Okay, yesterday was a bad day. All around in different ways. So I am not going to dwell on it – go into an explanation of it – cause it’s over. And well, there really is no explanation – which in turn would end up as a mindless rant. So I will move on.
As some of you know, I had a weird experience the day I scattered Shaun’s ashes. If you haven’t read it – It was August 6th. And well, one of the ladies that prayed with me told me to paint. Weird if you know me at all. I am not artistic. Not in the slightest. At all. But whatever – why not, right? The next day I bought stuff to paint with. And it has sat until last night. I started it last night because I was distraught. And I finished it tonight. Now, just so you know – what you are about to see might shock you. Because I am still not a painter! So don’t be scared. But, here’s something I figured out in this process. It made me nervous because I know I am not a gifted artist. And frankly, I felt kinda dumb. It isn’t for anyone but me. It doesn’t have to be perfect. It just needs to be real. And it is real. It’s me. It’s what was in me. And it’s out on a canvas. Which, is kinda cool. Not pretty – not perfect – but bright and true. So maybe that’s why I needed to do it. And I might keep on… Creating pictures that will make art critics cringe, and artists hang their heads in shame. But I think I am gonna smile everytime I look at one. And you know what Shaun would say? “Baby, it’s beautifuLL…” Because, that’s the kinda guy he was. (Yes he was the type of man to praise me when I didn’t deserve it – and I still love him for it. 🙂
So, tonight is better. Not great. But maybe I have a way to help myself in a way – if I get to the point where I can’t put my feelings in words like I did last night.