Feelings aren’t Facts.

*Disclaimer – this was written almost a month ago.  I just wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it or not.  But, today – I thought someone could benefit from it.*
I hope this helps someone today.
Too much to get into all the details – but today – I felt unappreciated.  It’s one of those things where it was weighing on my mind and heart.  Where you feel your heart, like are actually aware of the organ in your chest.  Swallowing seemed difficult.  And I felt like the weight of the world on my shoulders and wanted to cry.  
And then,  it hit me.  I am doing what I can.  And I don’t need the outside approval of others to confirm that for myself.  So many people are focused on being  perfect, rich, smartest, best, number one, etc – and I felt like, here I am – trying to make my tribe (and all those related to it) feel  loved and valued.  While trying to productive, perfect, make money, have the best numbers, look pretty, and be noticed and successful. And I don’t feel like anyone cares or appreciates it.  And yes – I just admitted – I care about all the things that I said others focus on.  I am not judging.  I am just saying, I also try to add value and love to those I interact with first.
It hit me.  Stop focusing on feeling bad.  Focus on the fact that you are alive and happy.  Realize that not everyone is always going to behave the way you want them to.  And just because they don’t – doesn’t mean that they don’t care.  It just means – that they might be going through their own stuff.  They might not feel like they need to acknowledge it.  And honestly, why do I expect acknowledgement?  Shouldn’t I be doing it – because I mean it, I love them, and I want the best for them – with no level of expectation back? 
Absolutely.  Sometimes, things can get so overwhelming for me – I feel like I can’t breathe.  I have worn my emotions on my sleeve for years – but one day, I started choking them down.  And just because I choke them down – doesn’t mean that they aren’t there.  They just aren’t seen as visibly to everyone.    So, to everyone who tells me how strong I am – thank you.  But the only real strength I have, is being able to hide my feelings from most people.  
Here is real talk.  I am not that strong.  I am actually pretty weak.  I have basic needs.  I need to be loved.   Valued.  And appreciated.  I get lonely.  I get sad.  I get scared.  I get overwhelmed.  And all of that can happen in under thirty seconds!  Where I feel weaker – is the fact that I struggle with admitting that I am human.  There is a total of about 3 people on this planet who know that part of me.  I am grateful for them – because without them – I’d probably lose my mind.   I don’t admit it often.  But today, I thought – let it rip.  Someone needs to know it’s okay to be human, too.   But while we are being human – let’s extend some grace to our loved ones and let them be human, also. 

Because let’s be honest – our feelings aren’t facts.

Xoxo.

Kristie

2 Comments

  1. Girl. How you continue to be so strong and uplifting- blows my mind. You have went through so much- and are still so positive. Do t get me wrong. I’m grateful. But some days I just wish I could catch a break. Do you feel that way? Do you believe in love anymore? Do you believe in relationships? Or do you just focus on your kids? I’m struggling here. I feel lost.

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  2. Honey. You are so sweet. And I am so grateful that you see me that way. But to be honest- I don’t feel positive. I struggle a lot with that, honestly. And yes. I think in a way that, well, I should get what I want because I have already struggled so much. Self absorbed? Yes. Honest? Yes. Do I believe in love? Completely. 100. I live for it. I’ve been shown it. I can give it. And yes. Don’t be guarded. Be a touch vulnerable. It helps. I do believe in relationships too. Now. I also believe in going slow. And slow to me right now is a snails pace. Slow to you could be something different. But yes. I believe in them. And believe that everyone deserves to feel loved each nite. To know someone thinks of you often. Someone values you. To me – the positive of vulnerability is the value. I focus on my kids. My job. And my relationships. Whether personal, friends, parents, coworkers. All. I just focus at different times. I find joy in being with my kids and seeing them succeed. Then everything else. I’m. It saying that’s the right order. Just saying it’s mine. Girl, you got this. Get on your knees. Pray. Meditate. And breathe. Take it minute by minute. Hour by hour. A friend said to me, “get rid of should” – it’s a prison. Completely correct. Live now. Quit thinking what should be. I love you! XoxoKristie

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