Pondering in the Tanning Bed….

So, today I went tanning.  I know it’s bad – blah blah – but I like it.  And it makes me smile – because I think I must be Vitamin D deficient.  And I am not drinking milk because it makes me gag.  So, now that that’s covered, I was laying there, in total warmth – and thinking about the last time I was there at that salon.  And it was with Shaun.  (He was quite metro, and yes – he tanned.  And I love him for it.)  But, I digress.  And I was laying there – I could vividly remember us going in, taking turns, watching the kids – to get our tan on.  But, I had another memory – so I am telling you about, maybe so I don’t forget later on in life.  I remembered Shaun brushing his teeth.  I know it seems weird.  But he would always brush his teeth last, after I was already in bed.  But he would stand in the doorway and brush them.  And it felt like he brushed them a really long time, and he would talk, in a weird voice full of spit.  And I would always clown on him for it – and he would laugh.  And once he would spit – he would show his teeth, lick his lips, and give a “orbits gum” type smile.  And then I realized how much I missed that – and my heart dropped to my stomach a little.
I know he would laugh because that got me sentimental.  But he would hug me, too.  It’s such a weird place to be – to be thankful for random memories – when they also break your heart all over again.  It’s weird to be so thankful that you were madly in love, still are.  But you heart breaks every time you think about it.  I don’t believe that this is the way it’s meant to be.  And it’s hard trying to get through it.

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