Love/Hate Relationship = Wal-mart

So, I got off work this afternoon, and after I picked up Jacoby – I decided to run to Wal-Mart for a few things. I was walking through the home section, and I had this throbbing rush of pain in my chest. And what I was thinking about was how Shaun always did this – or we did it together. But if we did it together, we normally would do the Wal-mart split. You know what I mean – one gets stuff from one side of the store, the other from the other side – then you meet back up. Saves time. Get’s you out of Wal-mart quicker – that makes everyone happy. I felt very lonely and sad. And then I realized I had felt this way before.
Weird, right? I thought so too – and it was kinda a deja’ vu moment. Well we all know I haven’t been through this before. But it was a deep feeling of sadness and emptiness and I wanted to cry. Then I realized what it was. Wal-mart was the same – home section was the same – cart the same – baby was different. I remembered walking through Wal-mart, when Isabella was little – and feeling the same way. Sad, empty, and lonely. And what I was sad for then, is completely different than what I am now – in a way. My first husband and I weren’t getting a long. Not his fault or mine – just a fact of life. And it hurt. It hurt in a physical way. I was afraid for my baby – not having the “normal” life I thought she should. I was sad, because I knew that what I truly wanted – which was passionate love, sickening, in your face, can’t get enough of you love – I was never going to have with him. And once again, it just wasn’t there – no fault of either, it just wasn’t. But I was sad, just the same.
Now here’s my point. Is this ten thousand times worse than that. Of course, absolutely, and YES! But up until that point of my life, it was my lowest. I hadn’t experienced this – so on my scale of horribleness – it took the cake. But now, my scale has shifted. But that yucky, in your chest ache – were both identical. So, many people discount their feelings when they talk to me and say, ” I don’t know what you are going through” – and you are 100 percent correct. You don’t. But I don’t know what you have went through either. And my pain and your pain might be the worst we both ever experienced. So, in a weird way – you do know. You know the pain – just not the situation. So, for everyone who is hurting, don’t discount the way you feel – it’s real. This verse is for you –
Psalm 34:18 The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

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