I still think of Shaun everyday. Every hour. Sometimes, it’s just a memory that makes me smile. And sometimes – I just cry. But, I do have a ton of beautiful memories. God works in mysterious ways, though. That I am sure. Last night, I went to a charity basketball game – Ravens vs. Redskins. And I had a blast – but I got to say-I had a lump in my throat all evening – just knowing how excited Shaun would be. And I know the beauty that he is experiencing in heaven doesn’t compare to a Ravens game – but still. I wish he could have seen it. I wish he was still here. I wish I had asked him all the things I wanted to. But what shocks and amazes me is this – he’s still here. He’s still around. I see him everywhere. (And no, not in a creepy ghosthunters way.)
I saw him in the eyes of my friend Reza – last night at the game. He hugged me and it’s a hug that knows your heart. He knew I was hurting but happy. It was in the sweet words of the man at WAWA this morning. The kisses from my kids this afternoon. And although I cry while I write this – my heart is full of joy. And that’s a difficult place to be. Makes you feel a little bipolar, I guess. God has carried me through this – I can’t even begin to explain that. But my heart is happy. I will always love Shaun – that will never change. At times, I guess I love him more than I did when he was here. But that doesn’t mean to be miserable. I can love him, miss him, and still be happy. I have so many reasons to be happy. I rejoice in the fact that Shaun is in Jesus’s arms. A beautiful place to be. I rejoice in the fact that I will get to be there too. I rejoice in the fact that my life is in line. And I am making it. And i am grateful. I am peaceful. And my heart if full.