So, happy fourth of July. Happy Independence Day. Eat a burger, have some potato salad, and get a sunburn. And hopefully – next year I will do the same. But I am sure that is not going to happen this year. Today is the worst of them so far. Maybe because it’s a holiday. We were going to Philadelphia this weekend. And Shaun was so looking forward to it – as was I. One thing that I am not is Independent. I was dependent upon him, and happily. I know a lot of people think it’s “bad” to be dependent… but I relished in it. Webster’s defines dependent as relying on someone or something else for aid, support, etc. And I did/do that with Shaun. But I wasn’t in a weird way. He was just my support. The yin to my yang. My other half. And I know that I have to function, that I can’t just cry everyday away – because I have 3 kids – that’s exactly what I want to do. I want him to know how much he is missed, and how much I hurt. And how I will never be the same. I feel angry sometimes too. And I don’t want to be angry – but I do want him back. I wish this had never happened. My life was fantastic. I know that I won’t know until I make it to heaven also… but I gotta be honest – I can’t wait until they day I can be in his arms again.