4 months tomorrow..

Tomorrow it will be four months.  I don’t know how.  It definitely doesn’t seem possible – not even plausible.  That was the worst day of my life.  The reality of how four months ago, right now – I was happy.  My life was perfect.  Almost textbook perfect.  And within hours from this instant – it would be rocked to the core.  I had smiled at people a billion zillion times – but the second I met Shaun, my heart took over and smiled for the first time.  And here’s the thing…  the smiles that I make now – are still Shaun. Through his life, and also his death, he taught me what it is to cherish a moment.  Listen, laugh, love, have fun, wear weird shoes – live your dream.  Dance if you want to.  Listen to weird music that everyone makes fun of.  Do headstands.  Love like you can’t love any harder.  Make sure everyone knows how much you care about them.  Be the difference in someone’s life that day.  Don’t be mean.  Not that I am perfect on any of those – but at least now I try, but with Shaun – I didn’t have to try.  It came naturally to me.  I wanted to make him feel loved – and wanted to make me feel loved.  And it worked.  It was us.  Always will be.
I’ve looked through some pictures, and I haven’t really posted many on here – but the ones down the side, I can still feel myself in those moments.  That’s why they are there.  But, there isn’t room for them all – so I am going to share a few – that, well, I haven’t.  I hope you see a glimpse of the man that I love and adore – with all of my heart.  And, tonight, I want to thank God for giving him to me for the short time he did.  Because my life is better for it.  God has given me so many gifts – that I don’t deserve.  And I am thankful for every single one – and he is the one who has carried me through this – and he still is.

This is one of the text messages I saved… I have almost all of them… but I was willing to share this one… 

This is when I had my gal bladder removed.  I woke up, and looked over, and there he was sleeping in a chair.  And I knew how much he loved me… and was so thankful he was there.
Less than a month before he died – what he wrote on my Facebook wall.  I know that he never knew then, how much I would cherish those few words forever.

When I saw him a new light for the first time.  This massive man, so in love, and so scared, by such a tiny little person.  I saw a side of him in this moment that I had never seen before.  Might not be the best picture, but I will always cherish it.  I know what it means.

This is the epitome of Shaun.  This is who he was.  Sports, dancing, and a family man.  I remember when I took this, after the song was over – I showed it to him.  And told him what I just wrote.  He leaned over and kissed me and said – “That’s right baby… that’s all I need.  Heart and Soul… Now, you gonna kiss me back?  I gotta go to the bathroom – Take Jacoby!”

This picture makes me cry.  It’s my favorite.  I wish everyone knew what a good daddy he was.  I wish Jacoby knew how much his daddy truly adored him.  

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