I had kinda a rough night.  My sweet and gorgeous daughter gave me the biggest gift ever.  And it was a video of me and Shaun, a video that I never knew existed.   It tore my heart out, and made me smile.  It was a real mixture of emotions.  But I am so happy – happy to remember a sweet moment.  It made me remember how it felt when he put his hand on my head when he kissed me.  It made me remember the sweet look he gave me when he was sad.  It made me remember how blessed I was.  I am.  I miss him so much, there are times where I think I can’t even stand it.  Our anniversary is slowly approaching.  I don’t know how I will handle that day, and it kinda scares me.  I just want him back in my arms.  With me and loving me.  The way it was supposed to be.  I really really miss him.