Tag: gratitude

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Facts.

The End.

Just Kidding.

This week has been a roller coaster for me. A huge roller coaster. Shoot, who am I kidding. My life has been a huge roller coaster for the past month. Let’s recap, shall we? My son’s car literally somewhat explodes while he is driving it, in front of me. (Just the transmission, but when you are a mom, heart attack.) The company that I worked for, loved and adored, was bought out. My baby turned eleven. We announced the podcast.

And this morning, I snapped at my kids, and I sat in my car and cried for about ten minutes before I went into my job.

What’s wrong? It hurts to hold the steering wheel. To type is so difficult sometimes. I hardly slept at all last night. Sometimes I get so cold I feel like I am laying in the middle of a snowstorm. Then two hours later, I am pretty sure I am frying under a saguaro in the middle of the Arizona Desert. I have fallen in public because my feet hurt. I have crawled to the bathroom. I have turned on the water with my elbow to wash my hands because they feel locked up. So what’s wrong? I have Lupus. SLE Lupus (Systemic lupus erythematosus) and Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis.

So basically? My immune system attacks my own tissues. So, I kick my own butt. Get the title? Clever, I know.

I’m private. I don’t put my business on front street. But this morning, after my ten minute pity party, I decided to pull it together, and maybe I can help somebody with this. Just so they know they aren’t by themselves.

Some days, I have no idea how I am actually going to physcially walk down to the car. But somedays, I get on my treadmill and run three miles. Sometimes, I can’t even hold hands. Somedays, I can hold hands and play a game of mercy along with it. Somedays my skin itches so bad, I cry because it hurts to touch it, but it itches. So it’s like having a bad itch that you can’t scratch. Somedays, my skin is perfect without a flaw. Somedays, when I cry, my tears feel like acid running down my cheeks. Somedays are so amazing that I laugh until I cry, and I love that. Somedays I am afraid that this disease will kill me. Somedays, I feel like I can live forever.

What triggers me? Changes in my thyroid meds (which happened this week, go figure). Excitement, nervousness, fear. Near death experiences – and by that, I mean that feeling you get when a tractor trailer comes over three lanes and about side swipes you? Yeah, that has literally triggered a flare.

But, I’m lucky. I have such a great support system. My friends, my family, my kids, my sweetie – everyone. But what makes me even luckier is this – A couple weeks or so ago, when the whole merger was going through, I was alot worse than I am today. I was laying in my bed, and I finally fell asleep. When I woke up, my hand was being held, and I was being prayed for. Folks, that’s powerful. Tears running down his face, praying…

I laid there and watched him, cause he didn’t know I had awoken. And shoot, I wondered if I was about see something… LOL. But all I saw, was a person who was broken for another person. The next morning, my oldest son who rides to work with me, picked my hand up off the gear shift, and kissed it. And he said he hopes I feel better. I was alot better then, but he could look at my hands and see it.

I have been accused of having a perfect life. My life isn’t perfect by any means. My everyday is a struggle. But everyday, I choose my path. I can choose gratitude, or grievance. I can choose pain, or passion. I can choose fighting, or freedom. And not everyday I make the right choice. Somedays, I lay in my bed and cry. Somedays, I cry before I walk into work. Somedays, I wonder if I will ever make it the next day.

But somedays, aren’t most days. Most days, I choose wisely. I get up and do yoga. I eat healthy. I do my hair and makeup. I take my medicine like I should, gluten is a no-no, and I listen to others with inflammatory issues.

But more importantly, I choose to love like Jesus loves. I choose gratitude because I am so loved, so honored, and so blessed. I choose forgiveness, so I have the freedom to live a passion filled life. I choose grace, because so many people have real issues in their lives, and to honest, I have medical insurance, a great job, and so many people who love me. What more can someone want?

So this is my story. My truth. So yeah, I might not look sick today. My eyelashes are perfect, brows even better. But that doesn’t mean that just because people look great, that they don’t have troubles, too. So I ask for you prayers – if you happen to think about it. For me, the people who help and care about me, my babies, and my co-workers. I have never missed a day of work for this stuff – I don’t plan to now.

So guys, there ya have it. And thanks for all the love and support on the upcoming Podcast! WE ARE SO EXCITED! Anyway, Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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Not original, I know.  But for me, 2020 has been that year.  The year to wake up.

Everyone keeps talking about how excited they are for 2020 to be over.  And to be honest, 2020 has been tough.  I agree.  Covid-19, politics, everything in the world got cancelled.  It has not only been annoying and scary – it has been inconvenient and stressful.  Along with a lot more adjectives I could throw in there.

I had plans.  I was going to New York. Chicago.  I was going to see Hamilton.  I also was gonna see Lizzo in concert.  I did none of those things.  

Here is what I did do.

I have had deep and heartfelt conversations. And have become a better person because of it. I have learned forgiveness. For myself and others.

I’ve hung out with the people most important to me. 

I realized that I work with a bunch of folks, who do what it takes to keep our company opened – even when there are companies shutting every time I turn around. I always loved my job, and the folks I worked for – I loved it more after this.

2020 has taught me a lot though.  A lot that I am acting on.  A lot that I am changing.  And a lot that I realize that I am doing just fine with.

There were things that I always wanted to do – but I was lazy.  Things I wanted to do and see around here.  In Orlando.  But, I always had a reason to put it off.  Not now.  No way. No how. 

I have been to Epcot.  Animal Kingdom. Orlando Eye.  I have went on amazing walks.  I have stayed in and watched movies – that I always said I wanted to see. And for transparency, I have watched even more that I didn’t want to see…LOL! But the company made it completely worth it.

 I have danced.  I have laughed. 

I have calmed down. 

I have realized that any problem can be solved through conversation.  I have realized that I love being with my people, and sometimes that can just be sitting together quietly.  Sometimes it’s a walk.

And to be honest, a lot of the stuff that I used to get angry over – just doesn’t matter. 

I am intentional with my time, where I hadn’t been before.  I enrolled in college (got straight A’s, btw).

Listen, there were parts of my life that weren’t working before.  I see that now, and I am fixing it.  I have thought about what I want my life to look like, and I am working to make it that way. 

Hang on, my friends.  74 days left in 2020.  What have you learned this year that’s positive?  That you are gonna carry into 2020?

Wanna see pics from 2020 lessons? Follow me on Instagram @kristiegreenberg

Love Fully.  Live Fully.  Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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Where my boy moms at?

Guys. I’m praying for you.

As you may already know, I have three beautiful children on this planet. The youngest of which, is Jacoby. Let me tell you about Jacoby. He’s 10. He’s wild. He’s full of energy. And sass. Jacoby is one of the sweetest most loving people I have ever met. And he is definitely the hardest of my three to parent.

Our word of the quarantine is “boundaries”. Why boundaries, you ask? Because this little guy doesn’t know any.

He’s ten, and this little guy will walk into my bedroom like he owns it. He gets grounded from YouTube (yes, I grounded him from YouTube) – and I catch him watching it. I ask him why he was watching it when he knew he was grounded? “Because I was bored.” He is remorseful. He tells the truth when he is wrong. But in the moment – this kid does what he wants to do. And it’s maddening. It’s brutal. It makes me want to pull my hair out from the literal root.

I have yelled. Cried. Screamed. Prayed. Phoned a friend. And did it all again. And again.

I have now enlisted a checklist for him. What his expectations are morning, midday, and evening. We talk about personal space. We talk about earning privileges. We talk about what it means to have to wait. We talk about the law, the speed limit, rules, and why they exist. We talk about being a good human. And, exactly how that looks.

And, he seems to like the structure. Knowing what is expected. I actually took photos of his room – clean – and laminated them. So he can have a visual as to what it means. And I also added three times of exercise. No just playing outside. Intentional exercise.

We talked about him being an adult. Being a father. A husband. How he would have to take care of other people like mommy takes care of him. That you have to understand the biggest gift you can give is your respect and being trustworthy. Then, all things will fall into place.

  • I took this pic, while I was FaceTiming him and his sister. I see that sweet toddler in his face that isn’t there much anymore. This was today.

So, do you struggle with this whole “I am a mom, teacher, breadwinner, care-taker, disciplinarian, and please don’t let my child turn into a felonious nightmare…. ” all while maintaining a good hair style, make-up on , clean house, etc. It can be a lot. But let me tell you – when I kiss that little guy good night, he is worth every single grey hair on my head. I mean, that’s what bleach is for , right?

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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Wouldn’t it be so awesome if somebody told us, “It’s all gonna be okay?”

You are going to be fine. Your job will be okay. Your kids won’t get sick. You are going to get through this homeschooling thing with flying colors. Your finances won’t suffer. The economy will recover. And enjoy this time at home, because it will all work out just fine.

Let me be really clear. I would love to hear that, too. And although, I don’t know that it will all be fine, I feel in my heart it will all be fine.

This crisis, is not a normal crisis. In natural disasters, in death, in other crisis in our lives, it functions as a big wave, right? And in that – everything else is somewhat normal. At least somewhere. Right now, it feels like the whole world isn’t normal. And that’s because it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be again. This isn’t a sprint guys, its a marathon.

So, we need to start thinking a little long term. Right now, let’s decide that social distancing is a temporary new normal. Once something seems a little more normal, it often seems a little less scary. Limit your news intake. Find a couple sources that you trust, preferably those that are knowledgeable in epidemiology. And see this time, as an opportunity to get to know yourself, and slow down a little. Well, after you learn this whole home school thing. And you single folks? With no kids? Help out those of us who have them! Especially those of us who struggle with fourth grade math! LOLOL! (I’m kidding, sorta.)

But here are a few tips I got for you. Eat well. Eat as healthy as possible. If you are a parent, you don’t have to stay in your kids faces all day, holding their hands, and guiding them. You have every right to ask for alone time. Yes, even if they are two. On the same note, your partner or roommate? You also can have alone time away from them. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself together, because if you are about to lose your wits – it isn’t good for anyone.

Make some fun, future plans for when this is over. Because that will happen, too. Is there a vacation you want to go on? A new job? Do you need to work on your resume? How about some work for your home? For me? I am planning future crafty projects.

Now, my current position is considered an essential worker. And I am so grateful for my job. Can I tell you though, it’s weird. It’s weird being here – when the world is home. It’s weird seeing the difference in people. It’s weird, seeing the fear and nervousness. And, as a single mom – I do have some serious nervousness about being good for the kids with this whole school thing. Luckily – my kids have great teachers, and my kids are pretty great, too – so we will stumble through this together.

And I also want you to know, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed. Just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean you don’t get to have emotions. You can be sad the kids are home, you can be sad over missed trips, events, parties, vacations, concerts, jobs, friends – you name it. You can be sad.

So, that being said. You might not be admitting any of your fears or worries, because maybe you are being brave for the people in your life. Maybe you aren’t even letting your concerns exit your mouth. But I promise you, it’s better out than in. By admitting your fears isn’t going to cause them to happen. You can’t manifest that, guys. It’s a crisis. But what I have learned, is when you talk about things, they slowly stop haunting you in the middle of the night.

Send me a message. Leave a comment. Write an email. Tell me what worries you. I’ll listen. And it just might make you feel better to get it out. And I promise, I won’t say a word.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

And for goodness sake. Wash your hands.

Sat nam.

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Saturday night, I went to a choir concert called “Beyond the Dream : A gospel concert celebrating 34 years of Dr. Martin Luther King in Orlando”. Now, My kid was singing in it. And if you know me personally – you know I am not a big fan of choir music. Like, I think it’s beautiful, but let’s be honest – ya girl don’t sing in Latin. So, there’s that. But I go to every concert – show, whatever. Because to me, it’s important to show up for people that you love.

The Aeolilans & Dr. Jeffery Redding.

Any way, this isn’t a parenting post. At this concert, a group called “The Aeolians” Sang. They are a group from Oakwood University in Alabama. But before they sang – the president of Oakwood University spoke – and let’s just say – that man set the tone for the night. He was powerful, well-spoken, and made this white girl think about who Martin Luther King, Jr. really was. Because do we ever really think about who he actually was?

He was a man that was courageous. He was a preacher. He was a dad. He was a husband. He was a rebel. He was outspoken – and at times, he alienated some of the closest people around him. But he was a lot more than the “I have a dream speech”. I am not judging white America here, I am white. But what I am judging is what I was taught. And I was taught this: “He was an African-American preacher, a civil rights activist, and he gave a speech that started with ‘I have a dream’ – then he was shot in Memphis.” Now, that’s kinda sad that’s all I really knew.

Ruby Bridges

Now, there was once a little girl name Ruby Bridges. And she was the cutest little thing that you ever saw. And she wanted to go to school, just like all little kids want to do. Well, she got voted to start going to the desegregated schools. She didn’t ask to be a Civil Rights Activist, she was six. But that little thing went. Now, if you have kids, and are any type of parent, I would definitely fight for my kids to have the best education. The best of anything, because that’s what we want for our kids, right? Well, lemme put it this way. I have three kids. I have an olive complexion. My kids, two are your standard white, one is almost clear… LOL! I can’t imagine what it would be like, for someone not to allow my daughter into school, because she is super pale. We would all agree that would be ludicrous, right? It was the same thing. THE SAME THING. And while a six year old was walking into school, she was called slurs, had grown folk throwing things at her. Adults. Throwing things at a six year old. I can’t wrap my brains around that.

So, at this concert, what I saw was a celebration. A celebration of someone who helped fight for equality along with them. Who gave them courage, when they needed it. And can I just say, I am so grateful for MLK, Ruby Bridges, Nelson Mandela, Mother Theresa, Ghandi, Walter Francis White, and all the other civil rights activists. I am grateful for people who aren’t so clouded and jaded by their own inbred beliefs that they can see, that we are all equal. We are all one. Even the bible condems racisim. It’s from God himself.

President of Oakwood University, Dr. Leslie Pollard

There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus.

Galations 3:28

There’s a lot more. A lot, google it. But, that’s my personal fave. Pretty well covers all bigotry I would say.

But you want to know what I saw? I saw people come together as one. And celebrate. Celebrate freedom. Celebrate Love. Celebrate Unity. Black and white. Young and old. All raised their hands in praise, to God. We hugged. We worshiped. We sang. And we also cried. Cried for what has happened. Cried in gratitude for where we are at. And to be honest, cried because we still have such a long way to go. But, when you have groups like the Aeolians, the Orlando Choral Society, a mayor that invests, and a city who supports – we have hope. And if we have hope, we can change the world. So today, let’s be grateful for how far we have come, and vow not to become complacent. Let’s let our passion, fulfill God’s promise – and love become our armor.

For more information on how you can become involved, go to http://orlandochoralsociety.org .

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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Who loves to decorate their homes for the holidays? I know I do. I normally go all out on Halloween, but this year – I really haven’t done so much. I’ve been super busy – so maybe I will get some stuff on the outside soon. That being said, I love decorating for fall – but I hate paying for it. So, I thought I would give you some ideas, that I have done, which I LOVE – and they all originated from ….. THE. DOLLAR. TREE.

Those who know me, know I love the freaking dollar tree. There is so much potential there. To do these, you will need some basic craft supplies, but everything else is a dollar.

For the first one, here is what you are gonna need. First, the non-dollar tree stuff. Chalk paint and a glue gun. A lot of this stuff I already had on hand, so this first project literally cost me two dollars. Not too shabby for a cute little sign.

Here is what I used that i got from the dollar tree. One stretched canvas, a black permanent marker, twine, a little bag of different wooden cutouts (the pumpkin), orange paint, black paint, and the coffee cup cardboard piece. The coffee cup piece was actually a cute little photo holder that I found. They have a few different styles of them, but I got one for my room, and then – I had never used this one. So … Now I did! I pulled off the clip, and broke off the easel part in the back… and there ya go.

The cup I used!

So, Once that was done, I took a piece of sandpaper and scuffed down the front of the cardboard piece. Then I took my chalk paint, and painted it! I used the regular lines that is on the cup, to create the gray holder and black lid. And I just mixed my dollar tree black paint with my chalk paint, to make the colors. I dug through this little bag of wooden shapes, and there was a pumpkin. So I used the orange paint, in one of those craft things that the dollar tree has for Halloween projects for the kiddos. I didn’t take a pic of it – but its the little paint tubs that are connected… and it was wayyy to orange. So, I mixed it with the gray. Voila!

Literally – for the background, I used a permanent marker. And just drew it on there. to make it look like ship lap. Sorta. Then I hit Pinterest to find a cute little saying. And I loved that one! It made me smile.

Then, made a bow with the twine, glued it on, glued the cup to the board – and done.

I love having a festive house! This is a perfect little touch of fall to sit in a window sill, side table, even hang. I sat mine in my kitchen window – with a Rae Dunn “Pumpkin” Candle beside it. All for two dollars. Look at the things you have around you – I get you can make something amazing! And to be honest, if you are in a bigger city, check a few dollar trees out – they get different stock. What’s your favorite season, and craft for the season?

Live fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat nam.

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Are you racking your brain? Trying to figure out what is 111 days away? It’s CHRISTMAS!!!!!!! Are you excited? Groaning? I am a little bit of both, to be honest.

Christmas in one of my favorite times of year, but it’s also stressful. Especially, when it is the gift buying season and you are on a budget. Like any other parent, I want to shower my kids with everything that they want on Christmas – but I also know that I can’t afford it – and even if I could – that’s not a good idea. I used to pride myself on the mounds of gifts I could get under the tree. Now, that my kids are older – it is really hard to get from them what they want. I noticed that for like the past two years.

Now, don’t get me wrong, my kids get presents. They have grandparents, family, friends, and they are far from deprived. But have you noticed as your kids get older, they seem to want less? Or really, have a hard time telling you what they want?

I am so grateful for my 20 and 16 year old. They are the most satisfied, non-greedy, giving souls to walk this planet. They really get the true meaning of Christmas. My nine year old, well, he can make you a list today. (I think my older two could also when they were his age, LOL!) So, at least for the older two, I am trying to get some creative ideas for them for Christmas. Some homemade items, that they will love, and maybe some ‘experiences’.

During the Hurricane, I got busy. I made an amazing birthday gift for a friend of mine, and I started on one gift for my oldest. I mean, I have to start now -if I am going to make stuff, right? So I am feeling pretty good about that – but I am at a loss as to what to do for a 16 year old girl. And does anyone have any good ideas for an experience? I would like to do that for all three.

So, I need your help. Give me ideas. What do you do for your kids during the holidays? How do your kids feel about homemade gifts? Have you done the whole “experience” thing before? Help a sister out! Send me some ideas, I’ll do some reserach, and maybe – we can figure this out together and have the coolest, cost-effective Christmas!

Love fully. Live fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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Sitting back and thinking about it, I probably should have put this as the first part – buy hey. Here we are. You really want to know how I do it all? The big, huge, deep and dark secret?

I don’t. I don’t do it all.

It might seem like a lot to you, but if it seems like a lot-I am betting that it is our “all” is different. Maybe you are carting kids and their friends to ball practices, recitals, and maybe working four jobs. Who Knows!?! But, I bet – our all is different.

Let’s start with an important aspect to me. I have some health issues – and sometimes, my energy is in the toilet. Complete and utter exhaustion. I feel mentally foggy, physically lethargic, and all in all – just want to nap. Now, those times are much farther spaced now, because I have learned to take control, and not over do it. I know my capabilities, and if my energy is on the lower end of the spectrum- I don’t drain it any further by overexerting myself. I have to take care of ME so I am capable of taking care of those I love. And sometimes that requires me to say, “I’m sorry baby, but I can’t go out to dinner tonight. I know I said that I would, but I am really exhausted and I want to stay healthy for you!” Does it suck? Sure. It is also a hard lesson learned, because I wanted to ‘follow through’ on a promise when I wasn’t able, I end up stuck in bed all weekend long. Luckily – I haven’t had one of those in months!

Guys. Believe it or not. This is a filter! I don’t really have kitten ears and a gold glitter nose.

A key aspect to doing this with grace? Let all of the guilt go. You have to take care of you – to be the best for those you love. Let me tell you something, write this down Tattoo it on your forearm. Write it on your mirror. Memorize it. WHEN GUILT LEADS, YOU TRY TO PLEASE EVERYONE. THE IRONY? YOU PLEASE NO ONE, ESPECIALLY YOURSELF.

So let’s use the dinner situation above as an example, shall we? Let’s say I go. I feel like utter crap, but I go. I’m slow. I am sitting, watching the clock, wanting to leave. I try to engage in conversation – but remember, there’s mental fog. It’s a struggle for me, which becomes a struggle for my company. No one is having a good time.

On the flip side, what if I say, “I don’t feel like it – but can you come over and sit in bed with me and we can order take out?” I say that, because that has literally happened. A few times. LOL! Please understand, there is a difference between being a flake, and taking care of yourself, too! If you are a person with commitment remorse, buck up once you commit. Because honestly, you probably need to get out for your mental health!

Give yourself grace. My friends will laugh when they read this – because I say that all the freaking time. But it’s true. I still suck at it. I beat myself up way too often. And often times, If a friends told me the same thing I was beating myself up for – I would be much more loving and patient. One thing that I beat myself up over? My kids extra curricular stuff. Tariq, although he is an adult-ish, I love to go to his performances. He is my kid. Bella and Jacoby – same. I want them to look out in the audience, and see momma. To know that momma is always there and cheering them on.

Last year, I missed one of Bella’s concerts? Why you ask? Long story short – Jacoby made a poor life choice, fell out of a tree, and I was in the ER. Good reason to miss, right? Of course. It took me about two months to get over it. No joke. I felt horrible.

Two weeks ago, Tariq sung in an event downtown. I had planned on going, but I was so tired, and it was a huge convention. Tariq is telling me to stay home. He said it was so short, it would take me longer to park and walk there than what I would hear. So, I stayed home. It was the right choice. I still had guilt. I had to talk myself through it.

To sum it up. There are some things you have to do. Laundry. Groceries. Work. There are other things that you have to do also – like kids activities, dating, vacations, relaxation, etc. Some days – you might need to let the laundry go, and go out on that date. Do the laundry tomorrow. It’s fine. Don’t feel guilty about it. I mean honestly, the crap is gonna get dirty again anyway.

So, I guess I just changed my mind again. I do – do it all. I just do it all on different days, different phases, and to my ability. I wrap myself in grace, I make sure that my energy and activities match, I know what I have to do, what I want to do, and then I try to arrange it.

Listen, we are never going to live in a “there is time for everything utopia”, it’s not gonna happen. Nor, or we going to be able to add more hours to our day. So, let’s make every hour the best we can for that moment, and go to bed, happy and content, and not running through all we didn’t do.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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Being a parent is tough. Hardest job I have ever done. And my day job is to make people happy who have wrecked cars. Being a momma – much harder.

I am an emotional person. I can be all over the place. Ask those who know me the best. What I consider my worst trait, is my capability to go zero to 100, in a matter of seconds. I am a perfectionist, who likes things done a certain way. I am Southern, so I was raised with manners. And being defiant, makes me wanna lose my mind. You want to know how I have handled lack of any of the above in my kids? I have yelled and grounded – normally in that order.

Now, luckily – my kids are pretty good. I have had no major issues (knock on wood). But one day, a year or so ago, a friend of mine heard my correcting my little guy. He said, “Relax. You are louder than he is, and you are telling him to stop being loud. He probably doesn’t even know what you are saying.” If we are being honest here, I was mad. One, opinion wasn’t asked for. Two, my kids are good and this is why. That being said, I couldn’t ‘unhear’ what he said.

Then it hit me. My heart got broken, long story – so we won’t get into it. But anyway, there I was, broken hearted. It was the type of broken heart, where I couldn’t even cry correctly. Snotty nose, crying hiccups, and really – wailing out loud. I was trying to will myself to shut up. I wanted to pull it together. I couldn’t. And guess what? The next time my little guy started screaming and crying, I remembered what it felt like to be out of control in sadness. And for the first time, I didn’t raise my voice in response.

One of my favorite pics of me and my little guy! He’s the “spirited one” that makes me practice what I am preaching! LOL!

I calmly told him he can cry, I hugged him, and when he pulled it together – we talked. I asked him why he was freaking out. He said because he knew he would be grounded, because he disobeyed. And he was sad. Well, I told him he was right. He would be grounded – because he had to listen. He teared up again, and I told him he could cry if he needed , too. The best way to stop, though? Just obey the rules. He sniffled some. Then he hugged me, and we moved on. I didn’t feel like I was about to have a heart attack, and he seemed a little more understanding.

I practice it a lot more. Sometimes I have to step away before I speak, because I still can get to 100 pretty quick. That hasn’t changed. It’s just the speed that opening my mouth that has. I mean, I love them and want the best for them – so I gotta keep myself in check.

I think it’s hard to remember, that just because they are little – doesn’t mean their emotions aren’t big. You and I might know that what they are going through will pass. They don’t know that yet. And newsflash – it means nothing when we tell them it will. So whether it’s sadness, fear, disobedience, whichever. Let’s work on taking care of these little people’s emotions. Cause this word is hard sometimes – and it doesn’t care about your size.

Love fully. Live fully. Sat nam.

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August 5, 2019 we lost an amazing writer. Toni Morrison passed away at the age of 88. And to be honest – he words changed me in a lot of ways. Her words encouraged me to write

The first time I ever heard of Toni Morrison, was back in my college days. I took a class called “The Nobel Laureates of the NorthWest”. Well, my mind figured it would be about the winners in the Northwest United States. Nope, not exactly. Northwestern Hemisphere. Just a smidge larger.

Anyway, in this class, we were assigned to read 5 books from 5 Nobel Laureates. One of the books I chose, was Beloved by Toni Morrison. And I was hooked. (Fun Fact, that novel also won a Pulitzer Prize.) But the story, was just – entrancing. I couldn’t put it down. Sethe, the protagonist of the novel, will break your heart while standing in awe at her resilience. That’s all I will say so I don’t ruin it. Fast forward to yesterday.

I had a blog post written, and I pulled it down. Because I knew I wanted to write about Toni Morrison, and I wouldn’t have time to do it justice until late tonight. So, you are getting it a day late. Sorry about that. But today, I got a blog notification from Brene Brown, and she was talking about Toni Morrison. (If you aren’t aware, this is just further proof that Brene Brown and I are supposed to BFFs… LOL!) Well, she was talking about how much she loved her also, and she brought up an Oprah interview. Of course, I google it – and I watch it. Below is from Brene’s blog, quoting Toni Morrison. I just can’t word it any clearer.

She asked, “Does your face light up?”
She explained, “When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now?”
Her advice was simple, but paradigm-shifting for me. She said:
“Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?”

Boom. Wow. Quake. Think about that. And I thought about all the times that I have pulled into the garage, and little feet come running out the door excited to see me – and what do I say? “GET IN THE HOUSE! WHAT IF I HADN’T SEEN YOU AND HAD HIT YOU!?” Little feet scurry back inside. Ugh. I would give anything to turn back time to those moments and change it. All I can do, is apologize now – explain why – and try to change it. They are my whole heart. I never want them to think for a second that I don’t want to see them. I can’t let fear, bad moods, sickness or anything else – come between them knowing that they have a strong and powerful purpose.

Take it one step farther. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. Husband or wife. Parents. Does your face light up when you see them? If you hadn’t seen them for a month, would it be any different? A year? If you thought you would never see them again, but you got another chance? Listen. I ain’t judging, cause I am going to tell you the truth. For YEARS of my life, my modus operandi was this – If I liked a boy, I played it cool. If I was excited to see him, I played it cool. Don’t show that you are happy or excited. That will make you weak. Then they have the upper hand. And apparently everything in my life was some type of crazy display of power.

Until the day I decided that I just don’t care. If I am happy to see you – I am going to hug you and show it. Simple as that.

So today, take a second, and look lovingly at your kids. Really, do it to anyone you love. But hey, they are little. Start there. And read a book. Or get on Audible.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Sat Nam.