June 23.

June 23rd is the worst day of the year. Consistently. For the past few years. Sure, I’ve had tough days. I’ve felt sick. I’ve been tired. But June 23rd has a dark cloud over it from sunrise. 

It’s weird, when you are a widow, you okay that day over and over. Like how you felt that time of day. How you reacted. What it looked like outside.  Everything is a comparison. Since Shaun died- I have taken the day off of work- mainly because I have been scared to go in. That I would be a basket case. Emotional roller coaster. And I am going to work tomorrow. I am still afraid of all that. But I am gonna do it. I know it would make Shaun sick to think of us sitting around and being sad, but it’s hard not to do. 
I am happy. I am healthy. I have an amazing family. Great friends. But- no matter how great and blessed I am – no one experienced what I did. No one knows those feelings. No one knows what I feel to this day. No one should find someone they love – dead. No one. Nonetheless, with kids upstairs. Sleeping. What I thought would be a normal day — changed my whole trajectory. 
I love my life. I love where I am at in my life. But June 23rd is hard. So- I ask for prayers tomorrow. For strength. And a day where I can remember with more smiles than tears. And try to celebrate the day he got to meet Jesus rather than mourning the day he left us. 
That being said – Happy Anniversary to Heaven, Shaun. You are still loved and missed. 

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