So, happy fourth of July.  Happy Independence Day.  Eat a burger, have some potato salad, and get a sunburn.  And hopefully – next year I will do the same.  But I am sure that is not going to happen this year.  Today is the worst of them so far.  Maybe because it’s a holiday.  We were going to Philadelphia this weekend.  And Shaun was so looking forward to it – as was I.  One thing that I am not is Independent.  I was dependent upon him, and happily.  I know a lot of people think it’s “bad” to be dependent… but I relished in it. Webster’s defines dependent as relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc.  And I did/do that with Shaun.  But I wasn’t in a weird way.  He was just my support.  The yin to my yang.  My other half.  And I know that I have to function, that I can’t just cry everyday away – because I have 3 kids – that’s exactly what I want to do.  I want him to know how much he is missed, and how much I hurt.  And how I will never be the same.  I feel angry sometimes too.  And I don’t want to be angry – but I do want him back.  I wish this had never happened.  My life was fantastic.  I know that I won’t know until I make it to heaven also… but I gotta be honest – I can’t wait until they day I can be in his arms again.