Wouldn’t it be so awesome if somebody told us, “It’s all gonna be okay?”

You are going to be fine. Your job will be okay. Your kids won’t get sick. You are going to get through this homeschooling thing with flying colors. Your finances won’t suffer. The economy will recover. And enjoy this time at home, because it will all work out just fine.

Let me be really clear. I would love to hear that, too. And although, I don’t know that it will all be fine, I feel in my heart it will all be fine.

This crisis, is not a normal crisis. In natural disasters, in death, in other crisis in our lives, it functions as a big wave, right? And in that – everything else is somewhat normal. At least somewhere. Right now, it feels like the whole world isn’t normal. And that’s because it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be again. This isn’t a sprint guys, its a marathon.

So, we need to start thinking a little long term. Right now, let’s decide that social distancing is a temporary new normal. Once something seems a little more normal, it often seems a little less scary. Limit your news intake. Find a couple sources that you trust, preferably those that are knowledgeable in epidemiology. And see this time, as an opportunity to get to know yourself, and slow down a little. Well, after you learn this whole home school thing. And you single folks? With no kids? Help out those of us who have them! Especially those of us who struggle with fourth grade math! LOLOL! (I’m kidding, sorta.)

But here are a few tips I got for you. Eat well. Eat as healthy as possible. If you are a parent, you don’t have to stay in your kids faces all day, holding their hands, and guiding them. You have every right to ask for alone time. Yes, even if they are two. On the same note, your partner or roommate? You also can have alone time away from them. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself together, because if you are about to lose your wits – it isn’t good for anyone.

Make some fun, future plans for when this is over. Because that will happen, too. Is there a vacation you want to go on? A new job? Do you need to work on your resume? How about some work for your home? For me? I am planning future crafty projects.

Now, my current position is considered an essential worker. And I am so grateful for my job. Can I tell you though, it’s weird. It’s weird being here – when the world is home. It’s weird seeing the difference in people. It’s weird, seeing the fear and nervousness. And, as a single mom – I do have some serious nervousness about being good for the kids with this whole school thing. Luckily – my kids have great teachers, and my kids are pretty great, too – so we will stumble through this together.

And I also want you to know, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed. Just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean you don’t get to have emotions. You can be sad the kids are home, you can be sad over missed trips, events, parties, vacations, concerts, jobs, friends – you name it. You can be sad.

So, that being said. You might not be admitting any of your fears or worries, because maybe you are being brave for the people in your life. Maybe you aren’t even letting your concerns exit your mouth. But I promise you, it’s better out than in. By admitting your fears isn’t going to cause them to happen. You can’t manifest that, guys. It’s a crisis. But what I have learned, is when you talk about things, they slowly stop haunting you in the middle of the night.

Send me a message. Leave a comment. Write an email. Tell me what worries you. I’ll listen. And it just might make you feel better to get it out. And I promise, I won’t say a word.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

And for goodness sake. Wash your hands.

Sat nam.

Hi! Been a few weeks, I know. I’ve been busy. Don’t judge me.

Alot has happened. My position at work has shifted. My bestie moved into a new place. My kid went on a weekend trip. And, I went to IKEA. So, it’s a wonder you are getting a post at all. It’s shocking that I am not still in IKEA.

That being said, while I was at IKEA – I experienced panic. True panic. And not for the great deals – or sytlish swedish furniture with their fun names. Nope.

I thought my nine year old was kidnapped. Literally. Scariest 45 seconds of my life. And I’m a widow. And that was scarier.

I asked Jacoby to return the shopping cart to the cart corral, (because we aren’t lazy people who leave carts all over the parking lot. It was literally 10 feet from my jeep. I put the last bag in the car, I get in the car, and I don’t see him. Back out we go.

I yell for him.

Nothing.

I full on scream for him. To the top of my lungs.

Nothing.

He vanished.

I am now walking quickly, and then break into a full on run – yelling for him. And then I hear, “MOMMY?”

This boy, is walking out the front door of the store. He took the cart to the front door. You see, he didn’t see a way to get the cart off the sidewalk. So, while I was arranging the bag in the car, he walked by me to the front door. I never saw him. He returned the cart inside.

He thought I saw him. I thought he was kidnapped by a pedophile rapist. What I am saying is this.

You never know what a day will hold. I had a happy ending. But my goodness – it gave me that “lesson” that your whole life can be turned upside down in an instant.

Panic realized. Panic hated.

My Sweet Boy.

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

Well, this is gonna be short. I didn’t plan this blog, she just kinda flew out my fingertips. I have had a good day. No major issues. Hiccups. All good. Then, out of nowhere, “WHAM!” I got slammed by a flood of emotions that I didn’t see coming. Long story short – in a previous blog I wrote about the best friend break-up. (You can click the underlined part to read that if you haven’t). Well, some of their social media popped up in my world – and it was like I was stabbed all over again. I guess, I should just feel blessed that I don’t know how you do that. How you just drop someone for literally no reason/no explanation.

Anyway. That sucked. Tears were burning my eyes. I shut my office door. I cried for a second, cause my feelings were re-hurt. And then I did it. I made a phone call. I called and I cried. And guess what !? I wasn’t made fun of, I was listened to, and I ended up laughing at the end. So I say all that, to say this. I am so grateful. In a moment of yucky – I realized that I have so much to be grateful over. And guys, when you are upset, let it out to someone you trust. I started off feeling crazy for being emotional. I ended up receiving understanding and a deeper connection with them? Why? Because I got vulnerable and showed emotion instead of choking it down. So, try it. Let it out.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

It’s worth it. For real.

Well, I guess I feel like owe you an explanation for last night’s video.  It was surrender and defeat.  That’s it.  That sums it up.   Today, though – is a new day.  And who knows?  I might be crying on Facebook later.  But hopefully, I won’t. 

You wanna know what is different this morning compared to last night?  Well, I can tell you what is the same.  My kid is still trying me. Well, in his defense he is still asleep – but you get what I am saying.  My bills are still ever present.  Health issues – exact same.  The difference is my mindset, for now.  That being said – that can change, too.  But hopefully, today – I kill it. 

I got a lot of direct messages last night, and some comments that you all can see.  And my whole goal in that video was just to let one person know they aren’t alone.  Because, tbh, scrolling facebook – I felt like the biggest loser on the planet.  Especially the day after Easter.  I saw the beautiful families in beautiful matching clothes.  Having beautiful family dinners.  And don’t get my lying – I even saw my own family having a beautiful dinner in Tennessee – but I can’t afford to travel home every holiday and I live a million miles away – and I chose that.   It made me happy but also jealous.  And yes – I don’t care what anyone says – you can have both emotions.  My therapist said so.  LOL!
And then, I looked at my own page.  And guess what I saw.  A beautiful family.  Having a beautiful family brunch.  And based upon my scrolling – we looked absolutely perfect and picturesque.  On the outside, it looks like we are happy, and killing it.  And we are happy.  And we are killing it.  But, here’s the freaking truth.  We struggle.    I struggle as a mom.  I question if I am a good one.  I have guilt when I just want to sit alone.  That guilt comes from me working. But I have to work, to keep a roof over their head…  I could go on and on with that alone.
I struggle financially.  I am a one income household and I got three kids.  To anyone with kids – nuff said, right?  At times, I wonder if I will ever be financially sound.  If I will ever not have that worry of money.  Today, with the sun out and shining down – I know that this is just a moment – and it will get better. 

I struggle with myself worth.  I struggle with admitting what my dreams are.  I struggle with the fear of people making fun of me, if I tell them what my dreams are.  And for those people who say, “I don’t care what anyone thinks” – LIAR!  LOL!  We are biologically designed to care what other think.  But I want to write and speak.  I want to let people understand how valued they are.  I want to help.  I want to change the world.

I also want to be healthy.  I want to travel.  I want to be married one day – madly in love with my guy.  I want romance.  I want to make it a full day without crying.  Or worrying.  Or questioning myself. 

I say all this to just say.  I feel you.  It isn’t easy.  So here is what this woman lies about. 
My lies: I’m fine.  Everything is great.  And sometimes, that is just false.  Not always – but sometimes.  Sometimes, I just want to cry and say “Today is freaking crap – My kid is being a jerk – I feel alone and overwhelmed – I’m sick of being sick… etc.”  But I don’t say it.  But now, I am gonna start.  Because guess what ?  My tribe, my closest, my people – all said – “You can tell me anything.  I understand.  I’m here.  What do you need.”  Also they said, “I feel that way too sometimes.  It’s a season.  We will get through this.  You are doing amazing.”  It helps.  Telling people helps.  Telling you helped.  Writing this helped.  (And just so you know, I didn’t fake cry in that pic.  That’s real tears, that I sent to my friend, because they were leaving.  Those were real tears. LOL!)

It’s okay to be vulnerable and have fears.  You know what makes it even better? It’s when you are brave enough to admit it to yourself, and your loved ones.  Because then, you start to see a shift. 
So, thanks guys – for everything last night and today.  Who knows.   Maybe this is the start of something amazing.