Category: Uncategorized

By on

******Disclaimer – this didn’t happen today.  I wrote this a few days back… Just wasn’t sure if I wanted to publish it or not – because it makes me look quite damaged.  LOL!******

So, today – I have experienced rage to the Nth degree.  And, as I drove home – with my temper flaming, I realized something…. So here we go.

Picture it.  Meeting a few people for the first time.  A friends of one of my best friends.  I’m kinda nervous.  I am going into a place where I know very few people.  But – I’m friendly, right?  OF COURSE!  That’s my thing.  My mom says, me and my dad have never met a stranger.   And that’s true.  I get there, and everything was great!  I met everyone, thought everyone was so nice, so friendly.  Everyone was easy to talk to.  I left with a smile on my face, thinking it was a good time.

And then, BOOM!  One of the people there, a female, said she got a “bad vibe” from me.  WHAT!?  I mean…… WHAT!?  We talked.  We laughed.  We ate.  I helped her carry her packages.  She told me about her trip and hometown.  I mean, the chances of me seeing this person again – Is close to zero.

But when I heard this – it wrecked me.  And I use the term wrecked – because that’s the best way I can describe it.   I felt myself bow up.  I felt the wind leave my lungs.  I was ready to fight.  I have not felt that way in years.  Let me rephrase that, decades.  And there it was.  Fighting, blind rage.  I felt like I could punch my fist through a wall.  And to be honest – my heart rate is still a little high.

So, I am driving home from work, listening to Pink(Because that’s my ‘go to’ rage music), an trying to figure out what kind of ‘vibe’ – I could have possibly been giving.  And then it hit me, right around track 7, that it’s not me – it’s her.  I was fine, happy, and myself.  And if she doesn’t like that – that’s cool.  I began to feel myself calm somewhat.  I’m not gonna lie – not a lot – but somewhat.

Which then led me to think about, why did I react the way I did?  How did the girl with bad self-esteem, anger issues, and insecurity resurrect herself by one phrase.  I mean, I thought that hot mess was long gone.  And by a person that I met for 2 hours – and will probably never see again?  Crazy, right?  I know.  Add that to my list of things I need to work on.

But here is the difference between 10 years ago and now.  Within one hour, I recognized it’s not worth  my emotion.  Any of it.  That being said, it still hurt me.  It’s stupid, I know.  But I am just being honest.   I truly believe that energy is completely contagious.  You are gonna catch what’s around you – positive and negative.  So watch what you put out there.  It just might really hurt someone more than you know.

And I hope, one day, this lady stumbles across the blog.  And maybe she will know it was her – maybe not.  But consider the things you say – and if it isn’t positive or constructive – think before you speak.  Until that day… Thanks for giving me an awesome blogpost and giving me some awesome creativity fuel.  I recognize I am still a work in progress.  But I like myself.  Each day – I wake up and look in the mirror, and I smile back at myself.

By on

First, if you read this – please share it – post it… get it at there.  I want to see what it takes to get AT&T to stand up and do the right thing.  Because so far they haven’t.  Here’s the story…..

A week and half ago, I ordered two phones online.  A completely efficient, smooth, and frankly easy process.  At least, that is what I thought.  Two days later, I receive an email telling me the phones had shipped.  I was stoked!!!!  So much faster than I what I had anticipated.  Now let me backtrack a little bit.

When I checked out – AT&T informed me that there would be a signature required for the phones.  So it gave me an option to have a different shipping address.  Being a working mom, and appreciating the information- I chose to have the phones delivered to my place of employment.    Smart, right?  I thought so, too!  I mean, there is always a receptionist at the front – and this place is constantly full of people.  No way, no how, these packages could not be signed for – and… we know our FedEx guy – see him all the time, and he is mad cool.

On Monday, I check to see if it’s gonna be here so I can alert everyone that if they get the phones – put them in my office.  And what do I see?  Delivery exception – returned to sender.  What!?  Why?  I was confused.  No email from AT&T with a problem, so I call FedEx.  They tell me, AT&T requested the order to be returned.

So, I call AT&T.  And the nightmare begins.  Day one – total time on phone?  Over 4 hours.  95% of that time – being on hold.  And no one knew why they were returned.  So, they would tell me that they were gonna figure it out – asked me if I would mind to hold – I agree… and 2 minutes later – a cold transfer.  I was dumped back into the phone que.  Now, I will say, every single person I spoke to, was kind.  Just had no follow through.  I end up at a call center, where it was scripted.  I understand that the guy on the other end, doesn’t get a lot of what I am saying – so I just answer his questions, he gives me an escalation #, and states that someone will contact me within 48 hours.

I facebook AT&T.  I tweet them.  And to my surprise – I get a response!  Ask me to email information to them – and I did it right then.  They tell me that they will contact me asap.  FYI – STILL NOTHING FROM SOCIAL MEDIA GUY.

48 hours later….

Nothing.  So I call again.  I am apologized to, and assured I won’t be dumped into a phone que.  What happens?  Dumped.  Each department thoroughly explains how I shouldn’t have been transferred to them – and promises to warm transfer me to the right place.  Doesn’t happen.  Nothing.  Finally, I get a supervisor – after persistence.  She does what she can. Then I am once again transferred to sales to resubmit the order.  It must go to my home address, but whatever – It’s for a birthday present – and I will stop the delivery to pick it up at the FedEx place across the street from my job.

But here is what gets me.  It took hours of my time – to correct a mistake.  I spend way too much money on cell phones – but I have teenager and a tween, and myself – so, it’s steep.  I pay my bill each month.  I just want what I asked for.  And I want them to do what they say that they will do.  A survey company called me, and refunded my bill 80 dollars.  A survey.  Not anyone from management.  And the girl on the survey end, was mortified, and stated “More should happen, but this is all I am allowed to do.”  And I appreciate it – But I think they need to step up.  Answer for it.  My kid wanted an iPhone for her birthday.  I wanted to surprise her with it. Now I can surprise her with a pic and say… “It’s coming.”  And it isn’t about the thing.  It’s about doing what you say you will do.

If you say you will call – do it.  So AT&T – Man up.  I am including just some frustrated screen shots below… Just so you know I am not crazy. (*I never raised my voice to one person, Pull your phone logs AT&T… I apologized to the rep b/c it was mess.)

By on

If I had a nickel for every time I have, or even should have said, “I’m Sorry” – I guarantee I would be a millionaire.  Luckily, I have to say, that the older I have gotten – the easier it is for me to say.  I don’t know if it is because of all I have been through – or just one of the benefits of getting older – but I am glad it’s easier for me now.  I don’t wanna be someone who argues, who is hateful, but I also don’t want to be a doormat.  And for me? It seems like I am one of the two.  I am either a doormat – Or a Pit-bull.  And there is absolutely no in-between.

I am working on it – and that, my friends, requires the ability to say I’m sorry.  And not saying, “I’m sorry”, followed by eyeroll.  It means saying it – and then working on  yourself to do better and not commit the same offense.  (That part – is exceedingly difficult for me, too – because I often think I am right – about a lot… LOL!)

But this is where I am going.  If someone apologizes to you – let them.  Don’t brush them off and say, “It’s fine”, or “it’s over with – don’t worry about it”, or my favorite – “drop it.”  Listen at what they have to say – because it takes courage to apologize and admit that you were at fault.  And if someone cares enough about you to apologize, take the time to listen and acknowledge.  I’m not saying it has to be some long and drawn out emotion filled scene – but acknowledge.

Today, I had to apologize.  I was blessed with someone who listened.  And after a rough day, it made me smile.  That although I had been wicked all day – and had taken out my technical frustrations on everyone around me – my apology was heard and appreciated.  And it changed my drive home.  I could smile.  And felt refreshed.  Like I had shut a door and fixed a yucky day.

Just something to think about….

Hugs – from my laptop to yours!

By on

That sounded quite philosophical in it’s own right didn’t it?  The decay of the nation… our horrible society… blah blah blah.  But what I am really writing about – is me.  My face.  Who I am.  A lot of you guys have known me for years.  Some of you – recently.  Some of you – have never met me.  But let me give you a little background.

Fifteen years ago – I was a completely different person.  I didn’t wear makeup.  I didn’t have a “hair style” per se.  I was overweight.  And frankly,  I felt like I didn’t deserve any better.  Now – that being said, I wasn’t some depressed, emo, sad sack type of person.  I was kinda factual.  I had become overweight – so there was no point in buying flattering clothes – because I thought I would never look good in them anyway.  I didn’t wear makeup – same reason.  Hair – same reason.  I was just super duper plain.

Fast forward a few years – I met a girl who become my best friend ever.  She kinda had an intervention with me.  She told me to get my own sweats – and quit wearing my husbands.  She took me out and got me first “cutesy” sweatsuit.  And I say sweatsuit, because there was no way I would wear anything but that.  And guess what?  I had a shape – some might call “hourglass”.  It might have been a yearly hourglass – but hourglass, nonetheless.

Fast forward again.  I lost the weight.  Started getting into clothes.  Was much more confident.  I began working out.  I was more active.  I had great people in my life.  I was happy.  And then… we all know what happened.  I went to bed blissfully happy.  I woke up in a nightmare that I thought would never end.

There was a lot of self reflection that happened over that next year.  First,  I really embraced the aspect of “you only live once.”  I don’t mean that in a reckless way – I mean it in a – seize the day, type of way.   I always loved edgy clothes, hair, makeup, all of it.  Whether I looked like it or not – I always got Cosmo – was intrigued by fashion shows… I loved it – but was embarrassed to love it because I felt like people would think… “Ummmm…. really?  She doesn’t look like it… ”  And, in turn – I would be made fun of.

Guess what?  Make fun of me.   Don’t like my clothes?  I do.  Don’t like my makeup?  I do.  Don’t like my accent?  I do.  Don’t like my tattoos? I do.  Don’t like my Jeep? Then we can’t talk.  I kid.  But, you get what I’m saying.

I feel like through my outward appearance:
1.  I am showing my resilience… because I have a lot of it.  I am a fighter.  I believe life can never defeat me – unless I allow it.  No outcome of any situation will control me.  I am tough.
2.  I am happy.  Not to sound like Pharrell… But I really am.  I mean, my life is far from perfect.  But I am really, and truly deep down happy.

I want my outside to match the insides…And I do that through makeup and clothes.  It’s my thing.  I don’t see any problems with my face without it.  I just like it.  It’s like creating a painting – on yourself. 🙂

So — here’s a video of the whole process…. Sped up.  If you have any questions… Let me know.   Hope you enjoy – And get a little more of who I am !

By on

I try and I try and I try.  I want to be the perfect parent.  And all that I have learned – is that I am completely imperfect.  My kids are my world.  All three of them.  And it’s so bizarre to me – that although they are all mine – they are sooooo different.  So, it’s not like – once you get through a stage with one – you can just repeat for the next kid.  So not true.

In my life, I have made choices – some stellar – some not so much.  Some have affected my kids.  Some haven’t.  I am sure that I have hurt them by some of my choices, and helped them with others.  But although, I have always had their best interests at heart – often times, I have failed in epic proportions
.  There is no user manual provided with these people.  I have just been winging it for 16 years now.

But yesterday – I  went to battle for my middle child.  She is an amazing little girl.  Smart, funny, beautiful, and the most amazing heart.  She mother’s her baby brother.  She wakes up every morning – way before she has to – just to kiss me before work.  She is my snuggle bunny.  My nail polish partner.  My text buddy.  Anyway, she had been treated quite unfairly – in in some aspects – I had allowed it to happen.  When she told me what was going on, I thought she was just being a bit dramatic.  I felt like it was regular pre-teen angst.  Disliking certain teachers, hating school, the regular stuff.  But then – I realized that wasn’t the case at all.  And I didn’t realize it until I saw it in black and white before my own eyes.  That awoke a venomous and spiteful creature that lived deep within me – one that I had no idea that existed.

Many emails, phone calls, and meetings later – I had my day of reckoning.  I was able to meet, confront, and explain what I had been made aware of.  And I had success.  I should have been walking out with “We are The Champions” playing in the background.  But that isn’t what happened.  I felt great for about 30 minutes. Until the brevity of what happened set in.  I realized, in a way – I had ignored my child’s plea for help- and just assumed that a teacher was in the right, and she was in the wrong.  What a horrible feeling that must have been for her.  Not being able to get through to her own mother.  All I could think about was the person who is wrongfully accused, and then set free a few years later.  Yeah, you are grateful you are free – but you still don’t forget the prison sentence.  I cried at the drop of a hat, all day yesterday.  Every time I thought about it – I got choked up, my chin started quivering, and my eyes started pouring.  I couldn’t stop.  I couldn’t wait for her to get home from school.  I needed to talk to her.

She called me a squeaky and happy.  She told me all her teachers loved me and were bragging on me.  She was so proud of her momma.  And that made my heart hurt just a little more.  And I apologized to her like I had never done before.  And all she kept saying was – “It’s okay, mommy!  I am so happy they got to meet you!”  I don’t know if she will ever understand how much I feel like I failed her.  How sorry I truly am.  And how happy I am she is mine.  When I got home – She hugged me tight – and just kept telling me how cool it was that her teachers got to meet with me.  She loves me unconditionally right now.  I pray that never, ever changes.

So, to sum up – I try to be the perfect parent.  I make my children say their “mam’s and sirs”.  I try to make them be responsible little people.  But I am not perfect.  I might be perfectly imperfect, if that is a thing.  But what is perfect?  They don’t expect me to be perfect.  Just to love them.  And put up a fight when need be – and they got that all day long.

By on

I have a lot of friends who are believers in positive affirmations. And I’ll be honest. Me- not so much. I try to do it. But, really – sometimes I feel stupid. I’m afraid someone will hear me and think I’m psycho.  I do try to think positive affirmations, at least in my own mind.  But, I struggle with verbalizing it. I believe in the power of the mind. But to sit and say them to myself? No. I don’t.
But let me tell you something I learned today about a positive affirmation given out if he blue. Today- completely randomly- I was told by someone that they were proud of me. To quote, “It makes me proud of you. You do a lot. ” These words shook me to my core. To hear someone, praise me- and be proud of me!?  Not because they have to.  Not because they are a parent.  Not because I was sad, and they were trying to build me up.  It was a moment of raw honesty. It seriously brought tears to my eyes. I got up. Went to the bathroom. And straightened myself up. Choked down those emotions, and came back and said thank you.
This is why I am writing this. If you are proud of someone – tell them.  I know it seems simple and stupid. It doesn’t make a lot of sense – or maybe it just might be common sense. But it made me feel like one of the most special people on he face of the earth.  And made me feel empowered.  Like I can do anything I set my mind too.  So, if the opportunity arises – be someone’s positive affirmation – because they might be like me.  And they just can’t bring themselves to do it on their own.  You never know, it could mean a lot.  Take it from me – it really does.

By on 1 Comment

Tonight, I am feeling kinda somber.  Yesterday – was my grandmother’s 103rd Birthday.  And I know – It is amazing that she has lived to this age.  But to be honest, she isn’t doing good at all.  I spoke to my mom yesterday, she has double pneumonia.  She is bed ridden.  She doesn’t know where she is at – or who is with her.  She sometimes thinks that my mom, is her mom.  She is calling out for her own parents.  She is mostly blind.  It’s just completely sad.

And what makes me feel so sad – is that she has lived.  And it’s okay for her to go.  I am totally at peace with it.  I don’t know if it is that I am hardened, and I worry that I am.  But I honestly feel like she has lived a long life – and she is now only existing.  She isn’t living.  My grandmother, as I know her, has been gone for a little over a year.  This woman, now, isn’t the woman I knew growing up.  My grandmother, would eat chocolate fudge cake and mix it with a peanut butter sandwich.  My grandmother, would go through pictures with me on her couch – and tell me about the things I did when I was little.  My grandmother put up her Christmas tree  way too early – just because she thought it was pretty.  This woman, in the nursing home, is just what is left of who she used to be.

You know, although I thought for awhile I would die myself when Shaun died, I didn’t.  When he died – he was full of life.  He lived every, single, solitary moment – up until he died.  I can’t imagine what my mom is going through – seeing someone she loves – just not there anymore.  I am so thankful I never saw that.  So my heart hurts for her, too.

It will probably be any day – and I pray it’s sooner rather than later.  That makes me feel awful to say – but it’s honest.  She just isn’t who she was.  She has lived – and has a legacy behind her.  I just hope she knows how much we love her – and it’s okay for her to go.  She doesn’t have to live forever, we will be okay.

By on 1 Comment

I wrote this on my birthday … but wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it or not.  I decided to go with it…. so here ya go.

“So, today was my birthday. Today I turned 37 years old. Or as I like to to say, the eighth anniversary of my 29th birthday. For those of you who knew me when I was married to Shaun, you knew that birthdays were really huge deal to him as they were to me. Birthdays to him, were like your own personal holiday. It was a day for you to be pampered and taken care of more so than any other day of the year. And for those of you who knew us then, you knew that financially we were strapped. But money never mattered to him – he did whatever to show me that I was a princess that day. And he did it like a champ. So once Shaun passed away, birthdays became like a horrible reminder of a horrible day.

My first birthday after Shaun passed away was absolutely horrible and beautiful at the same time. The reason being,  because I had friends who rallied around me and cared about my heart. But, that being said, it was still a horribly sad day for me. I remember my friend Jacqueline, bringing me her famous special black chocolate cake and it was absolutely delicious. I stood in the kitchen, while my friends sung “Happy Birthday” to me and put a huge smile upon my face, while I held my baby on my hip and my other two children surrounded me. I was so excited that I had people that love me enough, to put forth the effort to try to make the day less painful, but still felt sad down in my soul. Although, I knew I was blessed to see another year because I know what it’s like not to see one, I was still sad. To be honest, I felt like I would never be able to celebrate a birthday and be happy, no less – one of my  own. 

But this year, was a game changer. It was a whole new feeling to be in a situation where I moved to a new state to a new town and knew only 3 people,  14 months ago. But from the second that I woke up this morning, I was treated like a straight princess. I know that Shaun was looking down from heaven smiling at me, and saying “Baby, this is they was your birthday is supposed to be.” 

I realize, that I have made friends here that will be true lifelong friends. There are people here who love me. Love my heart, my soul, and my spirit – just because I am me.  It isn’t because I am Shaun Greenberg’s widow – or because I am Scott’s wife.  It’s because I’m Kristie. Just me.  I know that there are people who knew me before Shaun, during Shaun, and after he passed – who love me for me. But when you are relatively new area, and you arrive to your workplace – and your work family has went above and beyond – it’s mind blowing. I actually sat in my office today, and cried.  Not a sad cry, but they type of cry where – 
1.  You feel like you belong.
2.  You feel so blessed.
3.  You feel loved.  
And by people who haven’t known you that long.
They all went above and beyond to make sure that my day was special – and it was. When there are people who post on your Facebook wall-which I know sounds completely ridiculous, that’s a big deal for me. They still took time out of their day to say happy birthday. My brother and sister-in-law took the time to find the address of where I work or send me a gift which meant a lot. My mother and father-in-law came by to see me on my actual birthday I took time out of their day to say hey we love you happy birthday. My family, that lives in my house, makes me feel special every day. And for that I’m thankful. But, to have people outside of your own four walls, make you feel special – is amazing.

To find people that will support you, even when they know you are on a diet and going to the gym, will give you the dark temptation of chocolate cake, it’s awesome. The people have listened, and not just listened – retained the things that you’ve said – just to make you feel special- it’s amazing. Whether it be a bottle of Fiji water or a chocolate cake or a label maker or skull and cross bones – to know your valued as a human, a friend, and a woman – is a great feeling. Tonight, I will go to bed with a heart full of gratitude for the blessings that I’ve been given. Thankful for every single person who has touched me today. My best friend, the girl who is Siamese at heart, Jacqueline, has said to me, “To Honor your Moments” . Today I will honor this day, not only for the pain that my mother went there to get me here, the importance that Shaun had it to make birthdays feel special, or just another year gone by. Today I will honor my moments, by taking time to reflect all those who honored me. .  I will go to bed with a smile upon my face, and happiness in my heart knowing that I am loved.  Thank you for being my friends, my family, and my heart. I love everyone of you all and I hope that on your birthday you feel special as special as I do.  God has blessed me in ways I never thought possible.  So, I was wrong.  My birthday mattered a lot.  Little did I know, it mattered the most to me.”

By on

So, I started writing this blog with every intention of it going in one direction – and the more I researched, the more it went off kilter.  So, I just decided to go with it.  And what this blog is about – is failure.  How many times a day do we face that?  A billion.  Failure as an employee, a friend, a parent – you name it.  So I was gonna write a “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” type of blog… and well – here we go.

I have a normal day job.  And I work for a big company.  And we have different ratings – and our numbers are what matter.  At the end of the day – the numbers need to line up.  For someone like me – that is a good and a bad thing.  I like numbers – because they are a definite point to gauge things.  I hate them for the exact same reason.  Sometimes, I don’t want certain things measured – especially if I am struggling in that area.

My boss has two sayings:
1. My goal for you today – is to suck a little less than yesterday.  I don’t expect perfection overnight.
2. Give me a chance to suck first – before you assume the worst.

Although crass, words to live by.  And I have been diligent to get my “work” numbers where they need to be.  And guess what?  They got there.  And guess what I figured out by that?  I can do anything that I can set my mind to. Like really, I can.  If I can change those numbers? I can move Mt. Everest.

Now, take it on a bigger picture than my day job.  What would happen if we really tried – to change our situations for what our hearts desired?  Like really tried.  Not sitting around complaining about how other people have it so much easier – it falls in their lap – etc.  If we actually worked for it?  Spent time acting rather than wishing.  Got out of our “comfort zone” to get what we wanted.  Actually worked for it with a goal insight.  I think it would be incredible.  I am really kinda preaching to myself now.   Just sayin.

But as I was going to give a great blog on “conquering failures”, I decided that sucking less each day – working to achieve my goals is a good place to start.  And I read a whole bunch of profound quotes by Confucious, Buddha, Ghandi, Edison, and a lot of others – about overcoming failure.  I don’t think they had the heart of a writer — and a technical day job.  So today – Let’s be a little better than yesterday – or suck a little less.