, until two weeks before, when I got a reminder email. And when I got that email – I was soooo stoked! You know, it was like a little gift you got yourself, but you had forgotten about it. It was awesome.

*Backstory – Eat to the beat is a dining experience at Epcot here in Orlando. You go have a nice dinner at one of the Disney Restaurants, and then you get preferred seating to the show. For Boys 2 Men, that’s a big deal.

I tell/remind Tariq about it. He is excited, but not to the extent I am. He is more excited about eating at the Spice Table in Morocco at Epcot than the concert. He’s only 20, remember this. Anyway, we leave work around 2 pm, and head out to Epcot. And let me tell you – I am super excited. Like super excited. We walk around, and then show up at the Spice Table for our 4:15 reservation. And it was amazing.

The food – delicious. The company – impeccable. I mean, everything was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. We had a seat sitting at the lagoon, which was super cool, too – we watched the boats go back and forth, people riding over – it was great.

  • Me and the boy!

Once we are done, we walk over to the American Theater, and get in line for the show. It’s the 6:45 show, so it is dark. The gates open… and we are in. And can I tell you – I literally had the best seat ever. It was perfect.

Then, It begins to sprinkle. And then, a full on monsoon. Did I mention that the American Theater is an amphitheater? No? Well, it is. Luckily, I was one of like 5 rows that were covered. We watch, while people are scurrying to get covered up in their ponchos, shopping bags, or whatever they could find. Then we hear the announcement.

GREAT SEATS!

Ugh. I felt for the soaking wet people. This happens for about 10 minutes. Then… the whole crowd starts singing… “End of the Road”. And it was awesome. Some of the guys (set up guys) come out on stage and are filming this crowd singing in a complete monsoon. It was kinda great. A group of strangers united, and sung together, just from their heart and to get through the storm, (and I’d say the physical and emotional). Just as another announcement begins to start, BOYS 2 MEN WALK OUT.

THE CROWD SINGING IN THE STORM!

Ok, One of the best moments ever in life. Shawn, Wanya, and Nathan walk out. And what are they singing? End of the Road. And it was amazing. Wanya looked at me one time while he was singing. My son was cracking up because he saw his 42 year old momma being a fan girl. And the night was now in full swing. Until the end of the song, that is. And Shawn says, “I am so sorry guys, Disney has cancelled the show, but we had to come out and sing one song for you guys.” B.L.O.W.N.

But then, my son was like, “That is so awesome that they came out and did one song! I get why you love them so much! The are so talented, and that’s so great that they came out in a storm for their fans! I am a Boys 2 Men fan now!” To be honest, his positivity was a touch annoying to me, but hey – I wasn’t going to make it worse by calling him out on it. So, we start our hike out to the car. And it’s storming.

Key info – the American Theater in Epcot – is literally the farthest point away from the gate. So we had a hike to go. And it was storming. And it kept storming. More and more. Once I got to Spaceship Earth, I was falling out of my shoes. So, I had to carry those. So yes, I left Epcot – soaking wet. Makeup running down my face. Barefoot. I literally did a walk of shame out of Disney.

We were at that point, where you don’t even walk fast anymore. You just walk in the torrential downpour that you are in, because it won’t help. And I wanted to cry. I was disappointed. I wanted to see Boys 2 Men. I wanted to have some great memories with my kid, who is a grown man. The older he gets, the more I cherish these times- because I know how fleeting they are.

We get in the car, and my eyelashes have literally fallen off my face. Not my originals… LOL…. the fake ones. I look over at my son and he cracks up. And he says, “This night was great! I will never forget it!” And it hit me. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.

What did I want? A great dinner, a memorable night, to see Boys 2 Men, and go home happy. What did I get? Just that. And when I reflected back on it – it was nothing what I thought it would look like. It was even better. My son gained an appreciation of one of my favorite groups ever – because they came out and did a song when they weren’t supposed to. My dinner was great. I will never forget walking soaking wet through Epcot barefooted. It wasn’t how I pictured, at all. But it was great. Life seems to be that way.

There are times, that we don’t see how awesome something really is, because it isn’t what we thought it would look like. I am not where I thought I would be at 42. But I am learning, that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, in this moment. And just because things are not what “your plan” was, doesn’t mean that where you are isn’t exactly where you need to be to project yourself to best potential.

So, Boys 2 Men, you are still my fave. And, I will make it to see you again – but it will be hard to top this memory.

And hey, I’m gonna own my Disney Walk of Shame.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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Well, I guess I feel like owe you an explanation for last night’s video.  It was surrender and defeat.  That’s it.  That sums it up.   Today, though – is a new day.  And who knows?  I might be crying on Facebook later.  But hopefully, I won’t. 

You wanna know what is different this morning compared to last night?  Well, I can tell you what is the same.  My kid is still trying me. Well, in his defense he is still asleep – but you get what I am saying.  My bills are still ever present.  Health issues – exact same.  The difference is my mindset, for now.  That being said – that can change, too.  But hopefully, today – I kill it. 

I got a lot of direct messages last night, and some comments that you all can see.  And my whole goal in that video was just to let one person know they aren’t alone.  Because, tbh, scrolling facebook – I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.  Especially the day after Easter.  I saw the beautiful families in beautiful matching clothes.  Having beautiful family dinners.  And don’t get my lying – I even saw my own family having a beautiful dinner in Tennessee – but I can’t afford to travel home every holiday and I live a million miles away – and I chose that.   It made me happy but also jealous.  And yes – I don’t care what anyone says – you can have both emotions.  My therapist said so.  LOL!
And then, I looked at my own page.  And guess what I saw.  A beautiful family.  Having a beautiful family brunch.  And based upon my scrolling – we looked absolutely perfect and picturesque.  On the outside, it looks like we are happy, and killing it.  And we are happy.  And we are killing it.  But, here’s the freaking truth.  We struggle.    I struggle as a mom.  I question if I am a good one.  I have guilt when I just want to sit alone.  That guilt comes from me working. But I have to work, to keep a roof over their head…  I could go on and on with that alone.
I struggle financially.  I am a one income household and I got three kids.  To anyone with kids – nuff said, right?  At times, I wonder if I will ever be financially sound.  If I will ever not have that worry of money.  Today, with the sun out and shining down – I know that this is just a moment – and it will get better. 

I struggle with myself worth.  I struggle with admitting what my dreams are.  I struggle with the fear of people making fun of me, if I tell them what my dreams are.  And for those people who say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks” – LIAR!  LOL!  We are biologically designed to care what other think.  But I want to write and speak.  I want to let people understand how valued they are.  I want to help.  I want to change the world.

I also want to be healthy.  I want to travel.  I want to be married one day – madly in love with my guy.  I want romance.  I want to make it a full day without crying.  Or worrying.  Or questioning myself. 

I say all this to just say.  I feel you.  It isn’t easy.  So here is what this woman lies about. 
My lies: I’m fine.  Everything is great.  And sometimes, that is just false.  Not always – but sometimes.  Sometimes, I just want to cry and say “Today is freaking crap – My kid is being a jerk – I feel alone and overwhelmed – I’m sick of being sick… etc.”  But I don’t say it.  But now, I am gonna start.  Because guess what ?  My tribe, my closest, my people – all said – “You can tell me anything.  I understand.  I’m here.  What do you need.”  Also they said, “I feel that way too sometimes.  It’s a season.  We will get through this.  You are doing amazing.”  It helps.  Telling people helps.  Telling you helped.  Writing this helped.  (And just so you know, I didn’t fake cry in that pic.  That’s real tears, that I sent to my friend, because they were leaving.  Those were real tears. LOL!)

It’s okay to be vulnerable and have fears.  You know what makes it even better? It’s when you are brave enough to admit it to yourself, and your loved ones.  Because then, you start to see a shift. 
So, thanks guys – for everything last night and today.  Who knows.   Maybe this is the start of something amazing.