I was asked that question the other day, and it caught me off guard. “How do I do what?” And this was her response – “Everything. You do everything. I feel like I deserve an award if I get up before 7. “
And I laughed and laughed. Because, to be honest – how do I do everything? I don’t. I don’t even do half the things. But then, I thought about it – and I am quite productive, when I choose to be. So, I decided to make a guide, to help you out. Or at least, give you some ideas!
Do I have it all together? Of course not. Somedays, I feel like I am hanging by a thread. But, for the most part, I do have some tricks and tips, to help you out, and make your life easier. And these things are great for single parents, kids, teenagers, or anyone who just wants a little more calmness in their life.
To-Do Lists
I make a to-do list every Sunday. Then, I make another one each day. It might be during my lunch break, it might be when I wake up. But, before I leave work for the day – There is one done. On my Sunday one, I have everything that will fill up one sheet of paper. It’s everything that is practical and impractical – for now. So consider it a wishlist/to-do list.
On my Sunday list, for this week, I’ll give you a few examples.
Check the PUBLIX Bogo’s for next week and the matchups.
Laundry
Write a minimum of two blogs.
Pack Lunches
Go Zip Lining in Costa Rica
Make sure Bella has all her stuff for retreat.
Update Schedule
Read Gabrielle Bernstein’s next book – (it’s not out yet)
Dr. Appointment on Thursday
And that’s a tiny little example. It’s a full page. Some things make me laugh, and some things have to get done. Now I picked the ones I did, for example purposes. Once you have it all written down. Fold it up and stick it in your planner. What? You don’t have one? Ok. Get a planner. My fave is the MEL ROBBINS 5 SECOND JOURNAL. It’s my favorite by far. If you decide to adapt my way of planning, it will be yours also.
Next step, GET UP THE NEXT MORNING WHETHER YOU WANT TO OR NOT. DO NOT HIT SNOOZE. GET UP. GET UP. GET UP. And if you do that, you got time to make your daily to-do list. So, let’s pretend you didn’t hit snooze, you are up, and you are making your list. I break my list down into three groups. The first being – 1. The crap I have to do before I go to bed that cannot wait another day list. The second, is the Stuff I would like to get done today, but if I don’t the world won’t end – list. Third is the – Stuff I have to do everyday, but I am forgetful so I make a list, list.
When Mel Robbins took a pic of my card and letter, and put it on her Instagram. Yes, I fangirled. Big time. I love her stuff.
So, for today, I have three things that I have to do on list one. Don’t make a ton of stuff on that one. It will make your life overwhelming. But have discipline, to knock out some of the others, so everything doesn’t end up on list one. My three things are, 1.) Mail my package from poshmark. (If you sell on poshmark you get it, you want to get it out ASAP). 2.) Install lock on refrigerator at work. 3.)Work on Stuff for presentation. I will not go to bed until those are done.
On list two, I have 1.)Get Bella’s stuff she needs for retreat 2.)Write two blogs 3.)Work on adding clothes to my poshmark closet. 4.)Clean the downstairs bathroom. 5.)Write for 15 minutes. 6.) Research new recipes. And there’s a few others, but you get the idea.
ON list three, and don’t laugh – I have memory issues people. But here’s a few. 1. make bed 2. brush teeth 3. pack lunches. 4.start dishwasher if needed. 5. make sure all laundry is in basket. 6. water plants. 7. get the mail, with a few others.
Now, I get up early, so I go to bed around 9:30. I have an alarm set to review my list, at 8 pm. Then, I will have time if needed to get some things done I forgot. Now, If I don’t get all my list two items done, they might carry over on list two for a few days. But, on Thursday – If I don’t have Bella’s items for retreat done, it will hit list one. Because she goes on retreat on Friday.
This helps me plan and task my day. And I go to bed feeling productive, and wake up – not in overwhelm. That’s the way my lists work.
As not to overwhelm you on this, I will stop here for now. Next blog – Groceries and Dinner. And how I kill it. LOLOL!
Being a parent is tough. Hardest job I have ever done. And my day job is to make people happy who have wrecked cars. Being a momma – much harder.
I am an emotional person. I can be all over the place. Ask those who know me the best. What I consider my worst trait, is my capability to go zero to 100, in a matter of seconds. I am a perfectionist, who likes things done a certain way. I am Southern, so I was raised with manners. And being defiant, makes me wanna lose my mind. You want to know how I have handled lack of any of the above in my kids? I have yelled and grounded – normally in that order.
Now, luckily – my kids are pretty good. I have had no major issues (knock on wood). But one day, a year or so ago, a friend of mine heard my correcting my little guy. He said, “Relax. You are louder than he is, and you are telling him to stop being loud. He probably doesn’t even know what you are saying.” If we are being honest here, I was mad. One, opinion wasn’t asked for. Two, my kids are good and this is why. That being said, I couldn’t ‘unhear’ what he said.
Then it hit me. My heart got broken, long story – so we won’t get into it. But anyway, there I was, broken hearted. It was the type of broken heart, where I couldn’t even cry correctly. Snotty nose, crying hiccups, and really – wailing out loud. I was trying to will myself to shut up. I wanted to pull it together. I couldn’t. And guess what? The next time my little guy started screaming and crying, I remembered what it felt like to be out of control in sadness. And for the first time, I didn’t raise my voice in response.
One of my favorite pics of me and my little guy! He’s the “spirited one” that makes me practice what I am preaching! LOL!
I calmly told him he can cry, I hugged him, and when he pulled it together – we talked. I asked him why he was freaking out. He said because he knew he would be grounded, because he disobeyed. And he was sad. Well, I told him he was right. He would be grounded – because he had to listen. He teared up again, and I told him he could cry if he needed , too. The best way to stop, though? Just obey the rules. He sniffled some. Then he hugged me, and we moved on. I didn’t feel like I was about to have a heart attack, and he seemed a little more understanding.
I practice it a lot more. Sometimes I have to step away before I speak, because I still can get to 100 pretty quick. That hasn’t changed. It’s just the speed that opening my mouth that has. I mean, I love them and want the best for them – so I gotta keep myself in check.
I think it’s hard to remember, that just because they are little – doesn’t mean their emotions aren’t big. You and I might know that what they are going through will pass. They don’t know that yet. And newsflash – it means nothing when we tell them it will. So whether it’s sadness, fear, disobedience, whichever. Let’s work on taking care of these little people’s emotions. Cause this word is hard sometimes – and it doesn’t care about your size.
August 5, 2019 we lost an amazing writer. Toni Morrison passed away at the age of 88. And to be honest – he words changed me in a lot of ways. Her words encouraged me to write
The first time I ever heard of Toni Morrison, was back in my college days. I took a class called “The Nobel Laureates of the NorthWest”. Well, my mind figured it would be about the winners in the Northwest United States. Nope, not exactly. Northwestern Hemisphere. Just a smidge larger.
Anyway, in this class, we were assigned to read 5 books from 5 Nobel Laureates. One of the books I chose, was Beloved by Toni Morrison. And I was hooked. (Fun Fact, that novel also won a Pulitzer Prize.) But the story, was just – entrancing. I couldn’t put it down. Sethe, the protagonist of the novel, will break your heart while standing in awe at her resilience. That’s all I will say so I don’t ruin it. Fast forward to yesterday.
I had a blog post written, and I pulled it down. Because I knew I wanted to write about Toni Morrison, and I wouldn’t have time to do it justice until late tonight. So, you are getting it a day late. Sorry about that. But today, I got a blog notification from Brene Brown, and she was talking about Toni Morrison. (If you aren’t aware, this is just further proof that Brene Brown and I are supposed to BFFs… LOL!) Well, she was talking about how much she loved her also, and she brought up an Oprah interview. Of course, I google it – and I watch it. Below is from Brene’s blog, quoting Toni Morrison. I just can’t word it any clearer.
She asked, “Does your face light up?” She explained, “When my children used to walk in the room when they were little, I looked at them to see if they had buckled their trousers or if their hair was combed or if their socks were up. You think your affection and your deep love is on display because you’re caring for them. It’s not. When they see you, they see the critical face. What’s wrong now?” Her advice was simple, but paradigm-shifting for me. She said: “Let your face speak what’s in your heart. When they walk in the room my face says I’m glad to see them. It’s just as small as that, you see?”
Boom. Wow. Quake. Think about that. And I thought about all the times that I have pulled into the garage, and little feet come running out the door excited to see me – and what do I say? “GET IN THE HOUSE! WHAT IF I HADN’T SEEN YOU AND HAD HIT YOU!?” Little feet scurry back inside. Ugh. I would give anything to turn back time to those moments and change it. All I can do, is apologize now – explain why – and try to change it. They are my whole heart. I never want them to think for a second that I don’t want to see them. I can’t let fear, bad moods, sickness or anything else – come between them knowing that they have a strong and powerful purpose.
Take it one step farther. Your boyfriend or girlfriend. Husband or wife. Parents. Does your face light up when you see them? If you hadn’t seen them for a month, would it be any different? A year? If you thought you would never see them again, but you got another chance? Listen. I ain’t judging, cause I am going to tell you the truth. For YEARS of my life, my modus operandi was this – If I liked a boy, I played it cool. If I was excited to see him, I played it cool. Don’t show that you are happy or excited. That will make you weak. Then they have the upper hand. And apparently everything in my life was some type of crazy display of power.
Until the day I decided that I just don’t care. If I am happy to see you – I am going to hug you and show it. Simple as that.
So today, take a second, and look lovingly at your kids. Really, do it to anyone you love. But hey, they are little. Start there. And read a book. Or get on Audible.
This week. I got furious. You wanna know why? Because I made a blog that had a photo of Michelle Obama in it, and the hate mail began to pour in. I am not kidding. Now, ovbiously, if you read this blog, there was not a thing that was political about that post. I said I like her style of dressing. Which I do. She always looks classy. And she is also more my build, something I can relate to. And guess what? I think Melania Trump dresses beautifully, too. Don’t get mad at me – I like fashion.
But like for real, people made something not political – political. And guess what I don’t talk about? Politics. Until today. The only time I ever discuss politics is with my closest friends and family. One of my best friends, has polar opposite political beliefs. It doesn’t change my opinion of her, and I love her a ton. She respects my opinion, and I respect hers. Imagine that. In this climate of “Us Vs. Them” – two people with different political beliefs get along. And it isn’t just getting along – She is one of my best and closest friends.
TRY IT OUT PEOPLE.
When did our country become so childlike? On both sides? When did name calling become acceptable? It makes me absolutely sick. I have seen both sides, be so ridiculously ugly in their posts – it makes me wanna be sick. From Calling Obama and his family racial slurs – to making fun of Donald Trump’s little boy? When is it going to far!? Why can’t we just discuss the issue of our differences without childlike name calling? Why try to insight hate and anger?
Hillary Clinton is no supermodel, nor is Donald Trump. Why are we making fun of the way they look? They are politicians. Both ran to be president of the United States. And you are making fun of their appearance? How about discussing what you do and don’t believe and why?
Now, I was born and raised a Southern Baptist in Northeast Tennessee. I love Jesus and Sweet Tea. And I am now speaking to people who profess the Christian faith, as I do. I am talking directly to you. And I know a lot of you. I want you to picture yourself, sitting in front of Jesus. And him scrolling your Facebook page. Remember… If you are a christian, you have the knowledge that he loves every, single one of us. Would he want you mocking one of his kids? Making fun of a race or religion? Would you have shame for anything you posted if Christ himself was in front of you? Does your politics line up with your religious beliefs? Do you express it in a loving and Christian way? I bet some people are uncomfortable right now. And if you aren’t, you should be. Also, if you are a Christian, and you post a lot of political stuff – you could be alienating people from talking to you. What does that do to your testimony?
If you have gotten caught up in the frenzy of trash talking, hate mongering, and straight up consummation – you can stop. Tell your friends and family, that you are stopping. That doesn’t mean your beliefs change. That means the way you present your beliefs change. And I can promise you this – people will listen to you, when you can present yourself intelligently and they don’t feel attacked. Think about your political beliefs. Now, how do you feel when someone says that you are “A moron for thinking that way”, or “Left wing baby killers”, or “right wing baby prisons” ? You take offense. Your blood pressure raises. You feel attacked and insulted. Because if someone trashes your belief – it feels they are trashing part of you. Don’t take part in that. What a difference a conversation can make! It can really change everything!
And trust me when I say, I don’t care if you are democrat or republican. Be classy. Stop the name calling. And let’s try to make this nation stronger rather than ripping it apart at the seams. If you have strong political beliefs and want to share it, write it out and share it. Also remember, once you share something on Facebook – it never really goes away.
I can begin anywhere. Every day. Any day. I can start again. I can change. My hair. My attitude. My clothes. Each day, each minute – I can begin again.
I know the only thing I am an expert in, is me. And to be honest, I am not an expert in that every single day – and that’s okay. But where any other topic is concerned? I can always learn a little more.
I choose to be grateful for my health. Everyone should be. Some day – one day – one moment, your whole world can change. You can forget who you once were, and have to find yourself again. If that happens, and you have a ‘new normal’, enjoy the hunt.
I choose to I love unapologetically. I don’t love everyone. I don’t even like everyone. What I will do though, is try my best to be nice to everyone. If you are someone I love , I am loyal to the death. I see that as flaw, to be honest. It sets you up for heartbreak. I’d rather be heartbroken, though – than not be loyal.
I will longer struggle with acceptance, because I accept myself. I have had to learn to accept my flaws, and realize it’s okay if everyone doesn’t love me.
I choose to forgive, but I don’t forget. I forgive everyone who has need of forgiveness but I can never forget what was done. Forgiveness isn’t forgetting, forgiveness is accepting and moving on.
I choose to be the best mom I am capable of. Being a great mom means letting your kids know where they are screwing up, too – not just telling them how great they are. Find balance.
I choose that I will no longer be ashamed of my past mistakes. I learned from them. They aren’t who I am now.
I choose to smile more, share more, drink good coffee. I am going to listen to others. Really listen. Like with my heart. I am going to share more. Grow my blog. Keep working on my book. Keep the negativity at bay. And, frankly. I am gonna kill it. Not in the “murderino” type of way. In a completely positive type of way. (And yes, If you get the murderino reference, we could possibly be best friends.)
This is a blog I wrote on a different site back in 2013. A friend reminded me of this last week. I re-read this one, and it made me laugh. And I thought I’d share it again.
Ok, ok, I don’t have a personality disorder. But hang with me, and you will get where I am going. For all of those who are shoppers extraordinare, you are probably aware of the Nordstrom line that was at Target. I wasn’t much into it, because it still seemed mega pricey to me – especially to be at Target, but there was a dress I was in love with. It looked like something that Michelle Obama would wear. And I don’t care what your politics are – that is a beautiful woman, who dresses amazing, and carries herself like a champ. One of the few women that can make biceps look elegant in a sleeveless dress. I just knew if I owned this dress, I would be the same. Striking, elegant, commanding the attention of others, in a demure way. But, it was $99.99, and I didn’t think all those things should cost that much from Target.
Well, my friend from work informed me that she purchased said dress last week for 50% off!!!! Now, that, I would consider. So off to Target we go on our lunch break, so I too, can own a Michelle Obama dress. What began to transpire is a horror story – something that shouldn’t happen to anyone. Ever. We walk in – and there it is – Not at the price point of $49.99 – but $29.99!!!!!! (Sorry Target, I know your Nordstrom stuff didn’t do great – but this excited me!) So, I rummage through the dresses, find my size, and almost sprint to the dressing room. I know I am going to look beautiful in this dress. I have to. The dress is so gorgeous!!!! And then…… I put it on.
Boy, was I wrong. Let’s just say, it was cut in a way up front, that showed more than what it should have on my body type. I’ll just say it – THERE WAS WAY TOO MUCH BOOB! (One of those things when on a different shape it would look amazing – not knocking the dress – just me in the dress.) And it isn’t the type of dress where I could wear a tank top under it. So, a touch sad, I start to take it off. And then tragedy befalls me. The zipper will not budge. It zips up to the bottom of your neck – and it wouldn’t budge an inch. At all. I wrangle myself enough out of the dress to get it twisted around so the zipper is now in front, thinking that would get me a better hold on it. Still will not budge. I start to panic. I am trapped half naked in what I once thought was an amazing dress. Bet that stuff doesn’t happen to Michelle Obama.
Then I had an epiphany. I pick up my cell phone and call my friend who came with me. You can imagine that short conversation – and she comes to the dressing room. What does she do? Start cracking up. I have to admit – it was probably quite a sight – me all red-faced and panic stricken, dress half down and backwards – frantically telling her to help me. She tries, and guess what – ITS STUCK!!!! When you see concern in your friends face, you know it’s time to worry. We work and work, and she finally breaks me free. It was intense. I hug her and do a little dance of jubilation in the dressing room. I have never gotten dressed so fast in my entire life.
Me. The dress. And Michelle.
I blog this to tell you this…. My lessons from the Dressing Room, if you will…
1. I am not Michelle Obama. 2. Don’t take stock in material things – you might think that they may make you feel one way – but, it reality it will be the exact opposite – and maybe much worse. 3. Always take your cell phone into a dressing room. 4. Your true friends will always be there for you – no matter the situation – and never take that for granted. 5. No matter how bad things seem, they can always be worse. Always. And people are always there to help you. Let them help you – and don’t be afraid to ask. 6. And did I say make sure you take your cell phone into a dressing room? 7. Never underestimate the power of the secret service – I guarantee they wouldn’t have let her get trapped in that dress.
So here is what I am saying, no matter how bad your situation? People can help you if you take the initiative to help yourself. And no matter how dire the situation seems? There is an end to it – it will resolve itself. It’s been a few days – and I am not in the dress. I hope I made you laugh, and think – cause this was one a bit embarrassing – ehhh… shoot – It’s funny.
If we are being honest, I had to have my friend cut my Spanx off with scissors. Twice. I swear – no joke. The second time, I swore them off. And I haven’t looked back.
If you don’t know what Spanx is, it’s a modern day torture device. (No offense, Spanx lovers. I just can’t hang.) For real though, they are shapewear. I was talking to a friend of mine about this blog – and she didn’t know what they were either, so here is a brief summary. They are undergarments. That are super tight. And they are made to lift your booty, flatten your tummy, and smooth out any wrinkles, dips, or crevices that you don’t want seen through your clothes. Think skin tight dress.
Understand, it wasn’t recent that Krissie had to cut my SPANX off. It was like 10 years ago. I have been SPANX free ever since. But picture it. We had went to a Chamber of Commerce event. I had on a gorgeous dress that was fitted. I was super self-conscious of my tummy and thighs in this dress, though. Well, let’s put on some SPANX. Voila! My body was looking pretty good, if I do say so myself.
For the first couple of hours, I was ok. Those suckers were tight, but I was good. I was feeling confident knowing that I was all tucked in. Then we sat. And then I felt the top start to roll down. (Please note * the SPANX I had on were a short style. They came to mid-thigh, and then top came to below my chest. Think Steve Urkele pants height.) AS THEY ROLLED, IT BECAME TIGHTER AND TIGHTER. I look down, and my top fat was jumping right out. Mortified, I quickly go to the bathroom to put them back in their proper position.
In the bathroom stall, I take my dress off. I had too, because the way it was fitted, I couldn’t get it back to proper height. I unroll the top of the SPANX to try to get it back in the original positon. But that wasn’t happening. I guess I left it in the roll down position too long. Me, being an astute and crafty woman – I am not swayed. I jack those up a little bit more, and tuck it under my bra. I would like to state, in case you aren’t clear, the level of sexy there was like nothing I had ever seen before. Literally.
I get dressed again, and go out to the event. My friend and I sat there for another hour, and I leaned over to her and told her I had to get out of there, I was so uncomfortable I had started to sweat. Krissie is that type of girl who takes action. She gave me her keys, told me to go directly to the car, and she said our goodbyes and got us out of their quick, acting like I wasn’t feeling well.
She gets in the car, and asks me what is wrong. I begin to freak. “THESE STUPID SPANX IS ROLLING DOWN! I HAD TO TAKE MY DRESS OFF IN THE BATHROOM! TUCK THE TOP UP IN MY BRA! NOW… THEY ARE ROLLING AGAIN, AND I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE HAS A CABLE AROUND MY WAIST AND IS SLOWLY TRYING TO SEVERE MY TORSO!” She side-eyed me while she drove. I knew she wanted to laugh, but was gonna hold it in until I was less hostile.
My SPANX hero, Krissie. Right around the time that he rescue had to happen.
We get home and I start stripping as I walk in. Shoes… Dress…. I am gonna get those things off. But, I couldn’t. I am not kidding here guys. I literally could not get them off.
I start to pull them down, and they are so tight around my waist, that I can’t even really get my thumbs into the top. I make it into my bathroom, and I catch a glimpse of my reflection. I was sweaty, and my top looked all weird and distorted compared to my bottom. The SPANX had created some type of two dimensional universe all on my body. I take a deep breath, and tell myself to relax. It seemed the more I pulled and yanked, the tighter they got.
I hear a knock at the door to my bedroom. “WHAT!?”, I yelled at the door thinking my grunting and groaning had woken one of my children up. “You okay in there?” It was Krissie. I felt my eyes starting to get warm and burn because the tears were coming and about to mix with sweat. I go and open the door. And let her gaze at me in horror of the twisted SPANX mess that my life had currently become.
“So, are you stuck?”. I nod my reply. She pushed up her pajama sleeves and got to work. She coached me. She pulled. She yanked. She hollered. And then she said. “Do you want to keep these?”
“No. I never want to see them again. ” She walks out and goes to her room, and comes back with scissors. “The only way we are gonna get these off, is to cut them off.” I lift my arms over my head so she has plenty of access, and also symbolically surrender to the fact that the SPANX had won.
She began to cut. And I poured out those things like a busted can of biscuits. And as I looked at my tear-soaked face, with one cut side of spanks, yet my foot still in the leg of the other, I felt loads of humiliation and relief. My skin was all red and wrinkly. There were new lines on my skin, like what happens when you iron a shirt and didn’t realize a piece was folded over in the back. I look at Krissie and I hug her, and I tell her that I am so glad it was her and no one else. We began to laugh a little. Then we laughed hard. I swore off SPANX that day.
My SPANX story is really applicable to many facets of our life, though. I had an idea of what I wanted to people to see as. A certain view. I didn’t want any of my flaws to show. But I wanted the look, the respect that would I felt would come from me rockin’ that dress in an hour glass shape. What I didn’t want to do, was the work that it would take to wear that dress, they way I wanted it to look. So, I made a shortcut. And it didn’t work out well for me at all.
What I should have done was either fix myself or accept myself. Now understand, this isn’t pro-SPANX or anti-SPANX. Think bigger. This isn’t about body shaming or body positivity. My body was just fine. It was my heart and mind that wasn’t. And I am not dogging SPANX in anyway, shape or form. Or the people that wear them. I actually know some people who like the feeling of wearing of them. We can’t be friends, because I can’t understand your soul, but I know them. (I kid, I kid.)
This is a heart issue. My heart issue. If there is something you don’t like about yourself, you can change it or accept it. But most importantly, own your decision. If you don’t like your GPA, you can study more. If you don’t like your speed at running a mile, you can practice. If you don’t like your biceps, you can go to the gym and get the bigger.
On the flip-side, if you don’t like your GPA – maybe you accept it. Maybe you say, I have a 3.1 GPA. I study, but school doesn’t consume me, and I have a social life. Could I cut some things out and make it higher? Sure. But right now it isn’t important to me. I am satisfied with the balance of school and play, and I am satisfied.
Using the GPA as an example, here is the danger zone. The SPANX arena of life, if you will. When you struggle academically. But, instead of owning your truth that academics doesn’t naturally to you, you stay up all hours of the night trying to study. You take uppers or drink energy drinks, to cram for the final. Because you believe, that if you don’t give the perception of easy academic excellence, somehow people will think adversely of you. Maybe you want the praise. Maybe you believe that if they really knew you – you would be all alone and sad.
I’ve been there. In some areas, I am still there. But everyday I am working on it. I have people in my life, who I trust so much – I can tell them my whole truth. And just like Krissie sat with me in my humiliation, they sit with me in my truth. That truth can be shameful, embarrassing, humiliating, scary, and sometimes just plain weird. Sometimes we end up laughing. Sometimes we end up crying. But every time, I feel like I took a boulder out of my proverbial backpack of issues. Guys, everyone has issues. Everyone. No one gets out of here unscathed. But once we start talking about our fears and insecurities, and just lay them out there, others seem to disarm also.
So, I said I had to cut them off twice, right? Well, it’s true. I swore them off for good. I went years without wearing them. It was about 5 years ago, and my insecurity came marching in like a high school band. I was going to an event for the company that I worked for. The CEO was going to be there, there would be photos, and I wanted to look perfect. I decided to trade my go to sense of style, for something more regal. Regal meant very tailored. Like, tightly tailored. And it began. Insecurity won. And I purchased another pair of SPANX.
I regretted it. Again, two hours or so into it, I knew what I had to do. I walked out of the event and went to an employee and asked if they had any scissors. They did. I marched to restroom, stripped, and got to cutting. In thirty seconds, I was free of that mess. I got dressed again, walked out the bathroom stall and threw them in the trash. A lady was at the vanity touching up her make-up. She sees me carrying cloth while I walk out. I show her the scissors and the wadded up/cut up SPANX in my hand. And I look at her and say, “I said this once before, but this time I mean it. I am never ever wearing SPANX again.”
She laughs and says, “Those are of the devil. I can’t breathe with them on. ” I look at myself in the mirror after she says that. I feel good. I can breathe. And I see the line that I wanted to cover. You want to know what the line was? Where my leg connects to my torso. Guess who noticed? Probably only me. I walked out, and enjoyed (I mean as much as you can for a work function), the rest of the day.
Now, I only wear clothing that I am comfortable in. If it would require me to change my shape, it stays at the store. When some of the trends are not designed for me, I own it. And do my own thing.
Now guys, I don’t have this stuff figured out. Yes, I am actively practicing self-acceptance. I am learning to be more transparent and authentic – and trying everyday. I am in the trenches right along with you. Some days, I fail. And I fail miserably. But hey, once you see the problems and work to fix them, the easier it is to recognize the old behaviors – and well, “cut them away.” But sometimes, you need that friend – that person- who will sit with you and laugh and cry, why they help you cut it away.
I stress out over money. Big time. That’s a fact. I am single mom of three. From health insurance, to groceries, light bill, extra curricular activities, gas – well, I operate kissing the red line more often than not. And my closest friends – know this. And I decided to be vulnerable and share this – because I know I an not alone. (And wait until my book comes out – you can find out a WHOLE BIG BUNCH of my financial fears and worries – aren’t you excited!? LOL!)
First, and the most important thing for you to know – is you are not alone! A lot of people struggle with finances. And here’s some startling facts. To begin with, in a recent survey put out by Bizrate – the number one cause of stress in America? You got it. Money. And if you are anything like me, there is some comfort in knowing I am not alone.
Second reason? Almost 75% of people surveyed – didn’t have a three month emergency fund. Once again, I am in good company. LOL! Less than half of the respondents, would have the funds or access to funds (meaning credit cards, etc.) to cover a 1000 dollar emergency. This is probaby the reason why most people say that “unexpected expenses” are there biggest concerns.
Why am I randomly giving you facts? Because I want you to know that you aren’t alone. And just because you struggle financially – does not mean you are a loser. It doesn’t mean you are dumb. And it doesn’t mean you are irresponsible. You might have had moments of being irresponsible that made it worse – but you are a human.
Listen, I have made my own situation worse before – so I don’t mean that judgmentally. I am just saying – I get it. I, personally, have random times where I feel complete panic and think I might burst into tears – over finances. I wake up sometimes in a sweat and I am panicking. But you know what else I know? This is only temporary. I haven’t always struggled financially, and in a couple years, with God’s help and everyone’s prayers, I am sure I will be fine.
But isn’t it this middle that stinks? Brene Brown said, “The middle is messy, but that’s where the magic happens.” You want to know what I have learned about struggling in the middle? It teaches you to be grateful. It gives you goals. And it can keep you focused. I look forward to the day, where I can just go to the grocery store and get what I need without running a tally in my head. But for now, I am grateful that I am able to run a tally in my head, and can purchase groceries. Some people go hungry. I am grateful for every single thing I have been given. And I might have to hustle and work hard to make ends meet – But guess what guys. It’s worth it. I am learning so much. And if I hadn’t went through this – I wouldn’t have.
Check out those dolla billz in my glasses! (And yes… that photo has all the filters. No shame in my filter game when I took that. I had just spent 10 hours on a bus.)
Here is a thing that I have learned that helps me. When I panic, I talk it out. Sometimes it’s to God and my friends, sometimes it’s to God alone. But when I do, I realize it will be ok. I also do positive affirmations in my mind. I will just think, “You are on the right road to financial freedom. It’s just a curvy and bumpy one.” And what’s my idea of financial freedom? No bills but house bills/insurance/groceries. No medical bills, no car payments, no credit cards. It’s not 2.5 million dollars. Not mansions. Not fancy cars.
Another funny thing that has happened in my ‘middle’? I am the happiest I have been. I feel so loved. My pack is an amazing group who rally around me. Encourage me. And still say – you have to keep writing. Keep doing this. It’s important work. So yeah, I might sit up at night working on my book and writing blogs – but hey. I can sleep when I’m dead.
So here is what I am saying. I’m no Suze Orman, Dave Ramsey, or any other financial guru. I am not here to give financial advise. If you are in a tough financial season – you are not alone. I’m in the trenches too. I cry too. I get waves of panic that take my breath. I look at my kids sometimes, and feel so guilty because I can’t take them on a proper vacation. But here we are, all in this together. And hey- be grateful I’m in it with you, I make pretty good company! But on a serious note, WE can get through it. So hey – keep praying for me for and I will pray for you, too!
I am in a mood. Not a particularly good one either. I’m working on it, though.
I realized in the past 24 hours, that I am human, and I expect others not to be. That’s a crappy revelation. I mean, you can be sitting there saying, “Duh. We know you are human. As are others.” I mean it like this.
I have emotions, expectations, and things I need. I feel like I express them eloquently. Sometimes, I am sure I do. I also realized, that sometimes, I don’t. For the past 15 hours or so, I have been beating myself up over this, internally. I hardly slept. I realized, that not everyone is a mind reader, and just because I know my intentions are good, doesn’t mean they do.
Then folks, I started to question everything about myself. Am I a good person? Am I a good friend? A good mom? Yeah, I know. I went way down a really sad place. I cried because I felt like I really hurt someone. And to be honest, I did. I hurt them. Not intentional – but I did.
After some crying, talking, and praying it hit me. If you had someone crying to you over this same situation – what would you say? Now say that to yourself, Kristie. So here it is. “You are a good person. A great friend. You are there for people no matter what. You made a mistake. It wasn’t intentional. You are owning your mistake. Learn from it and don’t do it again. That is all you can do.” So, I am doing it.
I get comments, emails, and really – people telling me all the time how ‘strong I am’ and ‘how positive I am’. I also get tough, grateful, loving, and a menagerie of beautiful adjectives. I often always try to swipe them down out of embarrassment. Please know that today I am clinging to those, and thank you. It is helping me right in this moment.
And right now, I really didn’t feel like writing. I really didn’t. So I just wrote what I was feeling. Here is something to know. Motivation doesn’t happen naturally, either. That’s my opinion, anyway. I think it is completely unnatural. Everyday, I have to listen to positive things. I stay listening to self help books. Like today, when I felt down, I went through my Audible arsenal, and re-listening to some positive books I have downloaded. I have to remind myself of all the blessings I have. Write them down. So gusy, I ain’t perfect. I am super-flawed. I just gotta keep working at it. Maybe tomorrow will be easier.
BRAZEN 