Letting go of Judgement.

I’ve learned a lot over the past few years. A lot about myself. A lot about other people. I have learned things that I am capable of, and things other humans are capable of. But the best thing I have learned? Most people – aren’t bad. They might do bad things. But they aren’t bad.

I’ve lost a few friends over the years. And it broke my heart. In so many deep ways. I felt scammed. Taken advantage of. And used. But, once I took myself out of the equation, I can see it differently. In all of the situations – I know my stance. And one thing that I will say about myself, if I am wrong – I own it. Did I do some things wrong? Maybe. But to be honest, I don’t know how I could have done it differently. Did I apologize? Sure did. Over and over.

And my apology was left on deaf ears. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. And, I guess I hurt people sometimes, too. But you know what? I never meant to. And if I say – “I’m sorry”, I mean it. But what I can tell you is this – I valued these people’s friendship enough – To apologize. Because, hurt was never my intention.

Then there was another situation. I found out that a friend was talking bad about me behind my back. Guess what I don’t do? That. If I have something to say, I say it – to the person. Or I don’t say anything. That’s the way I roll. And to be honest, at first? I was seething. But after some processing time – I realized I have talked behind people’s backs before. It was in college. And why? Because one girl was talking about this girl – and I didn’t have the confidence, the fortitude, to stand up for her. And guess what? She called me out. And that day – I learned a hard lesson. Stand up for people or excuse yourself if you don’t agree. Otherwise – be ready to own your own words from your mouth.

At the end of the day, we all make bad choices out of fear. That’s my utter belief. And now, in these crazy times, I feel like it’s easy to get stuck in fear and negativity. So, I am no longer going to focus on fear. I won’t focus on negativity. When it musters up in my soul, and I feel a little ‘soul sad’ – I am going to choose something different that feels a little better. Maybe I am feeling sad over a lost friendship, but I can look in camera roll – and see how loved I am. It’s all about choices.

Today, I mentally closed those doors. I can smile, and know that it was a great time of my life. And if they ever reach out – I can start like it was tomorrow. I refuse to forget years of great times. If there is anything that I know to be true – Life is short. I refuse to waste time focusing on things that aren’t positive.

Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.

Brene Brown

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

Sat Nam.

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