Well. I ghosted for a few days. Figuratively and almost literally. I’m gonna share more than I normally do – just because it is something that I think needs to be addressed. Because if I am dealing with it, I know I’m not the only one.

I am the picture of health to most people. I go to the gym. I run. I do yoga. I meditate. I am proactive about my health. But it isn’t because I am health nut- it’s because I have to be. The past two years my poor body has been through the ringer. It’s been one of those things where I really say, what’s next.

Sunday. I got sick. Super sick. The type of sick where you really get scared. I was vomiting uncontrollably. It went on for about four hours. I slept in the bathroom floor for awhile. I went to bed, and woke up once to puke again. I woke up, saying “I’ll be better today!” And guess what. I wasn’t. I tried to talk myself into it. Although, I had quit puking. I felt like crap. My whole body ached. My feet hurt when I stepped on the ground. I figured after a good nights sleep, I’d feel better.

Lies.

I woke up the next day, and to be honest, I knew there was something off. I call the doctor- and I am instructed to go to the Emergency Room. So, off I go.

I was ashamed. Ashamed I was sick. Ashamed there was another problem. I was mortified that I would miss another day of work. Let me state- that in the three years I have been employed there- this is the fifth day I called out sick. So, as of last Sunday- 3 days In three years. And please know, my employers are fantastic. Two of those days- they forced me to take off. Because they knew the problems I was having. So it’s self induced- the panic and shame I feel.  It isn’t from them.  It’s from me. 

I associate, and I think a lot of people do, being sick with being weak. This association is only for myself though. Not others. I feel for others with health issues. I encourage rest, doctors, talking, time off, take care if yourself. But for my own self? Complete shame. I feel like if I was stronger. If I did something different. Maybe I wouldn’t have gotten sick.

Well, this day- it was a ‘cardiac event’ stemmed from dehydration. To break it down- my heart was angry because I was dehydrated. I was given a million bags of iv fluids- and I am on the mend. It’s amazing how fluids can make such a difference. Who knew.

Guess who I contacted? Only the people I absolutely had to. Why? Because I don’t want people to pity me, or think – ‘now what’? Because listen. I’ve heard the tones before. When you have a weak moment and you tell a friend about what you are going through, and they seem- judge-y. It sucks. The “WOW. That seems like a lot.” Or “it seems like it something different every week. “

You are right, Karen. It does. And it doesn’t seem like something. It is something. But all the little issues all started with the big one. But please, tell me more about the person who had 14 items in the 10 item or less checkout. And keep being dismissive.

Yes. That was bitterness you detected. But this why I just keep my mouth shut. Shame. I was shamed once and became self conscience. So, I really kinda ‘suffer alone’- not even trying to sound dramatic. I could have asked a number of people to come sit at the hospital with me today- and I was scared. But I refused to ask. Why? Shame. Don’t want to bother anyone.  And I am so not kidding.  I literally have a list of people who would have came.  But because of one statement, by someone that I am not even really friends with at all, it clammed me up. 

So, if your loved one has health issues. Or you even know someone who is just struggling, health or not, and you are in a good mental place – Call.  Text them.  Reach out.  Let the speak freely.  It’s hard to be by yourself.  And just because someone is married, has kids, great parents – doesn’t mean that they don’t feel ashamed.  Autoimmunity, cancer, flu, or just a string of bad luck- let them know it’s okay to call them. It’s a lonely world when you feel shamed. This isn’t a fact that I have no one – I do. This is just me saying openly- it’s hard to let people in sometimes- especially when you feel like a broken human.57832145616__5040EA94-B9FE-440F-B011-59641F411E6F

Because some days. I do feel broken.  I understand.  It’s hard.

Then I gotta remember – God’s doesn’t let us be broken.  And then, I talk to my tribe and they reassure me.  That they love me.  They just love me.  And everytime, they tell me that.  A little bit of that wall comes down.  

And I am so grateful. For my health. My home. My family. My friends. I am a lucky one. 

Huzzah!

I really just typed the word to keep with the whole “H” thing.  Fits though, right? I digress, and we are only one sentence in.  Focus Kristie!

So, I have skated around the fact in previous posts that I have had some health issues.  Quite a lot of them, if you ask me.  But, one of the ones that reaked havoc on me, was the diagnosis of Hoshimoto’s Thyroiditis.  Sounds wicked, right?  Guess what.  You are right.  It is.

Hoshimoto’s is an autoimmune disease.  If you are like me, I had heard the term before, but until I was diagnosed I had no idea what it was.  So, in case you don’t know – an autoimmune disease is a disease where your immune system attacks your own body.  So, you know, your immune system is supposed to attack foreign bodies, right?  Like bacteria, splinters, whatever.  In my case – my body says – “IMMUNE SYSTEM!  GATHER AROUND! THERE IS A FOREIGN BODY INVADING US! IT IS CALLED THE THYROID!  GO GET IT!”  This ridiculous proclamation is followed up with a strong warrior cry and steadfast speed to my thyroid.

Sis, I am gonna need you guys to relax and back up off my thyroid.  Quit being agressive.

They didn’t listen.  So now I have Hoshimoto’s.  I felt like crap.  Aching joints.  Dry skin.  Restlessness.  Depression at times.  Mood swings.  And I can’t handle cold.  Like I can’t.  We aren’t talking about the type of cold when it’s 30 outside.  Cold affects me different.  Like I can feel my bones inside my body.  It’s freaky and it hurts.

So.  Finally, They figure out what is wrong with me.  I had an awesome team of doctors who actually read my blood work and figured it out.  They put me on thyroid medicine, but also changed everything about my diet.  Yes, I said diet.  I know, not fun.  But whatever.  It is what it is.  Here is what I figured.  I have had issues and felt like crap.  The doctor is telling me that diet affects my health.  (And we aren’t talking weight watchers lose weight – like dietary eating plan).  Why would I not do it?  Because it’s hard?  Well, I can tell you dealing with depression and mood swings and ending up forever alone – that would be a lot harder.  LOL!

So here is where I stand today.  I am Gluten Free.  Dairy Free.  As organic as possible.  I also meditate.  Pray.  Breathe.  And a lot of other things.   But I am now going to share with all of you – with gluten/dairy issues – the best thing that ever happened to me.  And it’s a recipe.  An easy recipe at that.

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It might not look like much to you – but to me… It’s heaven.  In a jar.  So, short backstory – I can’t eat out without mega planning.  In turn, I pack my food when I go anywhere.  A few weeks ago, I forgot my lunch at home. We were slammed – and I resorted to Uber Eats.  I found a place called Purple Oceans Super Food Bar– here  in Orlando.  I got an Acai Bowl.  Never had one. But research and a phone call – I got a gluten and dairy free acai bowl ordered. And it changed my life.  I love it.  It’s like a healthy banana split sorta.  Anyway, I loved it so much, I thought can I do this at home.  Enter Pinterest.  From Pinterest, a little shuffling of the recipe – and I have now found perfection.  Here ya go:

1 packet of Sambazon Unsweetened Acai Smoothie Pack

1/2 cup of FROZEN strawberries

1/2 cup of FROZEN blueberries

1/4 cup of Unsweetened almond milk

1/4 cup of Diet Pomegranate/Cranberry juice

I make a few at a time.  And then, I pour it into mason jars.  And stuff them in the freezer.  Each day, I pull one out and throw it in my gym bag.  By the time 10 am rolls around… It’s sorta thawed, and delicious.  I use a stainless steel straw, and spoon!  You might want to add protein powder, if that’s what you do – or maybe whole milk.  Yogurt even.  Find what works for you!

It’s super healthy.  Full of anti-oxidants.  And delicious.  And I am not kidding when I say this – I always hated smoothies.  Like, Smoothie King, Planet Smoothie, Tropical Smoothie-I was never a fan.  This – yummmmmmmo.

Nutrional info –

147 Calories; 21 carbs; 6 grams of fat; 1 gram of protein; 12 g of sugar

And if you are in Orlando – GET OUT TO THE PURPLE OCEAN SUPER FOOD BAR (https://www.purpleoceansfb.com/) -For me – it doesn’t get much better.  I hope you enjoy!  Have a great and healthy day!