June 23rd is the worst day of the year. Consistently. For the past few years. Sure, I’ve had tough days. I’ve felt sick. I’ve been tired. But June 23rd has a dark cloud over it from sunrise.
It’s weird, when you are a widow, you okay that day over and over. Like how you felt that time of day. How you reacted. What it looked like outside. Everything is a comparison. Since Shaun died- I have taken the day off of work- mainly because I have been scared to go in. That I would be a basket case. Emotional roller coaster. And I am going to work tomorrow. I am still afraid of all that. But I am gonna do it. I know it would make Shaun sick to think of us sitting around and being sad, but it’s hard not to do.
I am happy. I am healthy. I have an amazing family. Great friends. But- no matter how great and blessed I am – no one experienced what I did. No one knows those feelings. No one knows what I feel to this day. No one should find someone they love – dead. No one. Nonetheless, with kids upstairs. Sleeping. What I thought would be a normal day — changed my whole trajectory.
I love my life. I love where I am at in my life. But June 23rd is hard. So- I ask for prayers tomorrow. For strength. And a day where I can remember with more smiles than tears. And try to celebrate the day he got to meet Jesus rather than mourning the day he left us.
That being said – Happy Anniversary to Heaven, Shaun. You are still loved and missed.