I must be dreaming… Nope, this is real life.

I got my idea for my blog this morning at 6:52 am – while talking to one of my friends on the way to work. I could go into the whole reason behind the conversation, but that would definitely be a blog post in itself – save that one for later.  Anyway, what we were talking about was perceptions, beliefs, and life in general.  How sometimes it’s great – sometimes, well it completely sucks.  And the times that it completely sucks, well – in retrospect, it really didn’t.  And here is where I am going with this.  One year ago, Shaun and I would daydream.  We would daydream about vacations, houses, moving, jobs, kids colleges, football (ravens winning the Super Bowl for him… ).  You name it – we dreamed it.  And we had big  plans.  We wanted to take the kids to Disney next fall.  He had never been and always wanted to go.  He wanted to turn his truck into a “Ravensmobile”.  We had looked into getting in wrapped.  There were a bunch of different plans we had.  Fun things we planned to do.  Those things aren’t all gonna happen now.  Ravens might win the Super Bowl, I plan to turn his truck into the “Ravensmobile” one year.. don’t know how or when, but I am gonna try, and one day I will take the kids to Disney – I hope.  But our plans – together – can’t happen.

So what I realized is this.  You know what I daydream about now?  Him holding me in bed.  Kissing me goodnight.  Watching him get grocery store rage in Wegman’s when people would bump into him with their carts.  Coming home to food cooking and a hug.  Sitting on the porch after the kids were in bed and talking to the wee hours of the morning.  Those are the things I daydream about now.  And guess what.  That’s my fantasy.  I never knew then, that what was my current reality, would one day be my fantasy.  So tonight, when you lay down, think.  Think about the things around you – and all the ugly and bad – let that go for a minute.  And think about the good moments of the day.  And trust, after my day, I know sometimes that can be hard.  But remember the minute of a laugh, a kiss from the kids, a positive email, or a funny Facebook status – and smile.  You are living someone’s fantasy.  You could be living mine.  Don’t take it for granted like I did.  That part hurts a lot.  I wish I hadn’t.  I will cherish each moment God has given me, until the day that he brings me home to him and Shaun.  And, it isn’t easy – I know that.  But just try.  For one second just try.  You might find a smile today that you already had forgotten.

1 Comment

  1. I pray for you every night. I pray for your children and I pray for Shaun! I pray that all of the dreams you have for yourself and your family come true. You are truely an amazing woman with a wonderful soul! So keep your chin up, so that everytime Shaun glances down on you, he sees your beautiful smile! You are making him a very proud man.

    Like

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