******Disclaimer – this didn’t happen today. I wrote this a few days back… Just wasn’t sure if I wanted to publish it or not – because it makes me look quite damaged. LOL!******
So, today – I have experienced rage to the Nth degree. And, as I drove home – with my temper flaming, I realized something…. So here we go.
Picture it. Meeting a few people for the first time. A friends of one of my best friends. I’m kinda nervous. I am going into a place where I know very few people. But – I’m friendly, right? OF COURSE! That’s my thing. My mom says, me and my dad have never met a stranger. And that’s true. I get there, and everything was great! I met everyone, thought everyone was so nice, so friendly. Everyone was easy to talk to. I left with a smile on my face, thinking it was a good time.
And then, BOOM! One of the people there, a female, said she got a “bad vibe” from me. WHAT!? I mean…… WHAT!? We talked. We laughed. We ate. I helped her carry her packages. She told me about her trip and hometown. I mean, the chances of me seeing this person again – Is close to zero.
But when I heard this – it wrecked me. And I use the term wrecked – because that’s the best way I can describe it. I felt myself bow up. I felt the wind leave my lungs. I was ready to fight. I have not felt that way in years. Let me rephrase that, decades. And there it was. Fighting, blind rage. I felt like I could punch my fist through a wall. And to be honest – my heart rate is still a little high.
So, I am driving home from work, listening to Pink(Because that’s my ‘go to’ rage music), an trying to figure out what kind of ‘vibe’ – I could have possibly been giving. And then it hit me, right around track 7, that it’s not me – it’s her. I was fine, happy, and myself. And if she doesn’t like that – that’s cool. I began to feel myself calm somewhat. I’m not gonna lie – not a lot – but somewhat.
Which then led me to think about, why did I react the way I did? How did the girl with bad self-esteem, anger issues, and insecurity resurrect herself by one phrase. I mean, I thought that hot mess was long gone. And by a person that I met for 2 hours – and will probably never see again? Crazy, right? I know. Add that to my list of things I need to work on.
But here is the difference between 10 years ago and now. Within one hour, I recognized it’s not worth my emotion. Any of it. That being said, it still hurt me. It’s stupid, I know. But I am just being honest. I truly believe that energy is completely contagious. You are gonna catch what’s around you – positive and negative. So watch what you put out there. It just might really hurt someone more than you know.
And I hope, one day, this lady stumbles across the blog. And maybe she will know it was her – maybe not. But consider the things you say – and if it isn’t positive or constructive – think before you speak. Until that day… Thanks for giving me an awesome blogpost and giving me some awesome creativity fuel. I recognize I am still a work in progress. But I like myself. Each day – I wake up and look in the mirror, and I smile back at myself.