I read a quote tonight – here it is.
“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.”  ~E.E. Cummings
And one more…..
“Almost every man wastes part of his life in attempts to display qualities which he does not possess, and to gain applause which he cannot keep. ” ~Samuel Johnson, The Rambler, 1750

So, I have found my topic of thought – which has stewed in my head in little, wispy, thoughts – all around me.  But there are many, many things I miss about Shaun.  But here is one – the man loved it when I was just me.  Just me-in all forms.  Shaun realized something – that being a great man, a great father, a great husband, did not require him being right – he just needed to be real.  He didn’t hide anything.  And what I mean in that, is if he acted mad – and I asked him what was wrong – he told me.  If he didn’t like something I did, the kids did, he told me.  He rarely kept things bottled up.  He kept some things personal – I don’t think being real means being a complete open book to everyone you meet – but he was Shaun.  He dressed the way he wanted to.  He sang as loud as he wanted to.  He had a question, he asked it.  You asked his opinion (you better really want it) – because he would give it to you lock, stock, and barrel.   And here is what I think – you have to know yourself to be yourself.  Have to.  Otherwise you are gonna have some problems.
And I have learned a lot about myself the last 8 weeks.  And I will be myself.  If someone asks me a question – expect an honest answer.  I will let everyone know how I believe, I will recognize my short-comings, and work on those. Why?  Because I want people to know the real me – and love the real me.  I can’t worry about being over sensitive to the where no one really gets to know me.  I want people to experience what I am experiencing – but without the tragedy that it took to get me here. 
But I will wear funky shoes, cool jewelry, and have tattoos.  Why?  Because they make me smile.  And if folks think it’s weird?  Then let’s talk about it – we might become buddies.   And frankly, we only live once.  And it can be over in an instant.  Live your life to the fullest – enjoy every second – and make an impact on humanity while you do it.  Of course you will cry – I do about 70 times a day.  But I will make God proud, Shaun proud, my kids proud – and I will die trying to do so.  Love you guys… 
(And sidenote – Shaun loved the weird jewelry, funky shoes, weird accessories – and he would always say, “Now babe, that’s you.  I never thought I would say that about anyone – but you rock it. ”  So, apparently, when you are yourself, you rock it.  So – Let’s all rock it.  Cause Shaun loved himself some Shaun – and he rocked it, too!)