Right now. Hold your breath. Do it. Do it for 45 seconds. When you try to make it that long, what happens when you breathe? You pant? There’s panic? Of course, there is.
And George Floyd, laid on a street, in America, and was murdered.
Ahmad Aubrey went running. Running! Being healthy! Fresh Air! And was tracked down and shot like an animal.
And why? Because their skin color. I can’t begin to wrap my brains around it. And what else I can’t understand? How there are still people out there who don’t get it!?!
You can’t understand maybe, until you have worried about someone, because they are running. Riding a bike. Late to show up – because you are afraid that they could be hurt , just because their skin tone.
I watched the video of Ahmad Aubrey. It will haunt me forever. It was so brutal. And unprovoked.
I tried to watch the video of George Floyd. I couldn’t make it through. This has to stop. We are watching humans being murdered. They were murdered in broad daylight. In public. Murdered. I can’t wrap my mind around it.
And I want everyone to know. My heart aches. It aches in the way that makes you feel prickly all over.
I want the day to come, where we are all color-blind. Where we no longer see race, we only see that beauty that lies within the different tones.
I want the day to come, where God-fearing people behave in a God-fearing manner, and stand up for injustice that occurs against their brothers and sisters in Christ.
I want the day to come, where people take responsibility for their own actions, and will do the right thing, even if no one is looking.
I want the day to come, where we – as humans- show grace, love, and mercy to every single person.
I want the day to come, when there is no more hate. No more injustice. No more division.
To my friends and loved ones that will understand in a way I never will, I am so sorry. I will stand by you, beside you, and hold your hand. I will get on my knees in prayer, and pray that there is a change of heart in this crippled nation right now. And pray, that we all change. Everyday. And that everyday, we all become a better person.
To the family of George Floyd. My heart aches for you. I know its hard to lose a loved one no matter what. But to lose them in such a senseless and hateful way. I can’t even begin to imagine.
First of all, let me make a disclaimer. I am high maintenance – I know this. But in the scheme of things, when it comes to holidays and whatnot – I am not. I’m serious.
I really just wanted a happy day.
Well let me tell you about this weekend. It was trash. Complete and utter trash. It was so trash – that when people asked me how my Mother’s Day was at work? I said, “Tough weekend.” I can’t even lie and do the polite and southern, “I’m fine.” It was anything but fine.
It started out crappy Friday around noon. Homeschooling is wrecking my life. Constant phone calls of he said/she said. My 17 year old and 10 year old live in a state of who can tattle on the other soonest. And it is met with a barrage of phone calls. Anyway, the 10 year old calls – and I am already annoyed at the 14th call of the day. It’s noon – btw.
“Mommy!” he said. “Yes, Jacoby,” I muttered in my most fear inducing, angry, but I am at work and am unable to scream like I would like to do.
“BELLA BROKE HER TOE!”
“Sure she did. Let me talk to her.” He proceeds to put her on the phone. She is calmer than I anticipated, and said told me she thought she did. I told her to tape it together, because she probably just stubbed it – but just in case. And they don’t do anything for broken toes, anyway. We talked about Covid-19 and how we don’t want to go to the doctor during this junk, anyway. I tell her to ice it, take motrin, and call me if it gets worse.
Live Long & Prosper toe.
I get home. Her foot looks like the Star Trek hand signal. You know, the “Live Long and Prosper” thing. Girl. That thing was displaced. She doesn’t want to go to the ER, so we make an appointment for urgent care the next day at 8:30 am.
It’s broken. And had to be set. She is in a walking boot. Can we say mom fail? Ugh. I should have taken her the day before. And it kept going downhill from there.
Now, let me give some credit. Bella created the sweetest sign. Got me balloons and some gift cards and candles. She’s so sweet! And my oldest, he got me a gift also, though I don’t know what it is yet – because it got delayed in shipping. It wasn’t the stuff that made it bad. It was mother’s day disappointment.
I psyched myself up with the expectation that because all I wanted from the kids was a clean house, and some time to chill out – that would be what I would get. And everyone would chip in to make it happen, because it’s only one day, right?
Wrong.
No one wanted to do anything. But argue. And cry. And tattle. And cry. And argue. Repeat. OH! Did I say argue? Throw in yelling. Then crying. I actually woke up to screaming. It was great.
You want to know what happened? Hidden expectations. And as hard as I tried to stuff them down in the trenches of my soul – the were spewing everywhere. By Sunday afternoon, they had splattered all over the floor, and suddenly I was in a sad state of self-pity. I felt so self righteousness that everyone should appreciate that I am not greedy, and do the small thing I asked. But – I’m a mommy. It doesn’t work that way. Just because Hallmark called in a holiday, doesn’t mean that kids are going to stop being kids, or that I get permission to not be a parent.
I did get SNAPCHAT shout out from my boy!
So now what do I do? On my 21st mother’s day – I am setting and adjusting my expectations. Or any other holiday for that matter. I really did want to be spoiled on Mother’s Day. I wanted me-time. I wanted food that I didn’t cook. I wanted peace and quiet. And yes, I did want presents. And I am grateful for them.
On a more heart-felt note: This past year I spent time with a mom who lost her child. I, myself, have struggled fighting lupus and other medical stuff. There are moms out there who are battling for their lives – or even their children’s lives.
Hello freaking perspective: This makes me slow WAY down and realize that when it all comes down to brass tacks – all I really want to do is love and hug and kiss and squeeze those babies that made me a mom. I want to spend time with the people who help me raise them, and love them like their own.
So , maybe I need to keep that healthy perspective in the front of my mind. This way, I will be able to see the true importance, and kiss them all to pieces, and be satisfied with that. No gift, no clean house, no quietness- can make up the fact that these people are my tribe. My posse. My really small gang. And we always gotta work together everyday. Family doesn’t get a vacation because a holiday – nor does parenting. And I am so grateful for these three wild kids running around on this planet. And I wouldn’t trade one second with them for anything.
So, I am not going give you a cute photo of all of us on Mother’s day. Because it didn’t happen. But hey, I got to see Bella’s bones. So that was cool. LOL!
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years. A lot about myself. A lot about other people. I have learned things that I am capable of, and things other humans are capable of. But the best thing I have learned? Most people – aren’t bad. They might do bad things. But they aren’t bad.
I’ve lost a few friends over the years. And it broke my heart. In so many deep ways. I felt scammed. Taken advantage of. And used. But, once I took myself out of the equation, I can see it differently. In all of the situations – I know my stance. And one thing that I will say about myself, if I am wrong – I own it. Did I do some things wrong? Maybe. But to be honest, I don’t know how I could have done it differently. Did I apologize? Sure did. Over and over.
And my apology was left on deaf ears. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. And, I guess I hurt people sometimes, too. But you know what? I never meant to. And if I say – “I’m sorry”, I mean it. But what I can tell you is this – I valued these people’s friendship enough – To apologize. Because, hurt was never my intention.
Then there was another situation. I found out that a friend was talking bad about me behind my back. Guess what I don’t do? That. If I have something to say, I say it – to the person. Or I don’t say anything. That’s the way I roll. And to be honest, at first? I was seething. But after some processing time – I realized I have talked behind people’s backs before. It was in college. And why? Because one girl was talking about this girl – and I didn’t have the confidence, the fortitude, to stand up for her. And guess what? She called me out. And that day – I learned a hard lesson. Stand up for people or excuse yourself if you don’t agree. Otherwise – be ready to own your own words from your mouth.
At the end of the day, we all make bad choices out of fear. That’s my utter belief. And now, in these crazy times, I feel like it’s easy to get stuck in fear and negativity. So, I am no longer going to focus on fear. I won’t focus on negativity. When it musters up in my soul, and I feel a little ‘soul sad’ – I am going to choose something different that feels a little better. Maybe I am feeling sad over a lost friendship, but I can look in camera roll – and see how loved I am. It’s all about choices.
Today, I mentally closed those doors. I can smile, and know that it was a great time of my life. And if they ever reach out – I can start like it was tomorrow. I refuse to forget years of great times. If there is anything that I know to be true – Life is short. I refuse to waste time focusing on things that aren’t positive.
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
Did you ever think, that maybe, all of this stuff going on – is a gift? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not denying the fact that there are people that are ill, dying, losing their livelihoods, jobs, and a million other things. But for a moment. A small moment. Let’s just focus on you.
As an essential employee, here at my job, let me tell you what I have noticed. Where my daily “routine” hasn’t been as interrupted as others. I am noticing, that I am free from a few things. The expectations of other people, and society as a whole, has somewhat lifted. Sure – there is the homeschool situation. But, my kids teachers and school district has done an amazing job, so that part – well, they are still doing it. I am just landlord of the school… LOL!
I am noticing also, that I am free from a lot of the endless chatter that goes on in my mind. You know what I am talking about. Get this done. Get that done. Make quality time. Do the laundry. Read a book. Make a skirt. Mop. Exercise. Pray. Do yoga. Write a book. Write a blog. Make a doctor’s appointment. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Guess what? I wrote down a psycho long list of all the crap that goes on in my head. And I keep adding to it. We have got the quality time down. Killing that one. Laundry? Never ends. I’m listening to a book – because my readers gave some awesome titles. I did mop the whole house. And here is what I realized. A lot of my “endless chatter” was busywork and procrastination. If I was honest, It seemed like it was sooo much it was overwhelming. When really – each task, took either seconds up to half an hour. Nothing crazy.
Now. Let’s get deep for a second. We got the time, that’s for sure.
Now, this is what else this has taught me. I have been able to free myself from conversations that bleed me dry. In every aspect of my relationships – I have gotten a lot more honest. I have learned to say, “Hey, this sucks. Here is how I feel about it. Do you want to help?” Key to this though, is that it isn’t in a hostile way. It’s in a factual – let’s make this better type of way. I am not entertaining, professionally or personally, soul sucking fear and negativity. But what is awesome? I almost see a societal shift. While at work, it seems everyone is more patient and caring. Almost like an “essential” team, leaning on each other, to get through this hard time. And to show up each day, and see these guys – It does give a huge “WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER” type of feeling.
Next up – Hyper-Achievement and Low Self-Esteem. That’s me. I thrive for success. In all I do. Going on a diet? Let’s compete – I’ll lose the most. Going to write a book? Let’s do it. All in. I have self esteem issues in so many ways it’s ridiculous. And here is the thing; I will go all in-for a while anyway. And then – screeching halt. I am fully capable of completing every dream I have. I am educated. I am tech-savvy. I’m not bashful. So why haven’t I? You ready?
BECAUSE I WANT/WANTED EXTERNAL VALIDATION.
Kristie Greenberg, for some unbeknownst reason to me, wants people to praise her. Yes, I am ashamed to admit it. Yes, I hate that. Yes, I hold on to it. Yes, it’s freaking true. Ugh.
And you know what this pandemic has taught me? What are you if no one is around to validate you? What are you – when it’s just you and your kids? What are you, when you are sitting in your closet floor all alone? I’ve asked myself those questions.
Well first, I admitted to myself that I am co-dependent. What is co-dependency you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The feeling of not being complete without a romantic partner and/or – the feeling of not being complete without the approval of others. In the past, I was co-dependent in romantic relationships. I went from one, to the next, to the next, to the next – afraid to be alone. You can ask my parents! In high school, I was never “single” for more than a month. I put a lot of value, and my own self worth, in the power of being “with” someone. I wanted to be part of team. I wanted to be loved. And the idea of being alone – was paralyzing. This carried on through adulthood. (And if you have hopped relationships – and are happy now, I’m not saying leave! LOL! I’m just telling you my story – and making you aware of my past patterns. If you have found someone and can recognize that is how you were before, that doesn’t mean leave now to show you can be alone.) I made peace with that aspect of my co-dependancy – until I realized, I still am co-dependent, just a different way. We are going to call this my longest running addiction. That’s right. Addiction. That’s what it is.
And here is what I have realized. When it’s just me, sitting in front of a keyboard, writing down what I feel led to do, the words come out. They come out easy. No research needed – just the research of my soul. Just because it isn’t shared, or published, or commented, or liked – doesn’t mean, it didn’t affect the one person it was supposed to. And maybe, just maybe – the one person it was supposed to affect -is the one who is writing it.
If my goal, is to be authentic, change the world, and help people, I have to be willing, to be one of the people that I help. Let me say that again, in case it didn’t resonate the first time. Kristie has to allow Kristie to help Kristie, so Kristie can help other people. If Kristie doesn’t live authentically – Kristie isn’t good for anyone else. Not her kids, friends, family, not any one. If Kristie doesn’t help Kristie – She loses the possibility to make a lasting impact on others.
My hope for you is this. That is this time that is scary – you take some time and reflect on what might be the “good” in this whole thing. Maybe this will be the transition time for you. Maybe, your job that is no longer there– is the launch pad you need to make yourself a new future. Maybe, the homeschooling thing – is time for you to find a new passion, or maybe let a dream die because you realize teaching isn’t your jam. Maybe this has cost you everything – and you lost your home and income – and everything else. Maybe, this is so you can gain everything and more.
So I will end with this. What made you click this link? The photo? The title? What was it? Or was it, just a self therapy session behind a keyboard. Anyway, whatever the reason, I am clapping for myself today. Because I am one step closer, to being the woman I want to be tomorrow.
Wouldn’t it be so awesome if somebody told us, “It’s all gonna be okay?”
You are going to be fine. Your job will be okay. Your kids won’t get sick. You are going to get through this homeschooling thing with flying colors. Your finances won’t suffer. The economy will recover. And enjoy this time at home, because it will all work out just fine.
Let me be really clear. I would love to hear that, too. And although, I don’t know that it will all be fine, I feel in my heart it will all be fine.
This crisis, is not a normal crisis. In natural disasters, in death, in other crisis in our lives, it functions as a big wave, right? And in that – everything else is somewhat normal. At least somewhere. Right now, it feels like the whole world isn’t normal. And that’s because it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be again. This isn’t a sprint guys, its a marathon.
So, we need to start thinking a little long term. Right now, let’s decide that social distancing is a temporary new normal. Once something seems a little more normal, it often seems a little less scary. Limit your news intake. Find a couple sources that you trust, preferably those that are knowledgeable in epidemiology. And see this time, as an opportunity to get to know yourself, and slow down a little. Well, after you learn this whole home school thing. And you single folks? With no kids? Help out those of us who have them! Especially those of us who struggle with fourth grade math! LOLOL! (I’m kidding, sorta.)
But here are a few tips I got for you. Eat well. Eat as healthy as possible. If you are a parent, you don’t have to stay in your kids faces all day, holding their hands, and guiding them. You have every right to ask for alone time. Yes, even if they are two. On the same note, your partner or roommate? You also can have alone time away from them. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself together, because if you are about to lose your wits – it isn’t good for anyone.
Make some fun, future plans for when this is over. Because that will happen, too. Is there a vacation you want to go on? A new job? Do you need to work on your resume? How about some work for your home? For me? I am planning future crafty projects.
Now, my current position is considered an essential worker. And I am so grateful for my job. Can I tell you though, it’s weird. It’s weird being here – when the world is home. It’s weird seeing the difference in people. It’s weird, seeing the fear and nervousness. And, as a single mom – I do have some serious nervousness about being good for the kids with this whole school thing. Luckily – my kids have great teachers, and my kids are pretty great, too – so we will stumble through this together.
And I also want you to know, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed. Just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean you don’t get to have emotions. You can be sad the kids are home, you can be sad over missed trips, events, parties, vacations, concerts, jobs, friends – you name it. You can be sad.
So, that being said. You might not be admitting any of your fears or worries, because maybe you are being brave for the people in your life. Maybe you aren’t even letting your concerns exit your mouth. But I promise you, it’s better out than in. By admitting your fears isn’t going to cause them to happen. You can’t manifest that, guys. It’s a crisis. But what I have learned, is when you talk about things, they slowly stop haunting you in the middle of the night.
Send me a message. Leave a comment. Write an email. Tell me what worries you. I’ll listen. And it just might make you feel better to get it out. And I promise, I won’t say a word.
Hi! Been a few weeks, I know. I’ve been busy. Don’t judge me.
Alot has happened. My position at work has shifted. My bestie moved into a new place. My kid went on a weekend trip. And, I went to IKEA. So, it’s a wonder you are getting a post at all. It’s shocking that I am not still in IKEA.
That being said, while I was at IKEA – I experienced panic. True panic. And not for the great deals – or sytlish swedish furniture with their fun names. Nope.
I thought my nine year old was kidnapped. Literally. Scariest 45 seconds of my life. And I’m a widow. And that was scarier.
I asked Jacoby to return the shopping cart to the cart corral, (because we aren’t lazy people who leave carts all over the parking lot. It was literally 10 feet from my jeep. I put the last bag in the car, I get in the car, and I don’t see him. Back out we go.
I yell for him.
Nothing.
I full on scream for him. To the top of my lungs.
Nothing.
He vanished.
I am now walking quickly, and then break into a full on run – yelling for him. And then I hear, “MOMMY?”
This boy, is walking out the front door of the store. He took the cart to the front door. You see, he didn’t see a way to get the cart off the sidewalk. So, while I was arranging the bag in the car, he walked by me to the front door. I never saw him. He returned the cart inside.
He thought I saw him. I thought he was kidnapped by a pedophile rapist. What I am saying is this.
You never know what a day will hold. I had a happy ending. But my goodness – it gave me that “lesson” that your whole life can be turned upside down in an instant.
I mean, let’s be honest – I didn’t really go anywhere. I was here. In Orlando. Maybe at work, maybe at home. But yeah, if you look at my Instagram or my Facebook, I took a small step out of the social media world for a bit. I mean, don’t get it twisted, I would scroll. I would see your sweet pics, funny memes, etc . But I needed to take a step back from putting myself out there.
Why? I think, I struggle with self love – a lot. And to be honest, I was using my social media to look for it (self love) in the outside world. I mean let’s be honest. We put the best pics out there. Stand in the “right” pose. (When you all see me on social – you are seeing the best me. I don’t get any better than that. LOL! That’s it – that’s the top of the Kristie line. ) I digress – you can’ t find self love in the outside world, now can you? That’s quite the oxymoron. For some strange reason, I want to present myself as if I am completely put together. And even if I vent, I want it to look the right way. And why? Imma tell you in a second.
But I’ll tell you something else. I struggled with jealousy. I really did. When I would see, in my perception, the perfect family – perfect clothes – perfect kids – perfect cars – perfect vacations. They seem financially set. Spiritually grounded. I really would let my inner voice beat me up. The things and insults I would hurl at myself – well, I wouldn’t say it to my worst enemy. It took an unexpected mentor to say to me – “Baby, you are that to other people. They see you as the perfect one. Always postive. Always coiffed. Always, always, always.” And she was right. And that’s when I thought – step back and do some serious soul searching, girl.
Here is what I realized. It’s okay to be a mess. It’s okay not to post that you are a mess. It’s okay to post that you are. It’s fine – and you owe no one anything. We don’t have to prove ourselves to each other, and feeling like you do? Well, that was my ego talking. My ego wanting to be stroked. My ego saying, tell me I am good. Tell me I am pretty. Give me value.
Then that moment where I realize, I am valued. By so many people. And it isn’t because of social media. It’s a little boy climbing up in my bed and saying, “Good morning, mommy”. It’s my daughter, asking me to come by her job so she can introduce me to her work friends. It’s my oldest son, leaving me a note that says “I love and appreciate you.” It’s grabbing my hand and the car. Kissing my head. That being said, I had to punish the same little boy for talking back. My daughter crying and screaming because she had a blowout. My oldest son being blatantly hateful – because he needs a nap. But even then, I am valued. Even in the dark moments. I am being a good mom by punishing my son for being sassy. My daughter, albeit she gave me a heart attack, she called me to rescue her. To tell her what to do. And my oldest? He walked up to me later and apologized, and said he was beat. All on his own. So with each good there’s bad – and it’s that way for everyone.
So, I will keep posting. I will keep writing. It might get read, it might not. It might be liked. It might not. My hope is this. That I will become more aware of myself, more grateful, less critical, more loving, and more accepting. That when I see something that makes me feel jealous? Well, in that moment, I am going to take an inventory of my blessings. I am going to pray that my heart loves more. That I care more.
And hey, you wanna know what I have figured out? There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m worthy, I matter, I’m significant, because I exist. Not because of anything I have accomplished. I am not less worthy because of anything that has been done to me or anything I have done. Same goes for you, too. Ya know why? Because we are human.
To wrap it up, I love each and everyone one of you – and I hope you have a Very Merry Christmas! And below? Well, Here is some pics from the past month or so. Enjoy!
I’m gonna tell this story completely Sophia Patrillo style.
Picture it. Orlando Florida. November 5, 2019. Back in February, I had made plans to do the “Eat to the Beat” with my oldest son, for the Boys 2 Men Concert. I had completely forgotten about it, until two weeks before, when I got a reminder email. And when I got that email – I was soooo stoked! You know, it was like a little gift you got yourself, but you had forgotten about it. It was awesome.
*Backstory – Eat to the beat is a dining experience at Epcot here in Orlando. You go have a nice dinner at one of the Disney Restaurants, and then you get preferred seating to the show. For Boys 2 Men, that’s a big deal.
I tell/remind Tariq about it. He is excited, but not to the extent I am. He is more excited about eating at the Spice Table in Morocco at Epcot than the concert. He’s only 20, remember this. Anyway, we leave work around 2 pm, and head out to Epcot. And let me tell you – I am super excited. Like super excited. We walk around, and then show up at the Spice Table for our 4:15 reservation. And it was amazing.
The food – delicious. The company – impeccable. I mean, everything was fantastic. Absolutely fantastic. We had a seat sitting at the lagoon, which was super cool, too – we watched the boats go back and forth, people riding over – it was great.
Me and the boy!
Once we are done, we walk over to the American Theater, and get in line for the show. It’s the 6:45 show, so it is dark. The gates open… and we are in. And can I tell you – I literally had the best seat ever. It was perfect.
Then, It begins to sprinkle. And then, a full on monsoon. Did I mention that the American Theater is an amphitheater? No? Well, it is. Luckily, I was one of like 5 rows that were covered. We watch, while people are scurrying to get covered up in their ponchos, shopping bags, or whatever they could find. Then we hear the announcement.
GREAT SEATS!
Ugh. I felt for the soaking wet people. This happens for about 10 minutes. Then… the whole crowd starts singing… “End of the Road”. And it was awesome. Some of the guys (set up guys) come out on stage and are filming this crowd singing in a complete monsoon. It was kinda great. A group of strangers united, and sung together, just from their heart and to get through the storm, (and I’d say the physical and emotional). Just as another announcement begins to start, BOYS 2 MEN WALK OUT.
THE CROWD SINGING IN THE STORM!
Ok, One of the best moments ever in life. Shawn, Wanya, and Nathan walk out. And what are they singing? End of the Road. And it was amazing. Wanya looked at me one time while he was singing. My son was cracking up because he saw his 42 year old momma being a fan girl. And the night was now in full swing. Until the end of the song, that is. And Shawn says, “I am so sorry guys, Disney has cancelled the show, but we had to come out and sing one song for you guys.” B.L.O.W.N.
But then, my son was like, “That is so awesome that they came out and did one song! I get why you love them so much! The are so talented, and that’s so great that they came out in a storm for their fans! I am a Boys 2 Men fan now!” To be honest, his positivity was a touch annoying to me, but hey – I wasn’t going to make it worse by calling him out on it. So, we start our hike out to the car. And it’s storming.
Key info – the American Theater in Epcot – is literally the farthest point away from the gate. So we had a hike to go. And it was storming. And it kept storming. More and more. Once I got to Spaceship Earth, I was falling out of my shoes. So, I had to carry those. So yes, I left Epcot – soaking wet. Makeup running down my face. Barefoot. I literally did a walk of shame out of Disney.
We were at that point, where you don’t even walk fast anymore. You just walk in the torrential downpour that you are in, because it won’t help. And I wanted to cry. I was disappointed. I wanted to see Boys 2 Men. I wanted to have some great memories with my kid, who is a grown man. The older he gets, the more I cherish these times- because I know how fleeting they are.
We get in the car, and my eyelashes have literally fallen off my face. Not my originals… LOL…. the fake ones. I look over at my son and he cracks up. And he says, “This night was great! I will never forget it!” And it hit me. I couldn’t see the forest for the trees.
What did I want? A great dinner, a memorable night, to see Boys 2 Men, and go home happy. What did I get? Just that. And when I reflected back on it – it was nothing what I thought it would look like. It was even better. My son gained an appreciation of one of my favorite groups ever – because they came out and did a song when they weren’t supposed to. My dinner was great. I will never forget walking soaking wet through Epcot barefooted. It wasn’t how I pictured, at all. But it was great. Life seems to be that way.
There are times, that we don’t see how awesome something really is, because it isn’t what we thought it would look like. I am not where I thought I would be at 42. But I am learning, that this is exactly where I am supposed to be, in this moment. And just because things are not what “your plan” was, doesn’t mean that where you are isn’t exactly where you need to be to project yourself to best potential.
So, Boys 2 Men, you are still my fave. And, I will make it to see you again – but it will be hard to top this memory.
This statement was said to me. No kidding. And it was followed up with, “she wears the diamond studs – I wear the hooops). Now, what this young lady was trying to convey to me, was the reason that she was about to beat down another young lady. She was showing their differences to me. Bad example, but nonetheless, an effort was made. Anyway – I squashed the brawl from happening – no nails were broken, no earrings taken out. All was right in the world.
I have coffin nails now. I love them. The are pretty, soft pink, and I feel put together when my nails are done. I had stopped for a while, a long while, because it was expensive. But, I got a gift card for my birthday, and I am covered for a few months from that. After that, I have worked it into my budget by cutting out a few other things, because I like the way I feel put together.
I say that, to say this.
Get Ready. It’s gonna be a shocker.
I HATE TO GET MY NAILS DONE. I HATE IT. I ABHOR IT. IT’S THE WORST THING EVER.
I hate – SO MUCH – sitting across from someone who I don’t know, and casually hold hands. Let’s just talk about casually holding hands. I hold hands with a small number of people. My man, my kids, my parents, and yeah – that’s it. And let me explain it more.
I will hold my man’s hand, like in the car, being cute – for a few minutes. Or,I will let him hold my hand or guide me at the waist if we are in traffic and we are pedestrians. That’s it. My kids – I will hold their hands to get them through a crowd – traffic – and my little guy, a parking lot. But you wanna know what doesn’t happen? I don’t hold random people’s hands. I don’t.
Now, in this discussion that I have had numerous times, people have said – “A massage is weirder!” No, no it isn’t. One – we aren’t 15 inches from each other’ face – eyes open. Two, they are massaging your back, legs, whatever – I can’t get those parts myself. Not when you are getting your nails done.YOU ARE HOLDING A NAIL TECH’S HAND! AND HAVING A CONVERSATION! OR ATTEMPTING IT! OR NOT! WHAT IS THE PROTOCOL? WHAT IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY ARE SAYING? IT STRESSES ME OUT!
Pedicures? Less terrible. But I don’t love it. I can read a magazine. Until they bring out the scrapey thing. I HATE THAT! Also, if I say don’t use it, don’t use it. I don’t care if you think I need it. I don’t like it. Please don’t use it.
So you might say, “Kristie, why are you torturing yourself?” Well, vanity, I would guess. I like it when I look at my hands and the don’t look like withered hands of a much older woman. Broken Nails from digging inside cars with stains of different paints and enamels. When I look down and my fingers look pretty – I feel better. It’s vanity. Vanity for me. And I like the result. Just hate the process. Almost exactly like the gym.
Now, just to prove it isn’t normal to hold hands with adults that isn’t your tribe throughout your day, I’ve attached some pics. Enjoy – and yes. We all cracked up over this.
Rebecca and I casually holding hands while going over a final bill.
Nikki and I casually holding hands while walking down to accounting to check on her vacation paperwork.
Sara and I casually holding hands while we teamwork the crap out of drying this car!
Do you rent? I do. And for a long time, I have hated it. I felt like as a forty-something, I should have my crap together. I should be a homeowner. You know, the old “you are throwing your money away by renting” adage. That was until the day the house flooded. Three times. In two days. It was awesome. (No, no it wasn’t.) In that moment, I decided to embrace my renting status. All the contractors who showed up. The tree root guys. The plumbing guys. The water damage guys (who were my favorite and nicest ever). Anyway – I paid zero dollars. On something that I am sure would have been upward of a zillion dollars. And I know there is insurance – but this would not have been a covered loss. Let that sink in. (I used to sell homeowner’s insurance, I know.)
Well, what’s the worst part about renting? The lack of being able to add personality. I hate that. I have wrote posts about that before – so I am not going to go down that rabbit trail. But let me tell ya. I didn’t like my kitchen. It wasn’t terrible. It was plain. Builder’s grade-ish? No color. No personality. Oak cabinets that the sun had bleached. Beige formica counter tops. Beige walls. WHAT’S A GIRL TO DO?
Sit and watch YouTube, that’s what. But one day, I decided to search “Renting and Kitchen Redo” And I discovered the world of contact paper. Now this person, put contact paper on their counters. Super cute. Looked better. Then I found a video that someone put contact paper on their floor. (They covered old and dated linoleum – and it looked fantastic – although – I was thinking it would be super slick, not sure.) I saw Ikea hacks, paper added, a ton of ideas. But I needed a complete makeover. Oh. Did I mention I am on a tight budget? LOL! So this has to be as budget friendly as possible.
Well guys, I ain’t trying to brag. I’m lying. I’m bragging. I nailed it.
So, that being said. It’s all contact paper – mostly. Let’s start with the biggest. The cabinets. I didn’t paint the cabinets – because that would get me in trouble with the rental company when I move. I covered them with contact paper. White contact paper. Then, I painted the contact paper – to make it look really done. And guess what. It worked.
Second, the walls. Contact Paper. I mean, there’s not a lot more I can say. That’s it.
Third, the counter tops. Contact Paper. And this is the look. For 54 dollars. My fellow renters – this took me a week, of after work/ a Saturday/ and a day of kids puking. Truth. It’s worth it for a couple years of happy. Comment and let me know what ya think! (My before picture is before I moved in, but to give you an idea.)
BRAZEN 