What’s another word for surreal?

According to Wikipedia,  Surreal in general means bizarre or dreamlike.  I don’t think that’s the exact word that I want to use.  It makes it sound bizarre in a fantastic sort of way.  Or dreamy, like Greg Brady off the Brady Bunch (and no, I don’t think he’s dreamy, but apparently a few of the ladies did at his high school – I digress).  But when so much has happened – how did it all happen?  I know that I lived through it all because I am still here, but it doesn’t seem like it could possibly be real.  There are times that I can talk about Shaun and smile and laugh.  Other times, I bust into tears (refer to yesterday’s post).  How can you have such a gamut of emotions, and still walk around.  I feel like I should be comatose laying in bed at times.  And I realize that I am not, I don’t know how.  I guess it’s the precious babies that have a big hold in keeping me going.  And my support system is phenomenal.  All the feedback, knowing I’m not alone in this, keeps me going.
A reporter came by from the newspaper tonight – and she asked me a lot of questions.  Questions I hadn’t even really thought about before.  One of them was why did I start this in the first place?  I had to think about it.  Here’s what I came up with.  I don’t know if I even told her all this – but here it is.  I needed to tell someone.  I didn’t want to burden anyone.  The person that I told everything to, who loved to sit and just listen at me, wasn’t here.  His death was what was giving me all these emotions.  We wrote notes, love letters if you will, back and forth.  In a way, I think these are my love letters continuing on.  Because when I wrote to him, I was telling him how I felt.  I am still sharing how I feel – the good, the bad, and the ugly.  Trust, my letters to him were probably much more uplifting and happy – but they were honest.  I was blessed to be married to the most loving, caring, sensitive, passionate, beautiful, fantastic, amazing , and perfect man in the whole world.  So, I guess a good word to describe Shaun would be surreal…how bizarre to find a man that great – to find him, I felt like I had to be dreaming.  God gave me a huge gift.  And he didn’t take it away – he allowed me to have him for almost four years.

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