As you may already know, I have three beautiful children on this planet. The youngest of which, is Jacoby. Let me tell you about Jacoby. He’s 10. He’s wild. He’s full of energy. And sass. Jacoby is one of the sweetest most loving people I have ever met. And he is definitely the hardest of my three to parent.
Our word of the quarantine is “boundaries”. Why boundaries, you ask? Because this little guy doesn’t know any.
He’s ten, and this little guy will walk into my bedroom like he owns it. He gets grounded from YouTube (yes, I grounded him from YouTube) – and I catch him watching it. I ask him why he was watching it when he knew he was grounded? “Because I was bored.” He is remorseful. He tells the truth when he is wrong. But in the moment – this kid does what he wants to do. And it’s maddening. It’s brutal. It makes me want to pull my hair out from the literal root.
I have yelled. Cried. Screamed. Prayed. Phoned a friend. And did it all again. And again.
I have now enlisted a checklist for him. What his expectations are morning, midday, and evening. We talk about personal space. We talk about earning privileges. We talk about what it means to have to wait. We talk about the law, the speed limit, rules, and why they exist. We talk about being a good human. And, exactly how that looks.
And, he seems to like the structure. Knowing what is expected. I actually took photos of his room – clean – and laminated them. So he can have a visual as to what it means. And I also added three times of exercise. No just playing outside. Intentional exercise.
We talked about him being an adult. Being a father. A husband. How he would have to take care of other people like mommy takes care of him. That you have to understand the biggest gift you can give is your respect and being trustworthy. Then, all things will fall into place.
I took this pic, while I was FaceTiming him and his sister. I see that sweet toddler in his face that isn’t there much anymore. This was today.
So, do you struggle with this whole “I am a mom, teacher, breadwinner, care-taker, disciplinarian, and please don’t let my child turn into a felonious nightmare…. ” all while maintaining a good hair style, make-up on , clean house, etc. It can be a lot. But let me tell you – when I kiss that little guy good night, he is worth every single grey hair on my head. I mean, that’s what bleach is for , right?
So, I just thought about it – I was asking you all what you were doing, and I didn’t tell you what I am doing! But to be honest, I’ve told about 15 people how to do this that have seen it in my house, and thought you guys might like it, too!
Let me start with saying I rent. And I hated the light fixture in this room. It is the standard builders grade light. But I do all my sewing and crafting in here, so I do need overhead lighting.
Well, my friends, the beautiful chandelier literally cost me $2.00 out of pocket to make. If you had to purchase everything, it would run about $10.00, I believe. I didn’t make this during the pandemic, but I love it!
So, I went to the Dollar Tree, and bought two hula hoops. They have two sizes, so I got one of each. (You could do this one, or five- if it was for a big space!) When I got them home, I spray painted them.
Once the paint was dry, I took the icicle lights and zip tied them to the hula hoops. Once that was done, I literally tied muslin strips, raffia, ribbon scraps, lace ribbon, and some dollar tree flowers I had – to the hula hoops!
I took some of the same raffia, and cut -16″ pieces of twine. I looped the twine around the large and small hoop, so it would hang between it. Then, I mounted it to the ceiling with some tiny little screw hooks. I have a little box that I got from IKEA a million years ago, that has stuff in it to hang artwork with. These little eye hooks were in there – so that is how I hung it.
I did the same with the extension cord. My walls are white, so that’s good for me. But if you had painted walls, just snake your cord across the ceiling, and then mark where the wall begins. You can paint the actual cord itself to make it blend into the wall.
This whole room has a big bohemian vibe feel to it – and it is kinda my sanctuary. Let me know if you want to see the rest of the room, and hear about the “craft room redo” for under $70.00. Also, let me know if you would like some videos and/or blogs of more of my Dollar Tree crafting. But most importantly…..
I think at some point in my life – I liked cooking.
That point – has passed. Luke and I were talking the other day, and that’s when I had this epiphany. In this pandemic, folks are staying at home more – and obviously – eating at home more. That’s what we were talking about – more cooking.
Anyway, I have seen a lot of my friends pop up with some great looking food, super cool recipes, and somewhat excited over their new found love of cooking. So, there’s a positive thing in this pandemic!
For me, I like to make stuff. I’d rather eat a bowl of cottage cheese, and create. Create what? Anything. Clothes, art, home decor, anything. I love the feeling of gluing, and sewing, and completion. I don’t get that with cooking.
I’m going to start sharing some of my favorite creative people, and some of my inspirations over time. But let me know… What have you been doing? Anything new? Any newfound passions? Have you discovered your inner artist? Creative? Both?
I’ve learned a lot over the past few years. A lot about myself. A lot about other people. I have learned things that I am capable of, and things other humans are capable of. But the best thing I have learned? Most people – aren’t bad. They might do bad things. But they aren’t bad.
I’ve lost a few friends over the years. And it broke my heart. In so many deep ways. I felt scammed. Taken advantage of. And used. But, once I took myself out of the equation, I can see it differently. In all of the situations – I know my stance. And one thing that I will say about myself, if I am wrong – I own it. Did I do some things wrong? Maybe. But to be honest, I don’t know how I could have done it differently. Did I apologize? Sure did. Over and over.
And my apology was left on deaf ears. I’m not perfect. I make mistakes. And, I guess I hurt people sometimes, too. But you know what? I never meant to. And if I say – “I’m sorry”, I mean it. But what I can tell you is this – I valued these people’s friendship enough – To apologize. Because, hurt was never my intention.
Then there was another situation. I found out that a friend was talking bad about me behind my back. Guess what I don’t do? That. If I have something to say, I say it – to the person. Or I don’t say anything. That’s the way I roll. And to be honest, at first? I was seething. But after some processing time – I realized I have talked behind people’s backs before. It was in college. And why? Because one girl was talking about this girl – and I didn’t have the confidence, the fortitude, to stand up for her. And guess what? She called me out. And that day – I learned a hard lesson. Stand up for people or excuse yourself if you don’t agree. Otherwise – be ready to own your own words from your mouth.
At the end of the day, we all make bad choices out of fear. That’s my utter belief. And now, in these crazy times, I feel like it’s easy to get stuck in fear and negativity. So, I am no longer going to focus on fear. I won’t focus on negativity. When it musters up in my soul, and I feel a little ‘soul sad’ – I am going to choose something different that feels a little better. Maybe I am feeling sad over a lost friendship, but I can look in camera roll – and see how loved I am. It’s all about choices.
Today, I mentally closed those doors. I can smile, and know that it was a great time of my life. And if they ever reach out – I can start like it was tomorrow. I refuse to forget years of great times. If there is anything that I know to be true – Life is short. I refuse to waste time focusing on things that aren’t positive.
Because true belonging only happens when we present our authentic, imperfect selves to the world, our sense of belonging can never be greater than our level of self-acceptance.
Since the beginning of this pandemic, I’ve missed out on quite a few things. A couple concerts, a WWE Event, Crimecon, a trip to Chicago, and probably a lot of other things, that I refuse to think about right now.
That being said, I decided I would do a 50 before 50. There are so many things that I keep procrastinating to do. Because I feel like I have time. Well, we do have time – until we don’t. So – Here’s my list. Of 50 things to do before I turn 50. What’s some things you would add to this list?
Get my Passport (doing that this Friday!)
Go to NYC – and kiss in Times Square.
Go on a proper vacation with my kids.
Purchase a home.
Have zero debt (beyond the home – that is.)
Make a trip to Seattle just to go to the original Starbucks.
That made me tired just looking at it!! And excited, too! What are some things you would like to do in the next few years? Have you done any of mine? I’d love to hear your ideas, and what you have done or plan to do once this pandemic is over. Did it make you reflect? Make new goals?
Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine on.
Sat Nam.
Oh, and don’t touch your face. Apparently, all I ever want to do now is touch my face.
So, Frank and I were talking this morning at work. And of course, we are talking about the virus because everyone is. Anyway – He told me that one his daughters saw some remove their mask, lick their finger, to then thumb through their money.
So, I ask this question to bring some smiles, some venting, and maybe some clarity on something if folks don’t know. What is the most “Covidiot” thing you have seen? Mine was probably this past Saturday. It was the first time I had been in the grocery since all this. But, I needed to pick some things up. I get stressed in crowds – and especially now. It skeezes me out. Well, anyway – I am going down the chip aisle. And literally – 8 people follow us down the same aisle. Feeling your breath on my back is not the definition of 6 feet.
The other? A woman in the same store, advising her children, we don’t need to wear a mask. “I’ll breathe whatever air I want. People need to protect me! ” Ummmm. Not exactly how that works, but okay. So tell me something you have seen – that just had you shaking your head.
Did you ever think, that maybe, all of this stuff going on – is a gift? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not denying the fact that there are people that are ill, dying, losing their livelihoods, jobs, and a million other things. But for a moment. A small moment. Let’s just focus on you.
As an essential employee, here at my job, let me tell you what I have noticed. Where my daily “routine” hasn’t been as interrupted as others. I am noticing, that I am free from a few things. The expectations of other people, and society as a whole, has somewhat lifted. Sure – there is the homeschool situation. But, my kids teachers and school district has done an amazing job, so that part – well, they are still doing it. I am just landlord of the school… LOL!
I am noticing also, that I am free from a lot of the endless chatter that goes on in my mind. You know what I am talking about. Get this done. Get that done. Make quality time. Do the laundry. Read a book. Make a skirt. Mop. Exercise. Pray. Do yoga. Write a book. Write a blog. Make a doctor’s appointment. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Blah. Guess what? I wrote down a psycho long list of all the crap that goes on in my head. And I keep adding to it. We have got the quality time down. Killing that one. Laundry? Never ends. I’m listening to a book – because my readers gave some awesome titles. I did mop the whole house. And here is what I realized. A lot of my “endless chatter” was busywork and procrastination. If I was honest, It seemed like it was sooo much it was overwhelming. When really – each task, took either seconds up to half an hour. Nothing crazy.
Now. Let’s get deep for a second. We got the time, that’s for sure.
Now, this is what else this has taught me. I have been able to free myself from conversations that bleed me dry. In every aspect of my relationships – I have gotten a lot more honest. I have learned to say, “Hey, this sucks. Here is how I feel about it. Do you want to help?” Key to this though, is that it isn’t in a hostile way. It’s in a factual – let’s make this better type of way. I am not entertaining, professionally or personally, soul sucking fear and negativity. But what is awesome? I almost see a societal shift. While at work, it seems everyone is more patient and caring. Almost like an “essential” team, leaning on each other, to get through this hard time. And to show up each day, and see these guys – It does give a huge “WE ARE IN THIS TOGETHER” type of feeling.
Next up – Hyper-Achievement and Low Self-Esteem. That’s me. I thrive for success. In all I do. Going on a diet? Let’s compete – I’ll lose the most. Going to write a book? Let’s do it. All in. I have self esteem issues in so many ways it’s ridiculous. And here is the thing; I will go all in-for a while anyway. And then – screeching halt. I am fully capable of completing every dream I have. I am educated. I am tech-savvy. I’m not bashful. So why haven’t I? You ready?
BECAUSE I WANT/WANTED EXTERNAL VALIDATION.
Kristie Greenberg, for some unbeknownst reason to me, wants people to praise her. Yes, I am ashamed to admit it. Yes, I hate that. Yes, I hold on to it. Yes, it’s freaking true. Ugh.
And you know what this pandemic has taught me? What are you if no one is around to validate you? What are you – when it’s just you and your kids? What are you, when you are sitting in your closet floor all alone? I’ve asked myself those questions.
Well first, I admitted to myself that I am co-dependent. What is co-dependency you ask? Well, I’ll tell you. The feeling of not being complete without a romantic partner and/or – the feeling of not being complete without the approval of others. In the past, I was co-dependent in romantic relationships. I went from one, to the next, to the next, to the next – afraid to be alone. You can ask my parents! In high school, I was never “single” for more than a month. I put a lot of value, and my own self worth, in the power of being “with” someone. I wanted to be part of team. I wanted to be loved. And the idea of being alone – was paralyzing. This carried on through adulthood. (And if you have hopped relationships – and are happy now, I’m not saying leave! LOL! I’m just telling you my story – and making you aware of my past patterns. If you have found someone and can recognize that is how you were before, that doesn’t mean leave now to show you can be alone.) I made peace with that aspect of my co-dependancy – until I realized, I still am co-dependent, just a different way. We are going to call this my longest running addiction. That’s right. Addiction. That’s what it is.
And here is what I have realized. When it’s just me, sitting in front of a keyboard, writing down what I feel led to do, the words come out. They come out easy. No research needed – just the research of my soul. Just because it isn’t shared, or published, or commented, or liked – doesn’t mean, it didn’t affect the one person it was supposed to. And maybe, just maybe – the one person it was supposed to affect -is the one who is writing it.
If my goal, is to be authentic, change the world, and help people, I have to be willing, to be one of the people that I help. Let me say that again, in case it didn’t resonate the first time. Kristie has to allow Kristie to help Kristie, so Kristie can help other people. If Kristie doesn’t live authentically – Kristie isn’t good for anyone else. Not her kids, friends, family, not any one. If Kristie doesn’t help Kristie – She loses the possibility to make a lasting impact on others.
My hope for you is this. That is this time that is scary – you take some time and reflect on what might be the “good” in this whole thing. Maybe this will be the transition time for you. Maybe, your job that is no longer there– is the launch pad you need to make yourself a new future. Maybe, the homeschooling thing – is time for you to find a new passion, or maybe let a dream die because you realize teaching isn’t your jam. Maybe this has cost you everything – and you lost your home and income – and everything else. Maybe, this is so you can gain everything and more.
So I will end with this. What made you click this link? The photo? The title? What was it? Or was it, just a self therapy session behind a keyboard. Anyway, whatever the reason, I am clapping for myself today. Because I am one step closer, to being the woman I want to be tomorrow.
So – I really wanna know. Whatcha doing in this pandemic? To be honest – my life is somewhat the same. I am an essential employee, so I am still going to work – just shorter hours and less busy. On the weekends, I stay home. Which, to be honest, isn’t that out of the ordinary. I mean, my weekends normally consist of the craft store, grocery shopping, a choir concert, hair appointments, etc. But it’s not like I am some social butterfly, running about town.
What I have noticed is this. It’s weird to have to really think before you go to the grocery store. Or, to ask someone to go for you. It is really weird to stay inside. Not going for a walk downtown. Or running to 7-11 to get a Coke Zero with ice. Ohhhh… I miss a Coke Zero with ice. It’s weird, not seeing my best friend when I want to. And it’s also weird, that my hair is turning into a whole mess. These things I have taken for granted wayyyyy too much.
And maybe, in a weird way – this is a good thing. I do believe, that myself personally, will be forever changed. And anytime I am annoyed from a crowd – I’ll be grateful I can be in one. And when I dread my kids starting school, or get annoyed over homework – I’ll be grateful, that I am not the teacher. Glory in Heaven for that. I am not teacher material.
But, for real. What have you guys done? I have, and in no particular order – Binge watched Tiger King. Same with My 600-lb Life. I have sewn a ton of face masks. I made two skirts. I am working on making a bathing suit – we will see how that goes. I have went to church in my Living Room, and have had worship service in my bathroom. I have learned that I am a hard core dance queen, and my daughter’s Tik Tok account is proof of that. I have meditated. I have watched movies. I have done yoga. I have done my make-up – just because I want to be pretty at home. LOL!
You know what else I have done? Cried. I have cried because I miss my bestie. I have cried because my hair looks like crap. I have cried over not knowing if I should or should not venture out to the grocery stores. I have worried over finances. I have made lists of things I want to accomplish – then I took a nap. So, I guess my intro is a bunch of malarkey. My life is different, too.
So, whether you are creating, or crying. Laughing or grieving. All are okay and perfectly acceptable. But drop a comment or send me a message, and let me know how you are handling it. And give me some good ideas – because this could be longer rather than shorter.
Oh. And Carole Baskin totally did it.
Love Fully. Live Fully. Shine On.
(And I won’t tell you to “Wash your Hands”, because you are grown and know to do that, and to say that is almost passive-aggressive, rudeness at this point. LOLOL! )
Wouldn’t it be so awesome if somebody told us, “It’s all gonna be okay?”
You are going to be fine. Your job will be okay. Your kids won’t get sick. You are going to get through this homeschooling thing with flying colors. Your finances won’t suffer. The economy will recover. And enjoy this time at home, because it will all work out just fine.
Let me be really clear. I would love to hear that, too. And although, I don’t know that it will all be fine, I feel in my heart it will all be fine.
This crisis, is not a normal crisis. In natural disasters, in death, in other crisis in our lives, it functions as a big wave, right? And in that – everything else is somewhat normal. At least somewhere. Right now, it feels like the whole world isn’t normal. And that’s because it isn’t. But that doesn’t mean that it won’t ever be again. This isn’t a sprint guys, its a marathon.
So, we need to start thinking a little long term. Right now, let’s decide that social distancing is a temporary new normal. Once something seems a little more normal, it often seems a little less scary. Limit your news intake. Find a couple sources that you trust, preferably those that are knowledgeable in epidemiology. And see this time, as an opportunity to get to know yourself, and slow down a little. Well, after you learn this whole home school thing. And you single folks? With no kids? Help out those of us who have them! Especially those of us who struggle with fourth grade math! LOLOL! (I’m kidding, sorta.)
But here are a few tips I got for you. Eat well. Eat as healthy as possible. If you are a parent, you don’t have to stay in your kids faces all day, holding their hands, and guiding them. You have every right to ask for alone time. Yes, even if they are two. On the same note, your partner or roommate? You also can have alone time away from them. Go for a walk. Go for a ride. There is nothing wrong with getting yourself together, because if you are about to lose your wits – it isn’t good for anyone.
Make some fun, future plans for when this is over. Because that will happen, too. Is there a vacation you want to go on? A new job? Do you need to work on your resume? How about some work for your home? For me? I am planning future crafty projects.
Now, my current position is considered an essential worker. And I am so grateful for my job. Can I tell you though, it’s weird. It’s weird being here – when the world is home. It’s weird seeing the difference in people. It’s weird, seeing the fear and nervousness. And, as a single mom – I do have some serious nervousness about being good for the kids with this whole school thing. Luckily – my kids have great teachers, and my kids are pretty great, too – so we will stumble through this together.
And I also want you to know, it’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be disappointed. Just because someone has it worse, doesn’t mean you don’t get to have emotions. You can be sad the kids are home, you can be sad over missed trips, events, parties, vacations, concerts, jobs, friends – you name it. You can be sad.
So, that being said. You might not be admitting any of your fears or worries, because maybe you are being brave for the people in your life. Maybe you aren’t even letting your concerns exit your mouth. But I promise you, it’s better out than in. By admitting your fears isn’t going to cause them to happen. You can’t manifest that, guys. It’s a crisis. But what I have learned, is when you talk about things, they slowly stop haunting you in the middle of the night.
Send me a message. Leave a comment. Write an email. Tell me what worries you. I’ll listen. And it just might make you feel better to get it out. And I promise, I won’t say a word.
Hi! Been a few weeks, I know. I’ve been busy. Don’t judge me.
Alot has happened. My position at work has shifted. My bestie moved into a new place. My kid went on a weekend trip. And, I went to IKEA. So, it’s a wonder you are getting a post at all. It’s shocking that I am not still in IKEA.
That being said, while I was at IKEA – I experienced panic. True panic. And not for the great deals – or sytlish swedish furniture with their fun names. Nope.
I thought my nine year old was kidnapped. Literally. Scariest 45 seconds of my life. And I’m a widow. And that was scarier.
I asked Jacoby to return the shopping cart to the cart corral, (because we aren’t lazy people who leave carts all over the parking lot. It was literally 10 feet from my jeep. I put the last bag in the car, I get in the car, and I don’t see him. Back out we go.
I yell for him.
Nothing.
I full on scream for him. To the top of my lungs.
Nothing.
He vanished.
I am now walking quickly, and then break into a full on run – yelling for him. And then I hear, “MOMMY?”
This boy, is walking out the front door of the store. He took the cart to the front door. You see, he didn’t see a way to get the cart off the sidewalk. So, while I was arranging the bag in the car, he walked by me to the front door. I never saw him. He returned the cart inside.
He thought I saw him. I thought he was kidnapped by a pedophile rapist. What I am saying is this.
You never know what a day will hold. I had a happy ending. But my goodness – it gave me that “lesson” that your whole life can be turned upside down in an instant.
BRAZEN 