Tag: family

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Not original, I know.  But for me, 2020 has been that year.  The year to wake up.

Everyone keeps talking about how excited they are for 2020 to be over.  And to be honest, 2020 has been tough.  I agree.  Covid-19, politics, everything in the world got cancelled.  It has not only been annoying and scary – it has been inconvenient and stressful.  Along with a lot more adjectives I could throw in there.

I had plans.  I was going to New York. Chicago.  I was going to see Hamilton.  I also was gonna see Lizzo in concert.  I did none of those things.  

Here is what I did do.

I have had deep and heartfelt conversations. And have become a better person because of it. I have learned forgiveness. For myself and others.

I’ve hung out with the people most important to me. 

I realized that I work with a bunch of folks, who do what it takes to keep our company opened – even when there are companies shutting every time I turn around. I always loved my job, and the folks I worked for – I loved it more after this.

2020 has taught me a lot though.  A lot that I am acting on.  A lot that I am changing.  And a lot that I realize that I am doing just fine with.

There were things that I always wanted to do – but I was lazy.  Things I wanted to do and see around here.  In Orlando.  But, I always had a reason to put it off.  Not now.  No way. No how. 

I have been to Epcot.  Animal Kingdom. Orlando Eye.  I have went on amazing walks.  I have stayed in and watched movies – that I always said I wanted to see. And for transparency, I have watched even more that I didn’t want to see…LOL! But the company made it completely worth it.

 I have danced.  I have laughed. 

I have calmed down. 

I have realized that any problem can be solved through conversation.  I have realized that I love being with my people, and sometimes that can just be sitting together quietly.  Sometimes it’s a walk.

And to be honest, a lot of the stuff that I used to get angry over – just doesn’t matter. 

I am intentional with my time, where I hadn’t been before.  I enrolled in college (got straight A’s, btw).

Listen, there were parts of my life that weren’t working before.  I see that now, and I am fixing it.  I have thought about what I want my life to look like, and I am working to make it that way. 

Hang on, my friends.  74 days left in 2020.  What have you learned this year that’s positive?  That you are gonna carry into 2020?

Wanna see pics from 2020 lessons? Follow me on Instagram @kristiegreenberg

Love Fully.  Live Fully.  Shine On.

Sat Nam.

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Wouldn’t it be so awesome if somebody told us, “It’s all gonna be okay?”

You are going to be fine. Your job will be okay. Your kids won’t get sick. You are going to get through this homeschooling thing with flying colors. Your finances won’t suffer. The economy will recover. And enjoy this time at home, because it will all work out just fine.

Let me be really clear. I would love to hear that, too. And although, I don’t know that it will all be fine, I feel in my heart it will all be fine.

This crisis, is not a normal crisis. In natural disasters, in death, in other crisis in our lives, it functions as a big wave, right? And in that – everything else is somewhat normal. At least somewhere. Right now, it feels like the whole world isn’t normal. And that’s because it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be again. This isn’t a sprint guys, its a marathon.

So, we need to start thinking a little long term. Right now, let’s decide that social distancing is a temporary new normal. Once something seems a little more normal, it often seems a little less scary. Limit your news intake. Find a couple sources that you trust, preferably those that are knowledgeable in epidemiology. And see this time, as an opportunity to get to know yourself, and slow down a little. Well, after you learn this whole home school thing. And you single folks? With no kids? Help out those of us who have them! Especially those of us who struggle with fourth grade math! LOLOL! (I’m kidding, sorta.)

But here are a few tips I got for you. Eat well. Eat as healthy as possible. If you are a parent, you don’t have to stay in your kids faces all day, holding their hands, and guiding them. You have every right to ask for alone time. Yes, even if they are two. On the same note, your partner or roommate? You also can have alone time away from them. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself together, because if you are about to lose your wits – it isn’t good for anyone.

Make some fun, future plans for when this is over. Because that will happen, too. Is there a vacation you want to go on? A new job? Do you need to work on your resume? How about some work for your home? For me? I am planning future crafty projects.

Now, my current position is considered an essential worker. And I am so grateful for my job. Can I tell you though, it’s weird. It’s weird being here – when the world is home. It’s weird seeing the difference in people. It’s weird, seeing the fear and nervousness. And, as a single mom – I do have some serious nervousness about being good for the kids with this whole school thing. Luckily – my kids have great teachers, and my kids are pretty great, too – so we will stumble through this together.

And I also want you to know, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed. Just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean you don’t get to have emotions. You can be sad the kids are home, you can be sad over missed trips, events, parties, vacations, concerts, jobs, friends – you name it. You can be sad.

So, that being said. You might not be admitting any of your fears or worries, because maybe you are being brave for the people in your life. Maybe you aren’t even letting your concerns exit your mouth. But I promise you, it’s better out than in. By admitting your fears isn’t going to cause them to happen. You can’t manifest that, guys. It’s a crisis. But what I have learned, is when you talk about things, they slowly stop haunting you in the middle of the night.

Send me a message. Leave a comment. Write an email. Tell me what worries you. I’ll listen. And it just might make you feel better to get it out. And I promise, I won’t say a word.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.

And for goodness sake. Wash your hands.

Sat nam.

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Ok, I know that this sounds horrible, and it is. But, I am a plethora of knowledge on this subject, and I am here to help you. I have had alot of close friends, ask me, “What do I say or do? What should I bring?” – when they find out someone has passed away. Who do they go to? The Widow, that’s who.

Now let me start off with saying, use some sense. Since my husband passed away, I also lost my grandmother. I loved my mamaw. She was a super sweet, super kind, and also super old – lady. She died at the ripe old age of 103. Now, her dying in comparison to him dying – not the same at all. So, use your intuition and guidance, and start there.

When my husband passed away, I was shocked. Floored. It wasn’t even something remotely on my radar. I hadn’t thought about him dying. He wasn’t sick. Super healthy. Young. I mean, he wasn’t even driving a car. I am assuming, that those feelings would go for anyone who suffers through a sudden loss. There whole world is crashing down. And you, being a loving soul – want to help. What do you do? Well, first. Text them. Don’t call. Text. And, being southern – that goes against everything I was taught. But when you are in it – it’s good to see the text messages, but not feel the need to have to answer the phone.

  • Don’t do what we all instinctively want to do. DO NOT ASK IF THEY ARE OK. I mean, obviously not. And I know, you know, it’s just a thing we say – I said it 1000 times before. Never will again. Because when you are emotional – you get annoyed – and I wanted to scream back – WHAT DO YOU THINK!? But, I didn’t.
  • Find out who the point of contact is. For me, I had three. My parents, and my two closest friends. Those folks are the guard keepers. They are so important. Send any correspondence through them. And please – feed them. They have stopped their lives to care for another human – and that deserves some serious honor. I wouldn’t have made it without them. When you find out who the person is – send it out to any mutual friends, so they also know.
  • Come over, when the gatekeepers says it’s fine. And understand, you might not ever see who you came to see. I promise. They know you are there. And appreciate it. I remember laying in my bed, and seeing all the friends and family members showing up. And I was so grateful. I just couldn’t get up out of my bed.
  • Do not tell the loved one to take something for their nerves, unless you really believe that they are losing it. I got so irritated when people asked if I needed “something for my nerves”. Ummm.. No Tammy, My husband died and I am widowed with three babies. So there’s that. I believe my crying is kind of warranted.

Now, you might have someone who wants to talk. And be in it. And cry. And if that’s the case. Do that. But understand this – once the funeral is over – life will never go on as normal for them again. Ever. They will have a new normal – and it can be a great new normal- but, they probably can’t see it then. I was so lucky that I had friends who didn’t forget me. My friends would come over and sit on the porch. One of my friends, actually moved in with me for awhile, to help me with the kids. I mean, she moved in. I am not asking you to move in – I’m just saying – it’s a huge transition.

Next, let’s talk about what to bring. Isn’t this something that we all want to do? I mean, you can’t take away the pain, but you can try to make the situation a little more endurable. So, here’s my list of the things that I will never forget that were brought to me.

  • Toilet paper. A pack from BJ’s. A big one. There are going to be people coming in and out of the home. People go potty. You really don’t want to be crying in your bed, then have to run to Wal-Mart to get some toilet paper. And once everyone leaves, and your life is creating it’s new normal – it’s nice to not have it all used up, and have a stash.
  • Paper towels, paper plates, solo cups, napkins, trash bags, etc. And why these items? They are needed. There will be tons of people, food, and no one wants to worry about dishes. And, check the trash cans. If it’s trash day – take it to the road. More food, more people, more trash generated. Those little steps were so thoughtful.
  • Gift cards. Gift cards got me through a lot of tough times. Restaurants, Wal-Mart, Gas. You pick it. It will help. It will be used.
  • Don’t bring food unless you are part of a meal train or requested. So many people won’t follow this – and you have no idea how much food I had to throw away just because the sheer volume.
  • Nice comfy pajamas. A girlfriend of mine brought me new pajamas. It helped.
  • Send a card. Bring a card. Either one. They will keep it forever. It does mean alot.
  • Don’t send flowers. If you want to get a plant, get a house plant. I’d go with a peace lilly, a succulent, african violets, a fiddle-leaf fig, viper’s bowstring. Flowers are beautiful. Flowers also die. And when you are going through a death – it just made it feel more apparent.

If you are the outdoorsy type, and the individual has yard – make sure they either have a lawn service, or its handled. If it isn’t – organize a group to handle it. Also, think of any other little thing that you can to make someone’s life a little easier.

But I saved the best and most important for last. Pray, my friends. And don’t stop. I am still prayed for today – years later – but some powerful women in my life. And I am so thankful for that guidance. Those prayers. They got me through, and have continued to carry me. If you have any questions – leave a comment, shoot me a message, I’m here.

Come on back now, ya’ll.

Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On. Sat nam.

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*Disclaimer – this was written almost a month ago.  I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it or not.  But, today – I thought someone could benefit from it.*
I hope this helps someone today.
Too much to get into all the details – but today – I felt unappreciated.  It’s one of those things where it was weighing on my mind and heart.  Where you feel your heart, like are actually aware of the organ in your chest.  Swallowing seemed difficult.  And I felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders and wanted to cry.  
And then,  it hit me.  I am doing what I can.  And I don’t need the outside approval of others to confirm that for myself.  So many people are focused on being  perfect, rich, smartest, best, number one, etc – and I felt like, here I am – trying to make my tribe (and all those related to it) feel  loved and valued.  While trying to productive, perfect, make money, have the best numbers, look pretty, and be noticed and successful. And I don’t feel like anyone cares or appreciates it.  And yes – I just admitted – I care about all the things that I said others focus on.  I am not judging.  I am just saying, I also try to add value and love to those I interact with first.
It hit me.  Stop focusing on feeling bad.  Focus on the fact that you are alive and happy.  Realize that not everyone is always going to behave the way you want them to.  And just because they don’t – doesn’t mean that they don’t care.  It just means – that they might be going through their own stuff.  They might not feel like they need to acknowledge it.  And honestly, why do I expect acknowledgement?  Shouldn’t I be doing it – because I mean it, I love them, and I want the best for them – with no level of expectation back? 
Absolutely.  Sometimes, things can get so overwhelming for me – I feel like I can’t breathe.  I have worn my emotions on my sleeve for years – but one day, I started choking them down.  And just because I choke them down – doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.  They just aren’t seen as visibly to everyone.    So, to everyone who tells me how strong I am – thank you.  But the only real strength I have, is being able to hide my feelings from most people.  
Here is real talk.  I am not that strong.  I am actually pretty weak.  I have basic needs.  I need to be loved.   Valued.  And appreciated.  I get lonely.  I get sad.  I get scared.  I get overwhelmed.  And all of that can happen in under thirty seconds!  Where I feel weaker – is the fact that I struggle with admitting that I am human.  There is a total of about 3 people on this planet who know that part of me.  I am grateful for them – because without them – I’d probably lose my mind.   I don’t admit it often.  But today, I thought – let it rip.  Someone needs to know it’s okay to be human, too.   But while we are being human – let’s extend some grace to our loved ones and let them be human, also. 

Because let’s be honest – our feelings aren’t facts.

Xoxo.

Kristie

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Tonight, I am feeling kinda somber.  Yesterday – was my grandmother’s 103rd Birthday.  And I know – It is amazing that she has lived to this age.  But to be honest, she isn’t doing good at all.  I spoke to my mom yesterday, she has double pneumonia.  She is bed ridden.  She doesn’t know where she is at – or who is with her.  She sometimes thinks that my mom, is her mom.  She is calling out for her own parents.  She is mostly blind.  It’s just completely sad.

And what makes me feel so sad – is that she has lived.  And it’s okay for her to go.  I am totally at peace with it.  I don’t know if it is that I am hardened, and I worry that I am.  But I honestly feel like she has lived a long life – and she is now only existing.  She isn’t living.  My grandmother, as I know her, has been gone for a little over a year.  This woman, now, isn’t the woman I knew growing up.  My grandmother, would eat chocolate fudge cake and mix it with a peanut butter sandwich.  My grandmother, would go through pictures with me on her couch – and tell me about the things I did when I was little.  My grandmother put up her Christmas tree  way too early – just because she thought it was pretty.  This woman, in the nursing home, is just what is left of who she used to be.

You know, although I thought for awhile I would die myself when Shaun died, I didn’t.  When he died – he was full of life.  He lived every, single, solitary moment – up until he died.  I can’t imagine what my mom is going through – seeing someone she loves – just not there anymore.  I am so thankful I never saw that.  So my heart hurts for her, too.

It will probably be any day – and I pray it’s sooner rather than later.  That makes me feel awful to say – but it’s honest.  She just isn’t who she was.  She has lived – and has a legacy behind her.  I just hope she knows how much we love her – and it’s okay for her to go.  She doesn’t have to live forever, we will be okay.

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First of all, if you are reading this blog on a mobile device…. scroll down to the bottom of the page and click the button that allows you to see it as the web version.  And then – sit back and be amazed.  I changed the whole look of the blog – after years of it being the same.  And to you, that might not seem like a big deal – but for me – it’s huge.  This blog started as a way to let the world know how I was surviving that day.  Now, it’s transformed into much more for me.  It has turned into a way to share my thoughts, feelings, and views.  And that is something I used to be so scared to share.  I didn’t want people to think that I was stupid – or tell me I was wrong, a million different fears behind being outspoken and open.

Well boy, have times changed.  While working on changing the look and the name of the blog – I read a lot of my old posts.  And It was funny and eye-opening to see the way I have transformed over the years.  And it also floored me that I have been doing this for YEARS!  How is that even possible?  I have learned so much in the past few years – and I have changed in so many ways.  I guess I had my “coming of age” a little later than most.

So here is what I want you to know about the new look.  And yes – It all pretty much radically changed.  I threw the blog up 7 days after Shaun died.  I wasn’t really concerned about how it looked.  It was just a way to breathe.  Now, I want you to see me.  Who I am.  Now.  Because of this wicked journey that I had to go on.  And who I am is this – A girl who has had a lot of heartache and pain – but it has always been out weighed by the love and goodness I have had around me.  My life is not perfect – I have struggles.  But I am blessed beyond measure.  I have people who love me.  Care about me.  And help me daily.  What more can you ask for?

Now, If you haven’t noticed – the name has changed, too.  It was “iwillalwaysloveyoushaun.blogspot.com” — and well, that’s a lot.  It’s now http://www.princessprophecies.blogspot.com.  Because, that’s where I am going.  Onward and upward.  Time to get the book out.  And link it all together.  So here is my first step – I changed the name.  I changed the look.  And I love it.  I hope everyone else does too!!!!!  And I want to thank my techie people who made this happen.  It made me deep down, like in the center of my core, happy.  You didn’t have to do it – and I can’t thank you enough for doing it anyway.

And here’s the thing – It’s “closing time” on the old… and like Semisonic, not Third Eye Blind – said, ” Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.”  Here’s my new beginning on this journey – and I am stoked.  Much more to come.  Love you all.  Xoxoxoxoxo