It’s quite odd how life moves on…

I know that “they” say time is constant.  And, I am quite sure that they are right.  I mean, mathematically, it’s true.  It is constant.  But, is it just me, or does it seem like it isn’t?  It seems like I was in school for forever.  Like the first 18 years of my life poked by.  How in the world is it, that since then, it has flown?  And how is it – that some days seem like forever – and some are gone in an instant?  And when you are going on a trip – it seems like it takes forever to get there, but you get home really fast?  It’s just weird.

Now here is the next weird thing.  It seems like yesterday, that Shaun was here.  But it also seems like forever ago.  It seems like it couldn’t be almost 5 months since he died – but then it seems a lot longer than that.  I have been looking through pictures today, and it is weird to see how I have aged.  I feel like I look like a president after they get out of office.  All old and stressed looking.  And different.  I won’t say I look stressed, per se, but I do look different.  But I guess that’s because I am different.  I won’t ever be who I was 5 months ago.  When you have someone, that loves you no matter what, it changes your whole brain when they are no longer there.  And, it also shocks me how I am still here.  I really would have thought this would kill me.  But it hasn’t.  It’s been horrible.  The worst thing that I have ever went through.  And it still is.  Life is much more hard.  I can consult with only myself.  I make the everyday decisions completely alone.  And, I know people do it everyday, as I am – but it still stinks.  To think about someone constantly – and not be able to touch them.  Talk to them.  It stinks.  But, hopefully all the bad moments will speed by – and the good ones will go slow.  And I know that God is carrying me through all this – and I have learned/will learn a lot through it.  Love you guys.

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